I don't think there's anything at all wrong about not wanting kids. At this point in my life all I want is a puppy :p

That soccor mom is a great example of people that I don't like. I mean, if she LOVES kids and has 15 of them, is the soccor mom, takes her kids to ballet practice, band practice, soccor practice, and still has time in her life for herself, her husband, and the PTA, good for her! She's getting what she wants in life, right? But there's nothing wrong with you or anyone else who doesn't want that life for themselves and that lady has no reason to get all defensive.

Personally for me, I think I may want kids eventually... but not at all anytime soon. No more than 2. I grew up in a family with 3 siblings and while it was crazy sometimes, it was a lot of fun growing up... and even now when I want to talk about something, but not really to my friends, I know I can always talk to my sisters or even my brother to get a guy's perspective :p So that is the reason I would want 2 if I ever decided I really did want kids in the future.

If I had kids, I would definitely want them sometime within the next decade maybe... because personally, I wouldn't want to be like 70 when the kids are graduating kindergarten.

I'm not crazy about having kids. I don't find child labor and cleaning up kiddie puke at 4 a.m. attractive at all. But...more than likely it will work to my advantage in the long run. When you get older the people who you used to take care of you often die or get sick, like your parents. I'm female, and wives often out live husbands. I don't want to become that lonely old woman with 81 cats (any watched Oprah yesterday?). Too make it short, your children (and sometimes grandchildren) will likely be there for you more than anyone else. My mom takes care of her mother, and my dad takes care of his mother. No one else is really there for either of my grandmothers, except for my parents. I also don't want to put a lot of burden all on one kid (like my grandma did to my mom), so I think I will want more than one child. This sounds selfish, but this is the reality for a lot of old folks.

I agree. Comments like this really get under my skin, especially when they're coming from older ladies who think they're the ones who know what I want and what's best for me. I don't want kids. I don't like kids. Not everyone thinks like me, and that's a good thing because if they did the world's population would seriously be dwindling right now, but people should also realize that it's not safe to assume that every girl will want children in the future. That's why I hate family reunions...you always hear at least once, "Well, when you have kids one day, you'll understand." :rolleyes:

I've always wanted to have children. I hope to have maybe 3-4 when I'm married but thats not going to happen anytime soon. I also would like to adopt an older child or be a foster mom if the man I marry would be cool with that.

I do understand why some people don't want to have children. I grew up with a father that even though he's married to my mom and he's been around all my life, he never ever wanted to have my brother and I. I don't wish the sadness and all of the other issues that come with knowing that one of your parents wishes that you were never born. My mom tried to make up for it with extra love and gifts and stuff but its not the same. Its better to not have kids than to have kids that you don't want.

You're totally right.. it is the reality for a lot of old folks, which is honestly why I don't understand 50-60-something just *starting* to have kids.

I can understand their desire for a child, but sometimes I think that they might not realize what kind of burden it would put on their kids (at such a young age) when they fall ill as they age further. But I guess that is a topic for another thread, another day.

Well if astrology/ your date of birth has anything to do with how you turn out, then your daughter will be perfect, just like me, as I was born on CHristmas eve too, so have no fear. ;)
I do agree with the messed up kids part though. I heard on the radio the other day about a survey which found that some large percentage of parents (don't remember the exact number) don't even really like spending time with their children.

When I was 18/19 I always thought I wanted to married and have a child by the time I was 22. Well, that didnt happen(I am 27 now, and divorced) All these years I wanted kids but I knew I was NOT ready-emotionally, financially- for kids. And now, my boyfriend and I are both very financially secure, we own a house, cars paid off, great jobs, very much in love and happy. We are at a place where 'society'(meaning our families:rolleyes: ) Think we should be married and popping out the grandkiddies. But, we just dont want kids right now! I always saw myself as the 'soccer/cheerleader mom' but I dont see it now. I want a happy marraige first, then a happy family! But I agree that people who dont WANT kids should not have them, and POSSIBLY resent the kids for a long time. I agree it just contributes to the problems!

I think it's awesome that you're committed to working and making sure you have a happy marriage first. Sometimes people forget that part and just go straight to popping out the kids and then there's no telling what could happen next :p

I have a friend who is 27 and just about to get married for the first time and the first thing on her mind (besides the wedding of course) is popping out kids. More power to her if that is what she wants.

