The irony!!! At first my husband's snorting--yeah, snort--kept me up, but now I am so use to it, that if it is not there, I cannot sleep... :rolleyes:

So, based on your thoughts, what good things is he getting out of staying emotionally distant?

The other question, is coach the right word in this case? Just asking?

As far as the bolded, I wholeheartedly agree with that statement. And guess what, pre-marital counseling is not going have this fleshed out either. It is our characters, values, etc. that we have internally that seems to make the difference. And if 2 personalities clash, collaborative work is not going to happen. Moreover, according to John Gottman, it is also how couples workout their differences and the willingness to find alternatives...

Chit, my husband and I fight, kick and scream. How we solve our problems took my relaxing my hardcore values... This doesn't say anything about your situation. All I am noting is what I chose to do. IMHO, that is what I was willing to negotiate.

True...if there's nothing else going on in their lives, and they have nothing else to talk about, they'll just focus on talking about each other and the marriage.

It's supposed to be preventing him from being abandoned but it definitely backfires on him.

Yes, I think coach is the right word. When the kids complain to me (especially about his selfishness), I coach them on what to say to him to let him know that his actions are affecting them. Likewise, I coach him on what to say, especially to our teenage daughter, and how to act with her, reminding him that their relationship could likely define all of her future relationships with men.

I officially want to be AGZG when I grow up. I might as well since you've lived the story of my life. :D I absolutely break myself paying for this apartment by myself and it's little more than a cubicle (one-room studio) but it's worth to have this place good and empty when I get here!

SRSLY I love live-in to pieces but that doesn't mean I want to be with him *all* the time. :p Lately I've been sleeping in the second bedroom because he's been sick. It's not so much so I won't get sick, but more so he can get a few good night's rests without me waking him up so that he rolls over (he only snores when he sleeps on his back).

I really miss my apartment in Pittsburgh. I had three closets, all for me, and one was big enough to fit a twin sized bed in! And my own bedroom and I could pee with the bathroom door open! I know that seems weird but it was just so exciting to be able to do whatever I wanted when I wanted. It was a really tiny apartment (the one huge closet was just a fluke) but it was perfect for one person and the only real drawback was the tiny kitchen.

My kitchen is big now, I made sure of that. I like our apartment here too but my apartment in Pgh let in a lot more light - here we're right next to the building next door and most of our windows are on the side. :p

My best friends are a married couple that I just got to be friends with right before their wedding. We've known each other for almost 10 years now, and they've been right there with me through every awful relationship and absolutely love the current guy. I've been with them through problems in their marriage and the births of their three boys. They've been invaluable to me in so many ways, although there are times I do have to be with my single friends. There are times that being with the married friends is a little much, and yes, lots of our activities revolve around or at least include the boys, but they've known me as "Aunt Crystal" since they were born and I absolutely love them. We were friends in college and all of our families live in different towns, so we've basically been an extended family to each other. The boyfriend and I see them at least once a week and even kick the friends out for a night alone while we take care of the boys.

Now, I also have another married couple that we're fairly close to that drive me insane because they can't be apart for more than 15 minutes without calling each other constantly. I mean really - do you have to call him or text him every five minutes when we're hanging out?

I had a heart to heart discussion with a man I've been seeing on and off for the last 9 years (different states, difficult situation) and we are pretty much in agreement on what our ideal relationship would be like (living in but with separate spaces). I may be moving to Atlanta in 5 years :)