I was the first in my extended Italian family to not invite my cousins' children to my wedding. It was quite scandalous at the time and there was a lot of grumbling. Afterward though, all my cousins said they had the best time at my wedding. I didn't point out to them that it was because they didn't have to chase after their kids!

Not really sure actually but my entire side of the family has mailed our gifts to us or sent us gift cards. It's his side that will be bringing them to the wedding though I did ask his mom not too b/c I don't want to have to deal with the hassle of transporting them afterwards but she got offended that I would even be rude to suggest this. Of course, his side is also the side that thinks it's o.k. to put little notes on the invites that tell the guests where we're registered. Lucky for me, my coordinator & I did the invites by ourselves so we didn't put them in.

Oh, dear! She sounds terribly like my Mother-Out-Law! Maybe she'd like an etiquette book for Christmas!

On that note, I think I'll send one to my mother too. She called to tell me that my cousin & her family is unable to attend the wedding. Well, it turns out that my mother told her that b/c we have some cancellations, she can be invited. My cousin didn't sound so thrilled at this & I still can't believe my mom would tell anyone this. We did not have an A or B list. We simply didn't invite this cousin b/c I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 7 years so I thought I'd rather invite friends I do see & talk to often than a relative I hardly know. I just didn't think my mom would tell her. :rolleyes: I think that I need to have a serious sit-down talk with my mom about manners.

As far as the gift transporting after the reception, offer your MIL the opportunity to take the wedding gifts to her house. Because whether or not she tells them, they are always those guests that think the rules don't apply to them.

Tell her that you and Mr. BetteDavis would pick them them up sometime during the day after the wedding or after you get back from the honeymoon.

Well, I had asked her almost 2 months ago about transporting them & she jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, she then said that she'd only transport them IF we opened them in front of her & her family at MY sisters house & brunch MUST be served. I then said thanks but no thanks. I'll just have my sister transport them to her place & I'll pick them up later. The woman is nuts. I am seriously not making any of this up either. That's exactly what she told me.

She sounds like she needs a good karate chop to the head.

Or a great big slap to the face but I console myself that we are moving over an hours drive away, she doesn't drive freeways b/c she is scared of crazy California drivers, her husband is only home every other week b/c of his job, & we'll be married in less than 2 weeks. I think I can survive till then...I hope. It's funny b/c one of her work colleagues is my friend & tells me that people at work avoid her & have nicknamed her MomZilla b/c of her obsession over the wedding & the fact that we're moving so far away.

A bit off topic and not that I'm getting married but this came up at my friends wedding and I'm curious how you handle it.

At her reception people were offered the option of 3 different dinners (steak, chicken, or vegetarian) and you had to mark your choice on your response card. Well once the response cards started flooding in, there were some cards where one person wanted steak and the other opted for vegetarian but didnt specify who wanted what. The mother of the bride was forced to sit down a week before the wedding and call these people to find out which person wanted which meal. Seeing as how I have never planned a wedding, I would never have thought of something like that becoming an issue so I'm just wondering you deal with this beforehand so you're not forced to call half your guest list.

Ok what is wrong with that? What is the point of registering then?

Oh I know. I'll register at a place and not tell people because I only registered for fun. I expect to get gifts that I don't want like a chainsaw.

C'mon. Maybe your mom, your motherin law AND YOU are all crazy. Ever think about that crazy one? Huh crazy? I'm gonna call you crazy for now on.

Bobby, read an etiquette book or website about weddings. ALL of them state not to do that. People can call you and ask, can find our via word of mouth, or ask other people, or check online. It's not hard to find out and it's classless to tell people where you are registered because though it's expected that they bring some kind of gift, it's up to them to choose what to get you.

Not saying that guys don't plan weddings, but on the whole, much like NPC recruitment, this is something that generally women are better equipped to answer.;)

While we had different food choices at our wedding, the guests made their food choices at the reception just before they ate. I know, different, but it all worked out.

In my opinion I don't think it would be that much of a problem if one person picked one meal and the other person picked another meal. Usually when you send a card that is addressed to two people they are usually sitting at the same table. From hearing things from my friends who have experienced food choices on their invitation usually all the reception hall wants is the count of of each meal. In my experience with a wedding like that what happens is before the main course is served a server usually comes around to the tables and asked what you checked off on your card. I have never heard of reception halls specifically asking what meals all the guests specifially wanting. How was this reception hall taking the count for the meals?

Presumably, every couple or family who is invited will be seated together at the same table. So, say you have a table for six. John wants steak, but his wife Mary and daughter Susie want vegetarian. Also at the table are Jim and Diane, who both want steak, and their son Alex, who wants chicken. The server just brings over three steaks, two vegetarian, and one chicken, and sorts it out on the spot. The idea of indicating in advance what meal you want, is so that there are enough of each type of meal on hand (and a good catering hall will always prepare extra just in case).

