Hugely disappointed daughter this morning. I'm trying hard to find the right things to say. She was only invited to two pref parties and more importantly did not get invited back to her "favorite". This is soooooo tough.

I'm wishing I had more conversations with her about considering the possibility of NOT pledging anywhere at all. We just both kept saying that we "trusted the process" - which btw, I still do, I'm just not sure if either of these two houses are the right ones for her and if the process is telling her that she would be better off not pledging.

Same thing happened to my daughter. Her two favorites are gone and she also is left with two. She said she will give them a chance. Her good friend got "the call" last night. I'm so sad for her.

Pref parties can change minds. This board is filled with stories of women who felt little or no connections with the chapters they were attending for pref, but found the longer party time, the more serious conversations and the realization that these women REALLY want you as part of their sisterhood....makes a huge difference.

And really, with chapter sizes of 250-300, is it really possible that the typical college girl will find ZERO connections there? Mostly it is hurt pride and raw emotions at play. If girls can push past that, they can be very happy, usually.

wishing all the uga girls best of luck today during Prefs....:)

Very, very rarely would a pnm be better off not pledging. Having been through dozens of recruitments I can authoritatively say the process is telling her "THESE TWO HOUSES REALLY WANT YOU. Open your heart and mind and see if you can't see yourself as a sister to these women who obviously see something in you that those who cut you did not."

^^^ Preach it, sister! :)

I agree with SWTXBelle on this! Keep in mind, your daughters are exhausted and run down, plus they have experienced the gamut of emotions during the week! Add to this the fact that UGA starts classes on bid day, and you have one crazed emotional exhausted nervous teenager!! My daughter went through similar emotions last year during her recruitment at Bama (all except the starting classes part on bid day, thankfully!). The house she ended up in was perfect for her, and it had always been on the radar from Panhellenic Preview Weekends the prior winter, but during rush she would call with 'new favorites' and differing viewpoints. As she approached the final rounds, several favorites still existed, but for prefs, even though she had a full 3 invites, only 1 was where she could see herself. She was a bit stung that the other two houses had dropped her. She ended up in that one and never thought back on the other 2 again. When I have asked since then if she feels the process worked for her, she says ABSOLUTELY! She knows she is exactly where she was meant to be.

She'd probably even be saying that if she'd ended up in any of the three, because she'd never know anything different! All sororities have wonderful experiences to offer.

Last year, there were harsh cuts at my daughter's campus. Most girls experienced heavy cuts after the first and second rounds. Several of my daughter's hall mates were released right before Pref. For those who joined, all were happy with where they ended up. From what she's said, not being able to participate in Greek Life at all was much more difficult for those girls than being dropped by a favorite along the way. Dropping or being cut is a disappointment that lasted much longer than the temporary disappointment of not getting your favorite.

Two of her friends were especially upset when they had to go to the dorm housing lottery...while those who had joined were excited about moving into their sororities sophomore year.

Dear Supportive Strangers :)

Thank you for all of this! Your words are becoming my texts! First of two pref parties done and she is sounding a bit brighter.

I can understand your daughter feeling this way. Recruitment makes you exhausted and crazy. But why would you see not pledging as the better option? Did you know many sorority women who were unhappy that they joined?

My experience was that the women in all groups, even the ones who weren't wild about where they pledged at first, tended to be happy they were members.

I agree with you UGAalum. I think I wrote that at 6:35 this morning in the midst of a flurry of sad, confused, disappointed texts from my very tired and confused and disappointed daughter!

Coffee and a shower and some time to reflect make me very hopeful that she will pledge one of her two remaining choices and it will be the right place for her!

Really feeling for all you moms going through this!!! Very happy to be on the other side. My daughter's recruitment wasn't perfect, but she honestly could not be happier now and can't believe that she ever considered other chapters. The handful of girls she knows that dropped during recruitment have since regretted the rash decision they made during a very emotionally charged period of time. I wish all of you the best and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a happy bid day for you all tomorrow!!

Hang in there! Many of us have felt the angst of watching our daughters go through recruitment. It's so hard to see your bright, young daughter, whom you love and adore, go through these cuts when she's just moved away to college and you're feeling all "empty nesty" at the same time.

I'm also hoping your daughter finds her home. She'll be somewhere on both group's bid lists, so the worst part is really over. Just be supportive of her and encourage her to list both groups on her card. And be thrilled and congratulate her on which ever group she joins! Every single group is composed of bright, young women who can offer a wonderful sisterhood experience.

Wishing luck and love to all you UGa girls--

"The girls that dropped during recruitment have since regretted the rash decision they made during a very emotionally charged period of time!!"

This says it ALL.

(I apologize for the slight edit).

Hang in there!

Good luck to all of the UGA moms and PNMs! There can be a lot of hurt and disappointment during FFR. When I went through 15 years ago, I had a clear favorite all week, but ended up with my second choice on Bid Day. I was devastated.

When I called home, my mom asked....did I go through FFR or be a XYZ or to be Greek? I went through to be a sorority woman and had a bid to a wonderful chapter. I had an amazing 4 years of college and have served as an advisor for 10+ years now. I love my sisters and KNOW that I ended up in the right place.

Hang in there!

Just heard back from my daughter after both parties and she said she's going to give it a try. She has a more positive attitude and I really think it will all work out. Is she guaranteed a bid if she ranks both? Or does she still have to worry about that dreaded phone call tonight?

