This is sooooo so true. You have to establish yourself and know what YOU want out of life before you can handle having someone else.

OK related to this thread what do you do if you have a friend that becomes so caught up in the first boy who gives her attention, even if he treats her like crap, she sees it, but doesn't do anything about it? It is obviously a self-esteem issue.............

In response to first post:

Single is fun because you can go out and hook up with whoever, be open to new posiblitites, be able to do things more spur of the moment, but, and I realized this last night, it gets old. Because what if you don't hook up with anyone cuz its a sausage fest and you have too much of the free tequila. It would have be nice to have to a girlfriend to hand me water and tell me it would be okay. Plus, I would make a great boyfriend.

James, I know you and I discussed this a few weeks back...

I have basically had a boyfriend since age 14. (I'm 21 now.) A couple shorter, more volatile relationships, then two serious, long-term relationships -- high school, then college -- the latter of which I am sitting in his room while he plays poker with the boys.

I've begun to question this. It's not that I'm unhappy with my current boyfriend, but I've been attached for an awfully long time. I'm also graduating next year and thinking about my long-term career goals.

Any thoughts?

If you're tired of being attached cut the cord.

I have to agree here. You're young and have plenty of time a head of you. If what you feel you need right now is some alone time to figure out the direction you want tot ake your life, then you should do that. There's no point on staying with him if you feel like he won't be part of your future.

Thanks. That definitely gives me more to think about....

I have a policy. I don't go out of my way to try and save people from themselves. It makes life less stressful for me and stops pissing off the person I am tempted to interfere with.

I will state my viewpoint though . . . but usually stop after they show themselves to be hopeless.

2 responses to the above posts:

21 is awfully young to be attached especially if you are having wonders about what else is out there which seems to be what you are doing.


To James: I like your insight. I can offer my opinion but they need to make their own decision.

Most importantly, you have to keep yourself from being emotionally invested in their choices.

You don't have enough control over them for that to be a good idea.

So true. On a similar note, in the field I am in, I see so many of my colleagues becoming burnt out because they take on their clients problems. When I leave work I leave work. The same for my social/personal life. The only reason I raise this subject is because someone wanted me to talk to someone kind of deal. I was adamant from the beginning that they need to make their own choices.

How can one separate 10-12 hours of their life from 24 hours per day?

Just asking because I really wanna know how that is done...

I really wish I could leave my work at work... But things come up that I have to handle on weekends, often and it sucks that it cuts into my social-personal life... But that is what I chose as my career and as far as what I do, the things that I work with do not understand the meaning of time... Especially my time...

I can set aside as much time as I would like for myself--all the time I want to, but I would not be doing my job if I let it falter...

Besides, when someone's child is sick, he or she is sick, that is a personal problem that cuts in your work schedule... How can one reconcile the two?

That is why knowing your limitations and having it straightened out while you are single works well before you are in a relationship...

Well beyond the cognitive adjustments, the most important thing might be to control your stress levels. Its wonderful to have better coping mechanisms but its even better to have preventive maintainence to keep yourself from being overwhelmed.

You can be the most reasonable person in the world but if your nervous system is overloaded its really hard to function well . . or pleasantly.

So starting with special supplements like DHA, watching blood sugar through diet, some relaxation training, and excercise is essential before even considering what specifically might be bothering you.

ETA: Also getting enough sleep is key.

I like it when she's attached...to my bed post.

Sometimes i look back and think how much room I had in my bed and how fun it was to sprawl out and have the whole bed to myself......being single has it's advantages.