I'm going to a friend's wedding in Michigan at the end of the month.

I bought an inexpensive gift from the registry due to the cost of traveling.

^^ They do have a registry, but there's no china or flatware on it. They just moved into a house (but they previously lived together), so everything on their registry are things that they need. It doesn't help when fiance isn't telling me what he thinks our budget for this should be :rolleyes:

Thanks for the help, ladies!

I'll bet if you shoot a number at him that's too high, he'll suddenly know what the budget should be!

FTW!

i have been to many wedding where there is no registry. guests will usually give cash and drop off an envelope in a box ranging from $20 to $1,000 depending on how close they are too you or the family.

Are there items on the registry that you could group together under a theme? Something such as breakfast in bed, movie time, out and about, pictures of us, etc., or a favorite song title, can be as cheesy as you want (hopefully they have a sense of humor), or not if they don't have one.

I always buy off the register. I love buying people waffle irons, candlesticks, wine glasses, a nice bowl or serving plate...stuff like that. I typically spend $100 on a gift from my husband and me, but as a groomsman who is probably spending money on a tux, bachelor party, etc., $30-$50 gift would be good.

I just saw that I never returned to the thread. They DID send a thank-you note. They actually included a picture of them on the beach with the picnic basket thingy, which I thought was cute. She redeemed herself somewhat with that.

Did it ever become common knowledge that this WASN'T really a wedding?

that's how we did it.

This is pretty much what we decided on doing :)

Now, where was the thread where we discussed honeymoon registries? :rolleyes:

Ha! An associate of mine from high school has a Target registry and a Sandals honeymoon registry...I'm guessing that they'll end up like your mom's friends lol

We aren't attending a family wedding in 3 weeks for various reasons including it's too far for me to travel due to my pregnancy, the bride & groom told us we were on their B-list & would only be invited if someone on the A-list backed out & finally, we just don't want to go.

I received an email from the bride & groom reminding us that though we weren't attending, they are still registered at 3 different stores so we can choose a gift to send them. WTH!?! Seriously?

Should I go ahead & send a gift? Or say screw you & ignore them? Yes they're family but we see them once every 4-5 years & they did not attend our wedding either.

^^ Send a nice card.

If a couple flat out told my husband and me that we were on their B-list, I would tell them exactly where they could stick their B-list.

Somebody I will soon be related to thinks that instead of inviting our coworkers (judges, other elected officials, and lawyers) to the ceremony and reception, we should just invite them down after dinner. WTF? This is the rudest thing I have heard, particularly since they all have to drive two hours to attend.

I like this - taking the high road without rewarding bad behavior. :cool:

You could send them cards and personalized stamps to use for thank you notes, or http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Posts-Et...0099631&sr=1-1 or http://www.amazon.com/Amy-Vanderbilt...0098859&sr=8-4 I own the Amy Vanderbilt edition I posted as that was a gift for when I was becoming a young woman (about 13 and my social life changed with going to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, Confirmations going on visits or trips without my parents and so on), but the Emily Post one I have is out of print but looks quite similar to the newest one.

Yes sending an etiquette book can be seen as rude, passive aggressive, and not the high road but it is possible they have no idea about etiquette and this gives them an opportunity to learn in private. Actually for some couples being given personalized stationary that has their married name printed on it may be a very touching and thoughtful gift, especially as paper is a traditional gift for a first anniversary.

I am also :rolleyes: with KSUViolet and aephialum on informing people they are on a B-List, and wouldn't personally have one, but you sure as hell don't tell people they are on it.

It just deserved to be said again.

And, also, a B list? Really? I've never heard of it and definitely will not be doing it (after I get engaged, of course).

I had a co-worker who was a really good work friend but we hadn't done anything together outside of work. She had a pretty small guest list and, the week before the wedding, she approached me at work and said "We have a few open slots and I understand if you say no but I would love it if you could be there." She invited about 5 of us from work and we all went together. I wasn't offended at all because I knew she was trying to keep costs down and she was very gracious in her approach. I knew she wasn't just looking for gifts because that isn't her style.

Is it wrong that I imagined writing in the card - "You are on our B-list for gifts. If anyone on our A-list refuses his/her gift, I'll send it to you!".

That is AWESOME!

Sometimes there's a reason for that. When I was in kindergarten my teacher got married at the end of the year, and all the kids and their parents were invited to the ceremony only. In that case I can understand not wanting 30 six-year-olds and between 30 and 60 parents you didn't know at the reception.

If it's a budget-only thing though... taaaacky.

