http://www.oprah.com/money/debtdiet/..._284_101.jhtml


Debt Diet featuring a Soror and her family. :o

I saw this show when it aired last week. It was quite an eye-opener b/c I didn't realize that intelligent, college-educated people could be in such denial about their financial situation.

I could actually see how they could.

I didn't watch the show, but I just read about them on their site. Sometimes we get too caught up in image and what we want other people to PERCIEVE what we are. And I think that's what happened with them. There are a lot of people out there who LOOK like they have it all under control when the reality is, they are literally living from check to check. Sometimes, we're just trying to "keep up with the joneses" when it's just making the situation worse. No she doesn't necessarily NEED 5 cars or getting her hair done every week, but she might have wanted people to think that she had it like that.

I know I was like that with debt. I didn't tell my family or friends when I was struggling--they only found out about it when it got out of control and I REALLY needed some help. I didn't want people to know that I was doing badly, and I wanted to try to resolve the situation on my own--but by that time, things had gotten too bad! One of my goals this year is to start living more responsibly when it comes to money. I'm not very good at managing money sometimes, but I know I don't want to keep living my life like that. I'm looking for another apartment and getting a car real soon. I want to keep both! So I know that I'm going to have to take a real hard look at my spending, and just live on what I NEED more as opposed to what I WANT. All those expensive things don't mean much if it's sittin out on a curb someplace.

Sorry it got so long but it really hit home for me, and what I'm trying to do personally.

I haven't seen the show but I've been reading about the families on line and I think this is so sad. We often like to give the illusion that all is well by the amount and quality of our possessions....not realizing that it can all fall apart in a moments time. But at least they are working to control the problem.

There's a lot of good info on this site!

Just reading her story made me realize how ridiculous some of my spending is! However, it is interesting that she can't maintain her own hair for an extra week so that she could cut the hair bill in half. And what salon is she going to where her hairdo only costs 30.00 a week? Does she get perms? trims? color? Imagine how much she is REALLY spending... I can't wait until March 10 for the follow- up!

I guess when I say denial, I was referring to the fact that she said that she'd just max her credit cards out and never pay on them once or just throw her bills in the garbage w/o even opening them. I can see someone getting carried away or going overboard w/their spending. I can also see them hiding their situation from friends/family. However, to just ignore/deny the problems to yourself like they don't exist or will go away is just beyond me.

I can understand that too. But there are some people who do that because, quite frankly, it's just too much to face sometimes. Who really wants to spend their day thinking about past due bills--especially bills that are just SO high, you can't do nothin' about them anyway so....you get my point.

I'm not excusing it because it's a really irresponsible way to treat your debts. Sometimes you just get into that "eff it" mode and voila! The bill is in the trash...out of sight, out of mind. It makes you feel better temporarily because you don't have to think about it. But best believe that it will come back to HAUNT HAUNT HAUNT you afterward, especially when you're actually trying to do better.
I guess I can see both ends of this, because I've been just like her.

i wish my wife would...

I go to school in a Midwestern college town and I only pay $27 to get a wash, deep condition and basic style every 10-11 days. If I went every week, my beautician would only charge me $24/wk. Relaxers are $55 and she throws in the trim for free as part of basic maintenance.

I'm still catching up on my Oprahs by DVR. THat Katrina Oprah has me 'bout in tears right now. That poor 82 year old woman....:( It took 5 months to notify the family? America is seriously not doing enough. This reminds me of Hotel Rwanda where the Joaquin Phoenix says "I think if people see this footage, they'll say Oh, my God, that's horrible. And then they'll go on eating their dinners. "


:( :( :(

JD, I need to live where you are living! That is really excellent... I live in Baltimore, and it can get quite pricey. I go to the hairdresser semi regularly, but cut down on the cost because I can maintain my hair between visits. In college, I paid nothing to get my hair done, because the girl on campus who did hair wasn't very good at math, so I tutored her and she styled me. Not to say that there are not salons that offer quality services at a slightly lower price, but for the most part, it can be pretty pricey up here. And her poor husband... How is he allowing this to happen in his family? I can understand why he is looking to divorce her, he probably feels like he is not being a good "man" because he is not properly managing his family. I know many people (including me) struggle with spending, and surely, I don't mean to judge this woman, but this story really made me question and ridicule some... well, many, of my spending habits.

This is really excellenct show. Its made me conscience of the amount of CASH I blow through in a week. :(

Tell why they have five cars and there is only two of them. i could possibly see three, but FIVE and only two drivers in the house. WOW.


I moved to Chicago and getting your hair done here is a joke. 70+ for a relaxer and 45+ for a wash and getting a trim is always extra. So I have had to cut back on the every two weeks, plus I cannot find a decent person to do my hair. I just fill that I am getting robbed. So now I do my own hair and then go to a Supercuts etc. and have them give me a trim and I come home and curl it. Then I try to schedule my relaxers around the time I go home to St. Louis. Only 60 dollars for a relaxer and she will trim, cut, curl etc for nothing. Plus, let me not rant on about making an appointment and wasting away a whole saturday to get my hair done.

