The thing is...I DON'T sit at home all the time. I'm NEVER alone or just sitting around...I go out with friends, I go to Pike parties, etc etc. I'm not shy; I'm VERY social and talkative and outgoing. But not with guys. I mean I'll talk to them, and be friends with them, but I can't flirt. Guys I like never have a clue I'm interested.

In all the classes I've taken I've struck up conversations with guys, but it has never led to a darn thing. Not even a friendship even.

Some of you mentioned online. I know it works for some people, but the guy I went out with 3 years ago I met online. He's a nice guy, and tons of fun...but I talked to him online for a few months and thought I really liked him but once we were together (like in person), I just didn't like him that way. I tried it once, and it didn't work.

I have no interest in being married yet, not at ALL. I don't understand how my friends are married...I feel like we're all too young. I also don't expect guys to just fall at my feet...but I'd like to know what it's like to have someone that likes you. I'd like to know how it feels to be asked out. I'm just too emotional sometimes I guess.

I always like guys that are TOTALLY out of my league. I've liked one particular guy for about a year. He has no clue, and I don't think I will tell him. One, I'm too scared to. And two, why would I when so many other girls like him? He's one of my closest friends, so I know right now I would just hear the "just a friend" speech. The thing is, I just connect with him so well. The first day I met him, we stayed up intil 3 in the morning just talking, and we talked about deep stuff; stuff I don't usually share with people for a while. We're so much alike, and we have so much fun together. But like I said, why bother? I'm tired of getting my hopes up and then getting sad. And people are sometimes like, "well I know this single guy I could hook you up with", but I have kind of a fear of guys I don't really know, and plus why should I have to be set up with someone? Why can't someone notice me on their own? Plus, I secretly hold out for that guy I like as if magically he'll fall in love with me.


:(

I feel like I'm being stupid. I don't want to settle down yet...I just want someone to notice me. Is that too much to ask for? :( :(

i was so glad to read this thread because it echoes my feelings lately. i guess it just goes under the whole "lonely and depresesd" thing...here is my situation:

i just finshed my first year of college and it was AMAZING. best time of my life. in high school, i always had a boyfriend, so i can't say that i've never had a relationship or anytthing like that, because i have. in fact, i broke off a 2yr relationship right before college. it was definitely the right choice, too; i have never regretted it. so freshman year, i had lots of fun, let's just say that. i went pretty wild and met lots of boys....i'm sure y'all know how freshman boys are though (all they want is one thing, and that is not a girl to date!) but i had lots of fun, met lots of really nice guys (despite their tendency to only think about sex, sex sex!), and made a great group of friends that couldn't be nicer to me. i joined AXO and became part of the sisterhood. i like to think that i have a fairly active social life, i mean i don't go out and get shitfaced every night but i don't sit on my ass all the time either (except tonight....ha!) so everything seems fine, and for the most part, it is. but when i came home for the summer, everything changed. i'm now states apart from my best friends, and don't have the social life i had in college. in a way, it's good to be home and just relax, but i miss it. and most importantly, being home and being bored a lot of the time allows me to dwell on the fact that i WANT to date again, no more of those casual hookups that i had at school, but i want one guy. i'm not necessarily looking for a serious relationship, but just someone i can go out with, who i like and who really likes me. i guess i really shouldn't be bitching about this, i mean i'm only 19, but i guess sometimes we all have things in our lives that leave us feeling empty.

and for all y'all out there who have had it up to HERE with asshole guys, "i like you as just a friend" guys, etc....here is a quote that i just love.....learn it, live it, love it!
"never allow someone to become your priority while you remain only their option"

SAIRose, I hear you. Like justamom, I married at 27--I didn't even meet my husband until I was 25! I had just finished my doctorate and gone through some pretty lean dating years. All the other grad students were married with kids. There weren't even any eligible guys around!

After agonizing about this forever, I finally decided to make my life as rich as possible. I would travel, get deeply involved in the community, stay as busy as I could and some day--I just knew it--"my prince would come". (Ole prince is standing over here gulping a Pepsi and OMG:rolleyes: , he just BELCHED, how ROMANTIC!)

Dive headfirst into life until you meet your special man!

I know what it feels like to be at the movies with your best girl, or your rents, or someone you wish could be a handsome man you could hold hands with there is one slight plus, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND YOUR MONEY ON THEM!!!!!!!!!

I think that's a huge plus. And don't ever rule out the whole online thing. I know several people who have been married from it, and if you're bored there is nothing like just talking to someone else online.

