Thanks, everybody, for all your advice.

I chatted it over with Mr. KKC last night, and we decided that we're going to suck it up and go, then duck out early if things get too stressful. There will be other guests in attendence with whom it might be possible to salvage some sort of friendship, provided that I do not cede the moral high ground. Plus, if I have a chance to get my $100 back, I'll need to suck it up.

There will be an open bar (yay!) but no cookie table (boo!). There will, however, be a chocolate fountain (even better!).

She's not getting a gift, though. According to all the etiquette manuals I've read, you have up to a year to give a wedding gift, and to quote the lady herself, "I don't have any spare money right now." Unless things change any time soon, Bridezilla is getting a $10 gift card to Wal-Mart.

hehe I like it! ;)

When I was planning my wedding, I saw a really nasty "gift" suggestion on alt.wedding:

- Get a card
- Write something like "Congratulations! Hope you enjoy the toaster!"
- Put a piece of tape on the card to make it look like it had been stuck to a gift
- Shuffle it into the items on the gift table
- The bride, finding the card but no toaster, will assume the gift walked away by itself and be too embarrassed to say anything, so she will just write you a thank-you card for the nonexistent item.

I don't think I could ever bring myself to do this, but if there ever was an appropriate situation, this is it!

Go, enjoy the open bar and the chocolate fountain (that sounds nummy! :) ), and take the vanishing $100 into account when picking out her gift.

:eek: :mad: OMG!

What is it about some brides that make them think they are being crowned Empress of India instead of just getting married? It's her wedding, not yours - why should it be your highest priority? Bridal attendants are not slaves - they are supposed to be your specially chosen friends and family who deserve the honor of standing up at the front with you when you get married, not personal shoppers. And you're not obligated to throw a shower as an attendant - in fact, no one is obligated to throw a shower or to even buy a gift! No matter what you do, Cat, you will come out as the better person in this. You could dance naked in the chocolate fountain at the reception and still be on higher ground morally.

Well, if she refuses to refund you that $100 just ask her for a thank you card instead. Tell her in that case that your wedding gift to her was that deposit. She'll be pissed off, but really she's the one screwing you over, so she'll just have to deal.

(is $50/person an expensive wedding gift? cheap?)

For the girl who was sorority president when I pledged, we did like $25/person. It was all we could afford.

My mom always says the best present they got at their wedding was a can opener. My dad's little brother (who was 12 at the time) gave it to them.

In Western PA, the success of the wedding is directly related to the size & variety of the cookie table. In fact, I have been told that my marriage failed because I didn't have a cookie table. Eh, that could have been part of it, but there were other factors.

KappaKittyCat, good luck. Sounds like a lose/lose situation, but then again, that's what happens when dealing with a Bridezilla.

Wow! What a bia!

Ask her if she can write you a check for the 100 bucks and tell her you won't cash it until a week after the wedding.

Wow, I definitely wouldn't get her a gift.

Here is an article about being a bridesmaid called Always a bridesmaid, always broke.

KappaKittyCat have fun at the wedding. I know that this was a painful experience. You have demonstrated dignity and grace by deciding to attend the wedding. You should be proud of yourself. :)

So I read some of this article, and the first girls was saying she had to buy engagment gifts, shower gifts, and a wedding gift.

I don't think so. The bride is already getting 2 sets of gifts. She ain't getting another one. You have to draw the line somewhere. I gave my friend, who got married this june a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift. I didn't give her an engagment gift and nor did she expect one.
Some people are so damn selfish!

Damn, I'm a professional bridesmaid and all I got my roommate was a shower gift! I figured my wedding gift to her was driving all the damn way to Charleston and buying a really expensive dress!

I went to the wedding after all. I got all dolled up and sucked it up and went, holding onto Mr. KKC's hand very, very tightly.

The entire afternoon I felt like I had a neon sign over my head that said, "MAID OF HONOR REJECT." Everybody stared. The bride was oblivious, and the new MoH was catty and shot me dirty and superior looks all evening.

<catty remark>
Her toast was lame, and she didn't look very good in her dress.
</catty remark>

Honestly, the wedding just looked like an excuse for her parents to show off and flaunt wealth in front of their friends. It was all style and very little substance. And I hope they have a nice life. Thanks, all of you, for your advice. I think I managed to maintain ties with my other friends. And Mr. KKC says that I deserve an Oscar for my performance. Just thought y'all'd like to know.

Any news about the $100 she owes you?

Hey, that sounds like the last wedding I was in!

Any chance you and my sorority sister are related? ;)

No. If I don't get a check in the mail by Friday, she's getting a very terse email.

I'm done being Ms. Nice KittyCat. Next time, the claws come out. Meow.

(BTW, this isn't a sorority sister. She is Greek, but she's not a Kappa.)

Congrats on being so damn classy!

be ready, though, to be made to look like the bitch about the $100.... if you send her that email, EVERYONE will know about it.... and they won't know the whole story.