here's my opinion...
you're a junior transfer, yes? This is likely your last possible chance to be Greek. If you think it is better to be Eyeliner than to not be Greek at all, then stick with it. If you're constantly going to be thinking about Blush and how sad you are to not be one, then drop. It's only going to bum you out. It's horrible thinking feelings of regret all the time - don't do it to yourself.
Try to focus on the positives of Eyeliner :)

QBT-

i am sticking with it to give it a chance. i have been pledging less than a week so these feelings are very recent. there are many positives of eyeliner and i do like them. for me personally, i need to express my concerns to be able to get over them. just forgetting about them doesn't work for me. i came to this community to do that along with my recruitment story because you guys would obviously have the best advice but i do know myself as well

KSU-

of course they won't be.

agreed. however, (maybe unlike you) i need to be able to express my concerns to eventually get over them. i can't just forget about it and move on. I'm sorry i don't mean to be rude but i feel I've explained myself many times. you are a moderator. if the way i am conducting my thread is not appropriate then maybe i should leave. i told everyone how i was going to express myself and i didn't see any concerns. i like that i am able to work through these issues most likely with other girls that have gone through them. i know i am not a blush and i really don't need you to tell me that. i am making the best of it. do i falter? yep. that doesn't really make me someone unfit to be greek, i think. I'm not looking for people to validate my issues. I'm expressing them and getting them out and letting people respond how they wish. it's a process. again, i don't feel I've been inappropriate. it seems as if i can only post positive things about this situation. well there are negative things and i want to get through them. if this is not the place, then so be it. again i really don't mean to be rude and i don't think that i have been, but perhaps this is blunt. also i really don't think the low dues complaint was silly, and i feel as if you're almost mocking me. simply an organization with more money is able to accomplish more in every regard. i don't see how wanting this is silly or wrong. basically i feel as if my "bottom line" is that i am not NOT making the best of it just because i am voicing my concerns

yes, i agree. however i am nowhere close to initiation so i still have plenty of time to think.

Thank you!

If you're having doubts, that's fine. But we here on GC don't need to be told every little thing that Eyeliner does that bothers you and/or makes you second guess the decisions you made throughout recruitment.

No matter what you post here, everyone is going to tell you the same thing over and over again: Stick it out for a little while longer. Don't think about the other sorority. If you do, drop out. etc. etc.

To be honest (and I could be wrong), it sounds as if you want someone to tell you to drop out. You're complaining that your sorority has low dues and is COBing? These aren't huge issues! A lot of girls would kill to be in a sorority, and would gladly deal with these "problems".

And through reading over some of your posts again, it also sounds as if you don't want to be in this sorority (and want to be in another) for very superficial reasons. Eyeliner apparently has the closest sisterhood, but they might not have the most extravagant events.. And they have to recruit after formal.. and..? That's it. Unless something else comes up tomorrow.

But please, by all means, correct me if I'm wrong.

Ok, can you tell me why my process is wrong? Why is expressing my concerns to eventually get over them bad? I've acknowledged that I don't want to feel this way and that is why I am trying. If I didn't care, I would have dropped.

I am sticking it out! I am not planning on dropping! I have thought about it maybe before initiation but I really doubt I will. Unlike many, I can't not think about the other sorority. Sorry. These feelings are recent and strong and I need to get them out to get over them.

I definitely don't want someone to tell me to drop out, and if they did I would reassure them that I am not. I'm sorry that I am complaining about things. They bother me and I'm not going to pretend they don't. Again that is how I work through my problems. There are no perfect situations and no completely horrible (where everything is wrong) situations either. I can either compare to both or neither (blush or no sorority).

I think all the sororities have great sisterhood to be completely honest. I can only talk from my situation but it appears that they do. Maybe my reasons for feeling the way I do are wrong, but the fact is I want to get over my concerns. That's the difference

Because it kind of doesn't seem like you are writing it down here to vent it out, it seems like you are writing it for validation as to why you should dump eyeliner.

