I think it's okay to ask the bride and groom if there is anything in particular that they need.
I asked my friend (and she has been a close friend for 13 years now) what she needed and she told me nothing. I'd have to say she's right though. Her and her husband already have a house and household items that one might buy as a wedding gift. They have lived together for almost 2 years now and over that time they have received the things they need. They have received gifts as christmas presents, birthday presents, or they have purchased the items themselevs. I'm not going to buy something they already have. Therefore I don't see the harm in asking if there is anything they need. I've decided that $100 dollars cash is a good gift (I'd probably give more if I could afford it but I can't).

Mr. Bunny and I are hoping to get the essentials more than anything else. Yeah, that quesadilla maker may be pretty cool, but we need sheets, towels, and something to iron with. I know that my dad and his gf are going out of their way to make sure that we have the dishes, pots & pans, and bedding accessories that we need. My mom, on the other hand, is hoping we get the crystal and china on the registry. I really don't plan on serving Christmas dinner for a bunch of people for a few more years, so that can wait. Our pattern is a classic. Hopefully it won't be discontinued anytime soon!

btw: we're registered at hecht's and target if anyone's feeling generous enough to actually purchase that quesadilla maker.... :p

weddings in new york easily cost $100-125 per person. and that's on the moderate side.

for the shower i give a 50-75 dollar gift from the registry. for the wedding i give 100 dollars or 150-200 if i'm taking a guest. more for my closest friends though. if i'm not buying from the registry, i refuse to make up a "charming and delightful" gift that is probably neither charming or delightful for the couple. it's like getting 4 baskets of bath and body works crap at christmas. you don't want any of them and the baskets themselves are a waste and you're stuck with the smelly junk for the next 10 years. don't make your own present. use the registry or give a check

for whoever said to just give a card and then send a present a year later...tacky. you can't go to a wedding and not give anything. talk about cheap.

and bridesmaids absolutely still have to give a gift. even if it's small.

F*^& the quesadilla maker....give an ANVIL LOPPER!!!!

How much I spend on a wedding gift really depends for me. I try to look at all the factors - ie., shower, bacholorette party, actual wedding, how well I know the couple. All the weddings that I've gone to for my sorority sisters in the past few years - we're all pretty recent graduates so getting married just seems to be in the water (unless you're me and single), so life is starting to get pretty pricy.
Most of my friends have all been registered somewhere - Target, younkers, Crate & Barrel, Bed, Bath & Beyond, marshalls - so I generally go off the lists just because I figure it's stuff that they want and need. One of my good friends is very adamently against the lists, she gets most of the couples a nicely engraved 8 X 10 silver picture frame or a vase. I generally spend low end $25 all the way up to around $75. And by that I mean per gift - so if I go to the shower and the wedding I spend at least $25 per gift. I've only ever brought a guest to one of the weddings and I factored in for that when I purchased that respective gift.

I've also been told that you should try to spend as much on a gift as you think the couple is spending on you for dinner, etc.

I'm in my best friend from college's wedding in September. I was so honored to be asked at first but now it's becoming a hassle. She expected us to have the shower (in July) planned by Christmas... wasn't happening.

Last night I got a call from her MOH asking me for a check for $200 to cover the shower and the LIMO?!?! I never agreed to pay for the limo, the MOH was going to get it (she works at a funeral parlor and was going to get it from there, but something about that's illegal or something, so she told the bride she would take care of it and pay for it herself) and this completely caught me off guard.

What should I do? I spent close to $200 on the dress, shoes, alterations, etc. Plus I live 200+ miles away and have to drive there for the shower and wedding and take a couple of days off work. I don't want to complain to the bride, she has a very short temper and will tell me off, plus I don't want her to stress over something kinda petty, but I don't think this is right.

So for the gift, is it ok to give something small? Or will that offend the bride?

Question:

My cousin is getting married tomorrow. I did not get an invitation, but I guess I was covered under the "Mr. & Mrs. Pom & Family" invitation that was sent to my parents because I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she asked if I was coming. I don't live at home, haven't for more than a year, and was offended because my younger sister, who is married, got her own invitation.

Do I buy a gift? I want to but I'm so mad that people still include me in my parents' invites but my sister gets her own just because she's married. I also did not receive my own invitation to the shower but again was included on the one to my mom. I could not attend anyway and did not send a gift.

Thanks!

I agree that that was quite rude of her! Any etiquette book for will tell you that. If you were in college or something,maybe that would be okay (i'm sorry, I don't remember if you're still in undergrad or not!)... maybe! But that's very rude.

My family and family friends have finally started sending me things to my own address. I think it can be hard when it's a college kid changing addresses twice a year. But for something like a wedding invitation, a simple phone call could be made to find out your address.

Perhaps you can go in on your parents' present to her? Or may I suggest buying her a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette Book? ;)

shake it off...go, bring a gift and try to have fun.
you'll make more of a point by your prescense.

I was invited to my cousin's wedding without my fiance. Perhaps I can give them copy of Emily Post's book. I already have a dress, but I don't have a gift yet.

Oooh, that's a no-no too, lol.

I love my copy of Emily Post. I think it's great for any young woman (or old woman for that matter!) to have, especially when starting out in married life. But it's also a nice little elbow to the ribs to the recipient sometimes... hint hint, you need this!

Wait, am I the no-no or them? I am confused!

I will have a gift for their wedding. I just haven't decided what to buy. It's not until next weekend so I have some time.

I meant them. You don't invite someone without their fiance. If he was just a boyfriend you don't have to invite him, but if you're engaged he should be invited.

I gave my little Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette book when she first got engaged.... sadly I don't think she used there as there were quite a few faux pas made

OK thanks. I probably will give them crystal or something nice. He is my cousin, but she did the invitations. It should be a nice wedding even though I will attend solo.