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-   -   First signs of a bad first date (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=113741)

knight_shadow 05-21-2010 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee (Post 1932255)
I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn :)

Wow.

I don't understand mess like that. If a date isn't working out, so be it. I'm not gonna get all butthurt because there's no chemistry. I hate when my friends come back with stories about "Man, that bitch was this-and-that! She was boring and made the date suck and said nothing would come of this!"

I'm like "Why are y'all so damn mad? Was she the last single woman in the city? Get over it."

BluPhire 05-21-2010 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow (Post 1932258)
Wow.

I don't understand mess like that. If a date isn't working out, so be it. I'm not gonna get all butthurt because there's no chemistry. I hate when my friends come back with stories about "Man, that bitch was this-and-that! She was boring and made the date suck and said nothing would come of this!"

I'm like "Why are y'all so damn mad? Was she the last single woman in the city? Get over it."


I know personally if the date looks like it is going to be bad, I make it a great date regardless.

I had a date with a chick with no conversation and I said to myself I would never have an awkward moment like that again...so if I know it is going to be bad...I can at least have some fun. Not gonna see the person again.

DrPhil 05-21-2010 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee (Post 1932255)
I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn :)

We definitely live and learn. In hindsight, it's easy to say that you shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. I'd rather walk to my car a mile away than get in the car after telling a man that I'm not feeling the chemistry and he slammed down his silverware.

Fleur de Lis 05-21-2010 03:09 PM

- Negativity (talks about how much he hates his job, etc.)
- Is rude to the host/server
- Doesn't tip enough (you can't always see the check, but a man who is stingy with tips is stingy with love)
- Doesn't look you in the eye when he's talking
- Expects you to carry the conversation

AGDee 05-21-2010 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1932263)
We definitely live and learn. In hindsight, it's easy to say that you shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. I'd rather walk to my car a mile away than get in the car after telling a man that I'm not feeling the chemistry and he slammed down his silverware.

Oh yeah, it was January and about 6 degrees out too. If it was summer, I'd have probably walked it.

KSUViolet06 05-21-2010 05:28 PM

Catching someone in little lies.

Example: When we first spoke on the phone to arrange Date #1 (a week after meeting) you said you were an architect.

While talking on Date #1, you now work in seasonal contruction.

If you lie about what you do for a living, there's really no telling what else you will lie about.


KΣGuy316 05-21-2010 07:28 PM

I'm surprised none of the women on here haven't mentioned:

If he picks me up in a minivan. (An especially crappy one to say the least)

or

If, when in conversation, he says "my wife" at any point.

BAckbOwlsgIrl 05-21-2010 07:44 PM

* REALLY believes in aliens and their colonies on Earth
* Has Social Anxiety disorder and does not like large groups of people
* Puts the menu 2 inches from nose only to let you know he is visually impaired which was not previously disclosed.
* Multiple workers compensations claims and no job.

cheerfulgreek 05-21-2010 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1931974)
LOL. Leave cheerfulgreek alone. This thread is all about the subjective "signs of a bad date." I could critique what a lot of people typed if I felt like it.

Plus, we already know how she feels about certain things. LOL.

Sidebar/
I had a convo with a friend about the usefulness of an actual philosophy major/degree the other day. I said that philosophy is a component of many schools of thoughts/majors/degrees/fields/careers and I feel like philosophy should be the beginning of a discussion and not the end [philosophy---->philosophy]. I have philosophical discussions all the time but I did not know whether literally being a philosopher had great utility. That was my simplistic way of thinking (I was tie-red) and what I said can be and has been said for a number of fields, though. I would never be disrespectful toward someone with a bachelor's or graduate degree in philosophy. It is awesome in its own right and has utility. Like I said, philosophy's a component of many schools of thought and fields of expertise---even *gasp* some of the things that cheerfulgreek chooses to be interested in. :)
/Sidebar

Well, this is true, DrPhil, it's just that in a partner, all I want is to feel financially secure. I mean, it's just that fast food places don't pay enough to even live off of, and I'm not saying that someone with a philosophy degree is a bad person, or anything, it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any. All I'm saying is that I've always wanted a guy who I can build a future with, someone I can depend on. It's just that I can't see how a guy working a fast food job can give me that sense of security. That's all I'm saying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy (Post 1932039)
But it's not about her hobbies, for me, it's about seeing if she is a person that I would like spending time with if there were no romance at all. To me, that is the one true measure of a friend, a person with whom I like to spend time, having no regard to how we are spending it,--her hobbies or mine. Doesn't matter. The way I see it, I would want my best friends to be honest, faithful, spiritual, responsible, connecting, loving etc. So, those qualities also need to be present in her, too.