I understand what you are trying to do and it IS a good idea. Not trying to chase you off, but I don't think this is the best venue. It might be better for you to vent it all out in a paper journal. That way if you feel differently later, you can burn it. Internet entries, not so much.

And the low dues complaint was silly. Dues are different for very different reasons, and assuming that the most expensive thing is the best is a bad way to look at anything, let alone sororities.

33girl-

I am not lying. Everything I have said is what I feel and that includes not wanting people to tell me to drop eyeliner.

The reason I chose this venue is because unlike a journal there would be feedback and from the absolute best source.

I do not know the details of my dues, as I haven't had a chance to ask yet. I agree to disagree. I think more resources is never a bad thing.



lilsunshine-

I get what you're saying, and they must think I'm lying then, because I've repeated my intentions in almost every single post.

Perhaps it is done as a recruitment thread, but it is now a sorority life thread. I'm sorry, but I will admit that there are downsides to it, and not talking about them does not make them not there.

I like this avenue, because it will provide the best source of advice. I think you're right though. I have been ungrateful. I don't deserve to be in a sorority, it's a privilege.


TO EVERYONE-

If I can't get past my issues, that is the only reason I would drop. I'm trying guys.

I never used the word lying, or said you were writing things that were not what you feel. I was telling you how it is coming across to others when you write it.

If you feel a need for consistent and immediate feedback, I would consult a campus therapist. I think you have things going on inside that have more to do with what sorority you put down first on your bid card.

I know. I just wanted to assure that the way it was coming across was not what I meant. I'm sorry of how it came across, but I worded it exactly the way I felt so I don't know how it could have been different.

Perhaps. I don't need the feedback though. It is nice to post here and see what others have to say, but like I said if it is better off, I can go. I am not trying to be a nuisance or cause trouble. I can get through this by expressing this to other people. There are tons of other people in my life that are there for me when I need them. They are simply not familiar with the Greek system at all. You guys know the ins and outs. That's all.

This.

There are many red flags in your conflicts and doubts, your ups and downs, your highs and lows, which you are posting to the internet, where they will Live Forever. This no longer appears to be merely about Eyeliner.

We cannot give you any sort of reliable or valid feedback about Eyeliner and what you are feeling, because we are not living your life. You are.

I've re-read through this thread, and nowhere do I see the words "lying", or "ungrateful", until you used them.

What I do see are many supportive, patient, and encouraging responses.

Perhaps I can never reveal my school or chapter then. I'm sorry about leading you guys on. I admit I did not fully think through being able to eventually tell you guys. I'm not sure what you mean when you say this is not merely about eyeliner. I think my problem is that I am all good with eyeliner, until I start comparing.

I don't think your comment about the feedback is true. No one is living my life, but me, and I have gotten tons of helpful advice in my life from others.

Oh. I was confused why people were interpreting my words differently then. One of the people who responded was saying I was coming off differently, and I wanted to clarify that the words I wrote were exactly what I meant. I did not mean to use the word lying with a bad connotation, I simply meant, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, what I wrote is exactly what I meant. I didn't understand at first why they thought I meant something else. The only thing I could think of was that they maybe thought I was lying.

Someone said I wasn't being grateful, but it's ok, because she was right. I wasn't.

I agree there are many great responses as well that have helped me tremendously.

PERHAPS? You've dug yourself a pretty deep hole here...it's best if you remain as anonymous as possible.

Ok, so I am anonymous. I still can't work through my story then? Dug myself a hole? Except for being ungrateful and not thinking through the anonymity I really don't see what I've done wrong. Again, I'm sorry if I've upset anyone.

As someone said, work out these issues in a diary or with a close friend or family member, or hell, even one of the eyeliner sisters that maybe you've talked to more than others or a fellow pledge. Here is just not appropriate. GC is not a therapy board for new members of sororities trying to work out their issues. Yes, we give advice, but your situation is well above and beyond that point.

If you want to continue to vent and "work through" your issues here, then be prepared for the feedback, particularly the negative, that you're going to receive. If you don't want that kind of feedback, then another, more private forum is much more appropriate.

