Don't plan for things that may not occur. They might both cut her. Who knows.

Step back, Mom. Let your daughter make her OWN choices and decisions.

It's interesting how I came here just for some advice. You see I was in a house a long time ago and things have changed. I moved on from college life , got a job , had a family, friends... By the amount of posts some of you have... I would say you need to get off your computer and get a life. You certainly aren't here to help others.
My daughter and I are very close, she has asked me what to do... I don't know what to tell her. I can tell you she may be better off in the dorm if this is the general attitude now of sorority girls.

You got good advice and it was kindly and honestly rendered. I'm sorry that you don't like the advice. It's the same advice that I would give any alumna of my own sorority, including the ones that I work with as a chapter adviser or member of a house corporation.

She should put the one that she likes best as #1.

KSUViolet is one of the kindest and most helpful people here on GC. I'm sorry that point passed you by.

Perhaps that is what you should tell her.

More than a few posters here are chapter advisors, consultants, officers of alumnae chapters, long time rec writers, even regional or national officers of their respective groups. As a whole, the collective wisdom from long time posters is sound, practical and honest.

You have received good advice here but have chosen to act as a snarky asshat, posting the same question on a variety of threads, then acting out when you don't get the answers you are evidently seeking. If you don't like what you are hearing then quit asking for advice.

THIS.

Life is good: your use of terms like "was in a house" and "sorority girls" indicates that you have not maintained contact with your organization. Correct me if I'm mistaken. Further, we have many parents (dads come here too) who post who do NOT come across the way that you have in your short time here. You've been given help and suggestions and all you've done is take umbrage and confirm the observations of others that you are a helicopter mom. I hope that your daughter finds a home using her OWN mind. Otherwise it will likely not go well for her.

I'm going to overlook your judgemental crack about getting a life, although it's really tempting to observe that you might do well to take your own advice and get out of your daughter's life. But I won't say it, because I'm trying my best to emulate KSUViolet, although I'm not having much success - yet.

Or here's an option. She should absolutely put her legacy chapter first. There is a black and white answer for you.

(This answer has absolutely nothing to do with anything and should be utterly disregarded, but seemed like the answer that was sought. In real life I would rank based on your daughter's actual real life preferences. Most, but I am not prepared to say all, NPC sororities, if a chapter invites her to preference parties are required to put her in their top bid list, therefore guaranteeing her a space. That being said a lot LOT of legacies get cut the round just before preference because while they may like her enough to offer her a bid, they may not want to have to put her on that top list. The days when legacies were a shoo in have passed, maybe 10 or 15 years ago)

You acknowledged that you are assuming, and as Felix Unger so eloquently said, when we assume, we make an ass out of u and me.

Your question is not a question your daughter needs to deal with until January 18, and possibly not even then. Until then she needs to be learning as much about the sororities still on her party list as she can, meeting as many women as she can, and doing all she can to ignore rumors, gossip and tent talk.

Gaming the system might work to simply get you a bid, but it rarely works to put you in the place where you'll be truly happy. It rarely works in deferred rush at all.

LIG, please really consider the following. We do not know you outside of your posts and, unfortunately, they are becoming more about your injured feelings than about your daughter. From what we can discern, your daughter doesn't have hurt feelings and is progressing well in a very challenging recruitment! Excellent! Stepping back is to extricate your sensitivities from hers so that you can listen and help without clouded judgment. Deep breaths, and if you have a Trader Joe's nearby, the Gypsy Chariot is actually quite good.

It's interesting how we've given you advice. You see, I have been a sorority WOMAN for over 30 years, and thus know how things have changed in no small part due to my continued involvement as a member and adviser to both my sorority and NPC alumnae groups, involvement which has been noted and even, said at the risk of being immodest, recognized and awarded. I moved on from college, went to graduate school, had a family (4 children - 1 a Gamma Phi), friends . . . by the amount of posts we have, you could say that we are obviously often off our computers and living lives that include living out our sorority creeds. The amount of posts show that we are, in fact, helping others, a fact you have tacitly acknowledged by your asking for that self same help. You need only look at the many helpful stickied threads to see the effort we go to in order to help young women find their sorority homes.

I certainly hope your daughter has a better attitude than you. No, really, I do. The sins of the helicopter mothers should not be visited on the daughters, and the fact that you became snarky when not given the advice you wanted - well, let's hope she is more gracious should things not go her way. I truly hope she finds her home in a sorority.

