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Re: Just some thoughts
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The rappers need to learn how to keep it real b/c that is *not* keeping it real. That's keeping it real ignant (as CT4 said). SC |
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I had this problem a lot in middle school. All of sudden I was an "oreo" because I hung with a multicultural group and took higher level classes. That's alright because I am doing something with myself unlike those same people who called me names.
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That was my name in middle school too. I didn't understand why getting good grades and thinking about going to college was "selling out". I come from a line of educated AA's in my family and all of them where teachers. They expected me to go to college, and havinf two parent with four degrees, there was no way that I could not go to college and get an education. I also remember one semester I received 3 A's and one of my AA classmates grabbed my report card and shouted, "you made three A's?" like AA's kids didn't make A's. But lately I have come across those who made fun of me back in the day and it funny how they act now. I even had one girl who tried to bring back that middle school mess and I was like sorry, I have moved on, maybe you should to. Then got mad at me because of the way I reacted. But that was over TEN years ago and I have grown up. |
Thank you! I dealt with this too :rolleyes: Ya know most of the folx that gave me isht are:
dead in jail got babies mommas/babies daddies scattered to the 4 winds Or on drugs somewhere. I know for sure that the one who was a big player in making my school years hayle was killed in a drug deal gone bad. Karma can be a beeotch! Quote:
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Oh my goodness....
It depresses me to see how people are still having their blackness questioned. I don't understand and I don't think I ever will. I thought since I was born African-American that would more than likely classify me as black, but now you have to act the part and not just look it. I always tell people that make " you don't act black" comments that I am not trying to put on an "act" for anyone including you. :mad: Maybe I don't understand...is it more about where you came from&your upbringing as opposed to who you are as a person? Well...I never need anyone to remind me that I am black. I am always reminded that I am black when one of those stuck up people in mid-town Manhattan mistakes me for the help. :( It sucks, but it happens:( |
Bringing us up or tearing us down
I haven't seen this topic, so if it has been posted already can someone please refer me to it? Thanks in advance.
Well, here's my story. I'm really lazy :o and I have been saying for years how I want to go to the gym to tone up, get the legs and thighs in good shape. Now I'm not big, not thick or anything, I am a petite person. I do, however, complain if I have to walk up some stairs or participate in any type of strenuous activity (yes, I consider that strenuous lol). Soooo, I decided that since I live by the lake I could get some skates and skate on the bike path when spring time hits. It's minutes from my apt, walking, and I figured I would be able to get fresh air and exercise at the same time. My community is diverse and all types of people are along the lake (Hyde Park for you Chicagoans) in the spring and summer. I decided to tell a black male coworker today (I'm black too) and he said: "You always acting like a white girl." I was like :eek: I got so offended. I didn't talk to him for a long while. I refused to discuss the situation with him. My question is, did I overreact? I mean, should I have been that upset for him saying that to me? I know that you shouldn't take comments like that to heart but it really hurt me. Do you all think that comments like this build someone's character, meaning that someone will think that there is no such thing as a "stereotypical black person," or do these comments more tear people down, meaning someone will think "well, maybe I don't act black enough/act too white" and therefore should change. This isn't the first time this has happened to me, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I've been called white and that I think I'm "too good for anyone" for going to college! :o Do we, as blacks, take things too far when trying to generalize our culture/people? |
This particular issue is something that really used to bother me when I was still trying to find myself. People would often make comments on how I spoke or my hobbies or my ambitions. It really did hurt. When my walk with God became strong I realized God made me the way he wants me to be, special and set apart. Then I had to really think. Who are these people who are saying this? Who are they to me? Why are they saying this? Is it done in love or to try crush my spirit? Most of the time, the person was no one to me. So I really stopped caring.
Our community is infamous for sterotyping and not embracing the differences within our culture. I personally think it is one of many hold over issues from slavery. Back in the days, elders taught youth to not be to proud or bold and 'stay in your place' or run the risk of offending any passing white person. I think the "you think your cute" and "you tryin' to be white" is the modernized version of so called putting someone in their place |
Aw, girl, I get this a lot, as well. Usually my response begins with, "Well, I'm sorry that you associate intellectualism with 'being white', but hey, that's on you." or in your case, "Damn, it's too bad that youuuuuuur blackness is defined by such unimportant things. Mine isn't."
...and top BOTH off with a smile. :) I save the latter for when I'm really offended, though. After coming from being the only black girl in a graduating class of 848 (and LOVING my alma mater) and then going to an HBCU, I got used to the "white girl" comments fast. Safely attribute it to other people not having diverse enough friends/neighborhoods/circles/cliques to respect your uniqueness, and believe in the phrase "The people who matter don't care, and the people who care, don't matter.". That's what works for me NOW. As for over-generalizing, of course "we" do. For me, it seems like a really deep connection to not being satisfied with where one is in life, and the more they see other people in that same place, the more comfortable they are.. thus shuning those who are different. I know that doesn't sound like it makes much sense, but I swear it makes sense in my head, LOL. |
Stereotypes have been around for years on top of years, and they are not going anywhere. I think we have all been guilty once upon a time for stereotyping. I know I have. You basically have to be an open-minded individual to allow yourself to look pass those that are close-minded and see things only one way.
