Having to dress nicely for a chapter meeting is not stifling individual or intellectual growth, nor is it THAT big of a deal. That doesn't constitute your sisters expecting perfection. Personally I prefer comfort to heels many times but it takes all of ten minutes for me to put on a dress, some heels, and some mascara and head to chapter. Sitting in a dress for an hour doesn't hurt my feelings, and maybe I'm just not very understanding but there it is.

When I went through Recruitment, my mom, knowing that I am a very "individually minded" person (stubborn) told me straight out that if I joined a sorority I WOULD be told what to do or say at times, I WOULD be told what to do or say by people I did not like, and I WOULD have to follow rules whether I found them completely frivolous or not. Came to find out that though it chafed for the first semester or so I realized that compared to what my future job and family will require of me, a sorority is nothing.

There's a line, but the only thing I've found in your post that appears to cross it is the "sucking in" comment. Of course, it could be taken out of context...I'm not a naturally skinny person and I work hard to hit personal best, but if I wear clothes from 2 years ago when I was 110lbs and am presenting some major muffin top I'm going to expect a politely worded comment and want it...should a sister tell me I need to drop 10 I'll tell her wear to stuff her asshat attitude. Healthy and skinny are not always hand in hand and healthy is far more important.

Clothing shouldn't be who you are, though...if it is THAT important to your concept of yourself I suggest you re-evaluate.

I'm not supposed to wear letters anywhere there will definitely be alcohol-for instance, fraternity parties. Not a big deal. And someone asking me not to do keg stands doesn't hurt my feelings either. I can honestly say that had I not been in a sorority I would've been classic Catholic girl gone crackhead in six months flat. Because I was being watched my indiscretions ranged from minor to hilarious (in retrospect, of course). These things are expected in a sorority...it IS important to remember that when Suzy Slutbag does Franky Fratboy on the pool table they won't mention Suzy they'll mention "that XYZ". That goes for any group you're a part of including your future place of employment. That nice shiny law firm does not want Suzy Slutbag to plow her way through clients and top shelf booze at every turn because it reflects on them.

These things are all fairly reasonable and my advice personally is that if this is what is bothering you maybe you aren't cut out for Greek life. Not everyone is. And I do not say that with a holier-than-thou attitude because it simply means some people can't reconcile these sorts of rules with their personal beliefs and that's fine. To me it seems ridiculous as they are small things but at the same time I recognize why it might get some panties all knotted up. If it makes you that unhappy realize that this is only the beginning and though you might possibly miss a valuable lesson in how to handle future employers, for example, there are other places to learn those skills and it might be best to duck out now, gracefully, and remain friends with everyone instead of keeping it inside and blowing up at a frat party 2 months into your senior year because you can't take another minute. I really hope though you can get past this stuff because I understand the confusion at why these little things are so necessary...I also understand that for most, not all, but most, people this confusion slowly lessens as you grow in your organization.

Now IF sisters are being told they are too fat or IF they are being made to feel like they HAVE to attend fraternity parties and drink, that's a problem. Encouraging someone to be healthy is nice if done the right way. Encouraging them to be skinny whether or not that is healthy isn't ok. And pressuring people to drink, do drugs, have sex, etc. is pretty shitty too. Deciding whether to do any of those things should be up to a persons' own ideals. (Though disclaimer: drugs are always illegal, booze is illegal for minors, and sex sometimes includes steeds...). Encouraging ACTIVE participation in mixers is reasonable (though you shouldn't be expected to attend every single one), but not forcing you to attend random frat parties.

Basically I think my mom was right. You will be told what to do/wear/say from time to time and if that's a problem...take it into consideration (also taking into consideration that you WILL encounter this same dilema later in life). If it's the small things, try to stick it out if you can. If you're being made to feel like you HAVE to do things like drink or lose weight, maybe find an older sister that you trust and isn't participating in that sort of bullying and see what she thinks...if it's limited to one or two individuals maybe an officer could have a talk with them and ask them to tone it down. If that's a chapter issue, decide whether you want to stay and change it or whether to leave. Likely sitting there and doing nothing if it is THAT bothersome to you will make you feel worse. Do what's best for you in regards to staying or leaving but if you stay you need to remember most of the time it will NOT be about you.