This is excellent advice. Her favorite sorority today might not be her favorite in the next round, and she may yet fall in love with a completely different sorority by the time it's time to decide. All you have to do is read some of the recruitment stories on here to see how often that is the case.

/lane swerve/

I just HAD to borrow this for my signature! Priceless.....it should also go in the "Things You Shouldn't Out Loud At Work" thread.....I wonder if I can get a poster made of this???

/swerve over/

Please come back and give us an update on IU recruitment!

There is nothing to update yet. Preference begins in a bit. Bid Day isn't until Tuesday.

Tuesday Night is Bid Night at IU.

Sorry to keep you on the edge of your bar seats all day...

My daughter is a Freshman who has gone through Rush for the past few weeks. After reading the blogs online, I was dreading the possibility that she wouldn't get a bid on bid night. She had a pretty good and full rush. On Saturday, she said that she didn't feel a connection with any of the chapters she saw that day. I encouraged her to stay with it, and after Sunday it was not any better for her so she dropped. Do I think that there was a possible fit for her somewhere in the Greek system? Yes. But I am happy that she did what was right for her, and didn't settle for a group that wasn't right for her. Yes. On some of the blogs, girls were calling those who dropped early "brats" because they didn't get what they wanted. I am actually proud of my daughter for knowing that what was offered was not for her. There is so much beyond this at IU. Encourage your daughters to go for all that is offered beyond Greek Life!

I am glad your daughter is looking outside Greek life if that is what she thinks will make her happy. I think everyone would agree that a large school like Indiana has so much to offer every student!

I personally think that the term you used "settle for," is not a good one. I can't imagine that any group with 100+ members would be a group to settle for, to me 100+ members sounds like a thriving organization! With that many different women, I personally think every woman going through recruitment could click with a group of ladies within the chapter. As a sorority woman, I was never best friends with every woman in my chapter, and I did not have a connection with them all. It is hard to connect with 125 different women. And this is the same for everyone I know personally. But I was lucky enough to have found a core group of wonderful friends in my chapter. I really believe that if given the chance, an individual could fit in with many different chapters on a campus not just the ones they really felt a connection with during recruitment. I know I would have been happy as a member of many different organizations at my university.

I do wish your daughter the best, and hope she finds something to connect her to the University that she enjoys!

If we read the same blog, the reason the girls were being called "brats" is because they rejected the currently unhoused chapters out of hand "because they wanted the house experience." One one hand I agree; on the other hand, if a girl is going to be pining and whining and not able to let it go, better for them to drop. I think the girls who said that are trying to be Panhellenic and support the currently unhoused groups, but what they might not get is that if you are in a chapter that's outside the "top" you need people to be all in and happy and proud with what they have. Girls who are only there because any letters were better than no letters don't help the chapter with growth or retention.

Scrabblemomb - first, I totally agree that iUs recruitment is messed up. I will not argue with you there. And I'm totally fine with your daughter doing what's best for her, but I think it's good for women to finish the process and go to preference round even if they think it's not a good fit. No one is forced to sign a preference card after the round. it may be their only chance to go Greek at IU so why not see it out. Just as PNMs get mad at sororities for cutting them after only a few conversations, the same could be said to girls who refuse to move forward bc they don't know these chapters very well either and many are basing decisions on reputations from that same website that calls them "brats" for dropping out. Also, many of the women in those chapters were in your daughters shoes, yet made a different choice and are happy. Btw, stay off that site, it's toxic! I don't think girls who drop out are brats but I do think they are making decisions based on feeling hurt or disappointed rather than seeing the big picture, but I totally agree it's their choice.

My daughter listed 3 houses on her card and will pledge any of the 3 if she is fortunate to receive a bid. She's a sophomore so she probably has a different perspective on recruitment and the chapters than a freshman, but has decided she wants to be Greek for the sisterhood experiences and campus experiences such as iudm and little 5 where she said the Greeks just seem to be having more fun.

Best wishes to your daughter. There is a lot to offer at IU and I hope she finds what she's looking for.

I am a newbie - I am a mom who has never been in a sorority and really had no clue about the process until recently. My daughter is a freshman at IU and just went through rush. I have a lot of thoughts (good and bad) about the Greek system at IU. While being selective can be a good thing, the system at IU seems very broken to me. I have read back through YEARS of posts calling for IU to improve the recruitment process. Either no one is listening or no one cares. It seems to me that adding live-in space for houses is a no-brainer. Supply and demand. Could it be that IU would miss out on revenue from housing? Just a thought...

