Ok I talked to our VP 3 and because Im not transferring, Im taking a semester off and because Im not married yet I cant go early alum so either I pay our dues (1500) and wait til then or I can drop and since its only the 2nd day of classes and our deadline for dues hasnt passed I dont have to pay the dues. Honestly I dont want to pay all that money for events Im not gonna attend and meals Im not gonna eat when I need to save it.

Wow, if I had to make that choice I'm afraid I would simply have to drop too. That's really awful that they won't help you out there. I know that must have been a hard choice but you have to do what is right for you..and wasting 1500 dollars is probably not in that category.

:( I'm sorry you had to make that decision.

I'd appeal that, because she's wrong. Pregnancy IS a reason to go alum early in ZTA. Talk to your GA, because I'd really hate to see a sister have to drop for this reason.

Repeated for emphasis

That doesn't make any sense. Why can you withdraw and not pay dues, but you can't go early alum and not pay dues? You really should appeal this "decision" to your advisory board.

your vp3 is going by what the zta general manual says-in that respect she is correct. there is no contingency for pregnant members in the current manual.

in the past week, a similar situation has occured in the zta chapter where i was most recently an advisor, the exception being that the girls "sperm donor"* ditched the girl when she told him she was pregnant. i was consulted by the current advisors and our consensus was to grant this young woman early alum. status. the advisors contacted the national officer above them, who went to the vp-collegiate over the area where the chapter is located, and this member is being granted early alum. status.

and that is why i advised you to NOT go to your officers, but to go to your advisors, your province president OR direcly to i.o. just don't try to make zta the bad guy in this situation.

*i call him the sperm donor because he is not offering any kind of support whatsoever to this young woman

The purpose of Early Alumna Status is so that a young lady can stay a member of the organization, but not have a financial burden. You should not have to pay the dues for this semester, but you will also be unable to participate in any of the activities with the collegiate members.

I would really like to encourage you to take Early Alumna Status vs. turning in your pin. You will still be a member of the organization, your daughters will still be legacy, you will still be able to join an alumnae group at any time in the future. Joining a sorority is for life, not just while you are in school. Embrace your alumnae sisters. You will find that many have kids the same age as your kids, you will find that some others took Early Alumna Status for the same reason. When you join an alumna group, they are so happy that younger members are joining that no one gives you any hassle "ooooh, you were pregnant while still in school." They care about you and love to share in the stories of your childrens' accomplishments. They will cheer you on some day if your daughter goes through recruitment.

Please talk to a member of your alumnae advisory board about going Alumnae Status, they are very versed in the requirements, and will encourage you. Please don't rush to turn in your pin, which is a decision you may come to regret someday.

DaffyKD

I know. What I meant was that if she resigned because of money, she might still have to pay for the semester. She would've if she'd been in my chapter.

Why does it seem like we are all much more concerned about this young lady remaining a Zeta Tau Alpha than SHE is?

I think one answer to this is because many of us have found extraordinarily rewarding alum experiences with our respective organizations and we might not have realized what we were giving up if we were in this young woman's position. It sounds like the "vp3" quoted something out of a membership guide that isn't really meant to be a biblical answer to every situation and HQ knows that and may regularly deal with these special situations in a different manner than what is spelled out in the membership guide. It would be a loss to any GLO for that org to lose out on someone permanently and not be able to use her as a future alum leader, advisor, etc. simply because she was put in a position where a well-meaning collegiate thought they only had a couple options and a simple call to an advisor or regional representative (please do this OP!) might present some other options.

^^^Completely understand your point and I feel the same way, I was just noticing that this thread is on page 6, all us alums have repeatedly pleaded with her to think ahead and call whoever she needs to to get early alum status, but she's either going to do it for herself or she's not. It's just starting to feel like we're all here talking to each other and she's just going to do whatever she's decided, she's probably off looking at reception halls and baby clothes and we're still here preaching to our own choirs...

True, and I agree with you.

Something that kind of just occurred to me... we also might be preaching to someone 2 years from now who comes to this site (or googles) because she's pregnant, her president told her she couldn't go early alum, but she is too afraid to openly question her president's position without knowing that at least some groups might consider an exception. About every 10 posts tells people to "use the search button" so hell, lets imagine someone actually does it and finds this particular thread and is thereafter encouraged to speak up.

By the way, :-) I am the eternal optimist, always looking for the silver lining.

^^^Good point, this is good information, it just struck me it seems the OP stopped participating (and seems to have given up) but we're out here still pushin'. But you're right, maybe it will help someone in the future. I'm usually mostly optimistic too, but today I'm crampy and cranky so my patience is short.... :)

I just find this whole thing so frustrating. And I hate to say this, but I agree with the point that I think we care more about her staying a Zeta than she does - which is sad. I understand being in a sorority doesn't "interest her" right now but 5 years from now it might and it'll be too late. No one expects her to immediatley join an alum chapter as soon as she'd go alum and be all active - and that's the beauty of being alum - YOU decide how much you participate. And it's SO CHEAP! $35-$40 ish a year is nothing compared to collegiate dues! And that's only IF you decide to join an alumnae chapter! Sigh. I almost wish I could talk to this girl in person and just say, hey! Call the GA cuz your VP3 is just plain wrong! Of course ZTA wants to keep you, all GLO's rely on the support of their alumni and will go to great lengths to keep them.