I would not reveal my school, my sorority, or any other information that people can use to piece together who you are!

I hope you can work through all of your issues. Best of Luck to you.

ggirl, we are saying not to reveal your school or sorority in the event that someone from your school or worse still, your chapter, comes on greekchat, reads your thread and realizes who you are and how you really feel about your sorority.

it may be just something that is lost in the translation from you to the computer, but it sounds as if you are looking for reasons to be unhappy with your chapter and that you are not sure if you will continue your membership. it could be that i(we) have misinterpreted what you are trying to convey in written word, but if more than a few of us are interpreting your feelings in this way, then others might also-people who are from your chapter or your school. it could hurt you and it certainly would hurt your sorority sisters.

we can't make you love your sorority. that is something you are going to have to do on your own. your chapter has sent out an email inviting any of you who would like to, to bring a friend over to be considered for membership. this could be your opportunity to change the direction that you feel the sorority is headed in. instead of this being a burden, it could be a positive thing.your chapter is giving you and your pledge sisters(as well as the initiated members) a chance to make a decision that could change the way your chapter is perceived on campus, by allowing you to have a say by bringing a prospective member over for the sisters to meet. not many new members get a chance like this this early in their membership. it is a glass half full or half empty situation and i look at it as a half full one.

I just don't understand why all the feedback is negative. There are positive and negative aspects to sorority life and I'm only allowed to mention one? I don't personally agree with that, but if those are the rules of this forum, I THOROUGHLY apologize and I will stop. I personally don't believe my situation is so extraordinary, I just think I'm more vocal about it than others. I explained why I chose this place to talk, and if I was being inappropriate I wanted the moderators to explain why and I would abstain.

I agree and thank you.

No, I know, and I agree (about the revealing aspect).

I'm not looking for reasons to be unhappy I just don't deny that it exists. I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO FORGET ALL THIS AND BE HAPPY WITH EYELINER. THAT IS WHY I AM HERE TRYING (sorry FSUZeta, I am not yelling this at you, I just want to let everyone know)

I will give inviting my friends an honest effort. Any tips on how to approach people to ask about it?

Also, I'd like to say that there are many positive things about eyeliner. I think I haven't conveyed them as much because obviously I am all good with them! I mention the negative things because those are the issues, so I want to take a second and tell everyone why eyeliner is AMAZING!

1)Probably the nicest and most accepting girls you have ever met in your life
2)Hilarious, full of energy
3)Philanthropy that is centered in my hometown!!
4)Love to go out and have fun
5)Best bid day shirts I've ever seen (alright not so significant but I thought I'd throw it in there)
6)The girls care not only about the social aspects of the sorority, but are serious about school too

ETC ETC

see those are all good , concrete things!! and this is the first you have mentioned them.

i can promise you that there are new members in every chapter anywhere, that are wondering "what if ?" or the proverbial "grass in always greener". i think that is human nature, but it seemed to be approaching obsessive in your posts. i am glad to see some positive things about eyeliner.

if your chapter has a house and serves meals, invite a friend over to share a meal. if not, try to arrange with some of your sisters to meet you and your friend in the cafeteria/food court for lunch, or at starbucks for a coffee. i would imagine that your vp recruitment will be holding some organized events, but you could email her to see.

does your chapter have a day where you all wear your letters or dress up and wear your badges? the chapter i advise does both those things, and on the letters day, they make an effort to sit as a group in the cafeteria-of course, they have girls coming and going as their class schedules dictate. that would be a good day to ask a friend to join you. if your chapter doesn't do this-maybe they would if you suggested it.

Like SO SO many other things in life, it is important to focus on the good and ignore the bad. It is time for you to do just that.

Keep adding to the list (daily if you can) of positives about eyeliner. Also, Eevery time you entertain a negative or bad thought about your sorority, quickly turn your thoughts elsewhere.

Soon, the negative will begin to fade because you will have put so much more emphasis on the positive aspects of eyeliner.

