The thing is, no one said that. We NEVER said "[OP], you are judging us". What we DID say was that it is possible for someone to be judgmental if they encounter a person who doesn't agree with their beliefs and this is why WE would probably pass on a guy with those values. People have said over and over that the OP asked a question and we responded as to what WE would think about a guy like one in the hypothetical presented, but you don't seem to be getting that part of it.

Please let me know which of the many statements you've made in this thread you're referring to here. I would be happy to disregard all of your other statements in this thread.

Valk, would you be willing to shake hands and walk away from this? This is just stupid fighting about nothing :)

These two sentences are beautiful when juxtaposed, and form the essence of what I'm trying to convey here - these two things, together, can be flipped the other direction too, and may help you to understand why we're having the shit show in this thread.

I agree completely, and that's why I said that BOTH sides felt preached to.

Apparently that's flame-worthy.

Also see my above post. I don't really want to fight over something so silly.

Aiight, but I might feel compelled to pitch at you every time we encounter each other from now until the end of time. Just kidding! ;)

[/obscure baseball joke]

WOW! So much has been said today in my absence...honestly, I didn't want things to end up this way.

BUT personally, I have to agree with the majority of what Drolefille has been saying. At times some people did come off as really defensive when all I did was simply ask questions and in my opinion by saying you wouldn't want to be involved with someone who participates in the activities that I listed, is kinda imply that you felt these are things that you feel people should do at that age.

To have these as long term standards for a long term relationship...would you consider not dating someone because they don't drink and are waiting to have sex superficial? If not, why?

Drolefille,

Please let it go. Pretty please. I do understand your point. However, when you keep emphasizing or arguing it, then it negates your 'I'm not defensive' or 'I'm not taking it personally' stance.

I'm not trying to be rude when I say this but, If it bothers you that much then simply don't post in this thread anymore.

So when u asked your question, you already had an opinion formed about the answers that u were going to receive? I mean you were either going to get a 'yes, I'd want to date you." or a "no, I wouldn't want to date you.", but you already knew how u felt about the inevitable answers. What was your true intent?

I think this is what people mean when they call you defensive. I wasn't even replying to you, but you replied in btwn the time that I read the last post and posted my response. Relax.

Not really because I didn't know what people would say. I only formed opinions after reading people's responses. I mean I know how I feel about these things in general, however I just wanted to understand where people with an alternate opinion where coming from. Also, to see how many people (females specificly) shared the same views as me. I'm beginning to realize exactly how much of a minority I am.

I'm relaxed it was just miscommunication via using the web. It wasn't wrong of me to assume that you were talking to me since your post was directly under mine. I just reacted to what I saw.

Also, people have already said that they feel that someone waiting to have sex may be doing it for religious reasons or may be inexperienced, which does not appeal to them. It has also been said that some people have found non-drinkers to be preachy (like coming on a MB and asking a question that they already know the answer to just so that they can argue their side) or they might not fit in with their social requirements (professional/cultural/etc). Are there other reasons that you are looking for? I mean we can play this game with anything...why don't u like dating tall women/short women/fat women/ women with 1 leg/women with 6 toes/women with bad weaves/ women who look and dress like tomboys? Explain why you're not superficial for having your preferences? Essentially this is where you seem to be taking this thread. Everyone is not right for everyone (no matter the reason). Period.

Two things: First, I'm not sure how old you are but that may be part of why you and I have differing views on these issues. I believe you might have mentioned that you are 21. At 21 I probably would have wanted a guy with your level of experience b/c I had only experienced dating one guy long term. But I have almost 6 years on you now, so asking if I'd want to date the same guy I would have dated at 21...absolutely not. So in that sense, you aren't necessarily a minority, you just may have received replies from women older than you.

Second, I think you did anticipate our responses because you seemed to have heard some of them before...which is why you asked the question, right? :)

You could only get 1 of 2 responses. Honestly, I think your original question could have been answered with a yes or a no (I'll go back and check), sooo...what was new information to you?


ETA: I was correct. "Ladies: Would you honestly consider a young man who doesn't drink, is drug-free and a virgin lame?"

Excellent point. I can't really debate that other than by saying a lot of the things that you listed are physical features that can rarely be done anything about. This differs because I'm talking about positive choices a person has decided to make. That's like someone saying..."I'm going to stop cursing" and another person being turned off because they curse and believe that they are now incompatible. That doesn't make since to me. We are all different and there for do different things. For example, I may not drink, but I would date a girl that drinks socially because I respect the fact that we are different however, I would tell her occasionally out of compassion that I don't like it because the overall negative affects it can have on her and its just a really unattractive look for her when she does it. Sure I would be happy if she found the rational to stop but if she didn't the only thing that I would do is pray that it doesn't affect her too bad in the future.

