kappa,
My last name is Czech, so I definitely understand why hypenating sucks!

I would definitely take my husband's name, just because there's something so comforting about a family having the same name. Hey, even if the husband took the wife's name, it would be the same effect!!

It strikes me as funny that so many of you all discuss this in specifics without being engaged. What's up with that? It reminds me of 13-year olds writing their names if they were married to their middle school crush.

I had drinks with an old friend last week, when I told her about my plans. She asked me his last name, then said "Munchkin Mr.Munchkin'slastname." She was like, "I won't LET you change your name!" :D That was seriously the first time I had ever heard the two names together, and I didn't like it. But, that was after being together for quite some time, and actually planning a wedding-like shindig/civil union.

It's because getting married is all that matters in life for a woman. All women spend most of their time after age seven thinking about changing their names and what kind of cake they'll have at the wedding. I mean, the actual relationship doesn't matter -- any guy will do -- as long as he'll get married!

i kinda did both -

in terms of academics i kept my maiden name as middle name-ish and without a hyphen
ie - marissa _____ _____

i only do that because i'm done some psychology presentations and papers under my maiden name before i got married and it kinda sucks explaining to people that "yes, these papers and things are mine, just not in my name, blah blah blah"

but in every other aspect of my life i just go by my married name

hope that made sense

marissa

My wedding will be the best EVER. I'm serving pigs-in-a-blanket. Each person will get ONE and ONLY ONE. Vegetarians get a carrot stick. Just one.

I haven't read through the entire thread but I have to say I'm a bit of a feminist and definitely will NOT be taking my husband's last name. I personally think it reinforces the subordination of women in a patriarchal society. We've discussed it and if we get married, my boyfriend is actually likely to take my last name just b/c he isn't really that big a fan of his family name now anyway. And as a side note, in 5 years I'm changing my last name to my mom's maiden name (not a big fan of my dad, plus her side of the family has been so good to me that I want to show them a sign of absolute respect and appreciation.)

(ETA: I also refuse to be walked down the aisle by my dad, not only b/c I don't really like him, but I'm not property to be passed from one man to the next)

I don't know that I agree with changing your name being equivalent to being subordinate to your husband. As mentioned above, I did change my name, and my husband will vouch for the fact that I am not subordinate to him! :p I liked his name, wasn't crazy about my maiden name, and I feel that I am closer to his family than to mine, plus his name is a lot more distinctive.

As for the father walking the daughter down the aisle, I sort of agree with you there - especially the part where the officiant says "Who brings this bride to be given away?" and the bride's father says "I do." :rolleyes: I much prefer the Jewish tradition where both the groom's parents walk him down the aisle, then both the bride's parents walk her down the aisle. The groom is leaving his parents' household, the bride is leaving her parents' household, and together they are establishing a new household.

I don't think that taking your husband's name equivalates to a woman being a man's subordinate. Let him take her name, shoot let them come up with their own name whatever makes them happy. I will have my father walk me down the aisle. I am a lot closer to my father than my mother anyway. I'm not too fond of the father "giving" away his daughter scenario but I found some solutions that I like.
The celebrant: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? The bride’s father responds: She gives herself, with the blessing of her mother and father.
Or instead of the word "gives" insert "brings" and the father could respond "her family does".
There are a lot of options..

OH! I like that a lot. The tradition of a father giving away his daughter seems kind of outdated since most people live away from home and establish their own lives before marriage now. That being said, I still want my daddy to walk me down the aisle cause it's sweet. That wording is perfect.

But at the same time you're seeing many young people move BACK home after college. I know that many people are marrying later in life, but what if you are a 26 year old bride, and the sole reason why you're living at home is because you're saving up for the big wedding?

Then she has a lot of other issues which desperately need to be addressed. I can understand being at home for financial (layoffs, but not a wedding) or health reasons.

Before a woman can establish a family, she needs to learn how to have a household.

She could be learning at home. Also, don't forget that in some cultures, unmarried adult children are expected to live at home (and this includes boys! There was an (twenty-something) Italian guy in my class a couple of years ago who said that his 30 year old brother still lived at home. The guy has a full time job and was engaged to be married.) until marriage. Personally, I'd move out as soon as I can afford to do so.

Ooooh! I really like that!

Though I've always wanted both my mother and father to walk me down the aisle.

That's so sweet. I also prefer "love, honor, and cherish" over "love, honor, and *obey*". My friend Libby got married last month and both her parents walked her down the aisle. It was cute!

IF you want to change all the traditions of marriage, which is of course your right, why get married at all?

IF you change or disagree with the cultural traditions that led to the instituion of marriage, what does it mean to you other than an umnnecessary legal relationship?

Even economically the bennies of getting marred are not that spectacular.

And such things as child support are pretty formulistic now.

So why not just live together and celebrate your own love and committment in a very personal way?

Cultural traditions, James. Religiously (for most) marriage is a sacred contract/sacrament/agreement to love one another, support one another in life and to raise children together (if that's mutually decided). Marriage is not changing your name (or not changing it), letting your dad walk you down the aisle (or both parents, or your dog, etc). It's about being together in life. Refusing to bow to what some consider to be paternalistic traditions does not in any way undermine the definition and practice of marriage. If one is under the delusion that to be married one must become Mrs. Hislastname, wear a pretty white gown, be given away by Daddy and then afterwards take off for 2 weeks to the Bahamas, then I'd say that person doesn't understand what marriage is. That may partially explain the incredible divorce rate in this country.

James, I think it's simplistic to either accept marriage and all of its traditions or reject it entirely. Why not be a part of the evolution of marriage? I don't see why it, as a concept, can't change and become more progressive and less sexist.

Exactly! I mean, really, who displays the bloody bedsheet these days?

^lmao, haven't heard that one in a while!

I totally agree.

I am Tiffany Mylastname Hislastname. I plan to teach, so it is not practical to ask kindergarteners to say a whole mouthful of names each time they address me.

I am Mrs. Hislastname at school. But, I am Tiffany Mylastname Hislastname officially.

I like it that way. It's traditional and a bit contemporary at the same time. It works for us.