Strawberrygloss, for some reason, you have brought out the maternal instinct in me. This comment concerns me because I do not want you to try to sort out or interpret comments (however well meaning) that are made by the members. Yes, it is probably okay to let you know that not enough girls knew you or that you seemed shy, but I am strongly cautioning you to put the past in the past and start anew. Do not try to discuss the why and how of last recruitment. To do so with the members, puts you in the position of receiving info that could ultimately hurt you. For example, The comment that "everyone in the house loved you but you were too shy" implies that next time, they will give you a bid because they all know you better now. Those girls cannot know what will happen next year.And to imply that things will go better if you are more talkative, etc is misleading. Therefore, you will go into rush thinking "They all know me now. I will be a Barcelona for sure!"

I am not telling you this to discount that you may have, in fact, been overly shy and hard to talk with during recruitment, and chances are, this did negatively affect you. I think most repeat pnms learn a lot about themselves, etc during their second recruitment. This may be true for you.

I am only warning you to go easy and let the past recruitment stay in the past. Just make friends with girls. Be a friend so you can make a friend. The rest will come.

This is SO SO SO true - the flip side of telling sororities to make friends with a rushee to be friends with her, not just because she is a potential member.

Make friends with people you feel drawn to and forget as much as possible about the letters they wear.

Just reiterating this. Your friends who just joined have never gone through recruitment on the "other side" (as sisters, not PNMs) and likely do not have a very good grasp of their org's policies on MSS. I've seen it happen a million times:

Group of friends rushes together. All but one friend gets into a desirable sorority. Left-out friend does not receive a bid anywhere, drops out, turns down her bid elsewhere, whatever. Group of friends SWEARS they will "get her in" in the next recruitment, so the left-out friend re-rushes, confident that because her friends have given her tips and are on the other side, she'll get a bid. She doesn't.

And though no one can say for certain what happened, here are the 3 most likely culprits:
- The opinions of 4 friends (who are new, lower-ranking sisters) who like a PNM don't outweigh the opinions of the rest of the older, more respected sisters who cut that PNM for their own reasons last year.
- The chapter has a once-cut, always-cut policy that these 4 friends didn't know about or understand before recruitment begun.
- And the toughest scenario: The 4 friends were being polite when they told their friend they could get her in, when they know that as much as they love her, they could never in a million years see her as an XYZ for any number of reasons.

At this point, the left-out friend either joins a different sorority (usually one of the ones she was left with last recruitment) or stays indepenent. It doesn't mean she can't still be friends with her XYZ friends, but they just won't wear the same letters.

I'm sorry if this sounds unecessarily tough. But honestly, I've only once or twice seen it happen that a PNM re-rushes and gets into the org that cut her before because now she has friends on the other side. And the bid has never been to the "top" groups. *BUT* others may have different experiences - I'm sure they'll chime in.

I actually have seen this happen more than a few times, but like littleowl points out, it is not a "sure thing" to have friends in a house. It helps, but nothing is definite until bid day. So, and I want to stress this, "Do not go back through recruitment with your sights set on ABC or XYZ only."

Also, don't discount that Sororities do talk to each other. All of the groups may very well know that New York offered you a bid, you declined, and went through COB. The campus may be one where the sororities feel you were offered your chance to be greek, and to support the other chapter who did offer you that opportunity, they decline to bid you. This happens on one of the campus' that I help out with.

Of course, there is a flip side to this - a PNM who drops out at Pref and then re-rushes with a better attitude and new self confidence who has friends in various places and has an outstanding recruitment.

Also, I realize you are a legacy to "Barcelona" and you mentioned that your mom was angry that they released you. I hope your mom did not contact Barcelona and tell them how upset she was. This could backfire on you too. There is nothing worse than an irate mom who calls in the middle of recruitment to know why her daughter was released.

Thank you for the warning! I'm just going to have to go in with an open mind, my heart protected, a smile on my face and my jaw prepared for an immense amount of talking. :)

We'll be rooting for you, Strawberrygloss! Be sure to let us know how things turn out. :)

I have been thinking about that too! My mom didn't necessarily call, but she emailed her sorority friends (from around the country) about what happened and I know that they called and emailed and whatnot with out even asking. I don't know how this will affect me! :confused:

Thank you! I'll make a recruitment thread next fall!