I am sorry things are so crazy right now. I do want to clarify the information in this post. AOII does not call alumnae for every girl cut who had a rec. That would be impossible. That courtesy is (in most cases) reserved for legacies. In that case, the chapter would most likely not tell why the PNM was cut, only that the girl was cut. Again, that would only be for a legacy. I hope things work out for your daughter.

Your instincts are good. As others have said, at a school like UGA, this may very well be her only opportunity to join a sorority. She should only suicide if she is willing to accept not being Greek at all rather than accepting a bid from the other chapters. The fact that you mentioned that she likes all of them indicates that this is probably not the case. Please encourage her to reconsider this since her current exhaustion may have important long-term consequences for her.

Ever been to Vegas and put all your money on one roll? You only do it if you are willing to walk away empty handed. In other words, visualize Clint Eastwood standing there saying,
"Do you feel Lucky, Miss?"

Re: the allergies, buy a Hepa air filter for the dorm and aim it at her bed (small ones are around $100). I had to do this for D when her RM had a cat back home. My allergist said cat hair stays for 3-5 years before losing it's dander so the sooner the better.

Not feeling well, wheezing, lack of sleep, cat-tivating roommate, emotions on edge...not the best scenario for an 18 year old to make wise decisions, is it? Recruitment can be brutal, even under the best of circumstances, so it's no wonder they just want the decisions to be over!

But I think your instincts are correct, Mom. Unless she would be miserable in any house but that ONE, then she should MAXIMIZE her options and return to every house, rank every chapter she visits, particularly this early in the game. If after prefs, she knows she would rather not be greek than to pledge a certain house, that's different. Even then, it's a tough decision to make on campuses that lean toward freshmen for NMs and don't do much informal recruiting because everyone makes quota/total.

Totally not related to recruitment, but I have to ask this- is her roommate even allowed to have cats in the dorm?

It's probably not the actual cat, but all her stuff has cat dander on it.

The kitty in question wouldn't necessarily have to be present to be potent. Cat hair on clothing, luggage, backpacks, etc. would still carry dander for several years.

That's exactly what I was wondering!

Add another to everyone saying that suiciding is a terrible idea.

Yep. Unless you'd rather run headfirst into a brick wall than accept another sorority, you probably shouldn't suicide.

as a former Rho Chi
 

I too agree that suiciding is NOT a good idea unless your daughter feels that the remaining choices are totally and completely wretched. Which is probably not the case. I can't verify UGA's rules, but she could always go through with several options and if her bid card is something she doesn't like, don't sign it assuming she keeps getting several invites. Suiciding is not a smart idea if you can help it.

I'll be glad to answer other Rho Chi type questions if you need me to.....

You should encourage your daughter NOT to suicide...the few times I saw it happen in rush, it did not turn out in the PNM's favor. I was a Rho Chi during my jr. year at Alabama and saw many heartbroken girls come Bid Day. Remind your daughter that she is going through recruitment for a reason and to try to maximize her possibilities. Sure, rush is stressful, but it has such a great outcome!! She will not regret going through the process and pledging the house of her choice!

Plus, she got the maximum number of invites, so I don't understand why you would think about suiciding at this point in the game anyway. There's time to see how it plays out before you have to decide.

It's probably nerves, the heat and cat hair. ;)

I went to one of the schools mentioned and my chapter would release girls without recs after philanthropy day, unless we were so interested in her that we could secure her a rec from a local alum. However, some chapters are not like that and recs are not necessary....So I think that Panhellenic is just trying to encourage everyone to participate, whether they have "ties" to certain houses or not. Alumni in my hometown actually have a meeting for all PNMs to attend in the spring before they leave for school that tells them all they need to know about recs/attire, etc. Maybe this is something we all need to have in our respective cities so more young ladies know exactly what to expect and what is expected of them. I know there are lots of girls in my city that could benefit from this service!

from a former uga rho chi....
 

She should really try to relax and try to enjoy the parties she is going to. It can be brutal getting cut, but you cannot suicide until after the pref parties and to already be thinking about it (they are in round 3 today?) while attending parties is really hurting her chances of a great experience.

