I grew up in the south suburbs of Chicago, and attended a parish which was one of the largest in the Chicago Archdiocese. In our church, confirmation is a two-year process. You start on your journey in the 7th grade, and you make your confirmation at the end of 8th grade. I never questioned that I wanted to be confirmed. My brothers essentially went along with the idea to a) make my parents happy, b) attend the confirmation retreat (which was a free get-out-of school day) and c) get the presents they weren't going to get for graduation. On my parents' part, it was expected that since they were raising us Catholic, we would be confirmed.

After I graduated from college, I went back and taught 8th grade CCD for a while. Although there were a few kids who decided not to make their confirmations, most did. My hometown is overwhelming Catholic - over 90%, and is populated by a lot of former Southside Irish, Poles, and Italians. Tradition is important. If you decide not to send your kids to the Catholic school (which is a good school, but no better than at least two of the public schools here), you send your kids to CCD. They make their Communion in 3rd grade, First Confession in 4th, and they are Confirmed in 8th. Period.

I still attend the church, although I do not agree 100% with all of its teachings. I have looked into other churches and worship styles, but I feel most comfortable here. I find beauty in the service and in the worship of God, and tend to ignore the things I don't agree with. I don't think there's a perfect religion; no matter how inspired any one sect is, it is still being run by fallable humans. I found the religion that works for me, and I am happy that I was Confirmed. Other people in my class have converted to different religions, and I think that's good too. God can be worshiped in many different ways, and there are many beautiful ways to seek him.

I was raised in the Presbyterian church, which is known for being fairly tolerant and open. (In some people's opinion's, too much so.) I was confirmed in 4th grade, which I admit was a bit young, but my minister knew I was mentally and spiritually old enough to go through with it. My minister was a really cool guy and I felt his sermons were some of the best I've ever heard. He showed how the bible applied to a normal everyday life, and he avoided the hell fire and guilt trips that I've heard in many other churches. But gradually I came to question a lot of things, especially in high school when I started seriously studying the bible. I wondered why it was ok to not do something when the bible said that you had to, or vice versa. And the concept of the trinity confused me. I wasn't a big fan of the "Divine Mysteries" and people saying "It just is, don't question." So I went thru a period where I was a moral but definitely arreligious person, though I still believed in God. I studied every religion I possibly could and came to find Islam. Even for someone who doesn't believe in it, it's such a fascinating religion. And it's one of the three Abrahamic faiths (Judaism and Christianity being the other 2), so I still could follow God. It was a really long process because I wasn't sure if changing my affiliation was for me. Also, being non-Baptist in Alabama isn't what you'd call easy. :)

So I have a related question after reading these posts -- at what point does one decide that there are just so many things about one's religion that she should part ways with it? How do you choose a religion, then, if you're going to convert?

I guess, and I hope this statement doesn't offend anyone because that is not my intent, I just don't understand why people say they're, say, Catholic for example, but they don't really "follow the rules" so to speak. I know someone who considers herself to be CATHOLIC -- very Catholic. She goes to anti-abortion rallies and goes to church all the time and does all of these things based upon what she perceives to be her duty as a Catholic. However, she is also separated from her husband and has had sex with another guy, while still married. I'm no expert on the Catholic faith, but I'm guessing that's not something that's really promoted. I'm not saying that people should be perfect, but I'm saying that I don't get it.

Wouldn't it make more sense, if you are not going to modify your behavior according to your religious beliefs, to find a faith that agrees at least in large part with your personal beliefs and/or behavior? I hope this makes sense, and again, I hope I don't offend anyone. I just want to understand.

RE: Valkyrie's question


The reason I have stayed Catholic is that I agree with the very fundamentals of the Catholic Church. I don't agree with a lot of other things the Church says, as I'm sure can be picked up from my posts, but I like Catholicism more than I have liked any other religion.

My mother was raised Church of England and my father Jewish. Makes for an interesting conbination, I know. Since neither of my parents were practicing in either religeon,I was raised to explore all religions. Although we never went to church or synagog, both my parents told me that they would be happy to take me where I wanted to go. I have always had a belief in a Supreme Being, but until recently I have never put a religious label to it. Recently, I have been exploring Judaism much more in depth. It's so interesting to realize that it is a part of you ethnically, not only as a belief. I still don't attend any services anywhere regularly, as I am still getting comforable with my discovery of my own beliefs. But this winter break, I am planning on going on a trip to Israel, which I think will help me a lot.