Let me set something straight of course I love zeta with all my heart i made a vow to my sisters but certain things happen in our lives that take precedence. I know you alums have all had enriching experiences but my life isnt my sorority. Ive also had to give up being on swimteam and probably will have to give up a semester or two of school. How can I be expected to leave all those behind? None of this is easy for me and I wish ya'll would appreciate that Im not gonna force myself into early alum if its not what my chapter wants. Realistically the seniors probably are doing this to me to show how unhappy they are about it and I dont blame my other sister for not telling them. If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

ZTAberry...of course this is all your decision, but we all hoped you'd see that ZTA is more than just your collegiate chapter and that it doesn't have to be your whole life to participate after you graduate (or go early alum.) Just because your chapter doesn't want it doesn't mean you shouldn't get your early alum status. It's your membership not theirs. But, if you don't want it, that's a completely different story. Don't blame us for trying...we just see the forest for the trees where you are currently looking directly at the leaves.

HA! I like it.:D

it is not up to the chapter to decide whether you take early alum, status or not-that is entirely your decision. it seems that you have decided not to pursue early alum. status. so be it.

Your collegiate EC doesn't always know everything and you don't really realize that until you're alum. They also don't speak for the National officers. Just because a few sisters may not agree with your decisions, doesn't mean they have the right to force you out of ZTA. And if you aren't willing to stand up to them to secure your place forever in our sisterhood, then it truly is your loss. We have all told you how easy it would be and how great it would be for you to go early alum rather than dropping your sisterhood altogether but you don't seem to be hearing any of us. You have many sisters on here who, let's face it, are wiser than you when it comes to these things and I just wish you would take our advice. Also, I am beginning to question your commitment attitudes in general: when you were initated into ZTA, it was forever. It seems, that being in a sorority was just a college activity for you, and that's sad because it's meant to last a lifetime.

AOII Angel, nice quote there. And so very true...

We're suggesting early alumna status so that, in the future, you have the option to participate in Zeta as an alumna, like 5 or 10 years down the road.
Obviously, it isn't right now, and it shouldn't be. You do have more important things going on right now. But again, by not pursuing early alumna status, you are closing a door that you can never open again.
These are things that you can resume once things have settled down in your life. Unless you pursue early alumna status, you can't go back to Zeta.
First of all, whether you withdraw or go early alum, you won't be around, so I am not sure why the nasty seniors in your chapter would care either way. Second of all, it's your right to go early alum. It's not the seniors' decision. Third, your chapter's EC does not have the final say. They are most likely, like you said, being mean to you and just reading out of the manual which likely doesn't have prescribed procedures for when a member becomes pregnant. I would bet a lot of money that your chapter's advisors DO have the power to overturn the EC's decision and let you go early alum without paying this semester's dues.

I think it's really sad that you're letting some nasty seniors bully you around and not seek early alumna status. Seriously, all you have to do is make a phone call to your advisors and sign some things, no more trouble than it would be to withdraw.

You're closing and locking the door on a lifetime of sisterhood in the future by choosing to not call an advisor, and that is YOUR loss.

Your daughter (if you have one now or in the future) won't be a legacy if you withdraw, but she will be if you go early alum.
Oh, avoiding drama is only important IRL, not on message boards.

Good call! All these things are what I was afraid that perhaps ztaberry wasn't thinking through. Even if she never chooses to be an active alum, imagine her daughter not having the boost of being a legacy in recruitment! And some groups allow and encourage legacy-mothers to be present at their daughter's initiations... that's another experience she'd be potentially giving up along with the legacy distinction.

To me, it doesn't make sense not to fight this... but to each her own.

What will be really sad will be that any boys they have will get to go off to college with this rich greek legacy behind them but any girls they have won't have any... hope they don't want to go to school in the south...

Especially when it would be such an easy fight!!!

Not necessarily the advantages during recruitment, but just the extra special bond that you could have with a daughter by being able to share Zeta with her, just ask FSUZeta!

I hate to sound harsh, but if she really loved ZTA as much as she says she does, then she would fight a lot harder to stay in. It's that simple. And I have to also remind her that a sorority is more than just a club you join in college - they stress to you during your whole NM period that this is a lifetime commitment, hence the reason behind Link Week (a time of reflection prior to Initiation) to really heavily consider the commitment you are about to make because it is forever.

It's YOUR membership, it's not up to them to make sure you stay in. You're old enough to get married and have a baby, you're old enough to fight your own battles.

ZTAberry, I totally get that right now you have bigger things to worry about than Zeta. A child is a huge commitment, as is marriage! But this advice is coming from another collegiate, not an alumna. I don't have the same pressing issues you do, but I am in the same life stage.

Your chapter sisters had their chance to deny membership to you as you went through recruitment. However, when they chose to give you a bid, the ball went into your court, and it's been there ever since. They have absolutely NO RIGHT to deny you your membership in ZTA.