Please try to at least encourage her to continue with an open mind. After two rounds she has only been at these houses for about 40 minutes, not even hour! Yes, she may be pretty sure some are not for her (and she could be right), but some of these may be and she just hasn't clicked with the right group.

Recs
 

Ahh, but think of the poor out of state folks (like we were) who flew down to visit the SEC school, were told that it is the sororities resp. to get a rec for you if they want you; then at the freshman camp, ask Panhel. the same question and get the same boldface lie answer; and furthermore ask the ditzy sales clerk at the school bookstore when you're buying your kid her first school t-shirt who was greek (note to self: if someone graduated 2 years ago and is now selling t-shirts at the school bookstore b/c she loved the college town so much she didn't want to move, she is not a good resource) but with her Crest whitened smile she bubbled out "oh no, don't worry, it's the sororities resp. to get you the rec." I don't know, maybe it's code for "don't let the Yankees know the scoop". And, keep in mind, the website for Greek Chat is not on any literature so we didn't know it existed.

I actually did go to the college website to search the message boards for info on sorority life and posted a query only to get a bunch of horrible x-rated comments about the Greek girls.

So, in our case she was darn lucky to go to 3 prefs. The "know it alls" talked her into suiciding and therefore she got no bid. She was COB'd later on but geez, as a Mom I'd hate to have to go thru this again.

My own daughter's rush is over, but she has many friends at UGA who are rushing as we speak. The two sound similar so I am going to tell you about our experience with recs. She attended the Panhell meeting in Atlanta that was held the spring of her Sr. year of high school. She came away with the impression that recs were desirable to have and that you should try to get them if possible. They even offered to help the girls secure recs in case they weren't able to get them on their own. However, we have a friend that is an SEC rush veteran and she told us that you really needed to get at least one per chapter. My daughter managed to get one per chapter in the end but it was a lot of work for her. A good friend who has a daughter at Penn State could not believe that we even needed any recs at all! Things really are different in the SEC.

I ordered a desk top oreck filter for around 500.00. I express shipped it but it won't get to her until Thursday. Hopefully she'll be okay til then. Thanks for the info.

She didn't suicide today thank goodness. But sounds like her emotions are really getting the best of her. Hopefully pref's go well tomorrow.

same with my friend's D going to AZ
 

I of course called my friend and told her about the recs yesterday and that they were important. She said when she called Arizona they laughed at her and said their rush is not at all like the "South" -- it is much more laid back so she was assured she did not need the recs. I sure hope she does not encounter anything different when she arrives as that would be disappointing! Had the same conversation with my friend whose D is going to Penn State too!

Tuesday's Update
 

First, let me say it's good to read the concerns that parents have for their daughter(s) during this week of Rush at UGA. Your comments are both encouraging and informative.

My daughter called today after getting her schedule; she was invited to 6 houses -- a combination of her top 6 and of the bottom 7-12 list. She was surprised at a couple of the cuts, but she was happy to be going back to those on her list too. I'm sure tonight's call will be interesting.

With the heat in the 99-100 degree range, it is not only stressful but also extremely tiresome. Not a great combination.

Like UGADad and others, we have been encouraging her to get lots of rest and drink lots of water.

UGA RUSH is Extremely competitive! I would recommend the local Panhel council to be brutely honest with parents and prospective recruits about to expect for Rush, from A-Z! Not with the intent to discourage but to insure understanding. No surprises or regrets.

I think these young ladies are extremely bright and intelligent; given the good, bad and ugly of what Rush is and can be, might allow for some of these girls to decide in advance whether the process is worth it to them or not.

The emotional stress from being rejected, as my daughter's roommate is experiencing is overwhelming. Having her self confidence blown out the door before school starts doesn't make a Momma or Dad feel too good either.

Oh... in response to one sorority being on probation. That is true. I believe they are limited to the number of recruits that they can bring in and are prohibited from having socials (the details may not be completely accurate with respect to what is allowed or not allowed). There are probably more restrictions, but I question whether or not this should be information that the recruits have.

Good luck to all the girls!

probation
 

I would certainly vote for this to be known to the recruits! I haven't heard anything about it but again it is information that they should be allowed to factor into their decision -- at least by the prefs round!

I would personally be pissed if I got recruited into a group on Social Pro without knowing it...at least those rushing should be informed and be able to make the decision as to whether that particular house is worth it.

