Why do you torture yourself like that? Why make every conversation with him bittersweet and frought with pain and angst ? What possible purpose can that serve in your life.

Does it provide you with a focus point? They say that some people indulge in self destructive behavior because it gives them something to think about and obsess over.

Chronic recovery would be an example, someone that keeps sampling the drug they try to get over . . . they rarely experience much pleasure and are always fighting the pain of withdraw.

The advice I give to them is get high or quit . . . but make up your mind.

In your case, you are just dramatially increasing both the intensity and duration of your pain all in the name of sometype of fixation on experiencing melodramatic moments.

You need to take yourelf off the pathetic bus, wave goodbye to the passengers, and take responsibility for your emotions instead of making yourself a passive victim.

You are acting like someone that treats the thing that causes you pain as some type of guilty pleasure.

Your personal and intimate friends actually let you get away with that? Or are they so damaged they see nothing wrong with it?

Ooooooooh, your biting sarcasm just wounds me! lol

I was just pointing out to DZGirl that we don't disparage our sisters in a public forum. Honesty is important, but so is discretion. But, as I said before, that's just us.