We've been going through this with one of our friends. He's a really nice guy, but right now he's dating this girl who has had a string of terrible men. They've been off and on for the past six months or so; she falls back to him whenever the other guys have hit her or ignored her enough. I think now he's realized that he was a bit of a doormat (one friend called the girl an emotional tampon), and has cut off all contact with her, thank goodness.

Interesting. I agree with you, although it's not always the 'thug' that mistreats a woman. It can be plain, everyday men too. I think sometimes they're more dangerous to women and their self-esteem because no one believes the woman when she says she's being mistreated by the 'pillar of the community' type guy. It's a shame all around.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. The absolute worst boyfriend I ever had--in terms of the way he treated me--was a "decent" guy in professional school who was from a nice family and had a lot of friends. He was the farthest thing from a 'thug' that you could possibly get.

That's what I'm talking about. Women like this are pretty stupid to me. Not you, but women who think like this. Guys that come off as making moves 1st and being very aggressive, 9 times out of 10 guys like this just want those draws. Next thing you know she's sitting there with her panties around her ankles just like the other 15 women he has on the side. Later he's no where to be found until he wants some more. Then when she ends up pregnant, he's gone for good. She can't get him to pay child support, because he's probably broke and living off of some other woman who loves bad boys and works everyday while he's living in her house, sitting on her couch, eating her food with one hand in his underwear watching Judge Judy or some show that comes on during the day when most people are at work. So what does she do? She tries to find the nice guy who's responsible, someone she can start a family with. If he falls for it, he's the biggest fool alive. I had several women who were interested in me, and I was talking to them for a minute, trying to get to know them, but when I found out that they've dated thugs in the past I left them alone. That's why I take a while before I make the 1st move. I have to see what type of girl she is. If she thinks I'm taking too long, oh well.

Yeah, she's pretty jacked.

Thugs come in all shapes sizes and colors. Some are rich and some are broke. Some wear their pants hangin' off their butts with super clean Timberland hiking boots with the tag still visible ( I hate that crap). Some are doctors and lawyers who wear Ralph Lauren suits and Johnston and Murphy shoes. I blame the women who stay with soft men like this and I blame the nice men who date these women. I actually blame the nice men more because they're not smart enough to know they are just the rebound guy. I've had women tell me it's not working out, and then come to find out she's dating a guy that looks cool on the outside, but in reality is treating her badly. Then she tried coming back to me, and like an idiot I took her back. She had gotten so insecure from him making her that way, I had to let her go. I was naive then. I wouldn't give a woman like that the time of day now. I can see her coming a mile away.

Was he a frat boy?

Yup, that's sooooooo true.

Well, that's it. Why does he have to be considered a doormat because he's eager to treat her like a lady? It's the bad boy who's the doormat, because he's a loser.

A man who treats a lady like a lady is a man. Anything less are considered boys to me. He should support her physically, emotionally and spiritually. Take her coat off for her, open the door for her, pull her chair out for her ect. It's the simple things that get the ladies dude. I don't understand what the big deal is. Men that do this are not cry babies and are far from being soft. I grew up seeing my dad do these simple things for my mom and they've been married for 43 years. I dunno it's just how I was raised.

A man who treats a lady like the lady is a man????

I don't know why but this sounds extremely odd.

So when you say 'thug', you don't necessarily mean the drug dealer from the street corner, but a man that mistreats women in general?

I think what starang is saying is women like their men strong, well I do anyway. I like a man who has a strong character and who can be my rock. I don't want a man who's scared to say something to the next man if he disrespects me. I want a man who will stand up for his family. In other words, I don't want a punk. I want strength and courage. That doesn't mean I want a man that beats me, but I want to feel protected by my man. Although I can't spreak for all women, I think that's what many women want in a man. Not saying that women don't also want sensitivity and understanding from their man, but I think some women like more of that and some like a little less. It just depends on the woman.

and a woman doesn't want a man who's soft either. a man who is masculine can do all of those things and still not be a bitch.

Yet again, this is a matter of personal preference. If a guy tried to take my coat off for me or pull out my chair, I'd be very annoyed.

And what does it mean to support someone physically or spiritually?