I converted because I had issues w/ gender relations ( and a few other things) as described in the Bible. It seemed to me, especially in Paul's letters to the early church, that it was a necessary evil to marry, fall in love, have sex, etc. Celibacy, besides being damn difficult, is also unhealthy. Love is a gift from God, and it seemed to me like the church wanted to supress it as much as possible which didn't seem natural. Plus there is a lot of stuff in the Bible about women that I didn't agree with, like them remaining silent in church and things like that. Some people say "Oh well, it's not applicable to today's society." Then why did I want to follow the bible? Up until 3 years ago, Alabama had a law banning interracial marriage. Try enforcing that!! It seemed to me to be an impotent document, especially considering the alterations it had thru the centuries. I wasn't sure what to believe. Islam, despite popular lore, grants women lots of rights that are religiously ordained, not just "well hey it's ok if they do this." Like the right of inheritance, right to her own assets, right to divorce, etc. Also, it encourages people to live their lives, within moral boundaries of course. It doesn't regard the human condition as unnatural and there's no concept of original sin. Enough of my preaching, but basically in a nut shell is what influenced me. I'm curious to hear from other people who converted to something other than what they were raised

My family is Catholic and there, we went through Confirmation in the 2nd grade.

I thought you had to have had your first confession before your first communion? :confused:

I did both in 2nd grade - first confession was about a month before first communion. Then, confirmation in 8th grade.

Re: AEPHI Alum's question: I thought you had to have had your first confession before your first communion? I don't think there's a hard and fast rule regarding the order in which you first make your Communion and when you make your Confession. My older brother made his on the same day in second grade. We moved that next year, and the parish that I grew up in chooses to do it this way. Other parishes in our area reverse the two sacraments. In my Archdiocese, at least, it seems to be a local decision as to when you experience each sacrament.

Valkyrie, I think you asked a great question. Although I do not agree with every tenet of the Catholic church, I agree with most of them. I don't believe it is possible that I would agree with every tenet of any faith. As for thinking about converting, while I was in my early 20's, I did research other religions. I bought books, talked to friends, talked to preachers and lay people alike and went to other church services. I didn't feel comfortable in any of the other churches. I guess I just knew deep down that this is my religion, this is what I believe, and this is how I like to worship God.

I could go on all day :)

My break from Catholicism happened gradually. I think the process started when I asked a question in 7th grade CCD and was basically told to shut up and accept what I was told - and I realized that Catholicism doesn't exactly encourage questions and debate. I started having problems with the idea of the infallibility of the Pope, having to go through a priest to get absolution for your sins, and on and on. When I realized I wasn't so sure about Jesus being God, it occurred to me that maybe Christianity wasn't the right choice for me - since that's kind of a core belief :)

There was never a doubt in my mind that there is a God and that God is one. This narrowed the field a bit.

I'd learned a lot about Judaism already, just from having grown up in a very Jewish neighborhood with a lot of Jewish friends. I did do my homework and investigate other faiths, but I felt drawn to Judaism.

I will add that I have some big problems with the Orthodox movement. Orthodox women are very much relegated to the home, and I won't accept that. The Orthodox also have a very strict and unbending interpretation of the laws, and have not adjusted much to the times we live in. So I chose the Reform movement, which is a lot more egalitarian and flexible.

(Because I did not convert through the Orthodox movement, the Orthodox do not recognize me as Jewish. Know what - I don't care. :p )

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience at such a difficult time. I have seen ministers do the same thing with grace and others botch it terribily. Once, when I saw it done well, the minister simply said that because the person was a believer we don't have to wonder where they are right now and we can rejoice because they are rejoicing in heaven with their Savior. He then said that if anyone else wanted that same assurance then he would pray for them and all they had to do was asked to be recieved into the body of Christ. No "you are going to hell if you don't" speech. The brother of the woman who had passed away decided to give his life to Christ and the rest of her family was overjoyed. It was a way of turning a sad situation in to a (somewhat) happy one.

Those are some good questions. I frequently listen to this guy on the radio, Hank Hanagraff who bills himself "The Bible AnswerMan" he's a conservative Christain who has a call in radio show that pretty good. He does not shy away from the tough questions and backs up everything with scriptures. He says (and I know I am going to do a terrible job at quoting him!) that there should be no question among Christians of the essentials of the faith (although we know their are!) like the Trinity, salvation, etc. Other non essentials like pre tribulation versus post tribulation should be debated, with love. I think it's kinda like with your spouse. Would you divorce your spouse if he constantly left the seat up in the bathroom? I hope not! Conversely, you would probably give it STRONG consideration if he cheated on you or became a drug dealer. bathroom seat = non essential cheating = essential . I think if someone disbelieves the essentials of their faith then it is time to go!

