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-   -   I think I made a mistake. (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=135699)

sigmagirl2000 08-28-2013 07:12 AM
.... I know it's been a while, but it's still nice to have Dr. Phil's perspective back in action on here. :)

MysticCat 08-28-2013 07:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreekRegret (Post 2234754)
I have stated that I am not there anymore several times. Do you have a reading problem? I can't go turn in anything to anyone. Your anger is not needed. You need a hug and a nap.


This isn't something that you have to be rude about. May god bless your angry soul.
When calling other people out for perceived rudeness, being rude yourself sort of works against you.

ASUADPi 08-28-2013 08:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreekRegret (Post 2234754)
I have stated that I am not there anymore several times. Do you have a reading problem? I can't go turn in anything to anyone. Your anger is not needed. You need a hug and a nap.


This isn't something that you have to be rude about. May god bless your angry soul.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact that you are blaming your sorority sisters for the choices that you made.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact the you will never be able to join a different NPC.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact that some NPHC chapters will not let you join because you are a member of an NPC.

If you truly hate your sorority so much, resign your membership! Turn in your pin, turn in your letters and call it a day!

DrPhil 08-28-2013 09:59 AM
This is another thread that highlights the importance of researching. :) All councils and conferences stress the importance of some type of research. We all stress the need to think honestly, critically, and adult-minded (even if you're in your late teens). Think about how GLO membership pertains to your college life, personal life, and life after college.

GreekRegret, if you feel you have missed the boat on GLO membership, find other ways to be active on the campus and larger community. That can include events with other racial and ethnic minorities. Just do not give people (non-friends) the speech that you gave us. ;) Been there, done that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sigmagirl2000 (Post 2234774)
.... I know it's been a while, but it's still nice to have Dr. Phil's perspective back in action on here. :)
sigmagirl2000 heard that I pay $500 for compliments. :p

PersistentDST 08-28-2013 10:08 AM
Here is what I suggest: (And I am not saying it with a tone, but I'm a pretty straightforward chick)

Remember why you originally chose to become a member of your organization. Really think about it. Remember back to your initiation and how you felt. Think about the young lady who could have taken your spot, and was crying because she was dropped from her number one choice. Think about all those times you could have simply told the Big Sisters that you were going to stay in and study, and catch the next (inevitable) party. Think about all of the things you could have declined to do when you were pressured. While I think Big Sisters should be a support system for you, they are not your academic advisors, your moral compass and they aren't...well...YOU. You have to make conscious decisions on what you will do for the well-being of YOU. Don't think that if you had been initiated into a NPHC organization that you may not have had sisters pressure you in the same way.

The reason so many people here are not really sympathetic to your plight is because many of us made a vow to be committed to our organizations for a LIFETIME, and we take it seriously. It is a priviledge to be chosen and initiated. Many people will never get the opportunity you have. I suggest you make lemonade with these lemons. Fall in love with your organization. Go become active with the alumni chapter, and help other young ladies to fall in love with it. Use these feelings/experiences you had with your big sisters and guide someone else in a positive direction.

Good luck...

agzg 08-28-2013 03:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2234810)
sigmagirl2000 heard that I pay $500 for compliments. :p
You don't pay your invoices. WHERE IS MY CHECK?

AOII Angel 08-28-2013 03:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil (Post 2234810)
This is another thread that highlights the importance of researching. :) All councils and conferences stress the importance of some type of research. We all stress the need to think honestly, critically, and adult-minded (even if you're in your late teens). Think about how GLO membership pertains to your college life, personal life, and life after college.

GreekRegret, if you feel you have missed the boat on GLO membership, find other ways to be active on the campus and larger community. That can include events with other racial and ethnic minorities. Just do not give people (non-friends) the speech that you gave us. ;) Been there, done that.



sigmagirl2000 heard that I pay $500 for compliments. :p
Dr. Phil. You are the BEST GCer ever. Where's my check? :D

AOII Angel 08-28-2013 04:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PersistentDST (Post 2234813)
Here is what I suggest: (And I am not saying it with a tone, but I'm a pretty straightforward chick)

Remember why you originally chose to become a member of your organization. Really think about it. Remember back to your initiation and how you felt. Think about the young lady who could have taken your spot, and was crying because she was dropped from her number one choice. Think about all those times you could have simply told the Big Sisters that you were going to stay in and study, and catch the next (inevitable) party. Think about all of the things you could have declined to do when you were pressured. While I think Big Sisters should be a support system for you, they are not your academic advisors, your moral compass and they aren't...well...YOU. You have to make conscious decisions on what you will do for the well-being of YOU. Don't think that if you had been initiated into a NPHC organization that you may not have had sisters pressure you in the same way.

The reason so many people here are not really sympathetic to your plight is because many of us made a vow to be committed to our organizations for a LIFETIME, and we take it seriously. It is a priviledge to be chosen and initiated. Many people will never get the opportunity you have. I suggest you make lemonade with these lemons. Fall in love with your organization. Go become active with the alumni chapter, and help other young ladies to fall in love with it. Use these feelings/experiences you had with your big sisters and guide someone else in a positive direction.

