I was going to stay out of this particluar thread but I had to respond to something.

KDLADY00, Your baby is very beautiful. You must be so proud and you have been truly blessed.

OK...I admit it...I had premarital sex & had a baby as the result...so whats your point? I know tons of my sisters and other sisters from other chapters along with some girls for other different sororities on campus that has had premarital sex...its nobody business but theirs soooo what does that have to do with anything? There are babies that are results of premarital sex but there parents jump up and run get married before anyone knows....and then they end up fighting and getting divorced as a result...
I was already an alum....engaged for 2 years and ended up pregnant...thats nobodys business but mine if I had sex before marriage...I am PROUD of my son and wouldnt ever take him back for anything in the world..
I still proudly wear my letters and social t-shirts all the time and just because I have had a child doesnt change the fact that I am still a very proud KDLady!

Aww Thank you sooo much! Everyone that has commented on him...Thanks Bunches! I am very proud of him!

My point, which you obviously didn't get, was that instead of pretending that actives are primarily concerned with how the PNM will balance motherhood with sisterhood, most are more concerned with how a pregnant PNM will look to "the outside world" or "the Greek community," and just don't want to admit it.

I think that maybe the reason she didn't get your point was because she didn't get judged in that way and assumes everyone's sisters (from both her KD chapter and her social club) are as non-judgemental and supportive as hers.

Which is really kinda nice, when you think about it.

One of the actives in my chapter (actually, my big) got pregnant and decided to keep the baby, putting him up for adoption. She wasn't asked to leave or take alumna status.

She received nothing but support from us collegiates or even the alumnae advisors, but members of other sororities quickly began to tell PNMs that we were all promiscuous. I'm sure it's this fear of judgement that can be problematic to pregnant PNMs and actives that many sorority members are thinking about when they say they don't want a pregnant member. It's hypocritical to me because the woman in question didn't do anything most Greek women haven't done...she just has "proof," so to speak.

Actually...I wasnt asked to take alumnae status...and I believe I said before in another post that if I would have been a PNM that was pregnant while rushing KD...I dont believe I would have made it or have even been given a bid since I did attend a more conservative school.
Social Clubs are different from a sorority and I was given a lot of support from my fellow pledge sisters and actives which helped me alot!

I did get a lot of support but that didnt mean some wasnt non-judgemental...the closer sisters in KD were awesome however there was some that I havent heard from in a while like was said before...they bowed-out gracefully!
The HL sisters were very supportive & nonjudgemental...we had a candlelight & I was told that my pregnancy whatever I decided to do would not affect me being iniated...and it didnt..

Valid excuse
 

Dear Exec Board,
I will not be able to attend the mixer on Friday due to the fact that I will be giving birth to a child.



Come on....i think that if a girl came through that was pregnant i would question her priorities, not her morals. I would be looking at financial obligations and such. I dont think it's a question of what people would think or say but the fact there would be no way she would be able to hold up her obligations to first her child, then the sorority..or at least I hope she would put the child first.

Re: Valid excuse
 

Not every chapter has events every single day and mixers every week. Some do. I mean, we had a thread on here advising people to think twice about BAND and a sorority, let alone a baby.

Just because your chapter has lots and lots and lots of things that they do does not mean every chapter does.

So based on posts, it appears the primary reason most conservative campuses would hesitate to bid a pregnant PNM are:

1) Fear of slanderous gossip about the chapter and rumors about their members
2) Concern that a young mother would not fit with the culture of the chapter, making her and others uncomfortable
3) Concern that the woman could not fulfill membership obligations or would not be as involved as another woman might be

I think these are legitimate concerns that any chapter has during recruitment-- and not just regarding pregnant PNMS. We worry that the members we recruit will be ones that fit in, pay dues on time, show up to events and go above and beyond as members, and that they won't give others cause to question the chapter's reputation.