Personally I would want some time alone w/ my husband first, but that's just me :)

Thanks!!:)

My group from high school that I stay in touch with always wonder why "she's not married, no kids...how sad for her", they are all married to high school sweethearts, have 1-3 kids, and are almost all unhappy. Um....and my problem is????

You'll be an amazing mom, and I'm not saying that to be nice.

I have ranted about this before on this board. One of my biggest pet peeves in life are those women who think that they are so damned special just because they chose to have kids. They think it is OK to bring those SUVs called strollers into the tinest store and expect you to yeild to them because they have a stroller (not nec. a kid IN the stroller, but the stroller itself). And those mothers who act like their screaming whining food-throwing children are not disturbing the rest of the adults in a nicer restaurant (McDonalds is a different thing). The parents who refuse to cknowledge that their children are just plain old BAD and in need of an attitude adjustment. Of course their bad behavior is caused by other people, never the parents.... :rolleyes:

I'm so bothered by "mommy culture" and soccer moms and people who live vicariously through their child's social life.

I'm bothered by the "purpose of marriage is to reproduce"...'scuz me? Do I look like a brood mare? THey did that to Aryan women during Nazi germany...bred them to men to reproduce "pure" babies because that was their purpose. I want to marry for love, to cement my love with my husband...not to be pregnant for the rest of my life until I become infertile and then they take me out back and shoot me like some old cow.

And for all the reasons stated above...I , as a woman who has spent a ton of her own money and time building her education and career, will NOT be having a kid...EVER. I'm not cut out for it. My work would make me a bad parent...away from home at random times of the day, in war zones and third world countries...it wouldn't be fair to do that to a kid. If I'm bringing someone into this world, I'm going to be there for them, and I can't do that in my field. Plus, I'd probably become unemployable for that too...I've got to be able to pick up and move and travel, and not have to worry about the school system or a babysitter or food on the table at the right time.

</rant>

You can't win!
 

I am one who desperately wants to have kids, but we are waiting until it is a better time for us. Mr. 1228 has one from his previous marriage (Ms. "ain't no way I am marrying a man with kids" ate her words)

My mother in law (aka Monster in Law) and i were talking about this. I was talking about my friend who doesn't want to have kids EVER!

Hey, whatever floats your boat...it is your body and your choice.

I admire people who say, "I don't think I would be good as a parent so I don't want kids." I wish some other people who have kids that they can't take care of (or won't) would do the same thing. Like the guy who works with me, for example. He and his wife just had their 5th kid and tries to make ends meet on food stamps and earning a base pay of $11 an hour...his wife doesn't work, and they live in a 2 BR apartment. But that is a whole nother issue.

Back to the MIL...she says:
"That is terrible! That is so selfish. Who is going to take care of them when they get old?" WTF?

Hell yeah it is selfish not to want to have kids. Then again, it is selfish to want to have a clone just like you and even more selfish to have a kid so they can take care of you when you get old.

I was reading an article about women waiting to have kids and the women over 40 having kids for the first time is increasing by leaps and bounds.

enter monster in law: "That is terrible! That is so selfish! That is horrible to do to the kid."

So since I am in my late 30s I am going to be one of those horrible women according to her.

I just said to Mr. 1228 "That is YOUR mother!"

The funny thing is the folx who sweat me most about NOT having kids are the folx that have a hella kids who can't afford them without the state taking care of them.

It also irritates me when folx say "you will change your mind". If I do fine. If not fine. It is none of your damned business!

I just don't understand some folx logic. :confused:

Argh! That is the WORST! I was once in a small doctor's waiting room and a woman tried to navigate her SUV stroller around the room. After banging into a few people's chairs she said (unappologically) "Sorry, this thing's hard to drive".

THEN GET A SMALLER ONE! Seriously, what is the need for those huge things??

Word. Why can't some parents say "no" to their children? Here's an excerpt from a very funny book called The Three Martini Playdate that deals with this topic:

Once my son was playing with another boy, whom I will call "Butchie." Butchie thought it would be a good idea to punch my son repeatedly in the arm until my son cried. Butchie's father, who witnessed the event, pulled his son aside and told him that it was 'inappropriate' for Butchie to hit his friend ... in the arm. He said it very calmly and reasonably ...