I had girls in my chapter who used to say stuff like this and I think it's obnoxious. You chose to join a sorority. You went through formal (or informal) recruitment where I bet you they were all dressed up and trying to act professional. You heard about chapters on campus before you joined Greek Life.. Did you really think that there weren't certain standards that Greeks have to hold themselves to? You just joined a group of women who want to be the elite on campus.. You have to work for that.

Perhaps instead of complaining about having to dress up for chapter, you should think about how this is all teaching you how to act professionally in a business situation. How lucky you are to get the chance to practice in front of 50 of your closest friends before you ever have to jump into corporate America. If you think about it long enough, I bet you can find a real world analogy for almost every single thing you do in Greek Life and how this will help you in real life.. otherwise, what's the point?

Stop bitching and become and officer or something. I bet you would change your mind really quick when you are the one responsible for your chapters image.

(In case you can't tell, I have strong feelings on this whole "you're stifling my individuality" complaint.)

The OP posted 3 posts -- none of them since March 19. I'm going to climb way out on a limb and guess that she's just not that into us anymore.

And even if she is still lurking, is there really anything more to say? I think it's pretty much all been covered . . . quite a few times.

Thank you for all the responses.

I still do not think some of you understand what I am trying to say.

What made me join the whole sorority life was because I wanted to get the most out of my university experience, especially since I live off campus.

It is not the dressing up part that I am pissed off at the moment.

"Two heads are better than one" <-- That's also one of the reasons why I joined. Joining an organizing where you have the opportunity to succeed and make a positive impact (both individually and as a group).

So therefore, I do believe we should help each other be the best they can be, but at the same time, we need to know when to step aside and let the person make the choice. I guess, at the end of the day, I do not want to feel as if im not an indepent person, and I couldn't do anything without this organization. I dont want to feel depended on my sorority. It is VERY important for me to figure things out on my own and not have a bunch of sorority girls telling me what to do. I want to make my own mistakes and handle the consequences myself.

I am completely aware of the 'real world' and realize that I will be part of a workforce where I have to portray an image. I do not mind having these types of expectations from my job, but I guess I am having trouble having these expectations from my sorority. Plus, I do not want to be some lawyer working in some big firm where i will be constantly watched. I am planning to be a dietitian where expectations of me from clients, but more so on my knowledge about nutrition, as opposed to what I did last night, what I am wearing ect.(note, image will be important, but if i want to be hired by a hospital, their main issue will be how well do I know nutrition and how well can I assess dietary meal plans for my patients).

I still feel like we need to be constantly selling ourselves. And I guess, right now, I feel like is this really worth my time? Do not get me wrong. I love my sorority girls. and I have had this talk with some of them, and they agree. We do not like being judged for every little thing we do. This is fine to us in the corporate world, but not in sorority world, where you expect the girls to be your sisters.

(random: another thing that just happened recently: one of our girls was told by international ppl to put off pictures of certain girls off our website because they did not fit the right image -aka are ugly. When I joined my sorority, I was so happy to join such an organization that did not fit the stereotypes-superficial and all about showing off what a great sorority they are. This is like high school all over again and I am sick of it.

Drop.

I THINK we all understand exactly what you're trying to say. Unless there is more to the story that you're not telling us. You're vague with details, and dressing a certain way/acting like an adult seem to be the main points of your response. Therefore, if you're talking about clothing and being an adult, we know what you mean, and I'm sure everyone here will stick to their previously stated opinions.

As for the last part I bolded... I find this hard to believe.

If it bothers you that much then drop. You're wasting you chapter's time if you're not willing to fulfil all responsibilities as a sister, including representing the sorority well and dressing appropriately for business meetings.

While it's really hard to believe that international officers would behave in such a manner, I wouldn't be so quick to call BS on this one.