UM, yeah so read the entire thread before you post at me please, mkay?

:)

I can understand the first half of that clearly. Yes I have but i'm ususally the type of person that keeps this type of stuff to myself because I don't want to offend people that I know with my views. So I really never ask them...the deep "Why?" questions that I am now.

Check out my response to OtterXO

Well . . . let's start with the end, so to speak - you're probably less of a 'minority' than you'd think by reading this thread, for myriad reasons but mostly because the population who will answer you self-selects a large number of people who, in fact, have sex. I'd bet you can come up with two of these reasons right off the top of your head, but I have about 5 right now.

Basically, a large part of the group you're asking, by necessity, is the "wrong crowd" to fill in this gap for you (although obviously they can still answer the question).

Second, I think you're taking this a little too harshly - the one simple rule for relationships (for most sane people) is that the rules are few and flexible. By this, I mean that I would generally prefer to date someone with attribute __________, but in the right situation I'll gladly break that rule (or, more likely, for the right person).

You pride yourself on being unique, so maybe you should look forward to being able to create unique situations where you can break out of these preferences - and the way to do this really isn't through explaining your actions in increasingly direct fashion to anonymous people who are speaking in broad generalities, but instead through understanding these generalities and using them as a guide for your actions.

-RC
--Hence Drollefille is kind of wrong, sorry ace!

But, I don't want to break out of my preferance...they go hand in hand with my beliefs plus as I stated above I don't totally let them dictate who i chose to date.

Son, do you have a pic? What's your name and number?




I'm joking, lol.

LOL

After work on Friday most of us go out to the club for a few drinks. It is a fun time to socialize, meet the new arrivals, and network to get a little work done.......Being able to adapt to that situation is very important for me. you DO NOT need to drink but you need to okay with people drinking around you. I have been to two relationships that failed and one of the reasons for both of them was how they handled the social situation....one would not drink, felt out of place and would not talk to anyone....my coworkers took that as he was depressed sad or did not like them.....the other one got too drunk and would embarrass himself and me....To me it is all about balance.

The virgin thing would not bother me as long as I was okay with the physical relationship going that far....

Drugs are a non issue...I don't do them and my friends do either

I read the thread and you're embarassing yourself. Thanks!


- Actually that was too harsh. Sorry. You're not embarassing yourself. You just aren't proving your point, and your attempts to prove your point are just taking you farther and farther away from succeeding.

He meant other people breaking out of their preference by dating you.

Wow, catty.

So Valkyrie and I already laid this to rest. So you're really just stirring the pot. Everyone embarasses themselves occasionally on message boards.
It's not the big of a deal. :rolleyes:

But you're just.. well being catty would be the best description imo

I think I'm ok with that. Anywho, you're right...it has been laid to rest, so Have A Great Day!:)

Yeah . . . if that's what you got out of my post, then I can better understand where the problems in this thread are born. I clearly meant the exact opposite.

Dude who is 21 and a virgin? Probably fine UNLESS he is one of the True Love Waits people who looks with disdain on people who didn't wait. When you talked about your "Christian values" by waiting, that seems to be implying that people who don't wait don't have Christian values. I'm not cool with that.

No drugs? That's fine and I'd say most girls prefer it.

No drinking? Fine ONLY IF you are okay with still going to bars, me drinking, keeping beer in the house, etc. I have a great friend at school who is a Mormon and he comes to bars with us all the time and doesn't drink. That's cool. What's not cool is people who don't drink and harp on others for going to bars or imbibing.

I take this to mean that he is *not* okay with dating a woman who drinks. I mean, he might try to appear to be okay with it at first, but after a while, the "compassionate nagging" will start: Drinking has negative effects on you. It's unattractive when you drink. You should stop. If you don't, I'll pray for you. I'll pray that you don't mess up your life too much by drinking.

I have to agree on this one.

Homeboy, did you know you can drink without getting drunk? Unless you are a Mormon or a member of another religion that frowns on drinking, there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine with dinner, or knocking back a few during the Hometown Team game.

I don't get it dude, if you don't want to have sex with them, then why do you care if they think you are lame?

Based on his statements, I have to agree as well.

Maybe he's Baha'i.

I can't even imagine how someone could claim that drinking is "just a really unattractive look for her when she does it." I mean, sitting at a bar drinking a pint of beer looks MUCH worse than sitting at a bar drinking a coke. Right?

I wonder if he's only experience the people who drink to get trashed. If so, he's clearly hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Hmmmm...what's wrong with getting trashed every now and then? Just because it isn't your cup of tea, doesn't mean it's wrong.

True, but maybe he's around people who only get trashed everytime that they drink. I mean, otherwise he should know that its possible to drink and stay sober or only get drunk from time to time. Ya know?