Just hang in there like everyone said, he will come when you least expect it.

Oh yeah, I work at a grocery store, so when I see any decent looking guy, girl, or couple I immeaditly look at their fingers, and ladies, here in my area there are plenty of single looking guys not tied down! So yes they are around!

Great advice!

Thanks
 

I just wanted to thank you guys for all the advice/support. I feel better knowing that I'm not alone. And it's true, I do have plenty of time, and I'm having too much fun right now in life to settle down...settling down means no more Pike parties. :D (Can you tell I'm very partial to Pike? :D :D :D)

I still get a little sad, but thanks everyone for putting things in perspective.

sairose: There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said on these pages. I will say that I am envious.

Ok everyone....how about a flipside problem? I'm 24, madly in love, and getting married soon. My friends are not. Most do not have significant others & don't really want to have one. Also, my friends are spread out all over the country. The ones that are in Pittsburgh are all about going to clubs & stuff and that isn't my scene anymore (don't let my post in the Random thread fool you).

So, I'm pretty much alone in a city where I don't know anyone and am far away from family & friends. Sometimes I want to put an ad in the paper that says, "Won't someone be my friend. Pretty please?"

Maybe it's the whole graduating from college and being really on my own angst that is getting to me. It just sucks though. I cry all the time because I haven't been in this situation before and don't know how to handle it.

Anyone have a similar problem and could give me advice?

sairose,

I don't know what else I can add to what has already been said, other than my own story... I'd been in a relationship with a guy who turned out to be a slimeball. I really wanted to get back into being in a relationship, but I just couldn't find an attractive, unattached guy. So one day, I officially gave up on the idea of being in a relationship, and decided to go to a party and just have a good time with my friends... and that's where I met my husband.

The right person will come along when you least expect it. Meantime, don't get hung up over not having a guy in your life... just enjoy being single! :)

I'm having the same issue, but mine is cyclical. I know my problem is a deep, DEEP rooted fear of rejection. I feel as if I will literally die if a man rejects me, so I don't try. Yes, it's an irrational fear, but one I am working on...

Also, someone said not to be needy. It's actually ok to be needy, really. It's nice to need someone around. Being vulnerable is something we have to risk to allow someone to come in and take care of us and be there for us. But you don't want to be clingy. There is a difference.

Clingy means you are afraid to be without that person. Clingy screams of insecurity. Neediness whispers vulnerability...

Hey Moxie, while I don't have your problem (I am pretty much grounded in my family- friends come and go but my cousins are always there living close by and a total anchor for me) I am sitting here trying to think of ways for you to meet people.

I'm a bit of a loner myself at this point, so I like going out solo and doing my thing, so this is hard but here goes: If you want to meet people why don't you take a class in something you like? I met a ton of people in my bellydancing class who were nice and shared some of my interests. Ditto for my classes at the gym- if there is anyplace you go often and find yourself interacting with the same people, reach out and get to know them! Or at your job maybe? I have made good friends with past co-workers.

That is all I can think of for now. Will post more ideas later if I come up with anything good.

Good luck!

K, this statement is kind of problematic. I think you have confused being needy with something more healthy.

NEEDINESS is a turn-off. NEEDING someone is not. You can let someone know that they are needed without being needy. lol, I know that sounds like semantics, but think about it.

CLINGINESS is simply a physical manifestation of neediness. Is it really so different? Whichever label you decide to put on it, it is essentially the same thing, just taking different forms.

I think the biggest proble for most of the posters on this thread is the attitude the put forth to everyone. As some other posters have alluded to, if you feel lonely and depressed, that is what you will exude to everyone. No one really wants to surround themselves with loneliness and depression.

If you realize that you can be a complete person without any outside validation, then you will come across as confident and self-assured, and that type of attitude is generally attractive.

I am also single by choice. I know that I could probably have my pick of most anyone if I really wanted (because I am cocky and arrogant like that :p ), but I also know that I am not going to settle. I have too much to offer to waste my time with people who aren't going to appreciate it.

To poeple who are lonely and depressed my suggestion would be to stop worry about outside validation, and start trying to get to know yourself, and all that you have to offer.

No, I see where you are coming from. It's a very weighted word...Needy and needs are twi similar, but different things...

I guess the point is to find your bliss. Do things that make you happy. Take classes, join the gym, go out and enjoy the world around you. Happy and secure people attract happy and secure people. :)

There's a thread about threesomes up.

-Rudey
--That could take away the lonliness and make for a really bizarre and interesting evening I suppose.

JUST WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!

RUDEY!!!!! ;)