I'm with you! My daughter was told earlier this summer about this particular sorority and their situation. I will say that she really liked the girls and might would have continued putting them on her list but didn't due to the circumstances.

I also think that might be why their dues were less than the others.

Okay. Who is on social probation and how does anyone know it?

While it might be true and fair to disclose it to the girls, it also might be rumor and tent talk, getting girls to discount a group that isn't really facing this issue.

What's the story? What do you know?

I searched on the Red & Black website and didn't find any current stories about a sorority on any sort of probation.

If this exists, and it isn't something coming down from the university or the Panhellenic, it's coming from the sorority's national HQ and as such is private sorority business that is not Panhellenic's place to disseminate to the public.

Ask the sorority themselves what the deal is.

I suspect the PNMs have that opportunity, but probably won't do it.

sororities may be limited or prohibited by the amount or the ability to hold social events for a certain period of time, but they can never be punished by denying them the chance to recruit or the number of new members they are allowed to take(meaning that they are allowed the same number of new members as the other sororities).

i hate tent talk!

The national HQ can dictate that they can take less NMs than quota but a Panhellenic can't. This was done in a fairly famous hazing case.

They may not "be required" but they can never hurt. Knowing what our chapter is like at AZ, I'd say having recs might not be a bad idea.

It's like playing telephone. The PNMs are bombarded with tent talk, they tell mom and dad, mom and dad report to us.

Much of tent talk is ridiculous and absurd to begin with. By the time it gets back to GC it's at a whole 'nother level. :eek:

thank you for clarifying that 33-i meant to say panhellenic, but in my recruitment workshop addled brain, i forgot!:)

Just a guess but the tent talk may be related to this story... :confused:

http://media.www.redandblack.com/med...-2821579.shtml

If you search the archives of the Red & Black back to early April, you will find more editorials and articles related to the incident.

I agree. UGADaughter's mom told her that if the answer is important to her, she should call the Greek Office and ask. I would hope they would tell her the truth. If those are the sanctions -- a more limited pledge class and social restrictions -- it seems like very relevant information for a prospective member to have. UGADaughter talked to her mom after doing her rankings today. She said it was very difficult for her but that she knows she has been very lucky so far. Its a little ironic that, with all she is hearing about the cuts, she said she is worried about hurting the feelings of some of the actives with whom she feels she has developed a bond.

I think we'll ALL be glad when this is over.

Thank you for finding this link. I too hate gossip or as earlier referred to as "tent talk" but in this case, I'm afraid that there is truth to the situation. However, the error of information may very well be in the disciplinary action given to the chapter.

IF this is TRUE, it is my opinion that the girls should be informed; it may or may not matter but it shouldn't be withheld.

I wouldn't think that cutting your own numbers be a good strategy at UGA. You'd just ensure the chapter had a really hard time bouncing back.

(For hazing, it might make sense, but we'd find news reports if this situation had anything to do with hazing, I think.)

But it's hard to see how setting your org. up to take less that quota is going to be a long term win in that environment.

As far as social probation, if this is the actual case, it seems like a decent internal solution. And as strong as the organization that might be involved is, honestly it shouldn't be a big deterrent to pledging for a sincere PNM. But I guess it depends on the severity of what it means.

It might not appear to be a good strategy, but it would put the facts out for the girls. For some recruits, this wouldn't matter, but for others it might make a huge difference in making their selection. Heck, with over 1300 girls and the number of girls who are already being cut, surely they would be still be able to recruit outstanding girls.

I go back to an early comment: The UGA Panhel council should put it ALL out there for the girls to know... the good, bad, and ugly.

UGADad..... AMEN!

I hope the actives will disclose the truth to the girls during pref night. We had seen the story, but we are well aware that newspaper stories, particularly campus papers, aren't above exageration and sensationalism. From what we're hearing this is a great group of girls and I suspect the rumors are far worse than reality. Hopefully the actives will decide that it is in their best interests to come clean and address the situation -- otherwise the pnms will believe the worst.

For the record, I meant only the strategy of the group itself decide to reduce the numbers it took this year.

If a group is being punished, it seems only far to let the PNMs know it. BUT you have to be careful, because a lot of what people hear isn't true.