Good luck...
You are very wise. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but humans are humans. You can find the same issues wherever you go. Learning to love the one you're with is an important life lesson.

DrPhil 08-28-2013 04:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by agzg (Post 2234891)
You don't pay your invoices. WHERE IS MY CHECK?
Remember that cashier's check from the Dear Sir or Madam to God be the Glory Bank of Nigeria? :mad:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel (Post 2234902)
Dr. Phil. You are the BEST GCer ever. Where's my check? :D
What had happened was...agzg stole your cashier's check. :eek: Fight her!

KDCat 08-28-2013 04:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreekRegret (Post 2234349)
OK, so I went off to college in a new city not that long ago and I went through NPC rush and initiated into a house. All the while being told that I should have waited and weighed more options. Being eager to make my own decisions and do what I felt like doing, I dove headfirst into Greek life. I'm just now realizing how much of a mistake that was.

Going Greek in general wasn't a mistake, but joining an NPC sorority was. I initially felt good about my decision and it was decent for the most part. Now I've realized that that was not where my heart or head actually was.

I fully believe that I should have waited and tried to become a member of the NPHC sorority that would've been legacy to me.

I was so eager to be a part of something that I just blindly joined an organization. The women are wonderful ladies, but a lot of things happened during my time there that shouldn't have. I was pushed to do things that I wouldn't normally have done. I was encouraged to party instead of study. Things like that happened a lot while I was at the school.

I now realize that Big Sisters are supposed to guide you. They're supposed to have your best interest in mind. They're supposed to educate you and help you. That didn't happen for me. I feel like they didn't care about my academics. I feel like I was just another girl to party with.

I hate that I was so impressionable and naive.

I wish I would've listened to my dad and focused on my grades so that I would've been a great candidate to continue the family legacy.

I'm not at that school anymore and there's no chapter here. I would'nt have joined it anyway.

I wish I could start over and try again. I've seen people say that I could technically disaffiliate from the NPC and attempt to join the NPHC if that chapter decided to have me, but I'm not even sure about that whole process.

I feel like another sorority wouldn't want me anyway.

Basically, I have no real idea what to do about my situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions? :confused::confused: Anything would be appreciated.

You seem to indicate that your grades have really sucked. You need to concentrate on bringing up your grades and not on which set of letters are on your chest. Grades come first.

You don't get a "do over" on choosing a sorority. Once you initiate, you have made your one choice. If it was the wrong choice, you make the best of it or quit.

If your grades are okay, you can start adding other activities. Slowly. Making sure that your grades are still okay. There are lots of other things that you can do that are meaningful and will enrich your life that aren't NPC/NPHC sororities. Find them.

33girl 08-28-2013 04:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 2234770)
Since you are now an alum, I don't see the point in resigning your membership - unless it's to "make a statement" and it wouldn't really do that anyway. Why not just fade away like so many alums do?
Because I get the feeling that she thinks if she resigns she'll be free and clear to pledge an NPHC.

gee_ess 08-28-2013 05:07 PM
I will also add that Greekregret is feeling the way many members feel in the early years of their collegiate experience. My own daughters felt out of sorts and out of place during the first year or so as they learned to navigate alcohol. Boys, freedom, academic pressures, etc. it wasn't instant perfection and it wasn't because they joined the wrong group.

I say this because I am not sure if you are being fair to your npc group, especially if you left that school before you really built those lifetime friendships - which do NOT happen overnight.

I will agree accept that you are regretting not joining a nphc group but feel you are overlooking (and stereotyping!) the positives of your npc. The grass will always look greener is you don't use some fertilizer and TLC on your own yard.

My advice is to fake it til you make it and some day you may find an alumnae group of your npc, join it, meet some wonderful women (black or white) and learn that your npc group is so much more than those immature 20 year olds you met in college.

PS. Why did the arkansas Greek life advisor get mentioned in this thread?

KDCat 08-28-2013 05:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2234919)
Because I get the feeling that she thinks if she resigns she'll be free and clear to pledge an NPHC.
You can't do that, right? I thought that you can't be both NPC and NPHC. You have to choose and once you choose, you're done.

thetalady 08-28-2013 06:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by KDCat (Post 2234933)
You can't do that, right? I thought that you can't be both NPC and NPHC. You have to choose and once you choose, you're done.
exactly... unless you lie.

GreekRegret 08-28-2013 06:38 PM
I appreciate the advice I've been given. I dont think that if I resign i will be free to pledge an NPHC group. I said that I had seen a thread on here where it said it might be "technically" possible, but I wasnt sure of the process anyway. I doubted the likelihood of that being allowed from the beginning. I am focusing on my grades at this point. They werent too bad, just not up to my normal standards. These are just thoughts that I wanted feedback on. I didnt come here to rile anyone up. Also despite how it may seem, I was serious about never lying about my former affiliations in the event that i resigned and someone asked me for whatever purpose. I did a thing and feel it was a mistake. I'm not ashamed about it, I just don't want to make any of the women who are in the organization upset at this point. Well, not at any point. Like I said, my feelings may change...but I don't think they will.


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