GreekChat.com Forums
Page 3 of 3 12 3
Show 40 post(s) from this thread on one page

GreekChat.com Forums (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/index.php)
-   Dating & Relationships (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/forumdisplay.php?f=206)
-   -   Joint account or separate account (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=122386)

AlphaFrog 10-13-2011 01:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2099678)
The roles and effectiveness of religious doctrine. That is a thread in and of itself.
Besides, she left our the quintessential biblical dating book: Song of Songs (or Solomon, depending on your version)

cheerfulgreek 10-13-2011 01:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaFrog (Post 2099679)
Besides, she left our the quintessential biblical dating book: Song of Songs (or Solomon, depending on your version)
I read it, just not as much as Genesis, Proverbs, and Corinthians. Great book, though.

DrPhil 10-13-2011 01:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaFrog (Post 2099679)
Besides, she left our the quintessential biblical dating book: Song of Songs (or Solomon, depending on your version)
And these types of discussions continue to be tautological. :)

It works!
How do you know?
Because it worked for me!

:)

AlphaFrog 10-13-2011 01:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2099682)
And these types of discussions continue to be tautological. :)

It works!
How do you know?
Because it worked for me!

:)
Yep. And that's pretty much the entire contents of this thread in one post. :p

preciousjeni 10-13-2011 01:44 PM
Living on one income and banking the other is certainly ideal, but in reality it may not be possible. In my family's case, our incomes separately have either not reached the self-sufficiency level in our county or barely reached it.

In my county, for a family of two, poverty is in the range of $10,000 and self-sufficiency is in the range of $35,000.

The median household income in my county is $78,218 (as of 2009).

ETA: We have no debt except for a minimal mortgage on an 800 sq. ft. condo. We ended up buying, because rent in this county is too damn high. :p

summer_gphib 10-13-2011 01:45 PM
We have a single checking account, and it's joint. All the accounts we have are joint accounts. It's kind of a pain sometimes, but it's worth it for the transparency. My parents always had separate accounts, and my Mom has always screwed my dad. She would hide money, get credit cards in his name, and wracked up over 25k in credit card debt without him knowing. He only found out when he was checking into buying a rental property, and looked at his credit score. He's never made a late payment in his life.. he's Mr. Financial Responsibility. She on the other hand, has been sued for not making payments. Growing up with that hot mess, I wanted complete transparency. Actually I'm the one that handles all the money, anyway. LOL So it probably wouldn't matter. My hubby couldn't balance a check book if he tried. Before we got married, he thought he could balance it by calling the bank and finding out the balance... that's how much money he had to spend. LOL

Cen1aur 1963 10-13-2011 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099675)
I get my information on relationships from "dating books" (plural). Mainly from Corinthians, Genesis, and Proverbs. Probably not the "dating book" you were thinking. I don't just use the bible for dating purposes though. I like to use it for all aspects of my life. So far, it's been working for me.
I had and still have a pastor who teaches from the same principles you follow, but yet he was fucking around on his wife LOL. It was with this woman who sat in the very front, right in front of him. I guess she was wearing short skirts, crossing her legs etc. and what not. Basically, he was preaching the word of God with a rock hard dick, and then wasn't strong enough to turn away. He boned her, not once, but this had been going on for a long time, until he was caught hittin' it in his office late at night. Probably slappin' that ass with the bible saying "who's your daddy?" LOL

I feel everything you're saying, and you seem to be a cool person, and are probably a good girlfriend, but I'm just saying that just because you think you have the right person, be careful because that isn't always the case. A pastor to me teaching doctrine from the bible is no different than a professor teaching mathematics. Two human beings teaching shit that you can use to better yourself. Which is why I still stayed at the church because he's still kickin' knowledge. The fact that he's not or didn't practice what he's preaching has no affect on me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2099682)
And these types of discussions continue to be tautological. :)

It works!
How do you know?
Because it worked for me!

:)
LOL. True, but I think this is true in most of the threads I've read. It all comes down to what works for you in whatever. But folks tend to think whatever works for them should work for somebody else which isn't always the case.

DrPhil 10-13-2011 03:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963
LOL. True, but I think this is true in most of the threads I've read. It all comes down to what works for you in whatever. But folks tend to think whatever works for them should work for somebody else which isn't always the case.
Yes, this is an opinion board. :)

There are things in life that are not so subjective. Those things don't make for exciting discussions of opinions.

