My bf knows I want to get lavaliered (for them lavaliering is the equivilant of pinning since they don't pin) but he's not around campus this school year... so... drats!

Bad idea.

'Nuff said. :(

Bumping time...

that and it's a good time to do so since it updates my reply two posts above...

My boyfriend surprised me a few days after our one year and DID end up lavaliering me! Tricky boy... :)

His fraternity means a lot to him so it was really awesome when he did it... ^_^ And as for hazing, there is no hazing when he does it here :) Unless you count me getting to sit on his knee while they sang to me :P

Oh and is it unusual that our candle ceremony has pinning as one time around and lavaliering as two times around? None of the fraternities here pin AND lavalier, they just do one or the other and it's equivilant.

My brother and his girl are lavaliered. I don't know about pining. But we all really like this girl (she's an alpha xi) and my poor mother CRIED when she found out they got lavaliered because seh wanted to be there to see it. I just thought it was cool.

I wish my boy was greek, I'd like to be lavaliered. I've thought about asking if I can lavalier him...but I don't know what the etiquette is on this.

We didn't have a lot of people get pinned, but it was considered higher up (i.e. more times around) than lavaliering.

We didn't do pinnings at UCF. Instead we did lavalierings. The only thing I disliked about the tradition was that the fraternity would then razz the member who'd lavaliered his girlfriend and throw him in the lake naked or something. It was almost expected.

We also called lavaliering the "kiss of death" because once a couple was lavaliered, they rarely made it and broke up a few months later. The other lucky ones stayed happily in love, and some led to engagement, etc. :)

So, I think it just depends on the couple if pinning is a good idea. It think it can be a very sweet way for a fraternity man to show his love for his girlfriend.

... Of course, I'm convinced most girls are just in it for the sorority candle lighting they will get to celebrate the pinning. ;)

We don't pin here @ KSU. The guys just do lavaliering. Personally, here I think it's all just something for girls to gush about. A guy in the fraternity next door to us lavalieverd 3 girls in one year. It's almost never anything terribly serious. It's weird because it seems like as soon as my friends got lavaliered, they broke up maybe 2 months later. :rolleyes:

Since I didn't see anyone else mentioning it so far in this thread, I thought I would point out that often a fraternity jewelry maker has special "sweetheart" pins and jewelry specially made for this purpose so that you don't have to give up your own member pin. You might not see it advertised on their main website or ads, but if you inquire, you may find out about it.

www.BurrPatt.com is the maker of the jewelry for my husband's fraternity and the website doesn't have the sweetheart stuff listed, but my hubby called and asked them about it and they sent out a whole list of items that were available, including a sweetheart pin and special sweetheart lavaliere.

So men, investigate your options before you give away the pin you were initiated with!

We would dump our brother into Wescott Fountain. It sounds bad, but it helped to guarantee that guys weren't lavaliering every girl on the second date to get some.

At FSU, lavaliers were popular. They got a girl a two candle pass dandle light ceremony. Pinnings were much less common, and were worth a three candle pass. Engagements were worth a whopping four candle pass.

What is a one candle pass for then?

We do: 1) Pinning 2) Lavaliering 3) Engagement 4) Pregnancy

These types of things vary by campus, and by chapter. When I was at FSU, I wasn't aware of any sororities that did a one candle pass. I think that the first time around was to build suspense.

Not to be selfish, but I would never give My Badge to anyone. A Lavalier okay but I worked to hard to get My Badge not to wear it myself.:)

When we Phi Psis pin our sweethearts, we don't give away our badge. We buy a "sweetheart pin" for the occasion.

Phi Psi badge:
http://tinypic.com/m0cyc

Phi Psi sweetheart pin:
http://tinypic.com/m0cw2

What the heck is a candle pass?

I think this is a complex issue. There are fraternities on campus that rarely if ever have laveliers/pinned girlfriends. We also have another where there is like one laveliered every semester.

I think it should be a sign of engagement... because marriage is the course of bonding all parts of your lives together.

Our sorority laveliered one guy that laveliered one of our sisters the previous year... other than that we aren't a common lavlier kind of sorority

I got to observe a candle pass for a very close friend of mine when she announced her engagement (four passes) to her sorority.

How it worked for her was that she left an anonymous note in the president's mailbox requesting a candle pass. At the end of their chapter meeting, the president announced a candle pass and all the girls formed a circle.

(This was not part of chapter and why I got to see the event. I knew it was going happen and I just "happened" to be stopping by the house to pick her up to go study. At least that was our story.)

