Hmmm. Hmmm. I can't help recalling those Philadelphia-based recruitment stories from a couple of months ago, especially since I don't think TKE has a chapter at any of the Catholic colleges in the Philadelphia area.

TKE does have at least one, but I was having the same doubts about this being another EB thread. This was essentially the exact same theme as one of the recruitment threads she started with the punk-emo-alternative girl from private girl's school deciding to become a sorority girl. If this does happen to be EB again, someone needs a whole lot more help than a message board or college counselor could provide.

I am from the Philly area and have a few ideas where you might be. May I suggest that before you attempt jumping into greek life, maybe join another club or organization that is outside your comfort zone first? You may be able to meet more greeks, meet new friends as well as broaden your horizons.

So, today I decided to explore this a little more. I saw a girl I went to high school with in the dining hall. I had a few classes with her. We never hung out or anything but she was pretty nice. She was with two other of her sisters. They're in XXX.

So I asked if I could sit and talk with them about pledging. They were really nice about it, explained to me about rush week and the pledge period and all of that. They also told me that while they do have a selection process, they do select almost all of their applicants, as long as they show a commitment to the process and meet the GPA requirements and the like. They only turn down people who do the bare minimum of the word during pledge period or don't show up for events and stuff like that. And, apparently, it's like that for most of the sororities on campus. I guess that's the benefits of being at a small school.

The girl I knew was really shocked when I told her I was thinking about pledging, since she thought that me and my friends were super independent. I told her about my situation and how I really wanted to branch out, meet new people, experience different things at the school. She said that she thought that was awesome of me and that most of the sororities, especially XXX, were always looking for some diversity, and not just in terms of race and things like that.

I told them that I'm interested but I don't want to commit to anything quite yet. So they told me that if I wanted to, I could hang out with them and see what the sisters are like, get to know them, etc. and then pledge in the spring.

Of course, one of the sisters used to live on my floor and remembered the article, which she brought up. I told her that I was sorry that I wrote it and that my opinions on a lot of things have changed. This girl said that if I really wanted this, I'd really have to work extra hard to convince everyone, but that no one would be really mean about it.

So, that's where it goes. A bunch of the sisters are going out on Wednesday and I think I'm going to go.

And YES, this is completely real. I thank everyone who was really honest and helpful, especially the ones who were pretty stern.

I approached someone I know from a class group project I did who was in another sorority. This one is Alpha Sigma Tau. I saw her outside the library and told her that I was thinking about pledging a sorority. I told her a little about my situation I'm in and she was really helpful. She told me that if I want, I could go to dinner with them tonight to meet the sisters. So I'm going to do that.

Perhaps it is the way you are phrasing your intentions, but I want to make sure that you understand the terminology. You are expressing your "interest to pledge" to these sorority women, but you don't just choose to pledge (any or a particular sorority). You either go through formal recruitment, and there is a process of mutual selection by which you might be extended a bid, or invitation, to pledge; or in some cases, attend informal recruitment (which might be invite-only or "open") and perhaps be extended a bid to pledge.

As for the process explained to you by the members of ATA, that type of information - whether or not a new member (aka pledge) gets initiated - is usually secret and privy only to members of the sorority. Telling you that you can get to know sisters "then pledge in the spring" is not kosher. They can encourage you to go through Recruitment (aka rush), but they cannot offer you or promise in any way that you will be given a bid next spring.

I just want to make sure that you have your terms correct, because there is a big difference between "rushing" or going through recruitment, and "pledging" or going through the new member period.

That's what I meant. The girl in XXX kept on saying rush when I was saying pledging. She didn't correct me but I didn't pick up on it.

The stuff about how many get selected is pretty much out in the open, now that I think about it. Everyone I know who has tried to get into a sorority has gotten in one. I'd probably hear about something before.

Sorry, but can somebody explain ATA to me? Only thing I can think of are alpha theta alpha or alpha tau alpha, neither of which I have heard of, unless it is a local.

It's local.

Your post has rubbed me in the wrong way, not in a "I hate you" wrong type of way but in a "this girl has so much to learn" wrong way.