Over the years we've heard of collegians who get put in the kitchen during rush rounds because they're considered "less attractive" than their counterparts. Hell, some of us even have corrupt leadership out there.

I don't support anyone who thinks less of a sister for vanity's sake, but y'all have to be a hundred kinds of naive if you think stuff like that doesn't happen in some chapters.

Sorry for being harsh right out the gate...but that was your first mistake, regretting you pledged your oath to a sorority and the principles that you swore you would uphold every day of your life. As a member in the org that I am we have one principle that sets us aside from others, and that's the principle of Finer Womanhood. Therefore, it is my Sorors and my duty and obligations to give and to receive correction as set for us. So when a member of your org tells you to go change clothes because you're showing to much, or dancing to sexual, or just being out there. Its not out of spite it hate, its out of love for you as their sister. I would rather hear it from someone who respects and loves me than a stranger who has no problem with judging me. When you joined the org you joined I'm sure you knew that was expected, but now that's not fitiing into your life you feel there is a problem. Sorority life is a business as well as the other incentives that comes with it, but one thing you will learn and ask yourself before you walk out your house...is what I'm wearing representing who I am as a woman and a woman of xyz sorority. If not then you may want to consider, because your appearance and actions, represents a whole org now. be conscious of what you are doing with/without your letters on for the person who is talking about you will label you and attach your org behind it regardless of good/bad.

Like many, I agree that you should drop. Sorority life clearly isn't for you anymore.
It's not just lawyers or corporate professionals that need to make a good impression. If you don't think that hospital administrators, patients, drug sale reps, etc. will make judgments based on how you present yourself post-college, you are sorely mistaken. I personally would think twice about visiting a dietitian that is grossly over weight, sloppily dressed or smelly because it shows to me that they do not care enough about themselves to set an example for me to follow. It seems that you are having trouble with the sorority dictating how you act when in reality, I see your sorority as providing guidelines for actions that you should already be taking.

[quote=FunGirl123;1795653])I am completely aware of the 'real world' and realize that I will be part of a workforce where I have to portray an image. ... I am planning to be a dietitian where expectations of me from clients, but more so on my knowledge about nutrition, as opposed to what I did last night, what I am wearing ect.(note, image will be important, but if i want to be hired by a hospital, their main issue will be how well do I know nutrition and how well can I assess dietary meal plans for my patients).

As someone who has worked closely with dieticians, I can assure you without a shadow of a doubt, you WILL be expected to dress professionally and your behavior/dress will be noticed. Yes, in an ideal world, we could all do what we want, wearing what we want...and for what it is worth, a hospital environment is quite cliquish and if you do not look professional, no one will care about your knowledge and how well you assess your patients.
The issue about your sorority judging on appearances seems to be a separate issue and I agree with the above posters. It can happen, and if it is such a factor that you cannot deal/tolerate the situation, then drop.
Good luck in your future endeavors.

I agree, but again the info she provided is very vague. Could it be that the image being shown in said pictures was them drinking in letters, wrapped around some pole, or something similar?

Oh, honey, I promise you, you will have to be much more than good at making dietary meal plans. If you, for example, in your quest for individualism, lead a lifestyle that is questionable, behave inappropriately in public, dress sloppily, etc I assure you it will have an effect on your employment.

You have every right to feel however you feel about your group. My advice to you is to take a deep breath and get used to it. This is how the world works.

And, I don't doubt that someone might have suggested pics be removed from the internet, but I do not think someone at national headquarters would base that decision on looks. More likely it was behavior that caused the pics to be flagged...

Here's the deal.

Like many here have said, sororities have expectations. I personally do believe that in college things like drinking, under age drinking, experimentation, sex, etc., things that maybe as an organization we don't encourage but as individuals participate in, aren't that big of a deal MOST OF THE TIME. I think that common mistakes we make as college students/human beings are reasonable to expect. And by that rule, I've never had a friend be dropped or disciplined by a sorority for doing things like drinking with friends, discreetly having sex, etc. It's when someone can't control themselves while drinking, flaunts underage drinking and gets caught, or becomes embarrassingly promiscuous that people start to get annoyed. Basically, taking anything to extremes.