I would have been slightly offended, but being the outspoken person I am, I would have inquired as to why that was stated. I then would have educated him in a nice nasty way on my view of the situation as a whole. I would not have stopped talking to him. I feel it's a petty situation. Also depends on how serious the comment was intended to be. Whether stated in a jokingly manner in oppose to act your own race. Always have to look at both peoples side and communicate to clarify situations. All and all, I've been through a lot, and I'm content with me. I've been called stuck up cuz I'm pretty. A b*tch cuz I'm outspoken. Country cuz I'm from the south. Ghetto cuz I'm from the hood. The list goes on. The only people that can get to me now are my loved ones. |
I swear, we may have some threads that address similar topics.
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All the time.
If I had a dime for every time I've been called an 'oreo' I'd be a very wealthy woman.
I grew up in a predominately white area, went to predominately white schools. My husband is white. Doesn't change the fact that I am very much a 'sista.' I majored in English Lit and speak "properly." I also know some Spanish and studied French. I've seen quite a bit of the world, partially due to my father being in the military (I was born in Germany). I also studied classical music in high school. When I was a freshman in college I was cornered by a group of several black students who felt it their mission in life to tell me they thought that *I* thought I was white. I hadn't done anything to them to provoke it....I didn't even know them, really. It doesn't help that there is some 'white blood' in my family as well, and some of my kinfolk have 'white' features; some capable of 'passing' (though they will tell you they are black WITH THE QUICKNESS). Join the club. God loves you as you are and made you unique. Black folk are NOT a monolith. We come in all shades and hues, all kinds of hair textures, with all kinds of backgrounds and diverse interests. If other people can't handle it, that's their dilemma. Keep humility at the forefront, pray for those who are consumed by jealousy and practice compassion and forgiveness. What's that saying: Be who you are, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter. :) Peace. |
Re: Bringing us up or tearing us down
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I think that you were probably dealing with someone quite immature and I would have not given him the pleasure to even dignify his comment. The real question you have to ask is why did it bother you anyway? So what if he called you a white girl because you said you were going to walk around Lake Michigan, who the EFF cares? Oprah would be doing it if she had the time, you might see her... Hayle, any number of folks may be up in there--as long as you are working out, really, who the EFF cares? I am practicing barre (ballet) exercises in my gym before my aerobics class. Although I am in the Pac Northwest where EVERYBODY works out to some degree, I do get odd stares by folks for doing barre exercises. Personally, I think it is because folks are trying to figure out how they could do it because most folks think barre exercises and ballet is not that aerobic when it actually is... And it is very hard to do. The reason why it looks so easy on stage is that the folks have been doing it since they were walking and have regulated all the physiology (like heart rate) to make the presentation beautiful... Do I think you overreacted? Probably not. Am I shocked that dude said something that ignorant to you? No... But if it were me and I chose to deal with that person today, I'd probably ask him why he thought it so I could see how far his head was in the toilet... Then I hoped he'd never get a heart attack. But that's just me. |
Re: Re: Bringing us up or tearing us down
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Re: All the time.
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It's all about mind over matter: If you don't mind, it don't matter :D |
My roommate, L, dates white men. Fine. L was cooking dinner and asked me if the chicken was done. The white guy says to L, 'Don't all black people know when the chicken is done.' I almost slapped the sh*t out of him. I kept quiet though. I didn't want to cause any loss of a date, so I went to my room.
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blackness questioned? been there, done that. heard it all before, sure i will hear it again.
i feel like if youre dumb enough to make the remark, youre not smart enough for me to give you an educated reply, aside from "what do you mean?" after that, they may get a "oh really? thats nice" and i K.I.M. im pretty sure that most people who have gotten this prolly wont hear the same from whites. speaking for myself, most black people i know will say i act white, whites will say that i act black. well, ya cant please everyone. p.s. my (now ex) boyfriend told me right before i started college that he could see me "turning into one of them." 4 years later i wonder... |
Hi Ms. Sweetness, I lived and went to school in Hyde Park for the past 5 years or so before moving to Cali so I am familiar with the neighborhood. I think that sometimes we (AAs) consider outdoor activities to be something outside of the realm of what AA do. For example, my bfriend and I love hiking but I don't really have any other AA friends that do also. It may be perceived as a non-AA thing to do, not sure. Also, here in Cali, most women wear a press. When I heard that upon my arrival last summer, I was like ?? b/c with so much water all around, if you're not wearing your hair natural, why would you maintain a press? Well, I soon found out that I was one of the few AA women who actually was going to get in the water anyway so it didn't matter to them. I say that to say that perhaps getting in the water is not perceived as an AA thing? I'm not sure.