We solved the problem by serving a meal with both chicken and steak. Vegetarians and those who kept kosher were offered pasta (we didn't have any guests who kept so strictly kosher that they wouldn't accept a vegetarian meal).

I was once at a wedding where there were three options for dinner (chicken, fish, pasta) but we weren't asked to specify what we wanted on our reply cards - instead, someone came around and took our order. That meant they had to have enough chicken AND fish AND pasta around to anticipate everyone's wishes - and I imagine a lot of food went to waste :(

Well I guess I forgot to mention this part. The reception hall had this thing they did as part of the wedding package. They had enough servers for each table so that each would stand behind a person with their meal covered with a silver cover (or whatever those are called) and in unison they would set the plate in front of you and lift off the cover. The bridal party got served first and it made quite the impression when they did it. For the rest of the tables they did a few at time but in different corners so they had to know in advance who was eating what, otherwise it took away from the grand entrance of your food. What they had asked the mother of the bride to do is to somehow mark on the inside of the place cards which meal each person had requested in addition to a copy of the seating chart. What the mother of the bride ended up doing was having different stickers (or drawings cant remember) for what the person had requested for a meal so it didnt look tacky and the guests thought the decoration on their place card was part of the whole thing. The reception hall planned their route accordingly based on all this. Thinking back it was a really cool feature of it and no one expected it at all but apparently it was one of the reasons they choice that location.

Yeah that was the other problem, mother of the bride decided that it would be more fun for the kids if they had their own table and by watching them throughout the night they definitely did. It gave the kids from both sides of the family a chance to get better acquainted with them but for the planning cause extra problems since they had to figure what the kids wanted to eat.

I guess it sounds like there were added factors to this wedding that most dont have...hadnt thought of that.

A wedding etiquette book? A freaking WEDDING ETIQUETTE BOOK?

Wedding Etiquette Website!?!?!?

Everyone knows you are gonna get the couple a gift. Who are you kidding. Lets not be super snobbish here.

We did this at our wedding and one of the first questions we asked when they told us about this is, "How do you know that you will have enough of each dinner?" The guy explained it to us and it all made sense after that. He explained that usually when someone gets a choice of food at a wedding they usually go with the most expensive thing, in our case steak. He said that means it is very common for 60% of the guests to order steak, 30% to order chicken, and 10% to order fish. My mom and I told him he might have more fish then that because our family are big fish eaters. He said that is one question that they ask each couple that chooses this option, "Do you think you will have more people order a certain dinner then the 60%, 30%, 10%?" It all worked out in the end and everyone got what they ordered.

No, an etiquette book in general, and it's on wedding websites such as theknot.com Many of the women on here have mentioned it before. It's not about being snobbish, it's about allowing people to get you what they want to get you and not being restricted to what is on your registry.

I will assume any girl you marry will know this or look into it, because it's not typically the men who make the decisions when it comes to the wedding day.

I've only been to one Family-Style wedding reception, and it was in Baltimore. I thought it was very practical (practical, she says! Can you tell that, up until recently, I was planning a second wedding?!) and still non-tacky. I wish they did that around here.

Bobby, you're adorable. For a wedding, shower, put on a suit, treat your date nicely, dance, and enjoy your meal & the (hopefully) free bar! Most of the female sex are raised on the wedding do's and don't's and your date will keep you in line!

I wonder if guys might be more efficient at planning a wedding. We would do some research, we wouldn't be overly emotionally invested in it.

in a few weeks, we could have all the colors, invitations, place, catering etc. neatly arranged.

And more likely than not, the bride to be would hate it.

Lol. Guys like to pretend they can handle the stress, but they'd crack, too.

I think somehow you are confusing what actually has to be done to plan a wedding with fantasy. Add to your simplified version of what it takes: everyone and their mother, sister, father etc...giving their opinions, trying to take into consideration 2 sets of families and what you and your betrothed want, a budget, and logistics into account and I think most men would give up after a few days.

I personally am not emotionally invested in my wedding planning, it is just a day after all- what comes after is what needs the real consideration...but if I left it to my fiance to plan, it wouldn't get done because all of the details would drive him insane as would all of the unsolicited advice.

When I grow up and get married. I'm Living ALONE!

YOU HEAR ME?

I'm LIVING ALONE!

Why are women so obsessed with planning a wedding?

White Dress. Check
Cake. Check
Food. Check
Music. Check
Invite friends. Check
Church. Check

SO FUCKING EASY

OOoooh but its so much more difficult than that! I wish it were that easy! When you put it like that it sounds so easy! You don't know whah. OH FOOEY. It is difficult because you make it difficult and want to plan unrealist fairy tale like weddings. Which hey, there is nothing wrong with. But you know what? At the end of the day if you expect too much the you won't really be satisfied with the wedding at all beacuse you got your hopes all up.