Some background: My daughter transferred to IU this semester, so while she transferred in with a 3.25 GPA, I don't think the houses could see it. I believe the GPA info was given to her RG as "above" the requirement. She came from high school with a 3.4 GPA, four year cheerleader, student council, various clubs. As students at IU go, I think she's on par with the norm. Being an IU student has been her goal for several years. Being in a sorority was a huge part of the picture for her.

Recruitment went like this:
22 round - some clear favorites; had two rec letters for one house
16 round - only received eight houses: three very promising possibilities, one "wait and see", and three "un-housed"
9 round - received four houses; one she felt a connection with and (again) the same three un-housed
Preference - received three (again the un-housed)
Bid - who knows? Bids come tonight.

I have been up and down with her emotionally through this process. As I have been reading though this thread, I see some criticism of girls who get bids but choose not to pledge. After talking with my daughter and trying to help her explore her options, I believe that is the route she will take. Ultimately it is her decision, but her words to me were "I shouldn't pledge to a house that I don't feel comfortable in. It wouldn't be right." I am supporting her decision, whatever it may be. Part of maturing is making your own decisions and living with the consequences, good and bad.

She says she will try recruitment again, and she has a plan of action (raise GPA, find activities and groups on campus to join, ask for more rec letters, etc.) If it were me, I don't think I'd have the strength to do it again. I applaud her for not giving up on her goal. I am so proud of her.

Thanks to all who post their stories here, it's nice to know that she's not alone. Best of luck to all the PNMs, with or without bids. And thanks for letting me vent!

This seems to happen every year. We continue to hear the same stories. Daughter with (seemingly) good GPA and looks goes through recruitment and does not like that she doesn't get accepted back to her top choice houses. Then, daughter decides she just doesn't "connect" or "see herself" in those houses and drops. Daughter or mother then comes to GC and tells everyone that everything will be okay and the girl is better off not taking a bid from a chapter she believes she is too good for (generally the unhoused chapters now) but, everything will change next year should she decide to go back through recruitment. Cue the complaints about the bed quota and how IU is just so unfair. That's a synopsis of what is seen every year.

Though my organization is not one of the unhoused chapters, I will say that no chapter at IU is a bad chapter. In all honesty, I feel bad for the ladies who go through and do not get a bid, as I understand that can happen at IU. Girls who just drop out in a recruitment that is so cut-throat that any chapter would be a blessing, do not make me feel bad. Also, I'm going to agree with other posters who corrected the one woman who believed her daughter would be "settling" for a chapter. At IU, no one just "settles" for a chapter.

And then cue the "that's not what I said or what I mean and you old biddies on GC are just mean." But we all know ALL of the euphemisms. And in case you were wondering, the 3 categories you went with were good, meh and unhoused. Or in other words, good, medium and bad. And any attempt to revise that statement will just be back-pedaling and trying to not sound superior.

Your daughter is more than welcome to try again next year, and she may well have a better outcome next go round. But don't pretend you weren't saying what you really were. If she wants a house and is willing to wait another year and risk no sorority experience at all, then that's great. But don't call it "not fitting in" or "connection." Those chapters are huge; she'd have found plenty of gals to connect with.

IndianaSigKap and Hoosier Girl (and any other IU alumnae), isn't harder to secure a place as an upperclassman at IU? If so, the cards that these PNMs are now holding may be the best that they will be dealt at any time. My sense is that the only criterion that might improve their future chances is being BFFs with half the chapter....

As a IU mom of a sophomore also participating in rush, my advice to the moms and daughters who are wavering - accept your bid, try it. Tonight's going to be a lot of fun when you meet your chapters. If it ends up not being a good fit - you don't have to initiate, simple as that, but you may end up being pleasantly surprised. You are bound for a year to that organization regardless if you accept or decline at this point By signing your card, you actually agreed to accept your bid. If you don't initiate you can still participate in formal recruitment next year, but don't expect any miraculous differences. It will actually look worse next year if you go through recruitment and they know you declined your bid this year and Greeks do talk to each other. Good luck with your choices.

