With some friends it has come down to the "well at least they sent something as a thank-you." The worse thing for me was that not only did they get married in September and sent the thank you in December-it was one of those photo holiday cards with a wedding photo and printed next to it "Thanks for sharing our day with us."

GIVE ME A BREAK!

My aunt has a very strict rule...no thank you note means no gift in the future. I heard her say that once when I was a child, and I was sure to make it stick! The last thing I want is for someone who took the time to send me a gift to think I'm ungrateful and rude!!

I know when I had my Bat Mitzvah, some folks (especially out-of-towners) sent presents in advance. When something came in the mail, she had me sit down and write one IMMEDIATELY that way a) I didn't forget and b) it gave me less to do later. When the actual Bat Mitvah party was over on Saturday she made me write 10 more, and other 10 more the next day before my kids' party. And every day after that it was 10 more until they were done. When I got home from school even before homework I had to write them so they got out as quick as possible.

15 years later, as soon as I get a gift...I write a thank you note. And like for graduations where I had multiple gifts, I subscribed to the 10 a day rule. It made life a lot easier. And no one has ever complained they haven't gotten a timely one or one that was more than just 'thanks for the gift'.

On the flip side, I get pretty offended when I don't get one for important things (weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, graduations, etc.). Ask my nephew who got an earful the other night because he graduated a month ago (and had less than 10 thank you's to write) and not only did I give him a gift--I drove up to Michigan (from Chicago) for the graduation! That's pretty much the last time he'll get anything for a good long while (until he gets married and hopefully has the sense to marry a girl who write thank-you's). It doesn't take long, and people feel good about getting them.

LOL! It's been years since I've heard that, but it's still as fresh today!

I didn't think I was going to laugh, but I surprised myself. ;)

IDK, I've never been to a bridal shower except for my sister's, so I can't really speak on that. For my college graduation, I got all notes out within 2 weeks. That was the first time I'd ever written thank you notes--I never wrote thank you notes for childhood birthday parties, it just seemed like overkill. I said "Thank You" when you gave it to me and, for a child, that should be enough. I think my mom did the thank you notes for my hs graduation, I was having too much fun at all the grad parties. :rolleyes: But for college, I gave myself a 2 week deadline. I think anything past 4 weeks, you should say "We're trying to help the environment by saving paper." Even that bit of lameness would be more acceptable than a card in the mail 5 months later.

Oh, I disagree. "Better late than never was" . . .but with a big ol' apology included!

Getting a lame thank you note is almost as bad as not getting one at all. A few years ago, my boss was pregnant and I spent more than I would have on a present. She dropped off the thank you on my desk, and is said something bland like "Thanks for the present. We are really looking forward to this new time in our lives." It's important to at least personalize it, people!

And as far as the "no thank you note, no more gifts" rule, I've started doing that. My sister in law is awful - not even a text message thank you and she leaves the present at her parents' house. Now she gets a card for birthdays, etc.

My mom's rule was "You don't get the gift until you send a thank you"

Am I the only one who always got a package of Thank You notes in my Christmas stocking? :confused:

May we go back to this for a moment.

I was under the impression - perhaps wrongly, which is why I am asking - that you were only "obligated" to give one present to the couple (bride). You could elect to do so at a shower, prior to the wedding (say via a bridal registry for example), present the gift at the service or at the reception, or perhaps right after the wedding.

Is the concept of giving multiply gifts based on attendance or by invitation?

For example, how does it work if you were invited to a shower and to the wedding, but you were unable to attend the wedding. Are you obligated to give two gifts? What if you were able to attend the wedding but unable to attend the shower. Still two gifts?

Frankly, it seems rather crass and greedy to expect two separate gifts for the same reason - matrimony.

No, I got them, too!

That's the way I was raised/have always operated. If you get invited, you send or bring a gift. My mid-20s to early-30s was hella expensive!!

Oh, but then they get you with the baby years too -- gift for baby shower, gift when baby arrives... (at least for close friends, acquaintances get just one or the other).

Wow. I never heard of giving more than one gift. Then again, I have only attended a few work related bridal showers (kind of mandatory). However; in college, a good friend from my hometown was getting married that summer and some of our mutual friends were unable to attend her wedding. So I hosted what I thought was simply a "Stock the Bar" party. I was later informed that I was actually hosting a co-ed bridal shower and as such, had to follow certain bridal shower protocol. Such as when the bride opens her gifts, I had to write down what she said. And this represented what she was supposed to say on her wedding night. :eek: I have never blushed so much in my life. Nor have I seem so many guys hit the "punch" more than at that party.

LOLOLOL. Wow, you got hosed with the writing-down-the-gifts duty! ;) That's usually the fun detail for the MOH or a bridesmaid to take care of.

And yeah, usually guys get it much easier on the gift front. I don't think gifts are expected at bachelor parties, right? You just buy drinks all night, maybe pay for dinner if that's involved, split the cost of, ahem, the "entertainment" for the evening.... Then just buy one gift for the wedding. Girls get sucked into multiple gifts because shower = gift, wedding = gift, and I've been in bridal parties where the bridal party goes in together on yet ANOTHER gift (plus the bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair, etc etc etc). It is NOT cheap being people's friends when they get married!!!!