I remain a Christian because I believe in it 100%. The things I am still struggling with, I am trying to learn about. There are some things that I was really uncomfortable with about Christianity and not being "fair", but the more I read and learn and study and pray the more I realize *I* was the one wrong, not the faith. I think it is not a true belief system if it doesn't challenge you in some way to be a different person. If you pick and choose from different religions to line up with what you already think I thin you are making yourself the god, not a Supreme Being.

i am so with you on that one!!! i went to catholic school from k thru 8th grade. in the 3rd grade, we always had to talk about the gospel and homily on mondays. i didn't go to church bc my parents didn't take me. i was 8, was i supposed to hotwire the car and drive myself? well, one monday, i was called on to answer the questions. i had no idea, but i guessed...there are only 4 people who wrote the gospels....lol. the nun figures out that i am only guessing and asks why i didn't go to church. i explain that no one took me. she said that i should tell my parents that i have to go and she proceeded to tell me that if they didn't take me i should take myself. i should walk if i had to bc it was that important to go to church. since i lived 3 miles away from the nearest church, i really didn't think it would be appropriate to walk all by myself!!! did she even think about the safety of an 8 yro walking all that way alone (and she did know where i lived)?

in 5th grade, we were talking about how the isrealites were the "chosen" people and how only they would go to heaven...then at the same time, we were saying how only catholics would go to heaven...so i wanted an explanation. i was basically told by a nun that it just was so there, stop asking. at this point, i was a little wary.

in the 8th grade, i really and truly ended my belief in the catholic church. my teacher that year, a nun, was awesome. she was soooo "cool." one day in health class, we got on the topic of sex and abortion. someone asked if abortion was ok if the woman was raped. she said (and i am COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY NOT LYING) that god would never allow a women to get pregnant unless she enjoyed it. i almost fell out of my chair. to this day, i get totally aggrevated when i think of this. given the statistics that 1 out of 4 women get raped at one point in her lifetime.........i am so angry that this woman would stand in front of a group of children and say this.

in the area that i grew up in, first confession and communion were in grade 2. confirmation occured in each church every three years for 6-8 graders. i was supposed to receive confirmation in the 8th grade, but i switched schools and the new school had confirmation the previous spring. i thought i had escaped, but my mom made me get confirmed at our church. i was in the 10th grade and i even said that i really didn't want to be confirmed and it wasn't what i believed in. it was terrible! my parents aren't even religious!!!

in 2000, my nephew was born and his parents asked me to be his godmother. my mom had arranged his baptism and the priest said that he just needed a letter from my parish priest saying that i was "eligible." my mom lied and said that since i had just moved to massachuettes that i didn't belong to a church yet! the priest said that as soon as i joined one, that i could ask the priest to fill out the appropriate paperwork. i was pissed off!!!!! my sis-in-law's twin brothers were asked to be the godfathers and they couldn't do it either bc they didn't belong to a church. my parents had to stand in as the "official" godparents. my mom got the priest to agree to allow the three of us to stand up at the baptismal fountain, too, but we would not be noted as the god parents. do you want to hear the absolute worst part of this story......my parents do not go to church.....ever. i think the last time my mom went for a mass, without some special reason, was when i was 5. guess what....they write a check out every year for their "church dues." so it really doesn't matter if you are a fit person, just one who pays.

currently, i am a "maria-ist." basically, i believe that there is a higher something, that you should be a good person, treat others well, etc. i do not believe that religion occurs in a building and that you are religious if you go to church/temple/synagoge once per week and then forget the rest of the of the week the teachings of the religion. i am drawn to judaism, but i don't know that i will ever convert. who knows, maybe i will always just be a "maria-ist."

I am this same way...one of my largest odds with Christianity and Catholicism is how you are expected to join the church and donate to it, and most of all, confess your sins to a pastor who unfortunately, all-too-commonly is no better then the average person. One thing I love most about Judaism is before the Day of Atonement, you are supposed to forgive anyone you have done a sin too in the past year, and then on Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, you are supposed to ask God personally for your forgiveness and a new start for the new year.

I do not believe going to church/synagogue/mosque once a week makes you a better follower of a particular religion, but instead, it is in your heart. While you should always try to follow the sabbath, attending services each week is not necessarily mandatory in order to do so.

I do not currently belong to a synagogue, mostly because I am constantly in a different location (school or home) and I do not know which branch of Judaism best fits me yet. However, I am invited and welcomed to almost every synagogue I go to, even if it is just once a year.

In my experiences with Judaism, Rabbis and other scholars have welcomed any question I may have and have tried their best to answer it - both with a traditional Jewish answer and their own personal feelings. As well, all have welcomed and participated in different types of debates...I feel that debate and looking at different religions will only strengthen your faith as it will cause you to look deeper into your religion to find answers...and if not, you are able to convert and then do the same process... (does this make sense??)

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and was basically told to shut up and accept what I was told - and I realized that Catholicism doesn't exactly encourage questions and debate.
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I am sorry that some of you have had this experience. Maybe it's because I did not go to Catholic school, but I had the exact opposite experience. My parents, priests, CCD teachers, whomever, always encouraged debate. For example, on the eve of making my confirmation, I went to confession. I walked into the confessional, and asked our parish priest point blank why we needed to go through confession, which I always thought was a stupid thing to do. I mean, why do I need to talk to a priest when I could cut out the middle man and talk to Jesus personally. I thought he was genuinely interested in my point of view, and that made me listen to his views. I thanked him, then went home. I was still confirmed, and confession is still my least-favorite sacrament. When I taught CCD, I encouraged questions. I freely admitted that I did not have the answers; all I could give them were my opinions, backed up by scripture.