Anyway, you didn't elaborate on *how* you got offended so I can't comment on whether you went too far but skating along the lake doesn't sound too non-AA to me, no matter the neighborhood that you live in. I would say to consider maintaining composure in the face of stupidity (which is a good skill to have in general b/c you *will* be confronted with blatant stupidity or foolishness in the future - by someone for whatever reason) and with the blankest most innocent look, ask why the person believes what the person believes. Most of the time they will make themselves look silly. SC Quote:
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Historically, there was extreme racial segregation at almost all the prime locations on SoCal beaches. If found there pre-1970's, AA's were either beaten or killed for being on the beach or near the beach. That kind of history is hidden about SoCal and only older native Californians know this kind of history. Also, there have always been the police officers on the beach or near the beach ready to arrest "suspicious characters". Yeah, there are billion dollar homes near the SoCal beaches, that is the price most folks pay for while living in Cali... But, there is no reason to go Sylmar Rodney King style on a brotha while he's just enjoying himself at the beach with his Nicole girlfriend... That happenend ALOT on most SoCal beaches... Then other less desirable beaches have crap in the water, like sewage, condoms, needles, you name it, you'll find it... Those are forgotten areas... And there is rough water, or undertows that make the beaches unsafe. I would say that most SoCal beaches rules and goers have been unbelievably racist and bigotted in the past and a lot of that has not much changed... And I am a native California who resides in Pacific Northwest now... |
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Very interesting post. One of the biggest reasons why I have a crush on SoCal are what I've heard about the beaches. |
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Sorors AKAMonet and Steeltrap, thank you for shedding some light on the matter. I was pretty baffled by it, especially living so close to the southbay where I frequent Manhattan Beach and Hermosa Beach (the city or the beach itself) about once a month or so.
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In fact, my mother had to dayum near give me whuppins to leave the beach--like I ackted so ugly that I tole my mama I was gonna run away & live with Shamu... In fact, my mother would have to scare me to death to get me into the car are leave the beach!!! But when I became a teenager and started looking at the boys and tried to cute :rolleyes: with by bikini on, etc. Aside from dudes not looking at me, really and if they did they were drunkard toothless homeless dudes, I got harassessed OFTEN by the po-po by just being on the beach even if I hungout with my non-AA girlfriends who were sunbathing like I was (don't ask with my logic about that one)--just because of the color of my skin... It happenend in Catalina, San Diego and the O.C. beaches--all the time... The only safest area for me to hangout on the Beach without getting harassessed by law enforcement in San Diego is this place called South Mission before all the gangs started shooting. This was in the mid to late 1980's... Recently, when I visited the O.C. my husband and I were often being followed by the po-po just because we were on the Beach... In fact, I used to work at Scripps Institution of Oceanography that is on La Jolla Shores... I'd get harrassed... I'd havta go to Windansea beach... Harrassment by the po-po is VERY humiliating especially when you're trying to look cute and you are really aren't doing anything other than crossing the street... But that is what happens daily on SoCal beaches... Unless the beach has basketball courts, the po-po thinks there is no other reason why people of color need to be there... That is a fact in the day in the life of Southern California... Just the way it is... |
Hi Soror,
Your experience (especially given that it is STILL continuing) just outrages me! I am so sorry that you cannot even go to the beach! I often go to the LA (South Bay) beaches (Manhattan Beach, Hermosa Beach) and fortunately have not had a problem - perhaps these beaches are integrated b/c every now and then I see someone else with dark skin - but that is plain ridiculous! Yes that would be very humiliating. What is the behavior of the police that are following you? If you were to sit in the sand would they just hang around? This is ridiculous, SC Quote:
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As far as the behavior of the police, if you ignore them, they will go away. It is the same thing when they follow you when you are driving. However, if they pull you over for whatever reason it is still humiliating especially when you are rather "naked" in your swimsuit and you really are not doing anything other than strolling along the beach. It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth... Now, yeah, they can do that to anybody. But dayum, bust homies smoking and drinking themselves into oblivion and bothering beachgoers by puking on their blankets... Don't bust me because I crossed the street just a little outside of the crosswalk as the "red hand" blinks. That just sucks... |
My blackness has been questioned several times growing up in Riverside, Ca and has become more frequent since I've moved to DC for college. I simply cannot wrap my head around people who say that I try to "act white". I am quite aware of my blackness. I grew up in a PW area and never developed a "blackcent" and if I ever tried to "talk black" I'd probably sound like a fool. I feel those people must realize that just because someone might have the attributes and skills that are stereotypically associated with whites does not mean that these particular AA "act white" or even worse, want to be white.
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And I am sure the DC folks up in here can point out why you may be having some difficulties there. You know you are in "Chocolate City"... Hey, if you ignore the bigotry that occurs in SoCal, you will have another LA Riot on your hands... And I am one to be a witness to it. |
I hear about so much racist crap happening in California (and in New York). Things that almost never happen here in STL, a city well known for its racial tensions. Yet some people claim that those places are some sort of racial utopias or something. Why is that? Where do they get that from? :confused:
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You know I wonder the same thing up where I am... :confused: |
I feel like STL (the ex is from there, so I used to visit a lot) is really racially/class segregated, but the different groups don't really interact that much. In California, and especially here in NYC, groups that classically "don't get along" end up in the same neighborhoods. Plus, here there are a ton of recent immigrants, who bring up the same issues here that they dealt with in their homelands. Does STL have a huge New American population?
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