Do you have a close relationship with any of your advisors? Even if you don't, I'm certain that they would be more than happy to help you keep your membership. The EC of your chapter is not the be-all, end-all to ZTA. You can very easily go over their heads, and that's your right completely.

Even if you don't want to do this for you right now, think about what it would mean if you had a girl, to know that you could share that sisterhood with her. It's always very special to my chapter when we get a legacy, especially when her family member can come to her initiation.

Like I mentioned, this is your choice, and I don't doubt that you love ZTA. But you have just as much right to keep your membership as any other initiated sister.

It sounded from a post in the start of this thread that she is close to her Big sister, maybe she could help her with (at least) moral support???

You all keep begging her to try to stay. To be quite honest, she doesn't really seem like she wants to stay a ZTA. Yes, she has other, more important things on her mind, but it really doesn't seem very important to her. So why beg someone to stay in your organization if they don't really care about it?

I think the reason why alums from ZTA and other chapters are trying to retain this woman is simply because it's our job to convince women that sorority life is not just a college club. If we claim that sisterhood is for life, then silently watch as a women drops out, our claims would be empty and meaningless. If a collegiate member wants to drop, then she should drop with the full knowledge of everything she will miss out on for the rest of her life. If losing future benefits is okay with her, then go ahead and drop. She only pledged to be in a college club and that's all she'll get.

I think some of us make the mistake of thinking everyone in our organizations is in it for a lifetime and thats just not how it is for many girls.... we have given her the information and she can do with it what she wants its all here for her to refer to.....

Exactly. She was given all the information, then still decided to drop. As much as we believe a sorority is for life, we can't MAKE people stay in it. It just seems desperate for everyone to beg her to stay when she really hasn't shown even the slightest inkling of desire to stay a ZTA.

And you know this how?

Have you ever been in this position, I doubt it!:mad:


I am sure she is out or on here asking for help on what she should try to do!

It seems that she cares about ZTA and cares about them very much.

She is in a dire situation and is a lost sole, scared and looking for some help and leadership!

Were you ever young?

Y'know, I was pretty content to just read along with the thread and see where it went until I read the response above.

My first reaction? Who cares what the Seniors think or want...what do YOU want?!? Your chapter members should have NO SAY in what your future in ZTA is, even if they'd like to think that they do. If you value your sisterhood, then fight to keep it! Don't let a bunch of girls who "are doing this to me (you) to show how unhappy they are about it" take that away from you. I went to a big SEC school, I know the kind of attitudes that can be generated in large chapters. Don't let the inter-politics ruin what could be (when you are ready again) the most enriching and long-lasting relationships of your life.

Your repsonses to being early alumn have been so negative ("I'm not gonna force myself into early alumn status"), it makes me wonder if you are really understanding the concept? At least investigate the option. If it just isn't for you, then so-be-it. But don't just take what a bunch of girls who may or may not be mad at you tell you and decide your sorority fate for you.

That said, if you are content to just sit there and take whatever they tell you at face value...then fine. I would think that going early alumn would be a win-win, but if you are okay with severing your membership with the sorority you love so much, then ultimately that's your decision that you'll have to live with. As long as you make the right decision for you, not the right decision for your chapter.

She was given advice from several people. They can only give her so much guidance; the ultimate decision lies with her. And as much as it may hurt her sisters, she's an adult, so she can make adult decisions.

Did you read the responses? She has been given very good, firm advice from her sister ZTAs and other GLO members - and has made it clear that she isn't really looking for advice, as she doesn't intend to take it. I guess she came here looking for support or validation for a course of action she had already determined to follow. That is certainly her right, but don't you dare start with your negative attitude when my fellow NPC women have given her every chance to PROVE her so-called love for ZTA by treating it as more than a college club. She really just wants the easy way out - which is fine - but we are going to call a spade a spade. I realize you LIVE to castigate certain individuals as much as possible, but this really gets me, because it so totally unwarranted.
Yes, we have all been young, and many of us have dealt with the issue of early alumnae status as collegians and alumnae advisors. She has received support, positive advice, and encouragement.

I know this may be a strange question now, but can she just give up her membership? I guess maybe another ZTA can answer this.


I know in Theta, we don't have inactive status, so if an active was in this situation she would have to go early alum.

We do not have inactive status in ZTA either. Thats why everyone is so encouraging her to go early alum. She should call her advisor or someone at IO and she could stay in ZTA if she understand that it is a lifetime.

zl

One can want and listen to advice even if they choose not to follow it.
If ZTA is not a high enough priority for her to fight for at this point in time, then this is understandable. She has a lot of other things that are higher on her list of priorities. She is now aware that she has the option of going alum, but appears to feel as if this is her chapter's way of telling her they disapprove of her pregnancy. Her response is to turn away from them, very natural. One can love something and choose to let it go.

I realize who this post was in response to, hence it's abrasiveness, but you're making a lot of assumptions about a young woman based apparently only on the fact that she's choosing not to follow advice that, while well intentioned, may not be in her best interests at this time.