AOII Angel 10-13-2011 03:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099675)
Yep, I agree. But there's no such thing as a perfect family, though.


True. But if it's going to work, I still believe you need to be compatible with that person, regardless of what kind of family they came from.


It's not "my formula". I follow biblical scripture (the best way I know how to), I enjoy reading it, and it gives me great wisdom and instruction in all aspects of my life. I agree, it looks awesome on paper, but where I disagree, it does work in reality, because I've seen it work in my parents marriage, and in my pastor's. Two couples I get my advice from.


Absolutely, I totally agree with you. That's great you feel that way about your husband. I would hope that you do and vice versa. You've been married for 9 years, so you should know something about it. However, no one (and this includes both you and your husband) comes into this world knowing everything there is to know about relationships. In fact, I think we look more like empty computers when we are first born. No programs have been installed, pretty much, if you want to look at it that way. All we have is the capacity to record and store all the information we receive. Right or wrong, that data is stored based on our observances, and that's pretty much what makes up our programming. We live out what we retain (unless somewhere down the line we learn a better way, as you've mentioned with your husband), and to be quite honest with you, sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. That all depends on who you seek for advice, or who you learn it from.

Nope, I've never been married, but for those single people, who have never been married, such as myself, the secret to taking advice is actually quite plain and simple. Take advice from someone who's been successful at accomplishing what you want to accomplish, and this isn't based only on relationships. It should apply to all aspects of your life. Since we're focused on relationships here, find someone who has a successful marriage or relationship and use that person as a source of sound counsel (I don't mean "use" as in take advantage of). I'm not going to sit around with a bunch of other women who are not having success with men and expect to come away with healthy words of wisdom. I just think the quickest way to end a depressing drama is to not let it begin. Seek counsel from experienced people in your lives.

In response to your other comment, I get my information on relationships from "dating books" (plural). Mainly from Corinthians, Genesis, and Proverbs. Probably not the "dating book" you were thinking. I don't just use the bible for dating purposes though. I like to use it for all aspects of my life. So far, it's been working for me.


Congrats on 9 years of marriage. May you have many more.:)
I have no problem with you following your own ideas, but you sure have a lot to say about other people's marriages. Also, the funny thing about your rules being biblical...I've never picked up the bible and found any of that written there. I have, however, seen women married to men chosen for them by there fathers. Sometimes judging people too much by people from their past can give you the wrong picture. I can name tons of people who were bitten in the ass by that mistake. The family does not make the man, and full proof plans rarely are. Relationships happen and if your lucky, you use your brain as much as your heart to choose your mate.

honeychile 10-13-2011 03:48 PM
FWIW, cheerfulgreek and anyone else who cares, we discussed MOMO with our pastor/counselor during our premarital meetings. He thinks it's a good idea.

DubaiSis 10-13-2011 04:06 PM
MOMO?

Ch2tf 10-13-2011 04:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel (Post 2099611)
For someone who has actually never been married, you sure have a lot to say about it...
Single girl over here...Glad I'm not the only one thinking this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099675)
Nope, I've never been married, but for those single people, who have never been married, such as myself, the secret to taking advice is actually quite plain and simple. Take advice from someone who's been successful at accomplishing what you want to accomplish, and this isn't based only on relationships. It should apply to all aspects of your life. Since we're focused on relationships here, find someone who has a successful marriage or relationship and use that person as a source of sound counsel (I don't mean "use" as in take advantage of). I'm not going to sit around with a bunch of other women who are not having success with men and expect to come away with healthy words of wisdom. I just think the quickest way to end a depressing drama is to not let it begin. Seek counsel from experienced people in your lives.

