You shoulda played those kings, mike

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a 10,000-foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

You know me. It's my duty to please that booty.

Have fun stormin' the castle.

Mister, there's two kinds of dumb. The guy who gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and the guy who does the same thing in my living room.

Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.

Gracie Lou Freebush, I know. I memorized the orientation pamphlet. I know all 49 ladies by name and picture. Well, 50 including myself. But your picture wasn't there, so I knew it was you from your lack of picture!

as you wish...

Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak... well maybe you do.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a d*amn!!

Badges! We don't need no stinking badges!

So what are you supposed to do with them for the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day?

I'm your huckleberry

"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.