That is why it is important to meet PNMs face to face and hold several days of events and cuts-- to create a new member class who can fulfill membership obligations AND fits in with your chapter's exisiting culture.

Can a pregnant young woman (married or unmarried, with or without other young children) meet these obligations and fit in? Of course. But it just depends on the campus and chapter culture. If I was a collegiate member, I don't know that I would be comfortable recruiting a new mom. That is my bias. But I'm just one member, and one member's opinion doesn't determine a chapter bid list! (Lord help us if it did!)

Being pregnant isn't a curse, but there is a long-standing stigma associated with unwed mothers/to-be. It has come a long way, and still has a long way to go. Chapters have the right to cut anyone they do not think will be a fit for their chapter, and PNM's have the right to cut sororities where they don't feel they fit.

As KDLady00 pointed out (by the way, your son is adorable!), there's a big difference between getting pregnant once you're in the chapter as a new member or initiated member, and being a potential member hoping to get a bid. We will always rally to support a sister in need, any need-- We look out for each other and take care of one another.

So true. Like JocelynC said, it is a concern depending upon the campus environment. A more liberal school might be more accepting of a pregnant member but a more conservative school would not be. I'll admit that the gossip mill would be working overtime at my school if one of the greeks got pregnant and carried the baby to term. I'm sure most of the greeks at my school have been involved with pre-marital sex but being pregnant is like wearing a scarlet letter. Personally, I wouldn't look down upon a girl that is pregnant out of the wedlock but not everyone is that accepting. Every member is a representation of their organization and some chapters may not want all the gossiping and whispering because of one member. I can understand the POV although I may not agree with it.

This discussion...
 

I find interesting and amusing and frustrating...

So like some of you all would give bids to girls that have had abortions for use as birth control, but not to girls who chose to keep their babies while pledging?

What kind of message does that send? Just asking?

What I am seeing is a double standard and doublespeak... In fact damn right near forked tongue...

And I see that most Sororities were founded years ago by college educated women to alleviate the strain and stress of permenant "baby making" by marital rape... That's history and fact--not my opinion...

However in the 21st century, we have the luxurious opportunity to actually MAKE decisions about our reproduction that is NOT mandated by government... AND we can have premaritial sex all night long if we want to and who cares what others think!

However we still are being "prissy" toward women who want to be members that may have chosen a different path than the "norm" (whatever that may be) given ALL that women have suffered?

To me that's a bunch of hogwash! Pregnancy Happens... That's life... And some of you all need one beyond your "highly esteemed" sororities beyond what you think your "reputations" might be showing... Because I can DAYUM sure tell you all, you are not the first little pledge girl that came up pregnant at a conservative campus...

Where are all the university administrative adults in this picture?

Re: This discussion...
 

Little riled up aren't we? And the university administration has no say in membership selection.

Re: Re: This discussion...
 

You can take my tone how you want to...

But you chose your members from a nearby college campus do you not? You do not pick a girl that is not actively matriculating through a university at that time? So, there rather than the University or college straight up kicking off ALL greek lettered organizations where you can NEVER chose members from that campus again, then I think you all had better start working with them and let them know what is up...

Now that is my opinion...

I don't know, but my Sorority has to do that "articulation agreement"... I am pretty sure several others do. All I know is my own organization...

Re: Re: Re: This discussion...
 

We take members from the campus on which our organization is chartered. (we do not have city-wides) The university has no say in membership selection other than they must be matriculated on that campus.

Re: This discussion...
 

I think that was what I was trying to say.

I'm not sure how much of it has to do with a liberal vs. conservative campus. My undergrad is arguably one of the nation's most liberal universities, and my sorority still received a lot of negative scrutiny for simply supporting a sister. Greek systems are still, even at the most liberal schools, pretty damned conservative.

Re: Re: Re: Re: This discussion...
 

So what happens when the University Admin says to you all that "NO! Your organization can NEVER EVER choose members from our school. Regardless of your charter. We will sue if you have members from our school."

