I believe you are right on in regards to all the party talk as well. I also think that many keep quiet because of peer pressure. She made her own mistakes with drinking and we are thankful that the lessons she learned resulted in her dislike for too much "overindulgence".

As far as the powder puff football game, she has heard about it and can't wait. While she is still somewhat upset about things, I think as school begins she will sort it out one way or another. If in a couple of weeks she still feels the same, she hopefully will find peace in what ever she decides to do.

The daughter of a good friend of mine had a slightly different experience in a similar situation.

The woman was participating in rush at a southern university were rush is rather competitive. She received the maximum amount of invitations through every round and gave deep thought as to which invitations to accept. When it came time to submit her perference card, she decided to withdraw from the process.

I eventually asked her why she made such a decision. She said that while she met a number of young women that she felt that she "bonded" with on individual basis, she felt she made no connection with any of the sororities on a "communal basis."

I asked her if she ever regretted her decision. She said in looking back that she had mixed emotions. Overall she said she had a very positive college experience, but often wondered what she missed by not joining a sorority.

She also noted that she isn't much of a joiner when it comes to organizations and is even less of a joiner when it comes to women's organizations.

Some of my fondest memories are of cheering on my sorority's intramural teams. We participated in every season: Flag Football, Basketball, Volleyball, Table Tennis, Soccer, Swimming, Bowling, Softball. You name it, we did it. We weren't the best, but it sure was fun going out there every Monday night and trying. And it was always fun to go out for dinner afterwards.

Also, if your daughter has concerns, tell her to go talk to her New Member Educator. That's what she is there for. She can give her encouragement, and possibly introduce her to sisters with similar interests.

This is why I think the phrase "Go where you feel you belong" is ridiculous! How can you really know that you have a communal bond with a group when you only know ~10 members and their general stats. "Wow...I feel so at home at ABC cuz their colors are black and black...I love black and black!" It's stupid. This also makes people think that if they don't feel that special "home" feeling, then they just don't belong. It takes time to discover the complexities of your entire chapter and the sides of your sisters behind the partying before you can really belong to anything.

I'm glad that your daughter is giving it a try. If she has given it a chance and is still not happy then she will have no regrets later on. Had she never tried then she would always have a small part of her wondering 'what would' or 'what could' have happened if she would have pledged. I wish her the best of luck!

This is the thing that has so confused my daughter and I can understand why. She went through rush and received the maximum invitations each time. As the cuts were made with each round, she kept getting invited back to her favorites. On pref. day, her choices are determined by her feelings for a group and what she perceives as their feelings about her. When you are told on your visits that the sorority feels great about you and what you can offer them and the feeling is mutual, you are reassured because they keep inviting you back. They become your top choices. As the process goes on, you cut those that you may have liked, but were unsure of so you end up limiting yourself in what you can write on that pref. list at the end. She now wishes she wouldn't have cut some from her list because she was basing her choices on possible false impressions. You can't get those back. Am I looking at this the wrong way?

You can always look at what might have been...but ultimately you need to look at what is. It's my understanding that ALL of the organizations at Auburn are outstanding. Things happen, not everyone ends up at their first choice, but it's up to the person to make the best of the situation.

Recruitment is not a "for sure" process and ultimately the chapters choose the women that they feel best fit their needs, creed, values, etc. We as members and non-members both can't second guess their process because we were not there. Why not let it be and let your daughter figure it out? Are you sure that your daughter is not having the chance to fully enjoy it because she knows how you feel about the situation? I'm not being snarky here, just asking a question.

Quite a few women on GC have not gotten their first choice org in recruitment, and some have not gotten in at all. I didn't get my first choice, but you know what? I'm happier for it now because I made the best of it and found people in my organization that I could relate to, and ultimately joining a sorority is so much more than the 4 years one is a collegian.