Pinksequins, you're correct. It is much, much harder to 'improve your chances' as a sophomore at IU. You are competing against your GPA, your involvement, your reputation, and a larger number of 3-year dues/live in fees paying freshmen. Yes, even the top houses will take sophomores (very few), but the greater number will go to houses considered lower tier by PNMs, my own included. If you receive a bid at IU, I cannot recommend enough that you take it and give it a shot. If you still don't like it (after meeting your PC and the 90+ other girls you didn't talk to at recruitment), drop before initiation and go again next year.

No matter what, don't expect the houses you get back to change much unless you become BFFs with MANY members. Not just 1-2, but many. Houses will remember you from last year, and unless your excuse for dropping out was that you decided to move to Africa to deliver clean water...it won't win you any favors.

Seconding what tlynn said.

And to add on, the new member period and active life are vastly different than the created environment of recruitment. PNMs need to take the time to try out houses and see what day to day sorority life is actually like after the emotional rollercoaster of recruitment.

Thank you IUHoosierGirl88. I think TLynn and her daughter have their heads on right about IU recruitment -- going for the sisterhood experience and fun.

Sending out last minute good vibes to all involved parties tonight!

After how crazy last year's IU thread got, I am asking for everyone's patience tonight. Yes, there will be posts that are not very politically correct and maybe a few that are downright unkind. Try to remember that emotions are high tonight.

I have my snacks and am ready for the results to roll in. May the odds be ever in your favor. (Quick reference to last year's thread) ;)

Sorry, this was started by me. I was just seeing the same pattern over and over again. It gets annoying after a while but, as the IU alumna has asked--I won't post anything else about it. I love the reference. That's exactly what I'm thinking. It's very Hunger Games.

Do you mean that she went to Pref at the 3 unhoused chapters, then signed the MRABA after Pref, but will choose not to accept a bid from any of them, should she receive one today?

Please tell me that this is NOT what is happening today....

If she signed a bid card, she is bound for a year if any of the sororities she put down gives her a bid so she might as well try it out.

What makes me :rolleyes: at the IU discussions here, there and everywhere on the intraweb is the parents who on one hand are saying how horrible the current system is and how rude and awful the school and the sorority members and Panhel are to not fix it NOW, and then in the next keystroke are completely buying into the concept of the currently unhoused chapters being "less than" and supporting their daughter's choice to just say forget it if that's the 3 chapters she has left.

^^^^ this.

You cannot condemn the system and at the same time buy uncritically into all of its worst stereotypes. Housing does not make a sisterhood, even at unique snowflake universities, no matter what everyone says. And I went to a school where chapter houses were a BIG DEAL. But I found out recently that one of the up and coming Christian sororities (unhoused) on my campus has upwards of 130 members..... Gorgeous, active, would be welcomed into all of the "traditional" sororities on campus, but the girls were given a different hand of cards and are playing them. Like I said, housing doesn't make a sisterhood.

Wow, glad my daughter dropped out before the Hunger Games began (with snacks). She was not after top tiers and has not mentioned recruitment for next year. Just not her thing. Thanks for those who sent best wishes to her! I am a Greek Woman and know that it can be a great thing and had a great experience...but can't believe that so may are supporting such a destructive system.

Please do not mock my posts, I have been nothing but kind. My Hunger Games reference is based on last year's thread and the fact that the author of the Hunger Games is an IU alumna. The snacks is a reference to the fact that I was hungry, I missed lunch today. You are reading snark into my posts where there truly is none.

Exactly WHO do you think is supporting the system at IU??? No one here. It is what it is. If the chapters at IU wanted to change things, I bet they would. Apparently the chapters on campus and the university are happy being the odd duck recruitment. I don't think that anyone here thinks that the situation there is a good situation.

I have two daughters at IU, one in a housed sorority. I really believe that the un-housed chapters are just as valuable as the others. My daughter would tell you that living in the house has disadvantages. It is crowded and girls don't always get along. However, I can tell you that the general perception around campus is that the un-housed are less desirable. Congratulations to the mature, thoughtful young women who can see past this silliness. A lot of women at this age aren't mature enough to see it. However, I understand why this perception is so prevalent, when the sorority community at IU is so focused on living in the house.

I don't think you'll find a single person here who "supports" this system. We all want it to change. But guess what? We don't have the power to do it. But we can be supportive of the women who go thru it with an open mind. And we can be supportive of our chapters in this campus and our national organizations who are working hard to bring them in line with other campuses and NPC preference. It doesn't happen over night...but thank you for thinking we're that good! Wish we were...

Did not know that. Cool! Thanks for sharing that. Go Big Ten!