Whoa, that's early. I wish all pref parties were after dark (obviously not practical, but still...).

Nothing is ever 100% guaranteed, but assuming that your daughter didn't kick her rusher in the teeth, and news of her high school drug ring didn't surface last minute, etc., the system is set up so that she will receive a bid.

Great answer!

So...the majority of the stress is over? Phew! I can't express enough how relieved I am!

Yes. At this point - if she maximized her options
she should get a bid

Just remind her to think about why she signed up for recruitment
- was it to make new friends?
- to network?
- to be a part of something bigger?
- to be a leader?

Both of the group she went back to today would love to have her help them grow!

^^^^^^LOVE THIS!!!^^^^^^

Yes, it was all these things. I will be sure to remind her.

One more point: rush isn't real! It feels real and it feels desperately important to make the right choice, but when it all boils down to it, it's a highly stylized way to make friends. Would you not be friends with someone because she didn't have the cutest dress? Or dog forbid, she puts on a skit for your benefit and it kind of thuds? All of the chapters are good and VERY large. No matter which house she gets, she will make friends and find her niche. If she wants to, that is. If she goes in being a pissy pants, or worse, a princess who expects to be spoon-fed her friendships, then she's going to get very disenchanted very quickly, and it was all because she didn't get that 1 perfect house, who by the way didn't like her enough to invite her. But I have a feeling you won't allow that to happen ;)

It's so hard for 18 year olds to see beyond the immediate moment on their campus, in their limited exposure to what all of this means.

Every sorority offers leadership training, philanthropic engagement, parties, sparkly things, sisterhood and the opportunity to help run what amounts to a small non-profit agency.

I am an old lady by their standards, and I still get a thrill when I put on my pin, meet a random KD in the store wearing her letters, or read about one my chapter sister's accomplishments. I have served as an advisor, an alum officer and have met KDs from all over the country and have bonded with women half my age, based on our common experience with KD. My son counted KDs on his campus as some of his best friends, and they thought it was so cool that his mom was their sister.

If I had dropped out, I would have missed one of my treasured life experiences.

Each of our groups has high ideals, beautiful bling and wonderful charities to support. Honestly, given what I have learned about NPC from this board, I could proudly wear the letters of any group.

Especially in these gigantic chapters, there is something for everyone and they will find a place to fit in.

My rec girl had a full schedule today for Pref with one that had been one of her favorites all week. She was really touched by the other two during their Pref ceremonies so I think she is comfortable with however it goes down tomorrow. She has had a few ups and downs but overall this has been a good experience for her!

Photos
 

The Red & Black have a few photos of 2013 t-shirt day and preference online.

Close friend's daughter had a full schedule all the way through, including her legacy house. But, to our great surprise legacy house released her after third round. I had never heard of that happening, nor had the mother, and although it was not her first choice, there were hurt feelings today that it was handled that way. It is not a house that traditionally has huge numbers of legacies coming through, so I am puzzled as to the thought process. Still, she went to prefs at 3 houses she liked very much, so hopefully all will end well.

That is always hard. Like you I hope that your friend's daughter finds her dream house among her 3 choices.

This happened to my roommate at UGA back 20 years ago. She was multiple legacy to a house that had, unfortunately, more legacies than space. She got cut the night before prefs and her mother was blowing up our phone trying to reach her.

It sucked. It sucked for all of her family members who were XYZ, and it sucked for her, and it sucked for me because I was really happy with my parties and had to keep my happiness on low.

She got knocked from her favorite non-legacy house as well, and ended up quitting rush. She told me she didn't want to tell me where she'd been invited because "They're both houses *you* like!" - the tone doesn't come out, but she wasn't being kind.

I ended up tickled pink, and she never went anywhere - I think she'd have been happy at either place - because, you know as soon as she walked out of the room I turned over her scheduled and took a peek.

Instead of focusing on what their options are, some PNMs focus too much on what they no longer have. I sometimes think the hurt/rejection is stronger than the acceptance/we want you. I think it is normal but recruitment teaches young women that they have to adjust quickly and move on or get left behind. Life lessons.

This is great advice! The process doesn't allow for much time to regroup. At 6:00 in the morning you are dealt a disappointing blow and by 8:00 have to put on your best self for a pref party. That is hard to deal with...

God Bless the Gamma Chi that got my daughter turned around and back in the game!

Typically, that's when they have to release them or else put them on their bid list. Obviously, they gave her a really good look or she would have been released earlier - which would have made for worse hurt feelings, I would think. There's no good way or time to release a legacy.

Trust me I am completely aware of the morning disappointment followed by the "I love you, I'm sorry your hurt and sad....but now go out there and knock them dead". My Debbie had her own up and down moments and all you can do is balance the parental comfort and support with a gentle kick in the backside to get back out there.

I have heard that one of my rec girls has dropped out. Very disappointing.

Another rec girl has a definite favorite after pref, so hopefully tomorrow she will open her bid card to see that group's name. We shall see!

good luck to all these UGA girls....I know it is tough. praying that all end up with smiles on their faces and brightness in their hearts. just wish rush ended before classes begin.

The Dawg I had in the game was released this evening - I was feeding advice to her mom left and right, but when it came down to it, she chose to list one group on her bid card despite the advice given.

I understand the reasons for not listing others, but am sad for her.

If girl only listed one sorority on her bid card and was not going to get a bid from them today, would she have received "the call" last night?