But what makes a successful marriage IYO? As many aspects of one's relationship/marriage are private (as they should be) as an outsider you don't really get to determine what is and isn't a successful marriage. All you see is what the couple portrays to the outside world (sometimes very consciously). Many a marraige has stood the test of time have been tried by the very things you've said you wouldn't put up with.

agzg 10-13-2011 05:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis (Post 2099745)
MOMO?
Money Of My Own.

cheerfulgreek 10-13-2011 05:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel (Post 2099734)
I've never picked up the bible and found any of that written there.
I have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel (Post 2099734)
The family does not make the man,
Not always, but I just prefer a man who comes from a similar background as my own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel (Post 2099734)
you use your brain as much as your heart to choose your mate.
I agree, and I've said this several times before on here, so this is nothing new. I think it's important to use your brain before you let your emotions get involved, and that takes time in most cases. A lot of people let their decisions follow their emotions, when it's safer the other way around. I just think it's better to "think" first and "feel" later. It just comes down to the right choices eventually bringing the right emotions. Just like the outcome of your whole life, love is a choice, not an emotion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by honeychile (Post 2099742)
FWIW, cheerfulgreek and anyone else who cares, we discussed MOMO with our pastor/counselor during our premarital meetings. He thinks it's a good idea.
I never said it wasn't a bad idea. Like I said before, choose someone who agrees with you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ch2tf (Post 2099748)
But what makes a successful marriage IYO?
I'm sure there are several things, but since you asked for my opinion, I think compatibility, and long-term maintenance are two of them. And more likely than not, the main things.

Compatibility because if you're not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, and you don't have to be living in separate homes, divorced or whatever for that to happen. I'm not saying that as being exactly alike, but having similar if not the same values is what I'm saying.

Maintenance, because a relationship needs to be maintained in order for it to continue to last/work. Christian or not. IMO, everything needs to be maintained in order for it to survive/work, whether it's your home, a business, a car, your pets, etc. You name it, it needs to be maintained.

Mevara 10-13-2011 05:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek;
Nope, I've never been married, but for those single people, who have never been married, such as myself, the secret to taking advice is actually quite plain and simple. Take advice from someone who's been successful at accomplishing what you want to accomplish, and this isn't based only on relationships. It should apply to all aspects of your life. Since we're focused on relationships here, find someone who has a successful marriage or relationship and use that person as a source of sound counsel (I don't mean "use" as in take advantage of). I'm not going to sit around with a bunch of other women who are not having success with men and expect to come away with healthy words of wisdom. I just think the quickest way to end a depressing drama is to not let it begin. Seek counsel from experienced people in your lives.
Please do not give advice on marriage if you have not been there!! Take your own advice and leave it to the married folk to do that.

cheerfulgreek 10-13-2011 05:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mevara (Post 2099772)
leave it to the married folk to do that.
I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy marriage.

eta: I said it in the post you just quoted.

MysticCat 10-13-2011 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099777)
I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy relationship/marriage.
Just be aware that there are plenty of people (including some at GC and including some who take the Bible quite seriously) who are in very healthy marriages who would not give you some of the advice you've tauted here. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong, just different, as in so many aspects of life.

Do what works for you, but never assume it's the way that works for everyone else.

cheerfulgreek 10-13-2011 06:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticCat (Post 2099779)
Just be aware that there are plenty of people (including some at GC and including some who take the Bible quite seriously) who are in very healthy marriages who would not give you some of the advice you've tauted here. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong, just different, as in so many aspects of life.

Do what works for you, but never assume it's the way that works for everyone else.
I dunno, MC. I think it's important for careers or anything you've never had experience in to talk to successful people in that particular area, if you want to accomplish what they've accomplished.

MysticCat 10-13-2011 06:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099781)
I dunno, MC. I think it's important for careers or anything you've never had experience in to talk to successful people in that particular area, if you want to accomplish what they've accomplished.
I didn't say it isn't. What I said is don't expect to get the same advice from all those successful people, because people are different, and what works for someone might not work for someone else. There's not always one right answer, as evidence by the successfully married people in this thread who have disagreed with some of the advice you've talked about.

Gather all the opinions you want from all the successful people/couples you want, then make up your own mind about what bits of advice you've gotten might be helpful to you and what bits advice aren't so much.

33girl 10-13-2011 06:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaFrog (Post 2099679)
Besides, she left our the quintessential biblical dating book: Song of Songs (or Solomon, depending on your version)
Has anyone ever put that into the Snoop Dogg Shizzinator? If not, they really need to.

Mevara 10-13-2011 06:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099777)
I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy marriage.

eta: I said it in the post you just quoted.
Yes but they are not the ones on here giving the advice... you are!

AGDee 10-13-2011 07:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticCat (Post 2099784)
I didn't say it isn't. What I said is don't expect to get the same advice from all those successful people, because people are different, and what works for someone might not work for someone else. There's not always one right answer, as evidence by the successfully married people in this thread who have disagreed with some of the advice you've talked about.