I hear ya girl!

I pay $40 for relaxers and $12 for wash/conditions--and I live in a pretty expensive city. I really cannot wash my own hair at all (I've tried and all I can say is that it looks full and thick after I'm done), and I get relaxers done every two months. It's a bit of a luxury to have someone do your hair--but there are other things that I cut back on that most people don't. I bring my lunch from home every day (with rare exceptions), I don't drink coffee, and I also eat my breakfast at home. If I were in serious debt, however, I would be doing my own hair all the time.

I do have to admit, however, that I throw away (actually, putting them in the shredder) some bills without looking at them because I pay them online and monitor the accounts weekly.

^^
I pay nothing for my wash/dry/flatirons (unless I don't go down to S.D.). Advantage of sister as stylist. But I'm also wearing quick weaves, which generally run me about $30-$40 a pop (human hair). They usually last me six months.

I have heard about this show and some of the stuff had me SMH, including the fact that she spends $100 a week on takeout food! WTF?
:rolleyes: :eek:

:eek: Wednesday on Oprah!

Friday: An update on Soror Bradley and her family.

:(

Yeah. I don't know how I feel about this...hmmm, yeah. My friend and I were discussing why there weren't more...hmmmm...

I'm going to leave it at that for now. I'll come back to this...

enigma_AKA

I still say, Do You. If he makes you happy, then KIM. Your relationship is no one else's business, be you interracial or what have you. *shrug*

But I'm more tripping on the fact that the situation delved, like it usually does, into an emphasis on the sexual taboos that we've being trying to get past.

"My friends ask me is it pink and I just say "No, it's more of a tan'". Really? :(

"My friends ask me is he better in bed than White men. And I just say "Yeah"...and he's well endowed." :rolleyes:

Are there any normal Black women who just like men? Any shape. Any size. any color. Any man who has a bomb personality, a talent, an ambition and a means to making something of himself. Black or White. It doesn't mean you have an identity crisis to know this fact.

On the other hand, it doesn't mean you have to be more like your partner of another race to be with them. Just be you. You don't have to be any more White to be with a White guy. Hmmm, am I saying too much here?:(

*And even as I type this, I am reminded of Sinaa's comment on 'Black women waiting on Black men'. Tre sigh. Where are the men like my father and hisgeneration? How long must we wait? Or do we wait at all?*

enigma_AKA

I saw the show, it was okay. Some parts I liked, some parts I didn't like.

so what happened

I didn't like the stereotypical questions the couples were asked:
1. What's it like (to be with a white man)?
2. How does he/she kiss?


Why not focus on their RELATIONSHIP. I'm going to have to watch it without interruption. I was doing a few other things

Oh, I didn't like the segment on the Black guys discussing their reaction to sistas dating white men.

Ummmmmmmm, sisters are doing it BECAUSE YOU ALL are with the white girls (non-black females), gay, have too many children, etc etc etc :rolleyes:

I was kinda disappointed in this episode because it didnt really have that much substance. I mean Oprah could have dedicated more than half an hour to the talk to about such a relevant and heavy topic. I didnt know that only 5% of black women were in an interracial relationships....compared to 11% of black men.

It was kinda funny seeing Simon talk about Black women's hair. And Sanaa looked gorgeous!

I totally agree!

my ex's sands asked if it was different.


uhhhh......

im living vicariously thru this thread
 

i turned after the first 5 minutes. i love me some oprah but she is really getting on my nerves with these shows that have little to no substance. she's making me feel like her tenure on tv is what is separating her from maury or tyra.

I did not know she was a Soror. :o I have to watch part III on my DVR later on.

On another note - just saw the ep with Tyson Beckford. His part was so touching. Wished they'd spent more time talking to him....:o :p

I had this discussion with a friend of mine who is an African American female. I must admit that I do get somewhat confused when I see a white man with a black woman. I just wonder what is it that he can do for her mentally. I don't really get concerned with the sexual part of it because any man can adore a woman's body, but I want to adore her mind first. Can this dude be there when she comes home from a hard days work and is stressed out because she is struggling to break the glass ceiling? Can he really identify? I make it my assignment to love every square inch of my black woman (mind and emotions included);) . And yes I am equally confused when I see black dudes with white women. No offense, but white women just don't do it for me. They can be physically attractive, but can they suite my needs mentally and emotionally?

Black girls like me cause I got skilz.

The most important thing is I am there for them. I was only incarcerated one time but that was back in the day when I was pharmaceutical sales rep.

I don't mean to intrude, but...

I think we've all seen couples that have left us scratching our heads saying, "what does she see in him and what does she have that I don't have"?