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prettyface08 (Post 1932108)
LOL!! umm, how do I explain it, Hmmm. Have you ever known anyone whose mouth always seemed to have a little puddle around the bottom lip? It's kind of like drool but doesn't dribble down the chin just stays around the lip. Example: Diddy looks like he has a wet mouth. OR if the corners of their mouth is always wet, I can't do it. I can't kiss someone with all that excess saliva. Swallow sometimes! UGH lol

lol
Ewwwww! That is SO gross. I've never seen that before. However, I've seen guys with that white stuff in the corners of their mouth. Like, when they talk, it moves up and down, but never breaks apart. Ya know what I mean? I looks like mayonnaise. It's SO disgusting and it makes me gag. Yuck! Have you ever seen that, before?

DrPhil 05-21-2010 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 1932482)
...it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any.


;)

Then instead of being judgmental and slamming the degree, open your mind and see what he's doing with his degree. The same as you would expect from a man who thinks your degree and line of work (and overall interests) sound like a ridiculous waste of time. As you probably know, there are people with philosophy degrees who make more than you may ever earn and that's because most majors and degree fields include a range of careers and jobs.

Plus, you're most likely thinking of a B.A in philosophy--which isn't a total waste, either. But, I don't think in terms of college majors. I think in terms of masters, doctorates, juris doctorates, and so forth. People don't pursue those with the expectation to pontificate as to whether the customer wants their chicken fried or grilled.

All in all, when it comes to dating and sustaining relationships, don't be that which you despise and give what you expect to get. :)

AGDee 05-21-2010 09:44 PM

I have to add, one of the smartest men I ever dated didn't have a degree yet when I was dating him (and he was in his late 30s then). He'd been career Army and had started his degree. When he retired from the Army, he went back and finished it up. He was articulate regarding a wide variety of subjects. However, that's what is more important to me. I need to be able to have real conversations about a variety of topics as well as someone who never stops learning. That man could kick my butt at Scrabble I tell ya.

dreamseeker 05-21-2010 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1932504)
All in all, when it comes to dating and sustaining relationships, don't be that which you despise and give what you expect to get. :)

this. i wish a lot more people would see that. maybe you should also tell Chili this ;)

phitheta376 05-21-2010 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek (Post 1932482)
Well, this is true, DrPhil, it's just that in a partner, all I want is to feel financially secure. I mean, it's just that fast food places don't pay enough to even live off of, and I'm not saying that someone with a philosophy degree is a bad person, or anything, it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any. All I'm saying is that I've always wanted a guy who I can build a future with, someone I can depend on. It's just that I can't see how a guy working a fast food job can give me that sense of security. That's all I'm saying.


:)

I thought that you might find this little tidbit from my school's Philosophy Department's interesting...

http://www.uncg.edu/phi/Revisions%20...osophy.html#_3

The fact is that in the modern economy, virtually no one can hack it just by holding a four year degree. This applies doubly so to those who hold degrees in the liberal arts. However, if you possess the traits that typically come with the attainment of a degree like that -- the abilities to quickly synthesize, interpret, communicate, and critically think -- then you're almost destined to make money anywhere.

chickenoodle 05-21-2010 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phitheta376 (Post 1932531)
I had literally HUNDREDS of text messages, and $60 in text message charges to boot. :mad: Needless to say, there was not a first date.

That is so unnecessary. Did you send her the bill?

lAZy 1 05-22-2010 12:04 AM

As long as she's not needy, then I wouldn't really have a problem. I hate needy chicks.

lAZy 1 05-22-2010 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agzg (Post 1931921)
I'm not looking for a professional history on a first date. If I ask what you do, I expect to hear about your CURRENT job. This is a DATE, not an interview!

If it's a date, then it's sorta an interview. If you're asking the dude questions, then that would be an interview, even if it's about his current job. If it isn't, then why would you ask him about his job in the first place?

lAZy 1 05-22-2010 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I.A.S.K. (Post 1932047)
*You dont like black women.
.

What kind of shit is this? You've gone out with dudes who don't like black chicks?

DrPhil 05-22-2010 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamseeker (Post 1932523)
this. i wish a lot more people would see that. maybe you should also tell Chili this ;)

:) She's like most people. Delusions of grandeur and vanity. It's okay for you to be a shithead but you can't tolerate someone being a shithead to you.

KSUViolet06 05-22-2010 03:55 PM

Neediness/clingy behavior.

Or any behavior that says to me that you might become needy/clingy down the road.

Example: If we went out on a date, the date was over at 10:30, and I had like 15 texts and 3 voicemails from you by the time I get home at 11:15, I will assume that you are needy/a clinger and there won't be a date #2.



KSUViolet06 05-22-2010 05:23 PM

Other things that tell me you might be a clinger and we don't need to go on any further dates:

*Getting upset if I don't return your calls right away.

Example: if you call me while i'm at work, and I don't return your call until after 5, and the first words out of your mouth are "I called you three hours ago, why didn't you call me back?" (in a serious way and not being funny/sarcastic) there will be no more dates.

