I can't weigh in since I don't know what happened to Lilly, and I understand if it had to be edited for all the usual reasons....

All I know is what my kid went through--she knew when she signed up that it was a NO GUARANTEE situation. That being said, she STILL had some unrealistic expectations based on random conversations that would not be considered 'dirty rushing', per se. She was approached well before the deadline by a former schoolmate, who asked her to be sure to get her rec in to that particular group. Now of COURSE this didn't mean anything but that this particular person was interested and would pull for her....but one vote is after all, one vote.

Now that she is on the other side of this equation, she understands the UNBELIEVABLE difficulty of the entire process, and just how lucky she would have been to be chosen by any of these organizations.

That would be my wish--that all of these young ladies would hang on, accept any and every invitation, and then get involved with it from the member's perspective...

Some might disagree, but as an alum and native Alabamian, I see a real change at Bama, particularly this year. Sure, old row is going to be around. So what? It's as one of you mentioned earlier--an extra party and a t-shirt. Hell, you can go to a cocktail party any time you want in Birmingham, Atlanta, Mobile or wherever and claim you were a this or that at Bama blahddy blahddy blah...or you can sacrifice your soul because your daughter just MUST be an XYZ or she won't get the right husband, job, invitations, etc.... If it means that much to some of these folks, let'em have it.

Rant is now over.

Guess I weighed in after all!

As someone who has lived in 10 different states, you can certainly tell the division along the Mason/Dixon line here in this thread. :-)
The Yankees don't have a clue as to how serious "grooming your baby girl to be a XYZ" is down here in the South. I learned about it one Christmas while visiting the relatives and when the "aunts" were talking about it I actually laughed thinking they were kidding and I was greeted by icy stares. (and probably a few "Bless your hearts" for being so ignorant about the importance of where your D took ballet classes). The phrase "whose your daddy" takes on a whole new meaning down here.

Happy to be a Yankee. I think I'll put that in my signature

Sorry for the intrusion, but there is a book called How to Be A Southern Belle, or Why Princess Margaret Will Never Be a Kappa Kappa Gamma. The title of the book is a funny play on words, but like you said, in the South it is true. ;)

I think the Rappahannock river is a better divider than the Mason-Dixon line (for cultural purposes).

Who's your daddy
:D

Actually, the title is: A SOUTHERN BELLE PRIMER, OR WHY PRINCESS MARGARET WILL NEVER BE A KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA. It is absolutely hilarious, but to me, as a lifelong southerner, what is so funny is that it is so true. Ridiculous, absolutely! But when you grow up in it you just think that is the way it is.

I think the "rushing" of juniors and seniors in high school has become much more pronounced over the past few years. My kids are 5 years apart, and when Daughter #1 was a senior she did get quite a few hand written notes from different girls in different sororities....the name of the GLO was never mentioned, but there was always the stationery or a sticker on the envelope that gave it away. When daughter #2 was a senior (2005-2006) I was amazed at the gorgeous invitations to teas that she got from sororities in Tuscaloosa and to alum's houses in Birmingham as well. Funny thing is that this kid had no intention of going to Alabama and was headed to Ole Miss from the getgo. Even so, she STILL got invited to rush parties way late into the spring--I guess her name wound up on a list somewhere.

Y'all may be missing the point of what these activities are about if, in fact, anyone is doing the things described. It's not desperate as much as it is truly recruiting girls versus waiting to take the share you'd just end up with by rushing during formal.

Especially at schools where recruitment is really early in the year, rushing folks you know already, assuming you do it within the regulations of the PC at your campus, means that you are likely to get a pledge class that includes the new members that you really wanted in the pool of total girls.

Now, when you get into the groups that take a whole pledge class this way, I think it's lame because they will miss out of the girls from out of state or who decided to rush late. But to make sure that the really great hometown girls who you already know are coming to Alabama are likely to feel at home in your group, early allowable contact seems like a great tool.

And I think assuming that if the groups didn't do this stuff, that it would level the playing field for other PNM is probably mistaken. The chapters would still know who they wanted in advance of recruitment; they just wouldn't be hosting group events. Folks just need to know this stuff goes on at to what degree at which groups, so if they haven't been highly recruited, they are more likely to be realistic about their recruitment experience.

Well at least they know how to write a proper bread and butter. Sniff.

God, I hate that I have to go home and leave this discussion. Why won't people just let me alone to play on GC all night?!!

Don't say anything funny until tomorrow.

Did they do the early rushing parties in the late 80's? I don't remember ANY of us from my HS going to parties, letters, etc. My HS friends who went to Bama with me pledged all Old Row sororities, one went on to be President, one was on the HC Court. They were definitely the "in" crowd at Bama and were all legacies. We were all good friends, cheered together, and I don't think I would have missed hearing about this stuff. Just wondering if our HS was out of the loop (it was a small town in North Alabama)? I went to "Serious Night" (dating myself) to 3 Old Row houses, but dropped out when I didn't match to my 1st choice. I also had heard GPhiB was coming to Bama, and my mom was a GPhi. I decided to go that route. Did I regret not choosing another house when I didn't get my match? At times, of course. But I also am very proud to be a charter member of GPhiB at Bama.

I'll weigh in from my side as a southern girl who is one of those "groomed" kind! :)

I think I got my first shirt with sorority letters when I was about 3. (Those little infant outfits weren't around then!) My mom had one that said "alum" and I had one that said "legacy." All of my mom's friends are also pretty much an XYZ so they are the women I have known and looked up to my entire life.

What was simply "understood" where I grew up was the alum members of XYZ are, in a way, responsible for raising young ladies with all the qualities of an XYZ, after all, they made the life time commitment to the organization and what it stands for. It is also "understood" that the best way to continually pledge the best girls in XYZ is to get us while we're young and teach us what it's all about and turn us into the best XYZ's there could possibly be. Now of all my mom's friends with daughters....we are all also XYZ's. :) For us, it's just the way it is. Are we crazy? Maybe! But all the "daughters" are now friends and sisters too!

Would I have *died* if I didn't get in. Yes. Would I have gotten over it. Yes. But to have my mom pin me with my Aunt's pin (from my dad's side....we're all XYZ around here!) was probably one of the all time greatest moments in my life. I

And yes, I admit openly, one reason I chose the school I did was for it's strong XYZ chapter. Not that it was the ONLY reason, my other reason was all the cute boys! (I was 18, give me a break!!!) It never occurred to me that at an SEC school I might not get in. But there were many other "daughters" there at the time.

And yes, if I have a daughter of my own, I hope she's an XYZ too! :)

The whole "rushing" of juniors/seniors is what makes it extremely difficult for an out of state girl to even be considered in many cases. Border states are okay but when you are 3 states away, it's a whole different story.

I LOVE the Southern Belle Primer. My friend (another Army wife but she is originally from Charleston - old family) gave it to me to read when I was in Kansas and moving down South.

Oh, I don't know. Check the new member list...most all the groups got a large percentage of out-of-staters. Of course, the entire freshman class has WAY more out-of-staters than it used to, thanks to Dr. Witt's push to enlarge the student population.

These days though, I'd really caution the girls that they have to be open minded even about the groups that they've been hearing about all their lives. The number of girls rushing is so high at some campuses that going in only wanting one is a recipe for heartache.