I know it's only been a week or so and you're still adjusting. It's just going to take time, as difficult as it is sometimes. You don't have to convince us of anything which is kind of what it feels like you're trying to do (again, much is probably being lost in translation). Everyone has had those "what if" moments. I know I had them plenty of times even during my junior and senior year. You just have to shake them off and tell yourself "For better or worse, this is how things ended up, and I'm going to make the best of it!"

The things you listed that are amazing about Eyeliner are Awesome! Keep focusing on those! Like gee_ess suggested, keep adding more to the list as you continue in your new member period.

As far as inviting friends - I think asking them to go get coffee or ice cream with some other pledge sisters is a good idea. Wear your bid day shirt or other letter shirts around campus. If your chapter has any upcoming open events (philanthropy, etc...) invite them to that.

I know everyone just says ignore the bad. Again, I can't. For me, it will not simply go away. I think a lot of this is time. This is very VERY recent.

I will see if there are any recruitment events I can actually bring the girls too. Otherwise, if it is just done more casually, what sort of things can I say? I just can't think of how I can phrase it to bring it up. "Want to join a sorority?" I dunno that sounds weird to me.

Don't ask them if they want to join. That's not your job. Ask them if they would like to meet some of your friends. Let your sisters do the rest.

the actives you mean?

just have a few of your pledge sisters or initiated sisters who you are close to get together with you and one of your independent friends-just hang out in the school food court/cafeteria or at starbucks or an ice cream parlor. don't even mention anything about recruitment-few people mention marriage on the first date. the first time it's just a group of friends you think might hit it off having some fun together. then if your indy friend likes the sorority sisters she meets, you might ask her to get together again with them to do something else-maybe by that time there will be an organized recruitment event and you could ask your friend to that.

in the mean time, try to find out how your chapter traditionally holds cob events. i would imagine that initiated sisters would be the ones who would speak to any pnms about bids, or you new members would at least be instructed as to how the chapter handles those things, but ordinarily, a chapter would want to meet a prospect more than once before a bid was offered.

It's nice to hear you say some positive things about your chapter, as well.

I think the reason some of us are taking issue with it is this: There are PNMs here ALL THE TIME who are upset because things didn't work out the way they wanted. There are a ton of threads that are titled, "Thinking about dropping my sorority" and "Not what I thought it would be" and "Questioning my decision", etc. Here's the difference though... the majority of the time, girls complain because:

1) They don't feel as if their sisters are welcoming and accepting.
2) The chapter is kind of boring and not energetic about much of anything.
3) They don't do many philanthropy projects.
4) They don't go out that often and aren't as social as other chapters.
5) The worst bid day shirts! (just kidding)
6) The members' BACs are higher than their GPAs.

And some feel that there is no sense of sisterhood.

The chapter you're a part of seems to have all of the things that a great sorority should be.

I can understand that in the beginning, it's natural to have doubts. And I know you've said you want to give the chapter a chance... so please do that! Don't get caught up in them having lower dues (when you don't know the reasons why). And don't feel that it's devastating that the chapter has to COB. Many chapters do. Something I would encourage you to do is to ask questions! And not of us, but of the sisters. That's what they're there for.. to help you through the process.

I went through the same thing when I pledged many years ago. My chapter was the smallest and the least popular (for a lack of a better word) on campus. I totally second-guessed myself but there was no going back. My mother told me that I'd made the right choice and to be patient. Well, I am NOT a patient person by nature. There were a lot of problems with my chapter but not the sisters--they were and are the best people I know. I did some things at the time that I am not proud of. It was no secret that I was unhappy and talked about quitting all the time. BUT I DIDN'T.

Fast forward a few years. Guess who are still my most trusted and loving friends? Guess who got me my wonderful job? Guess who has ALWAYS been there as I have suffered with bipolar disorder--you have to be strong to help someone with mental illness. Guess who I can always turn to even after 20 years? You see where I'm going with this don't you?

My sorority has since added three new chapters in that state (I don't live there anymore) and my beloved chapter was reinstated (we closed the chapter while I was still in school). The chapter makes quota, has wonderful young ladies, etc.