*If you mutter any words such as "when we move in together..." or "when we have kids..." there will be no subsequent dates.

*Requesting to be "In A Relationship" with me on FB when we have been on one date and maybe have known each other for a few weeks.

*Getting defensive if we see someone I know while out and I say hi to them.

Ex: I saw a HS classmate (guy) out while on a date and said hello to him. He is gay and was with his partner so he clearly wasn't hitting on me. We chatted for maybe a minute (I was even polite and introduced everyone), and once he was gone, Date said defensively "who was that guy?"

I told him that I knew him from HS. Date asked "what if I talked to a girl I knew on a date?" I told him he was being ridic. He got out his phone and started texting girls. I ended that one early because he was just too clingy/passive aggressive for me to continue going out with him.


yougc 05-23-2010 01:38 PM

What do you even say on a first date? That won't sound like a job interview? Advisable to go to a place where both of you will be distracted ei)movies, concert
or in a quieter place ei) park, museum?

DrPhil 05-23-2010 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yougc (Post 1933156)
What do you even say on a first date? That won't sound like a job interview? Advisable to go to a place where both of you will be distracted ei)movies, concert
or in a quieter place ei) park, museum?

It is a polite, fun, and hugely entertaining job interview. Laugh and talk while finding out about each other. You will know which questions are off limits before you ask them or by his response when you do ask them.

Don't go on a date where you both be distracted. LOL. What's the point of a date if you are distracted?

Go where you will both have fun with the atmosphere and with each other.

dreamseeker 05-23-2010 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1932893)
Ex: I saw a HS classmate (guy) out while on a date and said hello to him. He is gay and was with his partner so he clearly wasn't hitting on me. We chatted for maybe a minute (I was even polite and introduced everyone), and once he was gone, Date said defensively "who was that guy?"

I told him that I knew him from HS. Date asked "what if I talked to a girl I knew on a date?" I told him he was being ridic. He got out his phone and started texting girls. I ended that one early because he was just too clingy/passive aggressive for me to continue going out with him.


umm, wow. that dude belongs in the sandbox. and even then there are more mature kids than him.

KSUViolet06 05-23-2010 04:44 PM

That one was pretty bad. To top it off, he called me like a week later. When I didn't pick up, he left me some long rambling message wondering why I hadn't returned his emails or answered the phone.

Ummm...if you actually have to ASK why I am no longer interested in you, I feel really badly for you.

Prettyface08 05-24-2010 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee (Post 1932255)
I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn :)

Hmmm, I guess my problem with this is that my mother always told me to carry enough money to be able to call a cab. If he was acting like that, I would have been afraid he would have tried to harm me, I would NOT have gotten back into his vehicle.

Prettyface08 05-24-2010 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1932893)
*Getting upset if I don't return your calls right away.

Example: if you call me while i'm at work, and I don't return your call until after 5, and the first words out of your mouth are "I called you three hours ago, why didn't you call me back?" (in a serious way and not being funny/sarcastic) there will be no more dates.

This! PLUS, if you call me during work hours at all and we've only been out once, we have a problem. How RUDE. You don't know me well enough to call me during work hours, and then to have the nerve to be upset that I didn't pick up or call right back? I said good day, sir!

DrPhil 05-24-2010 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prettyface08 (Post 1933548)
This! PLUS, if you call me during work hours at all and we've only been out once, we have a problem. How RUDE. You don't know me well enough to call me during work hours....

Goodness, you have a low threshold. ;) That only makes sense if you share your office hours with him on the date (a la Big Red "my office hours are from 8 to 5...") and ask him not to call you during them.

On another note:
Many many moons ago, I hung out with a dude ONE TIME and he began calling me ALL DAY. When I was in the office. When I was out shopping. I'm out to dinner and he's calling me every 5 minutes. It was the craziest thing I'd ever experienced. It pissed me off. And one time I decided to answer and he said "I didn't want nothing...I just have this crazy work schedule and I get bored." Well...ummm...pick up knitting or something. Needless to say, we never talked again.

Prettyface08 05-24-2010 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1933551)
Goodness, you have a low threshold. ;) That only makes sense if you share your office hours with him on the date (a la Big Red "my office hours are from 8 to 5...") and ask him not to call you during them.

On another note:
Many many moons ago, I hung out with a dude ONE TIME and he began calling me ALL DAY. When I was in the office. When I was out shopping. I'm out to dinner and he's calling me every 5 minutes. It was the craziest thing I'd ever experienced. It pissed me off. And one time I decided to answer and he said "I didn't want nothing...I just have this crazy work schedule and I get bored." Well...ummm...pick up knitting or something. Needless to say, we never talked again.

LOL! If I love that movie. If the date went well enough that he is able to call me again at some point I would have shared to him what I do and that they were day time hours. And yeah, I have a low threshold. I feel some type of way about calling someone during work hours unless they've asked me to.