I wanted to put in my two cents and say that I thought it was inappropriate to mince words when speaking to a four-year-old. ... Being excessively polite, I didn't say anything, but I ask you, why is it so difficult for an intelligent grown-up man to tell his son that his son did somthing bad?

... If I might be so judgemental, punching your friend in the arm is mean. It's bad. You hurt your friend, and you shouldn't hurt people. What is so awful about letting your children know this?

I like this woman. If I do become a mother, this is the sort of mother I plan to be. I think one of the many reasons I don't relish the idea of parenthood is because I don't want to hang out with people like the dad she described.

I wisah i could have more children. My dream was to have at least 2 or 3. My son Matthew is my entire life and i thank God everyday for how blessed i am with him.:) I respect people's decisions not to have any , but for some of us who wish they could have more it is a selfish way of saying i can have kids but choose not too! It really bothers me threads like this especially on days like this!:(

Why is it selfish to choose not to? I should not be forced or obligated to breed to oblige you because you think that children are God's gift to the world. Your comment shows that you don't in fact respect the choices of women who don't want children.

That's not what her post sounded like to me at all.

This thread is fast turning into an "attack women who chose to have kids" forum.

I don't know if I want to have children. Some days I think I do, other days I think they are obnoxious little rugrats and can't stand them (usually when I see some obnoxius kid on the bus with their parent misbehaving and the parent refuses to do anything about it).

In my opinion, there is no such thing as an unselfish act. You choose to have kids because you want them or you choose not to have kids because you don't want them. Either way it's not about the children, it's about you. So do whatever you want.

agreed.

I want to have babies and my fiance wants babies....so we'll have babies. :) However, not for a damn long time!

Well, her post overlooked the fact that most of these women who say they don't want to DON'T in fact know if they CAN. I mean, you can't do a female sperm count. The only way to know if you can get pregnant is to try to get pregnant.

Now if someone would come on here and say "I've had 10 abortions but I really don't want kids and won't use birth control" that's the only time I think the word selfish could be used in this discussion and the only person I think cutiepatootie's post could apply to.

I really don't want children and don't really care that it makes me selfish. I'm just not a fan of them, and don't think I'd be a very good parent.

No, it's not. Having kids can be totally awesome, but just because someone wants more and can't have them doesn't mean they have the right to project that on people who don't want them.

no selfish jharb. :(

A male friend of mine had a vasectomy relatively early in life because he said he never wanted to be responsible for anyone but himself. I'm sure some people would find that selfish, but to me it's far more UNSELFISH to admit that you don't want to do something even when society is constantly pushing you into it.

So many people have kids for the wrong reasons, I think we should have nothing but praise for the people who are NOT having them for the RIGHT reasons.

Can someone explain to me how it would EVER be considered selfish to not have kids? That doesn't even make sense. I agree with what Lady Pi Phi said -- hopefully, you decide to have kids or not have kids based on your knowledge of yourself and what you want out of life. If that's "selfish" then who in the world isn't selfish?

I think people get confused -- obviously, if you have kids, you have to be unselfish a lot of the time and put the kids before your own desires. It doesn't follow from that, though, that you're selfish if you don't want to have kids. It just means that you know yourself and know that it's not for you, which isn't selfish at all.

The guy I'm dating right now also doesn't want children. I just don't think I'm responsible enough when it comes to other people to have kids. I also don't think that I'm very nurturing or maternal and don't want to have to develop that side of myself. It may be selfish but I also don't want to add to overpopulation and if I don't think I can support a child at this point I shouldn't have to.

I think it is possible for selfish people to not want to have kids because they are selfish... but not wanting kids is not necessarily selfish. A former friend of mine didn't want kids because she is too selfish to care about anything or anyone nearly as much as she cares about herself. This isn't about a career, family, etc. It is because everything is about HER. Just to clarify, it's ok to not want kids. It's not necessarily selfish. But there are selfish people out there like the person I just talked about.

That said, I want children. I want a family. Ideally, I'd like 2 kids. I grew up an only child and so did my boyfriend, so we both know that growing up an only child can sometimes be very lonely. His dad later remarried and had 2 boys, and he absolutely LOVES his little brothers, but they aren't close enough to him in age to grow up with them.

