What Gender Is A Computer?

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she".

One of the students raised their hand and asked, "What "gender" is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to
decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.

Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


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Sigma Lambda Upsilon: Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity http://www.sigmalambdaupsilon.org

SkeeBunny:

Your jokes are toooo funny. I love them.

i loved reading all of these jokes. wish i knew some http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

I am LMAO, I am crying on that one MaMa

Okay ya'll I love this one, but it is for mature audiences only

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labour;
2. I work at great depths;
3. I work head first;
4. I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays;
5. I work in a damp environment;
6. I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties;
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;
8. I work in high temperatures.
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
=============================================
Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You DO NOT work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.
5. You take a lot of non-rostered breaks.
6. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
7. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
8. You don't always observe OSH measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits.
9. You don't wait till pension age before retiring.
10. You don't like working double shifts.
11. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work;
12. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

SkeeBunny - that was funny!!

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Alpha Kappa Alpha
17-Alpha Phi-91

I know I'm turning into the queen of jokes, but here's another one!


A young boy went up to his father and asked,
"What is the difference between potentially and realistically? The father answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Denzel Washington for a million dollars.

Then go ask your sister if she would sleep
with Sean "Puffy" Combs for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you have
learned."

So the boy went to his mother and said, "Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for a million dollars? The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his sister and said, "Would you sleep with Puffy for a million dollars?" The girl replied,"Oh my God! I'd be crazy to pass that up!"

The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to his dad.

The father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?"

The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're
sitting on two million dollars, but realistically we're living with
two hoes."

keep them coming....this is funny!

A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side
on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, "So,
where ya'll from?" The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know
betterthan to end a sentence with a preposition." The girl from the South sat
quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where ya'll from,
bitch?"

Kind of raunchy, but it had me crackin' up!

Two hookers are standing on the street corner. The first hooker says, "I think it's going to be a busy night tonight....I can smell d*ck in the air".

The second hooker says, "Sorry, that's me. I burped".



[This message has been edited by SkeeBunny (edited August 01, 2000).]

The Little Old Lady and the Bet

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a back of, money. She insisted that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, thte bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$5,165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag and onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised your carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked,"Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said,"Well for example, $525,000 that your balls are square".
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged,"So would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet you $525,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said,"Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00am as a witness?"
"Sure" replied the confident president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them until he was sure ther was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00am, the little old lady appeared at the president's office with her lawyer. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet.

"$525,000 says the president's balls are square!" THe president agreed with the bet again and the little old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay,"said the president,"525,000 dollars is a lot of money so I guess you should be absolutely sure!"

Just then he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied,"Nothing, except I bet him $5,100,000 that at 10:00am today, I'd have the Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand.

That's hilarious! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Sigma Lambda Upsilon: Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity http://www.sigmalambdaupsilon.org

Noone has posted on this thread in exactly a year, but I thought I would revive it.

Three nuns are at the gate to heaven, and St. Peter says they must each answer a question before getting it.

He asks the first one "What was the name of the first woman?"

"Eve," she replies, and the gates open for her.

He asks the second one "Where did she live?"

"The garden of Eden," she answers, and the gates open for her.

The third one was Mother Superior, so her question was a little harder, "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"

"Hmmm..." she says, "That's a hard one..."

--and the gates open for her.

This isnt a joke but its funny none the less. Where I work there is not much communication between engineers and the union workers, so sometimes when I am on the shop floor union people will walk up to me and intiate a conversation, just to get to know you or to have something to run and gossip about. Anyway, this guy on the line walked up to me yesterday, introduced himself, then he said, billy, you look like a good country boy, you ever do and coon hunting? I said yes, i used to hunt all the time and I had a good dog, but I quit coon huntin when I came to college and I traded my dog for a pressure washer. He said, I dont do any coon hunting, but I sure do have a good squirrel dog, and if it trees a squirrel and sticks one leg out, there is 1 squirrel in the tree, if he lays on his back and sticks 2, 3, or 4 legs in the air, thats how many squirrel are in the tree, and if he lays on his back, sticks four legs in the air, and sticks his tail up his ass, that means that there are 4 squirrels in the tree, and they ran in a hole. (rimshot)

I love these jokes! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif OK, here goes:

Three men die and go up to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates and says, "I'm sorry, but we only have space for one of you in heaven. Tell me the stories of how you died, and I'll let in the one with the most interesting story."

The first man says: "I've been suspecting my wife of having an affair for some time. I came home early from work today, and searched the apartment for her lover. I finally found him dangling from our balcony. So I got the frying pan from the kitchen and hit his hands with it until he let go and fell 7 stories to the ground. But he was still alive, so I went into the kitchen and pushed the refrigerator onto the balcony and over it to land on him and kill him. But the stress was so great that I had a heart attack and died."

The second man says: "I'm a window washer. I was cleaning a window on the 8th floor of an apartment building when I slipped and fell. Luckily I was able to grab the railing of a balcony on the 7th floor. As I was about to pull myself up, some idiot started hitting my hands and I was forced to let go and fall to the ground. I was still alive, and I looked up just in time to see a refrigerator falling toward me. It hit me and I died instantly."

The third man says, "Well, I was hiding in this refrigerator..."

Three men are standing before Saint Peter at Heaven's Gates.

Peter asks each one whether he was unfaithful to his wife.

The first one replies, "well yes a lot."

St. Peter issues him a compact car and he drives into heaven.

The second one replies, "Very seldom."

He gets a mid sized sedan and drives off.

The third one replies, "Never in 40 years of marriage."

St. Peter is impressed and gives him Rolls Royce.

2 Days later the first two guys run across the third crying on a curb. "what's wrong" they ask, "Heaven's Great you have an awesome car . . .?"

The third guy responds, "I just saw my wife, she went by on a pair of roller skates!"