LOVE IT! :D

I think this is ridiculous, but I definitely see no problem with it the other way around. As in only inviting family and close friends to the ceremony to keep it more simple and private and then inviting others to the reception. Which obviously is not something that really cuts down on costs (other than perhaps being able to book as smaller ceremony venue) but I think can still be a nice way to do it for some couples.

SO's sister did this, as they got married in a very very small church, and I thought it was wonderful to be surrounded only by close friends and family for that moment, and not have her bombarded with a ton of people immediately after exchanging vows.

LOL not at all, it's only DOING it that means you have no right to complain about their faux pas :p

Re the whole B-list thing, a former coworker sent an email along the lines of this to a bunch of us at work A WEEK before the wedding.

Bill and I have not had the response from our friends and family that we had anticipated to attend our wedding. We realize this is short notice but would like for you to share our special day with us. The wedding is at _____ , and reception is at _____ . We hope to see you there.

I think it would have been a little less offensive if she had said "we obviously do not expect a gift from you." But the thing is...they were obviously doing this because they sank all this $$ into a wedding and their ROI was going to suck because no one wanted to come to it. :rolleyes:

Am I the only one that thinks that the the B-list thing isn't the worst thing in the world? I can imagine it working ONLY in certain situations:

1) You DO NOT tell some one they are on the B-list.
2) You really do want someone to attend, but maybe due to size restrictions/finances you just can't invite them. I know, I know, don't have a big expensive wedding if you can't afford it and don't pick a small venue if you want a big wedding. But I would imagine there has got to be SOME instances of a couple planning modest wedding that just can't invite everyone they'd like too...right?
3) Don't invite just because you want gifts.

Disclaimer: No, I don't have a B-list. My dad's family is gigantic (50 first cousins & their families...tons of aunts and uncles...my parent's wedding was 350 people!) and we had to cut out a lot of people. Yes, they are "only cousins", but for how many there are, we actually do see most of them pretty often, so it was a tough decision. There's no WAY we could do a B-list because if we invite so and so, then we HAVE to invite so and so. It just never ends so we decided to be very firm with who we are inviting.

I will agree though that the past few examples of B-lists shared in this thread are VERY rude!

SO MUCH AWESOME!

I personally don't think that there's anything inherently tacky/wrong about having a B-list. I do think that it's tacky to tell B-list guests that they were, in fact, on the B-list. That usually reeks of "you're not good enough to get a first round invite to our wedding, but good enough to buy us something."

I got something like this a few years ago. I don't like the bride to begin with (don't know the groom but he's pretty trashy as well), and they did it because they were getting fewer attendees than they had guaranteed with the caterer. This couple also had a honeymoon registry.

The B-list doesn't bother me if it's done discreetly and done in enough time that it doesn't look like a B-list.

I think I mentioned this before, but my husband and I had a B-list. We paid for the wedding almost entirely ourselves, and both have pretty large families. In our case, we did a big brain dump of everyone we'd possibly want to invite to our wedding, and then had to cut back to match our budget.

We both have pretty big families, so there were friends who ended up on the B-list. But dear God, we did NOT TELL anyone they were on our B-list! That's awful! We just sent the invites early enough and set ourselves a timeline that if we had X "nos" by Y date, we could invite Z more people.

Didn't really work, since most people dawdled to the very end to respond, but we did manage to get a few more people invited. We just sent them actual invites and it was well within the time frame to RSVP.

It wasn't a case of throwing a huge blowout wedding and wanting more people for ROI. These were truly people we wanted to invite, but couldn't afford to.

I have an aunt that took it upon herself to bring 5 additional guests to our wedding without asking. I was beyond pissed but lucky for her, since we got married on a yacht, a few people missed the departure time and these unwanted (and unknown) guests were able to have a table. Still, it was so rude of her to do this. She's notorious for crap like this amongst our family.

At my sister's women only bridal shower last August, she brought my uncle and 2 of his male friends to hang out with him AT THE SHOWER! Seriously? She's a loon. The men then proceeded to eat before we did & they helped themselves to cake & cupcakes before we had even finished eating our luncheon. My tacky aunt them made "to-go" plates for all of them while we were still opening gifts. Ugh! :rolleyes: :mad:

Um, why is this woman still being invited to family events?!

sounds like the seinfeld episode where elaine throws the shower for her "friend".

*sigh* Multiple reasons. First, she's my mom's older sister & my mom feels obligated (guilty?) to invite her even though we tell her not to :rolleyes:. Second, while she is as irritating & obnoxious as hell, we do like her children. If we invite my cousins to family events, we are forced to invite her. Third, she actually isn't invited to many family events. Unfortunately, my family is very big so someone (a cousin, another aunt or unvle) mentions an event so she invites herself. It's annoying.