My sorority has had interests from those "pay for the degree schools", such a DeVry and Phoenix... We had to deny membership to them because the schools did not want ANY agreement with our organization or them...

Just asking for knowledge and clarification.

If a university says "no you may never have students from our school" then I am guessing there would be no charter. I don't know how that works at schools whose Greek System is unrecognized.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This discussion...
 

I have had interested ladies call my University wanting to join AKA from those schools too. I ended up telling them no because the Administration would not allow non-students to be a member of a student organization.

Well based on what I saw last night with Al Roker (which is pissing me off), I am getting the feeling that many at the University are more that happy to dissolve EVERYBODY'S charter... Just so students do not have to "suffer hazing" or whatever... That is what I am thinking...

But in any event, why would a university care if a chapter did or did not pledge a pregnant girl? Membership selection is private and no one should know why a girl is cut.

Re: This discussion...
 

Not to nitpick :) but I doubt a PNM would come in advertising that she'd had an abortion or was planning to. "Hi, I'm Susie, I just had an abortion last week, tell me all about XYZ!" An abortion can be handled pretty quietly, especially if it takes place during the first trimester, so it wouldn't necessarily have made its way into the rumor mill.

Long time ago, my Sorority did not have to explain itself as to why they did not extend membership to somebody...

But nowadays, it makes for good legalities to clearly be explicit as to why membership was not extended... Take it from MANY BGLO Sorority's experiences... You do not want to have some Sorority mom pissed off with you all because you did not choose her legacy daughter... Maybe your system is different and I will never understand. But, in today's Jerry Springer's World of Reality TV there is a limit to privacy and it can be bought by the highest bidder on ebay... :rolleyes:

I could only imagine if someone looked up some of the reasons I have seen....

i am a mother of 2. A 3 yr. old and a 8 month old. I pledged last semester when my son was only a few months old. yes being a mother is a full time job. so is being in a sorority but my sisters work with me and understand if i can't attend events since i do have childeren. i'm sure that any chapter would be willing to work with you for a situation like that

That's a really bold statement that I know many would disagree with.

I know that my own chapter, while smaller than most, doesn't have the time or resources to make exceptions like that.

Re: This discussion...
 

Just to point out if that statement was meant for me I wasnt a pledge...I was alum, and I was already finished pledging HLs....

one chapter at my old campus pledged a girl who was pregnant, but she didn't know it at the time. her parents made her go home at the end of the semester, so that was that.

i think that each chapter needs to take into consideration the actual situation and the PNM involved. She might have great support at home, be financially stable, do good in classes, etc. She may make a great member! But, the opposite of the above might be true too and the PNM may not be able to handle everything with a baby, classes and sorority. whatever the case is, it really needs to be discussed between the PNM and chapter.

For AKA_monet: many universities only allow currently registered students to be active in officially recognized campus organizations. it is mostly for 2 reasons: one, if a non-student member does something against the student code of conduct (but not neccessarily illegal), the univ has no recourse to discipline that person. that member can go on with that behavior and have no repurcussions. universities want and need to be able to protect their students. two, officially recognized organizations receive benefits from student service fees, such as access to buildings, staff and possibly money. since resources are very limited at many colleges, administrators want to make sure the money is being used for it's students. this should apply to all student organizations, not just greek. hth - just wanted to help shed some light on why colleges restrict membership.

FYI- Many colleges will recognize but not actually FUND greek orgs. Student fees are supposed to go to open membership orgs, thus greeks have dues. Maybe I misunderstood your post though.

This thread still baffels me. I'm not southern and I'm not conservative so I guess I'm just left out of the loop. However, I thought that our orgs were for the betterment of women, why a shut a door before giving someone a chance...I know we'll all never agree. I'm baffled.

