At my university (private school, but sounds like the greek life environment is roughly similar), I saw firsthand one case in particular of an older (at least 23?) new member. She really was a good person, but our chapter was not the right environment for her. Like Irishpipes said, it was difficult for her to be "bossed around" by people years her junior, who valued very different things than she did.

My husband joined his fraternity at 23, and by the end of his college career, he wanted his degree and wanted to start his "real life"- a lifestyle he had already lived once before he went back to school. While he has a very independent personality, I think anyone (including myself, to be honest) is tired of certain things by the time you graduate college and have reached a certain level of maturity. You may (or may not) be more mature than these girls, and putting up with the immaturity can be difficult.

But, you don't know until you try- if you have your heart set, go for recruitment and get the feel of the chapters.

^Yeah, I think at this point in my life, it may not be a reality to join at this age. And that's okay, I just want to give it a go and find out for myself! I do feel like I have a lot to offer a chapter and id like to pursue the opportunity. If it doesn't work out in my favor, I have a lot of other activities to get involved with. :) I appreciate your insight.

You had a parent with severe health issues. It forces you to grow up in certain parts of your life far earlier than you need to. You need to go back and catch up on that young adulthood you didn't get to have. I completely understand and while I understand that people are trying to prepare you for perhaps not receiving a bid, everyone just flat out saying "you're too old" needs to STFU. Because honestly, you have no idea what this is like. Parenting a parent (which you do end up doing to a degree) is something you're supposed to be doing at 50, not at 20.

Wow, thank you. You hit the nail on the head. Without giving too much about my situation away, you're right about "parenting a parent" and having to give up parts of my young adulthood too early. And as a direct result of HER issues, my own came into the picture. Had it not been for all that, I'm sure I would be a happily graduated alumnae of XYZ by now. But life wasn't all that nice to me over the last 6 or so years and I would give anything to get some of that time back. If being the oldest person in my chapter is the biggest worry, I'll take it! I promise you, to me ... it's all worth it.

So true!
Follow your heart...if you don't, you'll always wonder "what if?"

For the record....it's no easier at 50.

The OP asked for honest input. Telling people to STFU when they are offering input (whether positive or negative or in line with your own personal views) is counter-productive at best, and frankly, not respectful. There are a variety of opinions on this thread as on any other thread. I myself have not said that she is too old; I have simply responded to the best of my ability based on her own statements.

There are no do-overs in life; we all face challenges at different times. While we may regret some of our choices, they are what they are, and we have the choice to accept life on life's terms, or not. We can make the best of what's in front of us today, or not.

I will continue to wish her good luck.

You don't know what I understand and what I don't. I also don't need you telling me to STFU. I have no idea why you are so unbelievably rude. The OP wanted honest feedback. 18-21 year old young women are in charge of membership selection, and many if not most of them will NOT understand her situation. It really doesn't matter if I understand it, they won't, and they get to choose.

May I lane swerve in tiny font? Is it possible that instead of making age the central factor, and telling people they won't be wanted, you can address varying campus cultures? Some NPC 18-21 year olds will be welcoming and some (many? most?) will not.

For instance, NPHC collegiate chapters tend to accept a range of ages because of how we view membership and lifetime commitment. However, there are some chapters that would deny someone over a certain age for a number of reasons (including a large applicant pool and 25 year olds are outnumbered by accomplished 18-20 year olds). This is based on chapter culture and campus culture despite the larger NPHC culture.

/lane swerve

Well, if you would prefer, she has already stated that she is bordering the deep south, and obviously her campus utilizes recs. This means it is not entirely uncompetitive. I am also pretty sure I know what school she is talking about. But, until you have been through a formal recruitment with a 19 year-old measuring your shorts length and demanding that you wear more flair, you don't know what it is like to be beholden to minutia that a 26 year old would likely find ridiculous. I am not criticizing the OP or wishing her ill. She has already stated she is doing it anyway. I am just saying 1) she will have a rough go getting a bid, and 2) if she gets a bid, it might not go as she hopes. I have loved my collegians that I have advised, but they drive me CRAZY too. They are young and inexperienced and find different things important. I remember when I preffed my choices for pledge mom (big sister) back in the day, I didn't even rank any of the seniors I knew because I felt they were ancient compared to me (I was 17 as a freshman.) Fair or not, it is how some will feel about her. I am sure some will love and embrace her.

Very good points, well stated. Thank you. In future I will include a reference to campus culture. We all know about assumptions - right?

Carry on.

;) I have to remind myself not to speak definitive on certain NPHC topics. We have 9 GLOs and thousands of chapters. This also goes for certain Delta topics. Talk to NHQ and the specific chapter if you want to know the answer.

Did you go through what the OP went through with a parent? At that age?

If the answer is no, then STFU. If the answer is yes, then it might have helped the OP more to tell her you understand than to just flat out tell her she's too old. (If you did that in a PM, please accept my apologies.)

ps: Your condescending attitute toward 18-21 year olds (i.e. the majority of them won't be able to get the situation) doesn't help your case.

And your condescending attitude towards everyone doesn't help yours.

Did you go through recruitment in the South, or do you have any other involvement or experience with recruitments in (or near) the (deep) South where recs are customary?

Do you have any experience with 18-21 year olds participating in a Southern recruitment, where recs are customary (as some indicator of recruitment culture), as either a parent or chapter advisor?

Did you consider taking your own advice?

Except the OP's question was about her potential recruitment, not caring for a parent.

SoClassic, if your wish is to recapture the time you lost, I fear you will be disappointed. It might be a good idea to carefully evaluate how your goals and interests, with respect to the person you are now, fit into the sorority life culture on your campus.

You are not less because of the experiences that took you down a different path and prevented you from enjoying college life as an 18-year-old. You undoubtedly have been enriched by your experience and insight, but in a different way moving forward as a 26-year-old. Considering your life experiences, much of what seems important in the world of an 18-year-old new sorority member may seem trivial by comparison.

All the best to you, however, regardless of your decision. : )