Gather all the opinions you want from all the successful people/couples you want, then make up your own mind about what bits of advice you've gotten might be helpful to you and what bits advice aren't so much.
<applause> Even what defines a "successful" marriage varies greatly. I see people who are VERY happy and think their marriages are successes, and they are, for them. I see fewer people who are in the kind of marriage that I would be happy in. Even when I get discouraged and think that everybody who is single at my age is just too damaged to have a successful relationship, I see a couple who gives me hope again...lol.

DrPhil 10-13-2011 08:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeychile (Post 2099742)
FWIW, cheerfulgreek and anyone else who cares, we discussed MOMO with our pastor/counselor during our premarital meetings. He thinks it's a good idea.
Yep there are many "Godly people" who think MOMO is appropriate.

WWJD? Jesus would do MOMO...or joint...or MOMO...or joint...ahhhhhh, it depends on the circumstances. :)

DrPhil 10-13-2011 08:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 2099770)
I never said it wasn't a bad idea. Like I said before, choose someone who agrees with you.
Actually, when people like cheerfulgreek make this about religious doctrine, it becomes about more than what works for you as a couple/family. The premise of bringing in religious doctrine is that you are doing what is pleasing in a religious sense. Within this context, if what is pleasing in a religious sense is subjective, what is the point of citing religious text? Is the religious text saying nothing more than to pray and talk to your spouse to determine the best outcome for you and yours? If so, then, okay. If that is not why religion was brought into the discussion and the "whatever works for you" is just said to avoid religious debate, womp womp.

The "whatever works for you" goes without saying but some posts in this thread on all sides of the issue have a tone that what works for us doesn't have to apply to everyone else...but if you're wise/religiously saved/smart/etc. you'll do it the way we're doing it. LOL.

PrettyBoy 10-13-2011 10:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963 (Post 2099709)
I had and still have a pastor who teaches from the same principles you follow, but yet he was fucking around on his wife LOL. It was with this woman who sat in the very front, right in front of him. I guess she was wearing short skirts, crossing her legs etc. and what not. Basically, he was preaching the word of God with a rock hard dick, and then wasn't strong enough to turn away. He boned her, not once, but this had been going on for a long time, until he was caught hittin' it in his office late at night. Probably slappin' that ass with the bible saying "who's your daddy?" LOL
http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gifhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gifhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gif We had...not one, but two pastors like this when I was growing up in MN. One of them got another woman pregnant. There is a greekchat member on here who's known me since I was about 8 or 9 years old (she doesn't post as much anymore). When I lived in the Twin Cities, she and I went to the same church, and we also had lunch together a few years back because I hadn't seen her since I was a kid.

She left the church along with a lot of members when she found out what happened. I was just a kid at the time, but apparently an altercation took place outside of the church after service one day between him, his wife and the other woman. I wasn't there when it happened but my dad was a deacon and my mom was an usher in the church at the time, so they knew all about it. I just remember them and my God parents talking about it. That was the first pastor. He left and started his own church and a lot of the younger members followed him. I was in high school when we got a new pastor. I thought he was cool. I used to fall asleep in church until he showed up, he was that good. Come to find out two years later while I was away at college, he cheated on his wife with another woman, and got her pregnant. They got rid of him. By that time, my parents had already gone to another church. I stopped going because I just didn't feel comfortable with some dude preaching what he isn't following himself. Man, it was drama during that time.

When I had lunch with LG (GC member) a few years back, although she doesn't go to that church anymore, she said there's still some mess going on there. But this was back in 2007. I'm not sure if that pastor is still there or not.

This is too funny. This mess happens all the time in the church. And that woman who was sitting in front at your church, I'll bet she wasn't just sitting there just to be doing it. She knew exactly what she was doing, I wasn't born yesterday. Dude liked what he saw, got weak, and look what happened. Yeah, he may be a pastor, but he's still a human being. He's got to resist temptation just like the next married man/woman. The church I go to now, our pastor is cool...so far LOL.:D

ETA: One more thing I forgot to mention. I remember the pastor who got the woman pregnant, he used to get on these crazy off topic sermons about how he's tired of watching married men in the church checking out the women as they walk down the aisle to give, and how a man should love his wife as he loves his own body LOL! Yet, this trifling dude was screwing around on his wife and had the mistress pregnant...dude please.