The reason I say I want 2 is because I've seen how hard it gets to handle more than 3. I'm not saying it can't be done, but considering the career that I want to have, I want to be able to dedicate time to both career and family, and I think if I had more than 2 I'd be potentially neglecting my children.

I work with a technician who was a veterinarian in Ethiopia. He cannot believe I do not want children. To him it is a must, due to his religious beliefs. According to him, hat is what we are here for-procreation. He grew up with 18 brothers and sisters, but as a male in Ethiopia, he was never required to do any housework-no cleaning, no cooking, no taking care of his siblings, etc.... he was not allowed. I think this is why he doesn't mind having kids, b/c he doesn't know how hard of a job it is. He is a good guy and will make an excellent dad, so I am glad he will procreate. I just wish I could get him to understand that children are not for everyone.

For me, kids are fun-- in the way renting a bike for the day is fun. I get to play all day and return it to its owner for safekeeping and tune-ups. That's good enough for me.

COSIGN!!!!!1



Just kidding. But I agree 110 percent. Not having kids because you don't want them is no more selfish than having kids because you want them (in fact, in many cases I think it is less so). And if you know you wouldn't make a good parent, it's certainly a more intelligent choice to not have kids than to have them. I'm not sure why ANYONE would be trying to guilt-trip someone into having kids if they don't want them. That just seems ridiculous, not to mention misguided as hell, to me.

I Have a Son & Very Proud!
 

I am bored & trying to catch up with the boards & came across this thread...
I understand how a lot of people dont want to have kids however I do have one and this is just my experience..
I too did not care to have kids nor did I want one...I fell in love & was engaged almost a year when I found out I was pregnant. I was so upset & mad that I cried for hours & then I started to see the light...I was having a mini ME!
The further my pregnancy progressed the more excited I was to becoming a mother..My whole outlook on moms have changed drastically since PJ entered this world. The love is beyond the greatest & there is no other love or greater reward then having a bad day & having my son wrap his tiny arms around my neck & just love on me! Its pretty amazing how that feels! No matter what I do, he always is smiling & I know he loves me unconditionally!
Just because you do not want to be a mom doesnt make you selfish, self-centered, or even a bad person..everyone is different and nobody should be looked bad upon being or not wanting to be a parent. I know for me I totally hated the idea of being a mom & now I wouldnt trade my son for anything!
Happy Belated Mothers Day to anyone else that happens to be a parent!

I totally agree! My hubby and I went to Disneyland last year and after about the 50th time he had his foot rolled over by one of those monstrosities he turned to me and said "Disneyland is an argument for population control".

It makes me happy to see people say "I won't be a good parent so I won't have kids" or just flat out "I don't want 'em". I think that is so much better for society then having tons of unwanted children. My father did not want my brother and I, and actually used us for his grounds for divorce. We were 11 and 9 at the time and he had never told my mom that until then. The amount of pain caused by hearing your father say "I never wanted you" is unbelievable and I would never wish that on another child. My brother and I still haven't gotten over it and that was 14 years ago.

Mr. Coug and I do want to have a child someday, but not until we are both ready. And then only one or two. As he likes to say, we will replace ourselves, and thats it! :)

Hmmm. This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and my opinions have really done a 180 over the last few years.

If I ever get around to having children, I'll be thrilled to be a mother. I really enjoy children for the most part (as long as they are well behaved, haha) and I think I would enjoy raising them.

But (and this is a big but), if I don't ever have children, I'll be fine with that too. I have a great career, loving family and friends, my dog, a house, and money in the bank. I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I'm content. I don't NEED a baby to feel fulfilled.

So while I would welcome a child with great joy, if one never comes its not a tragedy. I'm quite happy with my life as it is.

The dog is key.

100% what maria said, except I don't have a dog yet, but will soon! lol

The dog really IS key, lol.

All the unconditional love you want, but much more low-maintenence than a baby. And doggie couture rivals Baby Gap any old day! ;)

Haha! I still want to get my dog a t-shirt that says "I'm with stupid."

I have amazing self-control when it comes to shopping for myself, but when I shop for the dog all bets are off! She is the only dog I know who has a pink trench coat, and a beret, in addition to her 3 carriers.

Seriously, I probably should just stick with the dog because I will bankrupt myself shopping for a kid.

(oh, and if you're interested, I know where you can find that "I'm with stupid" shirt.)