So to all the Bridezillas out there. I say SUCK IT and quit acting like a bunch of pyschos or else I give it 10 years max your marriage will work.


PS. AOII LBC 93 This isnt directed at you. but I just remembered who you were and I remembered you we had a past conflict about French people so I figured it would be fun to quote you to make it sound as if I was going off at you.

You forgot booze.

James, I know you mean well, but you have only touched the tip of the iceberg (or ice sculpture)!

Case in point: I mentioned a few things about Carnation's daughter's wedding to my former fiance the last time I talked to him. I was telling him how similar it was to what all I had tentatively planned, and he completely weirded out! It was NOTHING that he wanted, etc, etc. I told him that it was one more reason why I thought we could never marry, because I had said time after time that I wanted a December wedding, and he had never really listened! and that made him even madder. A simple thing such a the season! I'm all about December weddings - look at how much money you save on church decorations!

I do think that the groom should have some say in the matter, but brides - being taught since they were children - have a better handle on things.

And besides, women can always burst out in tears when the supplier doesn't have the right thing, and thus get her way... :D

Good call!

Or punch, if it's at a church. Guys always forget something!

He also forgot flowers, photographer, favors and videographer.. and Tuxes.

Look at all the things the Bobby forgot. James, do you still think guys could plan a wedding better than a woman?

I agree with Danielle, guys would snap faster than a toothpick if they had to plan the wedding.

Although, when the time comes. I want my fiance and I to plan the wedding together.

1. Because if we didn't plan it right, we'd hear about it from our Mother in Laws for the rest of our lives, because "it wasn't what they wanted for their sons."

2. I really don't care who goes off on me. This is an internet message board and if I live and die by posts that random people I don't know write on GC I'd have more problems to worry about than planning a wedding.

I had my one big bridal shower today & it went well. Both sides of our families got along great & the planning that went into it was well worth it. I now also know that our families (or at least the women) can & will get along at the wedding next week. :)

Hey, men plan and wage war . . are weddings harder? :p

But seriously, I think we might be better because we wouldn't be that concerned with pleasing everyone . . .

And as far as half the family not wanting to talk to us afterwards because we didn't do what they wanted .. . . you people say that like its a bad thing lol :)

I can be highly efficient. I think that after reading back issues of modern bride and getting the advice of some wedding proffessionals it would be a cake walk.

And honestly, its my party, other than my bride, I don't care all that much at other people's ideas, all the mothers-in-laws can go pound sound.

Bobby you know I love you. But you forgot to order the stationary for thank you notes, arrangements for transportation for you, future Mrs. Bobby and bridal party.

James, you may think you have efficiency but do you have back up plans in place in case things go awry , and they usually do, on your special day.

Of all the rude & presumptuous things. My cousin called today to RSVP (though the wedding is 1 week away & he's ignored our phone calls to date) & leaves me a message saying that not only will him & his wife & 3 children attend the wedding, they are also bringing his mother-in-law & sister-in-law. These are women I've never met & were NOT invited to the wedding. I am so angry that they would just invite other people to the wedding. I am going to call him tomorrow & set them straight. I can't believe people would be so rude & stupid. Granted my fiance's friend did the same thing but his mother gave the o.k. b/c the son was an old school friend of Mike's & though they lost touch recently, they've known each other since they were 3 so it's been 22 years now.

Stick by your guns!! This is chicanery of the first order, and enough is enough!!

If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know - mine's already damp!

I hate when people are nervy like that. My MIL took it upon herself to invite a girl I HATED from high school to a shower she hosted without consulting me. This girl was definitely not on my guest list for the wedding because she's always had a thing for my husband and I can't stand her. She gave me a very inappropriate gift in a room full of my friends' parents and talked about her upcoming wedding for the entire shower. When I told my MIL afterwards that she would not be at the wedding, I caught hell. I was called a money-grubber, a bitch, any name you can think of. I sent the girl's gift back with a note explaining that I couldn't accept it since she wouldn't be a guest at the wedding and I apologized for her mistaken invitation to the shower. Needless to say, I wasn't well-liked by some people for a few weeks afterwards. I honestly didn't care, though, because I would not have been happy with her at my wedding.

I had sweet revenge when I heard that her wedding was very trashy, though. She had karaoke at her reception, but it wasn't even a professional karaoke guy. It was just a boom box with her uncle putting CDs on with a microphone. I laughed for days after that :p

Was he joking? This sounds like he has to be joking.

If he's serious, just tell him that you are so happy that he and his wife will attend then set him straight. Unfortunately, none of them might attend. People get really sensitive when they don't get what they want and decline invitations.