I don't think you're (collective "you") mean, actually. I'm just glad I'm not going through recruitment these days.

And yes, the fake rush stories are dumb. Some people have way too much time on their hands.

I really was just trying to encourage her...

As someone who was in a similar situation at a fairly competitive school who ended up getting a bid to her first choice (which I know might not always be the case or whatever) I really was just trying to let her know that she shouldn't be so concerned about her weight.

You're right, I don't personally know her, and i also know that comments like "you can carry it" or "you dont look like you weigh ___" don't make you feel any better.

I never said she was going to get a bid, or going to get a top house or anything else. I also realize I also don't have 1,000 posts. And I'll be the first to admit I'm young and don't have a ton of experirence in this field... However; based on what experience I do have and some similarities between what I read about her and myself I have come to make some inferences. Based on her original statement I think she sounds like (at least here) an intelligent girl who just has a few insecurities... and who of us doesn't? I think if she puts her best foot forward during rush she has a great chance to find a sisterhood she can be a part of, and not to sound cliche, but who will accept her for who she is.

KSUViolet, I respect your opinion and I understand why you made those statements, but I was just trying to be encouraging... I'm just optomistic by nature I suppose. I never thought I was giving any sort of false hope, just stating that in my opinion I think she'll do pretty well, and that she shouldn't worry so much about something so superficial as her weight.

Your intentions are sweet, but the problem is how a PNM might perceive the actual words we use when they are only meant as encouragement. Think of it like when you were going through Recruitment on the other side as an active. You cannot tell a PNM "I'll see you tomorrow." Maybe this is just your regular way of saying good-bye and you had zero intention of even suggesting she might get an invite/bid.

But to a PNMs ears they think "OMG! She said she is going to SEE me tomorrow! That must mean she totally loves me and I'm a lock for an invite/bid!" Next day she's crushed because she's been dropped, thinks you are a horrible person who lied to her, and maybe takes it so far as to file a grievance with Panhellenic. All over simple word choice.

The same logic applies to giving well wishes and encouragement to PNMs. You shouldn't say "You'll do great!" because you simply don't know how she will do, especially when we're talking about some random person on the internet. Worst case scenario she does lousy and gets angry because all these so-called knowledgeable people on GC told her she'd do great. To her "great" meant getting a bid to the Chapter of her dreams and that didn't happen.

A better way of offering support would be something simple and non-committal like "Best of Luck".

How you appear at recruitment isn't all about your size. How you appear is more about how you present yourself and if you are put together. no matter what size you are you should put your best foot forward and look your best. If you show up in dirty wrinkled clothes with a rat nest for hair and rolls popping out all over the place, people will think you look sloppy and that's what will kill you. Instead if you come with clothes that fit your shape well looking your best with a great personality they'll be more inclined to get to know you instead of making snap judgements on a sloppy appearance.

It is extremely tough to hand out general information to PNM's on this board, but we all do try. Some information will be correct and some not so. As a PNM you just have to soak it all up and decide how to utilize the information to assist "you" the most. I can tell you that at a very large, competitive SEC school in Florida and from my experiences:

1)Being a junior is still extremely difficult to gain an invitation. It can happen and does, but it is a challenge in and of itself. (even more than your weight)

2)Weight is always a factor. When you have 1500-1800 PNMS you have a very large pool to choose from. At UF, nearly all of the young women have amazing GPAs, top SAT or ACT scores, and amazing resumes. They would not have been accepted to UF, if they did not have this behind them. Weight/size is very important to a number of chapters at UF. They don't advertise this, but it is known. Just as you know to line up your recs, you know that certain groups are looking for a certain appearance when it comes to the size of a young woman. With weight as a factor, certain goups may just decline you for that alone. Remember, they don't have a great deal of time to truly get to know you.

3) How one looks also comes into play. Some of us just have that look that various groups are seeking out and some of us don't. It really sounds silly and it is, but that will never change. Much of that we don't have control over because we are who we are and that is our genetic make-up. What we can do is present a super neat, well groomed appearance. We can enhance our super features and downplay our not so good features. (so many people have stated this much better than I ever could)

4) Clothing is definitely looked at by some groups. When I look back, it is a bit silly, but certain groups want their members in certain clothing. This may just be a factor when deciding about a pnm based on what clothing you presented yourself in.
That includes shoes and jewelry as well.

5) I have said this before and I will say it again - what city you are from, the school you attended, who you know, and possibly what your parents do for a living can come into play. I have my opinions on this as well, but I am not going to say it doesn't come up.

It is wonderful to be a part of recruitment, but there will be many ups and downs. You need to hang on for the ride as you do not know what to expect in your individual situation. You have to remember that very young women (your peers) are making decisions about you and this process is private. All you can do is your very best and go into the process with a positive attitude. It will not turn out bright for some ladies, but it always turns out in the end and the semester moves on. Everyone has to accept it regardless of how it turns out.

Life does go on and you are in control of how your time at college turns out from that point on. It is what you make of it. An invitation to a sorority is amazing and I say that from experience. You have four short years and they will fly by so fast, so make the most of it no matter what happens during recruitment. Whatever sorority you do pledge, the alum experience can also be extremely rewarding for the remainder of your lifetime. There is a great deal to look forward to as you graduate.

I like to look on the whole experience in a positive notion. I could easily state the negatives and dwell on them, but I choose not to do so. Life is too short and college is too much fun!

Best of luck to all PNMs and go forward with a positive attitude. I wish you all the very best. This is a really exciting time of the year for Greeks.

Very honest assessment!

yep.

Just a comment on the body issue, designer clothing and movie star connection. I have met one of the movie stars mentioned in this thread. And due to the nature of the area in which we live I see these people all the time. THEY ARE NOT PERFECT. They have imperfections, be in bad hands, fat or huge feet, and they (gasp!) can be twenty pounds overweight. They have stylists that make them look great and accentuate their assets and minimize their body challenges. As for designer clothes: a bedazzled Chanel shirt is more than likely not Chanel. Wear what is flattering, in keeping with the climate and the occasion. Good luck.

For larger busted girls, it is often quite challenging to find a dress that doesn't reveal a tiny amount of cleavage (the very top, where it starts).
My question: How much is appropriate? Is a little okay in this situation if it is not played up, in an otherwise classy, well-fitting dress, or should any cleavage be avoided at all costs? What about if it came down to two dresses, one with slight cleavage that overall looks better or a slightly less flattering dress with full coverage? I am not talking about triangle-top style dresses or anything extremely low-cut, obviously. I will try to find an example.
I am asking for somewhat competitive recruitments at northern schools. Thanks in advance.

I would say this is fine...

http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-co..._122_970lo.jpg

And THIS is inappropriate...

http://images.askmen.com/galleries/m...-picture-1.jpg

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION! But, if I saw a girl who looked like the first picture (Charlotte Church--my she's grown!) at recruitment, I wouldn't think twice about her dress. The second is definitely bordering on the danger zone of nipple poppage.

I don't know that I would chance it on either for recruitment, not that there's anything wrong with MinDyG's first dress, especially for an evening evening.

But if you aren't 100% confident about the cleavage issue, you might end up tugging at the dress, etc.

Could you post pictures of the dresses or something similar if you don't want post your dress? Is it something you could wear a matching cotton camisole under, and it would still look cute? That seems to be what most of my students do, or they even wear t-shirt under some, and it's surprisingly cute. Obviously, I'm not talking about formal or strapless dresses.