The poster I have quoted asked whether a white man could identify with a black woman and support her when she comes home stressed out about work and is having troubles. I would venture to say that he would have trouble identifying with this women because he can never truly know the type of hardships this black woman faces everyday. But by the same token, me being white and having a white boyfriend, he sometimes has trouble supporting me and identifying with me and my problems, however trivial they may be, but stress me out nonetheless.

Not every relationship is what it appears to be. Some relationships might be purely physically. So, to use this couple as an example, to say that the white man could never truly support this black women might not even apply because they may not be interested in what each other can do for them intellectually.

Unless we are actually walking in their shoes, we can never truly comprehend the relationship.

I actually agree. If the relationship is purely physical, then it doesn't matter about intellect. However, the couple which we were referring to were engaged or married. I believe that once you enter that realm of relationships, physical attraction has to be supported by something else. Otherwise, once I've you've got your back broke in, then you just need to go home. Men and women will never fully understand each other b/c we are two different species and think differently(I'll never know what it is like to be pregnant...thank God), but I do what is like to be followed in the "high-end" shops. That is all I am pointing out. But I believe "if you like it-I love it". Do whatever works for you:)

Ahh, ok, I didn't actually watch the Oprah show in question.

KAPPAtivating's (albeit a lil old--sorry, I just saw this) echoes the sentiments of some of the Black men, on and off this episode (like my father, who's rule is "If he aint an Omega...then baby, I'm sorry! ;)And if he aint Black, then...:("). My *ideal* mate is not just someone who looks like my daddy (any 6'11 men out there?), but someone who is a proud, qualified, meaningful MAN. I must admit, there are time when (in a former relationship with a White guy) that I wanted to say "Jeremy. Babe? You just don't get it." It was an incredibly difficult situation to be in. Yes, I did have to explain things time and time again that he didn't understand. How could he? But then, the last guy I dated (who is Black)--we went through the same thing---different subjects, but same thing (misunderstanding/non-relation). A lot of times, I was like "Greg. Babe? You just don't get it"

But don't get it twisted---as far as what he (Jeremy) and other men have done for me mentally, emotionally, physically, etc is beyond color. Some things are, believe it or not, beyond color. Not everything...but love/being in love is not defined by race, color, creed, nationality, sexual orientation, or ANYTHING else. I'm not that old (turned 21 in December--FINALLY) and haven't been that super-duper involved in a ton of relationships but I can say that I have had edifying relationships with Black men, with White men, with a German guy, a Greek man, a Vietnamese guy, and a Nepali male. And at the end of the day, I connected with them ALL on a super-conscious level. And STRUGGLED WITH ALL. To different degrees, yes, but it was more, for me, about seeking love for the sake of love--about honoring what love is about and beyond the superficial level. And besides, just because he's Black, DOESN'T MEAN THAT AUTOMATICALLY CANCELS OUT THE BULL^&*. And just because he's White, DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN'T RELATE/CONNECT.

I don't think you've seen what a White woman can do for you because you haven't been with a White woman who could do for you, yet. Also, you're not dating an entire race. Have you ever been in love with White? Have you ever been in love with Black? No-you've been in love with Ashley or Michelle or whomever.All persons are a product of their culture/environment BUT my point is, relationships are on an individual basis, not on this huge construct that defines finite standards for who can/what can and who cannot/what cannot work out.

Just a rant...

enigma_AKA

This is a valid concern from a worldly perspective. So, it depends on whether or not a relationship is based in God or in man. A relationship based in God automatically has bridges to the inevitable gaps faced by all people - regardless of the distance. So, what we consider to be smaller (the gap between men-problems and women-problems) as well as what we consider to be bigger (the gap between couples of varying races, ages, educational backgrounds, etc.) are completely covered in God.

One thing I am learning is that I have to be extremely patient (as I am often reminded by my fiance) because we DO have very different perspectives and methods of communication.

But, to say that a white woman can't provide enough support to a black man in a serious relationship is taking God completely out of the equation. (Of course, if that's where you stand, I know where you're coming from.)

YES

I think you need to remember that no everyone believes in God or believes in God the same way that you do, so your statment may have no meaning to to some people.

For some people God is not a factor in how their relationship works and not having God in their relationship doesn't make their relationship less meaningful or supportive and does not mean their relationship is doomed to fail.

back to Oprah...
 

Soror Tickled Pink 2,

What ended up happening? What was the big issue that they were talking about in the previews? I hope she got some serious help--homegirl soror was up in straight up denial!:(

enigma_AKA

I have not been in love with a White woman. I have tried. At the end of the day, we just did not connect. She was very much attractive, but I felt like I was a konquest...a prize. I know that is not the case for every couple like that, but that is what happened to me. I just feel as though another person of color (black, vietnamese, whatever) can understand what racism in America is like. I do believe in God and believe that God will send me the RIGHT woman. If He sends a White woman then so be it! My options are open right now, but I always wonder will she be able to really understand my struggle. If you haven't fought the battle, then you don't know.