I try not to discuss my sex life on GC, but I will try to answer your question, but i'm guessing it's not an answer you haven't heard before. I'm not interested in someone who is inexperienced. I am not interested in someone who would likely judge me because I did not make the same choice they did. I believe that sexually compatibility is important in a relationship and ultimately with the man that I marry.

It's not the "virgin" thing that's a turn off to me, it's all the stuff that typically comes with it....like the guy being super religious. Plus, guys who are virgins would probably tend to judge a girl like me who didn't wait for marriage.

To both responses:

Well don't you think that that's an unfair assumption about the person? I mean realistically the guy probably isn't expecting you to be a virgin, just at least not a ho. If you were in to the guy too (him as a person), then why couldn't you respect the fact that he chooses to wait, just like he respects the fact that you didn't decide to? And its another unfair assumption to assume the guy is "super religious" (whatever that means) just because he's a virgin. He could just be waiting for the right person and hasn't found her yet.

Would it be wrong for me to assume based off of your responses that sex is a major concern that you associate with the guys you go out with?

This is your original question, asking for our opinions:
You were given some opinions, now you're trying to argue with them and convince us otherwise. This is EXACTLY what would turn me off from someone who doesn't drink or have sex-this preachiness.

You're entitled to your opinions, but we're entitled to ours that it's a turn off to be lectured or questioned with something like this.

You gave very limited information. You said virgin, no drinking and no drugs. We have no choice but to make an assumption. No, I personally wouldn't date the guy. Might he be lame? Perhaps, that's not a word I usually use to describe people. I'd probably just say hey, whatever floats your boat, but it's not for me.

I can respect someone's personal decisions, but that doesn't mean that I think that they're compatible with mine.

Hmmmm...I'm not into inexperienced guys either. I guess that's bad, lol.

What is a ho to you (just out of curiousity)? I think that *typically* most people who have chosen to wait are more judgmental about that type of stuff. I'm not saying you are, but you asked a hypothetical question and we're giving our answers.

As for the religiousness part, *typically* (again) people who choose to wait do so for religious reasons....which wouldn't really mesh well with me because I don't consider myself to be very religious.

I think it's a fair assumption that sexual compatibility is important to me...that's not the only thing I worry about but if I'm going to be with someone forever I want to enjoy the physical aspect of the relationship :)

I not trying to disrespect you opinion, as I stated before, I'm just trying to understand where people with different values are coming from. I'm giving my perspective on things just like you are. There's a differance between debating and arguing...never once did I claim that my way of doing things is the absolute right way and your way is bad. But the questions that i am asking is based off of my values and are specific to them. Like I said, I can't help how you recieve the questions that I ask but my intensions are just to have a mature debate about what people value in the opposite sex.

The last part is understandable, but I wanted to know if its so important that it can't be over looked for you. A ho (in my opinion) is a male or female who randomly hooks up with people with no strings attached on a frequent basis. Have you ever given more than one abstainant person a chance to date you to form that opinion?

Well, I've dated a couple guys who didn't wait until they were married but felt a great deal of guilt because they didn't. One of them went far enough to say that he felt guilty for "acting like [he] was married". This guy was 31. Personally, it was just a bit too much for me. I don't have any guilt about my sexual past and I don't really need someone to try to make me feel guilty about it. So, like I said, in my experience people in that situation are generally not compatible with me.

Questions for you:

What does "right person" mean? Is this the person you are going to marry, or something less?

What reason, outside of religious reasons, motivates you to wait for the right person?

The right person is who I can see myself having a long term future with, which I suppose would be marriage. If I can't see myself marrying the person then why should I act like it? (Again, coming from my own personal values)

Outside of religious reasons....the world is a dangerous place and I feel that I need to be wise on whom I choose to have sex with. And I would feel more comfortable asking someone who I've been with for awhile to take an STD test than a short term hook up. Also as a young African-American male, I refuse to become another pregnacy and/or AIDS statistic...there are things that i want to do with my life and right now I feel that having a child would slow me down. Lastly, I like the values that I currently have in referance to choosing the right mate and wouldn't want my potential reaction to sex to negatively impact that. Sex is not the center of my standards in women and I don't want it to be. In general I seek to be different than the average person because I like to stand out...but at times it can be a lonely experience (which I expressed in my 2nd post).

Arg.

NonDrinker: Sorry, but I've noticed that the majority of the time they act like they are more superior than others. Plus, I like to go out ever so often and drink, just wouldn't work with my lifestyle.

NonDruggie: Don't mind this.

Virgin: Err....no. I figure that once a guy gets the "taste" of it, he's gonna want to sow his seeds and not stay faithful.

Wow! That's the first time, I've heard that reason. What causes you to draw that conclusion? Because I've heard more people say the opposite...the guy would end up becoming to clingy.

I beg to differ!

Although I think your desire to avoid STDs and pregnancy is admirable, there's a lot of ground between the person you're going to marry and a random hookup.

That said, if I were 21, I would find the concept of the "right person" terrifying, because at 21, that was possibly the last thing on my mind. I don't think most 21-year-olds are thinking about finding the "right person." Also, I would suspect that most people who have that mindset have it as the result of long-term Christian values -- fine if that's your thing, but it's not something that I would find appealing in a guy.

Also, and I don't think anyone else has mentioned this -- to many, many, many people, sex is very, very, very important. Some people have good, um, chemistry -- and some don't. If sex is very important to a person, he or she might not think it's a good idea to wait a long time to have sex with someone -- if it's terrible, you've wasted a lot of time. Of course, that's not true if you don't consider sex to be very important -- and I'd wager that most people who don't consider sex important have never had it, have had bad sex, or just don't have much a sex drive.