During the candle pass, the president lights a candle and begins to pass it in a circle from member to member while the chapter sings certain significant songs. The candle makes it around at least once so that everyone gets to touch the candle at least one time. The second pass was for lavalieres, third pass for a pinning and the fourth pass meant an engagement.

So the candle is passed around at least once, then when it comes to you, and it is the appropriate pass, you blow out the candle. This is followed first by a gasp, then everyone shrieking real loud, while jumping up and down followed by group hugs. Along with some tears thrown in for good measure. At least that is how it happened with my friend. :D

FYI: She is still married to the same gentleman. Lucky bast@rd. :)

Edited to state that the note was anonymous. As is usually the case.

Let's not forget the part where after that they corner you in the room and make you tell "the story" ;)

Awww, Russ, so when do I get mine??? :D

I can fit you in for tomorrow at about 5:30. Meet me at McSorley's. Its on 7th, between 2nd and 3rd.

awww! sounds cute!

this is probably a dumb question, but if a guy "pins" you or what not, is it like getting engaged? and do you still get an engagement ring? or does that just mean that you're going "steady?"

And, for alumnae.. (yes, we still do them!) 5 passes is marriage and 6 passes is with child!

In my day, pinning/lavaliering were "going steady".

fwiw, we called it a Candlelight. Same thing.

Im not big on the whole idea of pinning. Back when my dad was in college he fell head over heals for this girl and eventually pinned her. Because of that he felt obligated to marry her and eventually they did. Story short they end up in a divorce and a daughter. Is it a sweet offer yea and congrats to anyone who is but with my family history im kinda against it. Going back to what some people have posted, my pin means a lot to me and to every Alpha Phi and i wouldn't feel right about giving it to someone who doesn't know the true significance behind it. But thats just my thought

Here, a guy gives a girl his letters. She wears his lavalier basically. My roommate last year got it from her boyfriend. They're REALLY serious. I thought it was nice.

I seem to recall that is what it was called at UK as well.

we did lavaleering at RAdfforrd but If I Met a special girl, I'd let her wear my pledge pin if weren't engaged and then get her the sweet heart pin if/when popped questionnn..

Back when my parents were in college at Ohio State University, my dad was in AEPi and when he and my mum got engaged, he pinned her at spring formal. It's a romantic gesture, just like laveliering a girl. It's just something cute that her fellow sisters can kind of join in. In some houses when you are laveliered, the sisters pass around a candle for you and when you're pinned, you get a bouquet of roses. It's sweet. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Cheers
Liz

I was reading my husband's Varlet, (KA Order pledge manual) and it talked about this issue. It said that the badge should be worn by initiated members, mothers and wives. Maybe I'll pull his out and wear it-would be great;)





No not really. It would feel weird and seem disrespectful. I did love wearing his lavaliere though.

Our badges were just ordered/created, so I can't wait to wear mine (after recruitment, of course ;)) I get a little peeved by people asking me if my boyfriend gave me my lavalier (no, these are MY letters, spank you very much). But I know when I get married I plan to either a) be wearing my lavalier b) have my pin on my dress or on my bouquet somewhere. A wedding dress is pinwear , right? ;) If my fiance was greek and given me his pin or a sweetheart pin (i've seen some of those suckers, some have more diamonds in them than my mom's wedding ring!:eek: ) I'd probably have it somewhere either on the bouquet or on my dress somewhere.

So... on this subject (and I'm a newbie and fellow lurker as most of you call us):

My ex gave me his pin and when we parted ways (not a pretty picture) he told me he did not want anything he gave me back, including his pin. He swore he'd send back anything I sent his way.

After reading this I feel obligated to give it back and not let it collect dust in my memory box. Should I just send it to the frat house and address it to his president? Keep it as he wishes? We're not on talking terms any longer but I still am a nice person and don't want to keep something that isn't mine.

I think your heart is in the right place, but I think that might cause more drama than what it's worth. If it's not killing you, keep it.

What about sending it back to their (inter)national HQ instead?

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Or you could sell it on ebay.


















JOKING, PEOPLE.

Shoooooot -- think I wouldn't? ;)

Last year in my chapter, we just brought back Candlelight. One of the sisters put an anonymous note in the president's mailbox to let her know that it needed to be done at the meeting. We all got in a circle and passed a candle around 3 times. If you blew it out the first time, it meant you were lavaliered. If you blew it the second time, it means you were pinned. And if you blew it out the third time it meant you just got engaged (whether or not the guy was in a frat).

It was really cute when this happened. The girl had told her little, who gave her flowers once Candlelight was over and we all gawked over the ring.

I think the tradition is so cute!