Now, that's just cruel!!!!

Some people do feel tremendous pressure to be "coupled up". A group of my co-workers plan social things from time to time.. picnic, bowling, Tiger game, comedy club, etc. One of the women in the group (who I am good friends with) will never go because "I don't have a date and everybody will have their spouses with them". There are singles who go and not everybody brings their spouses. Heck, I'm divorced too and I always go. I'm socializing with my co-workers.. who cares if I have a date? Chances are, even if I was married, my spouse wouldn't come because someone has to watch the kids! It's silly.

As for weddings, it does depend on whether you know anybody else or not, who the wedding is for, whether you're dating someone or not, etc. I wouldn't just find some random man to drag to a wedding for the sake of having a date. If I did have a boyfriend, I'd want to take him, so we could dance. (if he doesn't dance, I don't date him, so I don't drag non-dancers to the dance floor!)

Dee

I didn't go to a wedding because I didn't have anyone to go with and my friend already started throwing her friendships out the door before she got married, so there really wasn't a point in going.

Is there no sorority sister she could ask? maybe a cousin? My point being is the reason we bring a date to show we are dateable? Or because being "paired up" is more comfortable?

I think this society's focus on being in a "couple" is so overwhelmingly suffocating that we cannot feel whole unless we "obey".

Personally, I do understand her fear (and that what it is, a fear). But, why is the first impulse to bring a member of the opposite sex and NOT just another friend??

Yes, I'm pushing the topic because I don't think people (not just GCers, but everyone) like to admit their fear of being the single one in a group of couples....

She can bring a date or not bring a date, whatever the hell she wants to do. Stop talking about people like they're clinical examples or something. You believe what you want to believe and let them believe what they want to believe and do what they want to do :)

It's not your job to "diagnose" her as having a fear of being single.

Basically stop talking about like she's not standing right in front of you, which she basically is.

I feel sorrier for people who try to make someone think there's someone wrong with them for feeling a certain way than for someone who has a "fear" of being alone.

Exactly - yo, this isn't some sort of endemic sociological flaw, it's the fact that some people want to have a date to a f-ing wedding. Maybe it's less societal pressure, and maybe more wanting to get laid? Maybe it's a lack of desire to 'make new friends' in an environment that may consist of people you don't want to see? Who knows - who cares?



ETA: If you bring a sorority sister to a wedding as your 'date', you are a tool.

I think to say that everyone has a fear of being the single one in a group of couples is highly-over generalizing.

It may be that they don't know anyone at the wedding so they bring a nice guy they know. Maybe they are taking the guy b/c they are great friends. You or anyone else doesnt know that. Maybe they are taking the guy b/c they think he's great and they want to hook him up with another female friend that will be there. Maybe they are taking the guy because he's a good dancer and because of that he will be good company. It's not always a "fear" of being alone. :)

I second what everyone else has said in response to this. Honey...first of all the point of me asking is that he IS A FRIEND WHO I WOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH! I specifically said that I would not want to take some random dude on this cruise. I will go alone if this guy doesn't want to go. Secondly, the psychoanalysis can stop because you don't know me well enough (or actually at all) to know whether or not I have a "fear" of being single. Trust me when I say that I don't. If I wanted to be in a serious relationship because I was scared of being single, trust me, right now I would be in one. My first impulse with this cruise is to bring a FRIEND who I LIKE who I WILL HAVE FUN WITH...everyone clear now? thanks

ETA: and as KSig RC said...it would be fun to get 4 straight days of action on the boat...haha

If you want to date women, that's cool, but there's no reason to pretend it's about making a statement regarding the pressure people may feel to "couple up" for events like weddings.

Yes, you feel that I'm attacking her. Fine..

But, a few threads down there is a Single and Proud thread. It's HUGE. And I find it a bit ironic that on one hand we thrust our fists up in solidarity to say "Yeah, men suck!" or "Girls are yucky!", yet a wedding, a company holiday party, or hell, just any ol' party comes up and all of a sudden that pride we so proudly wore on our sleeve disappears faster than panties on prom night.

Otter, you can do what you want. No matter what anyone on here says, you are ultimately in control. God's speed. Have fun.

To whoever else accused me of "analyzing" her, I agree. I was. But she is an adult who will make her own choices regardless. So, she is going to be fine no matter what I say. Relax, OK?

So, my attempt to start a semi-intellectual conversation got taken out of context. What else can I expect?

It seems no topic around here can be discussed without the attacking and flaming starting...so, whatever...

Honestly, I was just asking an opinion about a situation I was in...I'm single and I don't think men suck, in fact I like them very much;) . I think someone has bigger problems on their plate than a wedding if they think the opposite sex sucks. I am still not sure if I'm going to ask this guy or not...I will let you guys know.:)

Stop trying to fit the world (and by extension, greekchat) into these neat patterns. There is no implicit corelation between the two threads - you're strawmanning here.

So yeah, you can rage against some perception of 'the machine' all you want, but why? OK, so you don't want to be subject to societal pressures to be 'coupled' - fantastic, do you. But these pressures are more than societal, they're evolutionary as well, they're primal, they are developmental. Ah, now we're raging against much more than society, and suddenly the che guevara "fist in the air" is more of a coping mechanism . . . and you're losing ground rapidly to the slippery slope. Not to mention the arrogance of assuming that there is implicit value to ignoring these societal pressures . . .

You also ignore other issues, such as decorum. If you're invited to bring a date to a wedding, you're invited to do just that - if you have a significant other, decorum suggests it rude to invite one but not the other (since you are, after all, a 'couple'). If you bring a sorority sister, you are abusing the priviledge, since that meal, those drinks, even the seat you sit in does not come for free. How now, my revolutionary friend? Or does pragmatism and respect for others have no place in this fight?

I'll say it again, in the same colloquial language: bringing a sorority sister makes you into a tool (unless the two of you are 'together' in a relationship sense, and then more power to you - I'll buy you a box of wine and make bad jokes).

Past that, your anger at a relatively harmless social issue just drips with a lack of resolution of other issues . . . lay down on the couch, we have the full hour, be open and candid.

No, you hijacked relatively simple thread with a quasi-intellectual assault, and you even did it by relying mostly on logical fallacies. Start a new thread if you want to argue against the societal desire to have a date, but don't act like you're the only smart person in the thread.

That will get you nowhere.

also this post was very serious, so i included this so Rudey would enjoy it too:

http://www.crazylanka.com/lesbians.jpg

Well Ott-
The boy situation might work? Who knows? He seems like he would be easily spooked.

Has anyone seen the trailer for "Wedding Crashers?" You could just go and hope to meet Owen Wilson ;)

Otter, I would ask your friend to go. I think you'd be bored without someone to accompany you since it will be all couply, and even if you don't hook up, it'll be someone to party with.

you could be VERY bored on a cruise with a bunch of other couples and just you. Hell, you'd be bored if you brought a sister. There's something about cruises that kinda make you want to have someone of the male persuasion with you. I went with some friends last spring break, and while the cruise was fun, I think I would've had even more fun with a date type companion.

And this is one of the rare occasions when I agree with KSigRC!