ETA: I can also almost guarantee you that not everyone in her org. is about getting trashed and partying...the sheer size of each of the chapters at Auburn leads me to believe that there is a little bit of everything in each one. If she truly is unhappy, then she should depledge before initiation. However she should know that with recruitment the way it is at Auburn, she may not be able to get a bid as a sophomore.

Also, I don't know if you've done it yet, but check out the sororities websites. They ALL have women in sports and honors societies.
https://fp.auburn.edu/greek/sororities.htm

I can't find one I wouldn't have joined as a freshman. :)

As I said in past posts, she is giving it a chance, meeting new people, accepting that this is how it is. I guess I was simply explaining why she was confused. I was asking for my own clarification. I have really appreciated any information that I have learned by those on this board. I can't tell you how helpful it has been. I have shared some of the stories with my daughter and it has helped her realize that her situation is not unique and that most end happily if given some time. As I said in an earlier post, if she decides to withdraw, she will not try to get into another sorority. She has a great group of friends at Auburn that have all also survived rush with a bid and even though they are in different sororities, they are supporting and encouraging each other. I'm sure that whatever she decides, will be ok. I do wish I had found this board BEFORE rush. I think it would prepare those of us that were so clueless to help our daughters be prepared for anything, and if it doesn't turn out as they hoped, give them the assurance that it can still have a happy ending as long as they have an open mind, a forgiving heart and stay true to themselves.

I suspect that your daughter will really get excited about her new sorority by the end of the next few weeks when Auburn fills with all of it's thousands of students, and she realizes that it's wonderful to have an island of friends in the sea of strangers. Big Sis/Lil Sis usually does the trick of cementing the feeling of belonging.

Give em a chance
 

I went thru Rush as a Sophmore and was disapointed when my first two choices cut me. I received a bid from my third choice and had to think long and hard about accepting it. I decided to give it a shot and make the best of the situtation. 19 years later it turns out it was one of the best decisions that I ever made because I am still close to about 10 sisters from my chapter. We vacation together, have dinner regularly with each other, and have small children around the same age.

Tell your daughter to at least give them a chance and maybe she will see that it was one of the best decisions of her life too!

I think what you have to remember, too, is that this is not just a college thing. As our chapter advisor said to our new graduates at alum ceremony this year, "Being an alum is truly the best time of your life in your sorority." If she sticks it out and is reasonably happy there, she'll have a LOT of opportunities to take a more active role or one she likes more after she graduates. Each chapter of a sorority is different; ABC might be the most popular sorority at one chapter and struggling for numbers at another. It varies the same with the overall personality.

Up Date
 

I thought that I would give an update to everyone that was interested enough to read about my D's situation and took the time to offer mostly positive, helpful and heart felt comments and advice...and to those as clueless and distraught as me that may stumble onto this site. Especially since reading some of the very disheartened comments from parents of girls now going through, about to go through or just finishing rush at one of the big SEC schools. I'm sure this applies to others as well.

We are now close to a week out from accepting a bid begrudgingly from #3. My D has realized that #3 is not that bad, in fact #3 is pretty darn good. Yes there are party animals in #3 as in all sororities, but my D has decided to be patient with them as they exercise what she hopes, is temporary stupidity. There are great girls there as well that are doing everything they know how, to win my D's and the other new girl's affections. It is beginning to work just as many of you had predicted. She is actually starting to admit that she likes some of the girls she's met. She really tried not to at first. And believe it or not, she has actually found some girls that seem very much LIKE her. I received a call this morning from a VERY EXCITED D. She met another girl at a service project this morning that played her sport competitively as well and other girl was so excited because she also wanted a team. They will be working on that together now.

While my D is still not ready to commit to staying yet, my sense is that the odds are very good that she will. She still feels the sting of not getting a bid from the "other ones". But is feeling much better. She is pretty competitive and says she'd like to help make #3 as good as the "others ones". If #3 needed a leader, they got their girl. So today, despite the trauma and tears of just about a week ago, all seems right with the world.

Without sounding like a dork-- which I am-- :D

I love it! I love stories like this!! Yippee!!