My sister commited suicide in 2001 on New Years Eve and my parents felt really guilty because the kept asking about her grades and she would never show them and finally when she showed them they were upset and by them being upset she shot her self through the mouth.

How are you handling it? How old were you when it happened?

My, that is really a tough time you have been going through to share with us. You want to tell us all something about it?

better
 

Well it was hard to see that happen at such a young age I was 15. That is one of the reasons why I want to join a organization to try to fill the void of her loss but I know in my heart that no one could replace her; but I don't see a problem with trying to be another sister to someone else, and maybe my experiences can help others. It doesn't bother me to talk about it because the more I talk the better I feel about it.:o

You should write a song about your feelings.

well I just might think about that lololol

No... you... didn't. hahhaaa

Well I made peace with it a long time ago my brother is still having trouble with it it just takes time

Be nice... ;)

How are your folks doing? What your sister the oldest? Maybe you need to speak to a few GC Therapists that lurk around here. Few of my sorority sisters are therapist and if you do a search, they might be willing to give you minor pointers.

There are a few others, but I will let them speak for themselves.

Do you think your sister had issues with her grades? And what do you really think her reasons are where she felt there was no other option than to take her own life?

What happened to your friend? Did she ever get help?

The professionals call it "defraying". Usually, it works best on a very angry person. If there is an issue, one can "defray" its escalation by redirecting what the person is doing or thinking--usually, doing something totally different that expected.

For example:

A friend of mine was a counselor at a teen home for abused children with mental disorders, one of the young men was angry about something and the anger escalated.

So rather than breaking it up, my friend asked the angry young man, "Hey, do you want to help me get this Christmas Tree outside?" (He said it in terms of a directive--which is key). The young man, thought about it and left with my friend to remove him from the anger escalation.

That way, a trained professional can calmly talk with the client to get one side of what is going on... Defraying any ensuing fight.

We can always practice diplomacy and conflict resolution...

Thank you for asking.

We're still dealing with her mother's death, but my friend is doing so much better. I think the weekend that I wrote that post, another friend and I just showed up on her doorstep, said get dressed and get out of this house. She knows we will not hesitate to show up and show out. This was about a year ago.

She has been to counseling and is finding ways to work through her grief. I am so glad that she was able to speak with a professional about everything. There is NO SHAME in seeking help. I think for a while she was fighting that battle because she didnt want to ask for help, neither did she want to accept the help that was being offered. We just had to be there (many sleepless nights) until she got to the point where she realized it was o.k. to not go through it alone.

Some days she's optimistic and making plans for the future... other days are o.k. at best. Holidays, birthdays, and other special days we remember are rough but she's holding on strong. She is back at work and has even picked up her involvement in Girl Scouts and is a troop leader. She has a web of support and i think between her cousins, her friends, and her colleagues we all will catch any signs that something is out of the ordinary and address it head on.

She just started U.A.B.She was 18 she was also the oldest I'm the youngest . Well I truly believe that it was her grades because that very day my father said Ashley where are your grades for this sem. So she said hold on I will go and get them for you. When she shot herself she had the report card in her hand. I truly believe that's why.

I think her report card was the reason why she hurt herself and was successful. There are people that have a less than desirable report card that brush it off and take a realistic view rather than hurting themselves successfully.

So, my question to you again, in memorial and honor toward her, as you look back in hindsight, was there anything that might clue you into her pain, in retrospect?

well I did notice that she start to take interest in death and afterlife but sometimes we all think about what happens when you die so I did not think it was abnormal. She also started giving personal items away that she truly loved. I would say to her you love this why are you giving this to me? she would say well i'm not going to need it anymore.

Okay, that indicates to me, she had a plan fabricated in her mind. It has yet to say that any of it made sense or you all could have seen this a mile away.

Is your family very religious? What religion? What denomination? Did you all attend church before your sister hurt herself successfully? How about now when everyone is around?

Do you all enjoy the holidays anymore? And what do you all do for your sister's birthday, now?

I am sensing that you all think there is a defined step to take to manage your grief. Should that "step" be "defined", rigorously?