Oh, and the dude who called all day would have been blocked (lol wait, they didn't have the cellphone block features that long ago), I can't stand having someone call me that many times a day. It's annoying.

UofISigKap 05-24-2010 06:49 PM

If you find yourself reading an e-mail that says, "I was going to call you, but I didn't think you'd answer," it may have been a bad first date.

Drolefille 05-24-2010 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UofISigKap (Post 1933848)
If you find yourself reading an e-mail that says, "I was going to call you, but I didn't think you'd answer," it may have been a bad first date.

Ouch.

knight_shadow 05-24-2010 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UofISigKap (Post 1933848)
If you find yourself reading an e-mail that says, "I was going to call you, but I didn't think you'd answer," it may have been a bad first date.

Wow. Who would write an e-mail like that?

"You won't answer my call, but you will answer my e-mail."

Yikes.

KSUViolet06 05-24-2010 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1933551)
Goodness, you have a low threshold. ;) That only makes sense if you share your office hours with him on the date (a la Big Red "my office hours are from 8 to 5...") and ask him not to call you during them.

On another note:
Many many moons ago, I hung out with a dude ONE TIME and he began calling me ALL DAY. When I was in the office. When I was out shopping. I'm out to dinner and he's calling me every 5 minutes. It was the craziest thing I'd ever experienced. It pissed me off. And one time I decided to answer and he said "I didn't want nothing...I just have this crazy work schedule and I get bored." Well...ummm...pick up knitting or something. Needless to say, we never talked again.

You really need to get out of my head and stop liking my favorite stuff. This is getting scary.

My job is not such that I can just talk during the day. So if you're calling me, it needs to be an emergency. "I just wanted to see what you were up to" isn't an emergency. It also annoys me because the whole "what are you doing?" thing makes ZERO sense. I'm WORKING, duh.

Prettyface08 05-25-2010 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1933859)
You really need to get out of my head and stop liking my favorite stuff. This is getting scary.

My job is not such that I can just talk during the day. So if you're calling me, it needs to be an emergency. "I just wanted to see what you were up to" isn't an emergency. It also annoys me because the whole "what are you doing?" thing makes ZERO sense. I'm WORKING, duh.

YES!!

It's not that I can't necessarily take calls during the day, it's just that I don't want anyone getting comfortable calling me throughout the day while I'm working.

DrPhil 05-25-2010 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prettyface08 (Post 1934140)
YES!!

It's not that I can't necessarily take calls during the day, it's just that I don't want anyone getting comfortable calling me throughout the day while I'm working.

As long as you tell him that. :) Sometimes we assume that these things are common sense and common practice when they aren't.

Prettyface08 05-25-2010 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 1934143)
As long as you tell him that. :) Sometimes we assume that these things are common sense and common practice when they aren't.

True. If for some reason I forgot to tell him, I'd tell him the next time we spoke (assuming he didn't throw a hissy fit because I didn't answer/return his call right away).

TonyB06 06-01-2011 02:27 PM

first date bad signs:

-she's the "hero" of every story she tells.
-excessive tatoos. (ok, any tatoos at all. not a fan.)
-excessive phone calls. Unless it's a family emergency, the world won't stop spinning if you don't answer your phone for two hours.

Lady Pi 06-01-2011 05:49 PM

-Texting, constantly looking at his phone, or having his phone on the table during dinner. I find this very rude even when my friends do it.
-Talking about sex
-Being rude/mean to other people! Or trying to boss service people around like he owns them just because he's a customer.

PrettyBoy 06-01-2011 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06 (Post 2059869)
-excessive tatoos. (ok, any tatoos at all. not a fan.)
.

:) I agree....a deal breaker, for me.

33girl 06-01-2011 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB (Post 1931266)
- He shows up in a shirt monogrammed/silkscreened with his company's logo (up here in Microsoft country, you wouldn't believe how many guys I went on dates with showed up with MS shirts. It's just really lazy and shows they don't care much about their appearance...and that they don't apparently ever go anywhere nice that requires a non-logo t/shirt.

OMG YES. No, if we are meeting on the east side of the city and you live on the far west side, and we are meeting right after your work...I don't expect you to go the whole way home and change. I do expect you to think about the fact that you're doing something after work and bring a f'ing non-logo shirt along to change into. I may not want everyone to think that I'm taking a business associate out for a thank you dinner.

Not only that, but (sweeping generalization here) many of the guys who do this are fat and sweaty and they need to change into a fresh shirt before a date anyway, regardless of what's on it.

agzg 06-01-2011 07:42 PM

I would imagine that some of the guys who wear the software company logo shirts are trying to imply that they're wealthy (and work for an uber successful tech company like Microsoft, Google, or Apple). Tech guys love to show that shit off.


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