It isn't healthy to be totally dependent on anything once you are college-age, in my own opinion, from your family to your sorority. If you have friends in other sororities or that are not in one at all, if you participate on other organizations on campus, if you make friends with others in your major, you won't be. It doesn't take much effort to branch out. A sorority expecting you to essentially behave yourself doesn't equate to dependence. Again, unless your chapter is different from most other chapters and organizations across the nation, the expectations are basically that you try to be a good person, that you aren't a hedonistic brat, etc. Everyone messes up, and being humble enough to identify a mistake as a mistake, apologize, learn from it, and move on can go a long way even for someone who DOES get "in trouble". I confidently bet that you ARE NOT being judged constantly. By nature people are selfish, especially people our age and younger. They spend MUCH more time thinking about themselves then about you, I promise. You'll have to really mess up to grab their attention.

Everyone feels differently, but I've said before that if I hadn't been in a sorority I think I would have gotten into trouble that I am very, very, very glad I avoided. I did do the same things other college students do, but I didn't flaunt any rule breaking, and when I was spoken to I apologized and made an effort not to do whatever was so offensive again. If you stop worrying so much about what everyone else is thinking and saying...because, again, most of the time it's really not about you...you'll do what you want, have fun, and find that once you've made friends outside the sorority you will have stopped thinking so much about it. You'll also find that you've made it through your first year just fine.

It does not matter what job you have YOU WILL BE JUDGED IN SUPERFICIAL WAYS. This is THE REAL WORLD. As much as you say you understand it, you sound like you don't. This is reality, ugly or not. Your clothing choices will be judged, your behavior will be judged, what you put on the internet will be judged, etc.

Greek organizations are social organizations, but they are also to prepare you for real life. Most people probably join to have fun, but should you continue to look only for fun, you won't get much out of the experience to be honest. They prepare you for the real world, and the real world IS superficial. High school will never, ever end. Judging, gossiping, cattiness, backstabbing, and all the rest will continue for the rest of your life in your job, clubs, groups of friends, church/temple...everywhere. Something a sorority helps you do is accept that. It also helps you learn to deal with people in authority that you don't like or that you don't agree with. And the great thing about it is that you get to learn this sort of stuff in a safer environment in the real world, where something as important as your job could be at stake.

In my family sometimes mean things get said, fights happen, snide comments get made...all kinds of crappy stuff. At the end of the day we make up because we're family. It's the same thing in a sorority except that you MUST remember that you weren't born with these people. You make a promise to support each other and everyone should uphold that but you can treat someone with respect without every being friends or even really liking them. You aren't going to like every sister and not every sister will like you. That's ok. That's normal.

It sounds like you want a group of friends. If all you're looking for is close relationships and some fun, a sorority probably isn't the best choice for you. You can get that from close friends, other clubs, or teams. And you can probably learn some of the aforementioned lessons in those settings as well. A sorority is just a more organized way of doing it and has other obvious advantages, but the bottom line is that if you aren't ready to deal with these issues yet, which is fine, then you probably need to start looking for another group or team to fit into on campus and try to part ways in a friendly manner. Some people WILL be mad at you. You made a promise and if you leave you are breaking it, and not, honestly, for a reason that a lot of us think is good enough. But if you're ready to accept those consequences and if you think the close friends you do have in the chapter will accept your decision then I would suggest you start the process. It would be better if you found an older sister that you think is similar in personality to yourself so that she can describe her experience in your particular chapter, but I get the impression your mind is already made up.

Lastly I just don't believe the end of your post. I don't. There could be many reasons to take pictures down from a website: the clothing might not meet standards international feels are appropriate, there might have been something in the picture or in the background of the picture like a Solo cup that made them uncomfortable, someone could have lied to you about the reason the pictures were removed (or who told them to do it if they wanted to take the heat off themselves)...but I do not believe any national or international did that. I've seen almost all of their sites and they contain a variety of women of every color, shape, and size.