It was a joke based on another thread. It was a story about recruitment involving VIPs.

There's no problem with your daughter being blonde, but let's be honest, is her being blonder than the groups who want her really the way you want to frame her priorities? In retrospect doesn't it make her look kind of bad?

I understand that you want her to be happy and take advantage of the chances she's got. Wanting to know the number of sophomores seems like a reasonable question to me, but the additional information presents the overall issue more poorly than you probably wanted it to.

Is it the end of the world that we got the wrong idea? No, it doesn't matter at all. But it might be better to err on the side of presenting your daughter in the absolute most positive light.

Here's what's likely to be the first impression you've created of your daughter's behavior and our reactions:

Limited herself to four groups: bad, reduces chances of a bid she wants.

Suiciding: bad, reduces her changes of getting a bid.

Mis-matching but turning down a COB: bad, reduces her chance of being a member

Maybe turning down a second COB: bad, reduces her chance of being a member.

Promoting the idea that she's such a big deal this never would have happened in her home state: bad, creates the impression that you don't think Auburn groups know what to look for in members.

So while wanting to know about sophomores is a valid question in and of itself, trying to see what the chances are that your daughter will get a particular bid next year, while somewhat understandable, is beyond the scope of anything we can help you with AND with the additional information that you've provided might make people reluctant to be helpful because your daughter doesn't have what we'll refer to here as Panhellenic Spirit.

She only wants certain groups. This year they didn't want her. Your re-cap makes clear she wasn't interested in two or three others. We have no way of knowing if the groups she wants will be more likely to want her next year or if she should just take the bid she's been offered.

If Auburn is like some of the others (like Ole Miss), if she does join a sorority she might not meet everyone. In fact, there might be some girls she won't get along with. I joined my sorority, not because i loved everyone (although my sisters are fantastic), but there were a few that I "clicked" with and join because of them.

Her roommate is going to be a big thorn in her side, but a lot of us have had similar people in our "journey." The fact is, roomie might be leading your daughter into disaster by telling her to wait. Let your daughter realize that sorority membership extends beyond college. She might not always get along with her collegiate sisters, but there might be a group of alumnae that she just meshes well with.

But like i said, its ultimately your daughter's decision. You might not like what she decides, but she is going to have to live with it.

You know, I agree with you. I have been trying to get my daughter to see just exactly that. I see it - I think it is obvious, but she is too hurt to see it right now. IT sounds easy - my husband keeps just telling her to pull her bootstraps up and get on with it. But, she has really been upset about it. The not knowing for me is reason enough to take this bid and become the best XYZ she can be and in turn, be an asset to the sorority. I would rather see her share herself than hide and wait.

Of course she's hurt, and it might not go away for a while. Even if she joins XYZ, she'll probably look at the Top 4 she wanted and wonder "what if." There is always a reason she didn't join the Top 4, and its human-nature to dwell on why.

But you seem to have the right attitude, and hopefully she'll be able to realize that before its too late. Good Luck!

To AuburnPNMmom:
I too was a mom of a very disappointed daughter last year during her rush. She withdrew from rush on Pref Day because she felt that she did not belong in the one house that invited her. But she really enjoyed her school, and so got involved and got great grades, made lots of friends and decided to rush as a sophomore. She had a successful rush but it is definitely harder as a sophomore. She only had two houses on Skit Day and only one on Pref Day. But she had learned a lot about herself over the past year and realized that it was sisterhood that she wanted and so is thrilled with her choice. Your daughter will grow from her experience whether she excepts the bid or not. But only she can make that choice.

We are crossing our fingers here at home. I will post here tomorrow what happened. Thanks so much for all of your help!

You may want to tell her that my daughter's pledge class has only 3 sophomores. That seems to be the norm.

Thanks, Bamamom13 - That is really the first number I have heard - is that at Bama or AU?

Bama but they have an equally competitive rush.

My daughter will tell you that most of the girls she knows that are sophomores and rushed this year got their second choice if they had more than one choice. And those that had more than one choice did not go through rush last year so they were not re-rushing. Your daughter, like mine may find it more difficult because they went through rush twice. She may really want to think about all this when making her choice.

But Bama also has an upperclassmen quota. Is it only for juniors and above or did the sophomores get to count to the additional seven non-freshmen members that groups could pledge?

It really could have big impact on numbers if sophomores don't "count" in the main quota either.

I agree - If my daughter only could have the wisdom that age brings......Like I said, she really likes the girls in the one she is considering....I think it is just the uncertainty that has her wondering. I think she will do the right thing for her.

This may sound bad to remind you of this, but she can drop out of the group before initiation if she accepts her bid and still continues to want to re-rush.

Yes, I have thought of that - but that can't be a good thing when rerushing

I should add that my daughter really likes the girls in this sorority. I think the fear of the unknown and what if is what is making her hesitate. I am just going to tell her to do what feels best. Since she does like them, I think it will be a good fit for her.....