DubaiSis 10-14-2011 06:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 2099864)
http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gifhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gifhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gif
ETA: One more thing I forgot to mention. I remember the pastor who got the woman pregnant, he used to get on these crazy off topic sermons about how he's tired of watching married men in the church checking out the women as they walk down the isle to give, and how a man should love his wife as he loves his own body LOL! Yet, this trifling dude was screwing around on his wife and had the mistress pregnant...dude please.
How can you not go immediately to that when you hear someone (literally in your case) preaching so vehemently. After all the proof we've been given over and over again, any Congressman who is a public homophobe you KNOW is getting some in the cloak room. The best we can hope for is the man he's shtooping is a grown up. Proof once again that taking it down a notch is the way to go.

When people talk about marriages and what works, I think of a woman I know who has been married for 25 years. They fight like cats and dogs every single day. It's unbelievably uncomfortable to be around them for any extended period of time. Every little moment of less than pure bliss is an invitation to start screaming. 25 years. This is clearly the marriage they want or they'd have gotten out of that hell before they even got married - it was like this from day one. I would have bet $100 they'd never make it down the aisle. I believe they use a joint account and I highly doubt she has her own bank account. She trusts him completely, and as far as I can tell, she's safe to. But I'd have hanged myself years ago before putting up with that much negativity every day.

KSigkid 10-14-2011 07:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2099027)
If you're that far apart on money, IMO you shouldn't get married in the first place. It's SO much heavier than people realize. Even if you have separate accounts, if you're saying every other day "it's MY money and I'll do what I want with it" that's not a healthy relationship. Maybe you're not fighting-fighting, but you're still feeling the disapproval of the other person.

(Thanks heaven that I learned this lesson in my very first serious relationship.)
Agreed completely...I've heard many stories where money arguments end the relationship. Money touches so many parts of daily lives (job, mortgage/rent, bills, groceries).

I agree with everyone else that whether you do one account or separate accounts, there is no one correct answer. My wife and I have been married a little over 6 years, and that was one of the first issues we worked out after getting married.

PrettyBoy 10-14-2011 08:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis (Post 2099931)
How can you not go immediately to that when you hear someone (literally in your case) preaching so vehemently.
I think most people would. I'm not saying that he should be damned to hell because of it, though (like a lot of people were saying when it happened). I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. Not because I would cheat on my s/o (that's not me) but because we all are tempted by things we don't need, or shouldn't have. It could be spending habits, eating habits, laziness, etc. In his case it's women LOL. I only left the church not only because he wasn't practicing what he was preaching, but because I'm not comfortable around men who womanize. I don't agree with it, so I don't support it by going around it (knowing about it). I guess the only thing I could hope for with both pastors is that they get help, practice what they preach, and for the most part love and honor their wives. I think a man who honors his wife, that's pretty much the most important thing he can do, not only for himself, but for his children too. (if he has any)


Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis (Post 2099931)
When people talk about marriages and what works, I think of a woman I know who has been married for 25 years. They fight like cats and dogs every single day. It's unbelievably uncomfortable to be around them for any extended period of time. Every little moment of less than pure bliss is an invitation to start screaming. 25 years. This is clearly the marriage they want or they'd have gotten out of that hell before they even got married - it was like this from day one. I would have bet $100 they'd never make it down the aisle. I believe they use a joint account and I highly doubt she has her own bank account. She trusts him completely, and as far as I can tell, she's safe to. But I'd have hanged myself years ago before putting up with that much negativity every day.
I see your point, and I agree with you. I don't like being around negative people, either. I know a couple who hits each other and uses verbally abusive language toward each other. They've been married for over 13 years. They have a joint and two separate accounts based on what he told me. He used to be my roomie when I was in college, and they've been together since college. When we were roommates, they got into it once when I was in the room. I told them to leave because I didn't want to see it or hear it. I think the biggest reasons for divorce are money, sex, and communication. Technically communication covers both sex and money, really. So I think it's communication that causes the most problems in most marriages or courtships. There are several reason why couples stay together, I don't think some of it is healthy, but not all couples see marriage or courtship the same way I do. As long as people don't bring their negativity around me, I just let folks do their thing, while I do mine.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:33 PM.
Page 3 of 3 12 3
Show 40 post(s) from this thread on one page

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.