I know it is very hard to imagine your life many years from now. But I tell you, my mother was right. I do wish that I'd done a lot of things differently in school (well, hindsight is always 20/20). However, I would absolutely have pledged my sorority again no matter the circumstances.

You have pledged eyeliner. Learn about it; really get to know your sisters. Get to know your advisers. Understand the way things are done and why. Befriend eyeliners from other schools. Get to know the women who wrote your recs (we are sponsored so I would talk to my sponsor from time to time about problems). If I had done a better job of this back then, I probably would have been happier.

I believe in my sorority and my sorority believes in me--even now. I chose Delta Gamma over the other sorority I preffed just as you chose eyeliner. In our hearts, the choices were the right ones. Cue happy ending.

The thing is sometimes it's better to talk about it and sometimes it's NOT. And you've strayed into it's time to stop talking about it land. Your problems are not with the sorority and yet you insist on constantly talking about your decision or what you should do or how you're feeling about it all today. By talking about it all the time you keep the problem alive. Go about your life, and come back in a couple months to share that you are a happily initiated member of eyeliner and leave it at that.

And if you seriously need to continue this discussion, then I do think it's time for some counseling because you have some emotional health issues that need to be addressed. College is very stressful and a little counseling can do wonders. And chances are there are counselors or therapists available for free or deeply discounted prices on campus. Good luck.

It's been a week since she posted. Why are you bumping this up to give your unprofessional internet opinion that she has emotional health issues?

i love this. thank you :) p.s. my best best friend is an eyeliner at her college

actually i did stop talking about it, because i have fully expressed how i feel. there is nothing wrong with the way i feel. what i have said is exactly what i meant and if you interpret (rhetorical you) it differently, that does not mean i meant what you thought i said. i think that if you think someone needs counseling due to having unease about a huge new situation in your life, then i think you need to be a bit more understanding. thank you for the good luck wish

hey guys i was elected new member panhellenic representative :)

Congratulations! Hopefully that is a great experience for you, and a chance for you to get involved and meet a lot of people.

wow!! good for you.

I am SO glad that you are sticking with it and trying to keep a positive face! Of course you might have some conflicting feelings. We are all human right? Recruitment is very stressful with a lot of emotional upheaval, esp if it didnt go the way you planned. I think its AWESOME you are getting involved in a leadership position already! I can see that you definitely have the right idea about this.

I see a few pages back you made an awesome list about things you LOVE about your chapter, and you know what? You really couldnt ask for anything more. You are right, unconditional acceptance IS what you want in sisters! In your situation, and in life in general, it is SO important to stay positive. I really believe that your experiences are 99% attitude. Like if you have a job you really dont like so much, if you wake up every morning and think, "Oh God, not another day" Guess what? You are going to have an awful day, but if you approach everything with the thought that you are going to make the best out of it, you will get a lot more enjoyment from your chapter and life in general.

SO.........................going from this positive thinking idea, what you have in front of you right now is an AMAZING opportunity. Clearly you already have a very warm, welcoming sisterhood, which is amazing. You and your new member class have every chance in the world of totally turning things around in your chapter. If you look at it THAT way, as an opportunity, not feeling bad because people make negative comments about your chapter, I think you will be able to get over the hurts that you felt much sooner.

I came from a small collegiate chapter. I wont lie, hearing negative comments about your chapter from outsiders HURTS........a lot! But its what you DO with it that counts. When I joined we had a LOT of apathetic older sisters. After they were all finally gone, my class said, "NO MORE" and we worked our BUTTS off to start making changes. And now 7 years later, my chapter is VERY strong, making quota every year in formal recruitment and is at chapter total. So yes, it can be done! And when I look back on those years, those nasty comments are really just an afterthought. Its the amazing memories I made with my sisters that have stuck with me.

i got my big yesterday and she's exactly who i wanted! only sad thing is she's a senior :(

^ well hey, at least you get her for nearly a whole school year! think positively! i joined winter '09 and my big was a senior as well, but I only got her for two months :(

Congrats!