My main argument was not the fact the girl was pregnant. The only difference between pregnant girls and all the other girls were that the other girls got lucky(meaning it could happen to anyone)...I'm not trying to sound cold or uncompassionate, im just saying my sorority would at things that have already been mentioned. I know it's hard enough for me to go to school, work, and still manage to be active in my sorority..so I could only imagine having a child on top of that!

Just b/c you (or I for that matter) wouldn't be able to do it, doesn't mean that there aren't women out there that CAN cope and thrive. Also, we all know, esp. im more traditional conservative locations, that "secret births" are not uncommon.

I know a woman who is in a sorority. She pledged last fall and has 2 year old child. She went thourgh as a freshman and now holds a leadership position in the chapter. She also is a very strong student and honestly one of the best mothers i have ever seen. Her little boys is very sweet and you can tell he loves her very much. He is her main priority and her sisters support her in many ways. She is actually a better mother than most women i have met who have no other commitments other than school.

Re: Re: This discussion...
 

No that statement was NEVER meant to be directed toward you... Please do not take it that way and I do sincerely apologize if you did...

I just know that Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. does not discriminate against women who have had children or are pregnant. I guess we see the world differently from a lot of other sororities.

i realize that. my old campus did not offer funding to specific chapters, but my new one does. i personally think that greeks should be offered the opportunity to get funding from student service fees. they do discrimiate based on gender, but they are also exempt from having to allow the opposite sex through title 9, or was it 7? can't remember off hand. single sex sports clubs could get funding and they are exempt as well, so i don't see why greeks shouldn't have access.

the amount of funding chapters may get in no way covers all the costs associated with any organization (greek or not), so it is still necessary to collect dues.

fees are usually allocated to the governing councils or Greek Life in general, which goes to support all chapters and their members through speakers, leadership conferences, retreats, greek week, etc. in this sense, non-student members of a chapter would still benefit from the student fees. many administrators are hard core either way, so it can be difficult to show the discrepencies.

This is ridiculous!!!
 

In response to those of you who say you can not be a parent, a soroity sister and a student at the same time, YOU ARE VERY WRONG!! I am a full time student majoring in Psychology, I have a three month old daughter and I am vice-president of my sorority. I think it is horrible to say what a person can handle for them. I love being a sister, but I also love being a mom. By being a sister, I have NEVER neglected my responsibilities as a mother. Yes it is a lot of work, but if you want it to work out and you want to be a part of something, you make it work. People do not look down on an organization for allowing a pregnant pledge. If they do, you should not value their opinion anyway.

Re: This is ridiculous!!!
 

I'd say good for you! However, you might be the exception to the rule. I definitely believe that a woman can be a mom, or pregnant, and be a sister. What I also believe is that unless she is extremely good at time management & knows her priorities well, something is bound to suffer & I hate the thought of someone putting their social life ahead of their child or school.

Re: Re: This is ridiculous!!!
 

I agree with this, but to be honest, before I had my daughter, I had horrible time-management skills, but I definitly learned very quickly how to prioritize and fit everything in...WITHOUT neglecting anything. I think for me, having my daughter actually made me a better person in many ways. It is hard to say how motherhood will affect a person, but I still do not think that a person expecting a baby should be turned away from an organization because of that alone. Every woman knows what she can and can not accomplish. So I say, Give her a chance

I think most of us, myself included, are looking at this through the eyes of NPC sororities at residential colleges. From that viewpoint, yes, a pregnant PNM or active can be a problem for a sorority that has to fill a house and is busy all year with different events. We can't assume, however, that every college and every sorority is exactly like our own.

The obligations of Greeks at some commuter colleges might allow "non-traditional" students to be active in Greek life. A lot of these schools don't have Greek Week, Homecoming, mixers every weekend, Formal Recruitment, Dance Marathon, and formals every semester in addition to living in a house or suite. With only one or two major events a semester outside of regular chapter meetings, a student with a family could be an active member of her sorority without letting school, sorority, or family suffer.