On the surface, I am "that" sorority girl you are describing. I read US Weekly religiously, rock out to Britney and Lady Gaga at parties, could never part with my Christian Louboutin collection, ride around on my pink bike talking on my pink iPhone, can quote every Sex & the City line ever, etc.

It's people like you and your "unique" friends that, out of ignorance or jealousy, assume from that surface interaction that a) I do everything in my life to fit in with others and b), to quote my favorite viral internet prank, my world revolves around "blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada bags and jelly beans." You are then going to spend all your time talking in pitying tones about how I don't have any real interesting facets of my life, how I am an airhead destined to be divorced with three kids, how I am a conformist, etc.

Well, problem number one is that instead of doing these things to fit in, maybe you should sit back and think about the fact that I might generally ENJOY my girly side, and that it gives me the same amount of satisfaction as your "unique" side does to you.

And secondly, if you are going to judge me from the surface you are going to miss the fact that I spent my spring break in Peru at Machu Picchu and my summer teaching English and math in Kenya, my love for studying American military history and presidential biographies in my free time, the time I spend listening to bluegrass from the 1920s and 30s, my tomboy side of hiking and fishing and white water rafting with my brothers and dad, my love for classic cars, the time I was a Special Olympics bowling coach, etc. That paragraph probably sounds so pretentious, and I think I am really average in a lot of respects, but all the other "blonde, super girly" girls in my sorority could boast a similarly, if not much more, accomplished and diverse list of interests.

You asked how we think you should change. Number one, question your assumption that your amazing music taste and "unique" way of dressing somehow makes you more interesting and less of a conformist. Guess what...if all your friends listen to the same music and dress the same way, that is conformity.

Second, realize how defensive you are sounding. You are saying, "Oh, I want to join this group of girls even though I won't like their music, or their clothes, etc." From our standpoint, how is that not condescending and patronizing? If you read between the lines, you are saying "even though my music taste and my diverse interests are so much better than your simplistic tastes [which, as I said before, is a ridiculous assumption], you seem like you have a lot of fun so I guessss I'll lower myself to your position, but I'm still not going to be interested in the childish things you are."

Not everything you do or like has to be a "statement". The most brilliant girl I know (1590 on her SATs back when 1600 was the highest, went to Ivy League school and going to Ivy League grad school) still talks about crushes, handbags and partying. Not everything has to be serious or intelligent or artsy for her, because she is confident she has that side and therefore doesn't need to flaunt it. It seems to me that the people who micromanage every thing they wear, listen to and say, and then make a point of shouting to the world how different they are, are really just compensating for something inside of them that says they are inadequate. (To be fair, that also works for girls who spend time talking about their wealth, good looks and boys they get just as much as it does for girls who talk about their superior music taste, the fact that only their friends get the true meaning of life, their contempt for conformity, etc). A sorority is not going to fix that feeling of inadequacy.

Sorry for the novel, I just think this attitude is incredibly patronizing and frustrating.

I think you should pursue your situation further privately with someone in real life. You have put so much out there that it wouldn't be hard for anyone from your campus to be able to figure out who you are, if it is as small as you say.

As for the local sorority, it took two clicks to find them, and it's shocking to see the president with a drink in her hand, or a photo on the front page of their scrapbook of someone mooning the camera. The pic with the middle fingers is also priceless.

Especially since you more or less confirmed the school you go to by stating the name of a local sorority.

QFP

You took the thoughts from my head, removed the filter, and put them on paper.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for this.

This is exactly what I need. I *KNOW* I've been patronizing to others. And so have my friends. And I've tried to be "unique" but I'm just like everyone else into the same things that I am. The reason why I'm thinking about doing this... I don't like feeling that way anymore.

Trust me. I don't feel like I'm "lowering" myself to do this. If anything, it's the exact opposite. I'm starting to realize more and more that the reason I became so opinionated and tried to make everything in my life a "statement" is because I never felt like I fit in with "those" people. And this has been my mistake and why I feel the way I do.

Well, now I want to do that. I want to meet people who are "girly girly." People aren't as black and white as I've met them. For all the prattling my friends do about how "important" what they do is, none of them have ever gone to a third world country to teach.

I want to do this to meet and become friends with people like you. I really want to become more girly girly and into stuff like that. It's not being condescending. I think it's more me looking up to people.