If he knew i was on here....he would call me a sorority groupie....when he found out i had been looking on the website....i was another groupie......and if he knew I acutally *paid* for a "The Divine Nine" book...he would be threw!

Just an example of what he thinks about it.

Then leave him alone. You are too young to get caught up in something like this. It sounds like you know this guy has a lot of issues already. You need to leave him alone before you get pulled in more deeply than you already are.

Sometimes you have to let people work out their own issues.

I say kick his @$$ to the curb.

My ex (who at that point I had dated for like 3 or 4 yrs) wanted to break up with me the NIGHT BEFORE MY INIATIATION b/c he didn't want me to join my sorority. I said, "Ok ... thanks, you can leave now!"

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, buddy.

Yeah, I was sad, but my sisters were there for me. If he was going to dump me for something like that, to hell with him :D

Sorority aside - do you even have your own friends that you can hang out with or talk to?

I'd say grow a pair and dump his ass, you're worth more than that and friends (or sisters) can only enrich your life and make you a better person.

I know....your right, my friends think he will stay with me and respect it more that I stood up to him and did it, but i dont think so. I think he will see it as him having no say so in anything that I do, and be mad that I didnt listen to him. But Ive listened to everything he has to say....its his turn now.

It's not his turn if your don't have the guts to be your own person. You are so wishy washy about what is important to you, to the point that you won't get rid of someone who is controlling you. You can say how great he is, but is her really? You're online, talking to a bunch of strangers about some bozo who is telling you what to do?

You need to grow up and make your own decisions, not let someone make them for you.

Mods, can this be moved to dating and relationships? This really has little to do with Greek Life and more to do with D and R.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what you have to do. The only way you get rid of a control freak is by taking control of the situation, ending the relationship and not giving him a chance to talk you out of it. I say unfortunately because this is going to be very hard for you- it would be hard for anyone even if they were glad to do it.

Let me offer one suggestion. Forget pledging a sorority for a second. Sit back, close your eyes, count to 30 slowly and then imagine it is tomorrow and he is out of your life. How does that make you feel? Surely there are many emotions there- but is there also a big sigh of relief?

The nature and tone of your posts suggest to me that you really want to pledge, but that you being in a sorority is not the real issue. The real issue is you having control over some aspects of your life- and your desire to pledge is just the first of many big dreams you will likely have to give up if you stay in this relationship.

How controlling has this person been in your life? Has he ever gotten physical- even just shoving or grabbing your arm?

If there is any chance he might lose it if you break up with him, do it in a public place, or at the very least have a strong friend or two in the next room.

It is impossible to know the real story just reading it on the internet- but from what you have presented this sounds like someone who could potentially get dangerous if he does not get his way. But don't let that scare you away from leaving him if you want to. If he is potentially dangerous now, imagine how he is going to be down the road- especially if you get married and then he really feels like he owns you!

Hope this helps and good luck to you with whatever you decide.

Once again, EE-BO for the win!

I am going to let him know how i feel. And I will keep you all posted....I have nothing to loose (besides him). I'll still be alive, and i have even more opportunities without him......but even with all the difficulties, problems, and unwillingness, I still love him....i just hope he doesn't leave me because I'm going to have to let him know how i feel.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I just hope I got it right. Very hard to offer personal advice online, but this story really moved me.

RealTreasure, I may as well go ahead and tell you why your story really moved me to reply.

Three quick very true stories if I may- one a distant relative and the other two personal/family friends,

1. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak, but also not prone to keeping a steady job. 10 years later she divorces him. He disappears leaving her with 2 children- one with severe special needs- and over $100K in unsecured consumer debt. Despite medical advice that she put her special needs child in an institution, she keeps him at home and to this day I do not know how she managed that AND worked. But she did. And that child is better off today than he would have been, and she has survived. But she is nearing retirement and has no home and no solid assets. She still loves him, but she learned the hard way what he really cared about.

2. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak. They have a pretty good life with financial stability, but as they have aged his controlling attitude has gotten worse. She loves him and their marriage does work for the most part, but she has to ask his permission to leave the house- even just to go to the grocery store. And every so often she confides in friends just how much she hates that even though she does love her husband and he really does love her (I mean that seriously- they are devoted to each other, but his controlling nature has really stunted her life.)

3. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak. She came from a small town and married a small town man out of high school. She has never held a job in her life. One of their children was a special needs child and her husband decided the kid would live at home his whole life, plus they never took any steps to educate themselves on how to handle him and help him develop. Today, that child is in his 30s, spoiled rotten and physically very large. Husband goes off all day and she is left to fend for herself against a 250 pound person with the brain of a 4 year old. She is regularly physically hurt when he has tantrums. Minor injuries yes- but still! There is nothing she can do. She has no education. She lives in the middle of nowhere and has little contact with the outside world. She is trapped for the rest of her life, and she is so completely introverted that noone knows how she really feels or what goes through her mind all day.

Granted these are extreme cases, but this is a taste of what can happen when you marry a control freak. And come to think of it- these are not all that extreme. I know these couples well enough to know the husbands are not physically abusive to the wives, provide for their basic needs (except in case #1), and in many ways show affection for them.

But still, what a mess these women ended up in.

Final thought- When God created the world and sexual desire, he did not have sororities, credit card debt and retirement plans in mind.

It is okay to love someone and realize that how they treat you could put you at such a disadvantage in functioning in today's world that you cannot take a chance.

Are you a Suze Orman fan? Do a google on her- I imagine suzeorman.com would be her website. She talks a lot about relationships and control and how they interact with the very real financial implications that can seal a person's fate. I would suggest reading through some of her material. It could be helpful.

Being in a relationship isn't about melding into one person. It isn't about being each other's one and only everything. It's about being two separate people who love, respect, and complement each other. I think it's important for couples to have their own lives, their own friends, and their own hobbies. Couples should spend a lot of time with each other but not ALL their time. You need to have time to hang out with your family, to hang out with your friends, and to hang out by yourself.

I know it's hard to think about breaking up with someone who you've been with for so long. One of my college friends was in a bad relationship. They fought constantly. Senior year, he cheated on her, but she forgave him and took him back. When she was debating whether to take him back, she confessed that there were other reasons she wanted to take him back besides the fact that she still loved him. She told me that she was scared because he was her first real boyfriend and she had not been single since junior year of high school. She told me that she had invested five years of her life to him and she didn't want to throw away her five year investment and not have anything to show for it (i.e. marriage). I tried to convince her that if something is not working out, you should walk away (accept that you've lost out on what you've invested so far) and not keep investing more (risking losing out even more). When you're young, it's easier to walk away from a relationship that's not working. It's much harder when you're yoked to one another through marriage or through children.

He and I argue constantly, but i think its because he is a "know it all," and he thinks every one is wrong but him. Be both just dont let go when it comes to an argument. Were both stubborn. I dont know if thats a bad thing or not. And he's opinionated about everything!!!!!!! I mean everything!!!! About everything but what you ask him his opinion on! lol. He judges me too much in my life for me to live it any other way other that what he thinks is "real." I does sound soo bad when I read what I write.

Sweetheart, let's put this plainly, you are in a dangerous relationship and I think you need to go to your on campus safety office and ask some questions. Yes, you may have invested a lot of time in this, but in the grand scheme of your overall life, you will still be held accountable for how you lived your life.

Basically, there are insecurities between you and him and you are all too youthful to have an intense discrepancy of how you choose to live your life and spend your money...

Now, he cannot dictate that "all or nothing" onto anyone but himself. Because what will happen in the future is if you do "X", I am not going to be with you... "Reward behavior"--what is your reward? The one you value, the one that has minimal costs, the one that provides a "net utility"?

Stay blessed and in Ariafya!

First of all, everyone changes in college and with time. People grow apart. Some boyfriends are good for where you are at the time but not for later in life.
I'm not a member of a sorority yet, but I am almost 100% sure that not every sorority girl is single or dating fraternity guy...
The pressure he seemingly puts on you is quite a bit. A fourth job? Ouch in my opinion, and I use to have a boyfriend just like that.
I choose this post because well read it. If it was your best friend saying that what would you say to her?
One person cannot be everything, that is why you have family and friends. If someone is everything in a relationship, the couple typically ends up being unhappy.
Also, he should be making YOU happy! The things that make him happy don't need always make you happy. My boyfriend obsesses about cars, including wheel type and tires (?) I like to make lists and exercises. He thinks my lists are weird but he wouldn't make me stop because he knows it helps. I wouldn't make him stop looking at tire types and rims because I know it clears his mind.

Basically in the end: This guy sounds unhealthy! Would you let your best friend (not your boyfriend, choose a different one) date someone like this?

Lord no!!!! I'm normally the happy one! But this is totally out of character for me. Thats why I'm sooo clueless as to what to say so that we wont be offended!