And the Rock came over and layeth the smackdown on Shaquandrikka's baby daddy while she and La'Jamaica hooted, hollered and screamed like the HOT MESS HEFFAS they are....

Of course my baby daddy ain't the REAL Rock. We just call him that because he likes to "bling-bling". He has jewelery galore, get it...rocks?. He even bought some for my kids. The one that's his, and the one that ain't.


My daughter, Quenisha got real diamonds in her ears, and Little Rock (that's what we call my son), he blinging on his right wrist, his left wrist, his neck, and his little baby pinky finger.


Anyway, I told Rock thanks for handling my business, then I left the salon, so I could head home. I went to get in my car, the green Hyundai Excel I bought from my homegirl Peaches, and....

...get ready for tonight but first I gotta stop by the Chicken and Rib Shack for some munchies. You KNOW that they be serving all of them finger foods like cuecummer sandwiches. Hmph. That ain't no REAL food so I gotta get my grub on early. So I pull my Hyundai into the parking lot of the Shack and suddenly I hear...

a loud crash. And I was like "Oh, Hell No...somebody hit my car". So I gets out the car and see....

That heffa La'Jamaica from the salon done come back and hit my car! She done dented my 20-inch chrome rims wit her ol' ugly pimp daddy Cadillac.

So, she get out the car talkin bout it was an accident but I know she did it on purpose. I started taking off my earrings and getting my vaseline when . . . . . .

That skanky heffa La'Jamaica broke all the rules of fighting and went straight for my weave. Is that heffa crazay? And I just got it did, too! She just hatin' cuz evathang on me was coordinated. Well, I woulda suckapunched her tail in the gut and den knocked her dead in her gold tooth with the Diamonique stones (you know dem ain't diamonds), but I woulda broke a nail. It ain't dat deep. So that's when, I...............

Started doing my buckin’ cow shufflin’ deer impersonation just like I learned last week at the carry out. You know dat heffa turned around and started running… slipped on a pack of catsup and broke her…

...fake toenails. All 10 of 'em. Believe me, I was still agged at the fact this heffa hit my car, but I got to feeling semi sorry about her toenails. I mean, La' Jamaica got some jacked up feet as it is. So I start helping her pick up these nails, cause you know a little home repair ain't never hurt nobody. I just thank Moses I ain't ghetto like La' Jamaica behind. After we got all the nails, this heffa had the nerve to look at me and say...

"Girl, you know I didn't mean no harm. I remember how we used to be friends back at Ghettofied Elementary. Girl, you was the best double dutch partner I ever had. We was so close. You was even gone be my baby Godmomma...remember?"

I nodded, but I didn't have time for no trips down memory lane. I had somewhere to be, and I still had to pick up my food, eat it, take my shower, get dressed, drop my kids off at they respective grandmomma's houses, and pick up my home girl.

So, I said, "Yeah girl, I remember...but I'm on somethin'. Take my number and call me tomorrow."

I looked at the damage on my car...it wasn't much, so I went on inside the chicken and rib shack and ordered...

....a plate of chicken gizzards, coleslaw, 2 pickled pig feet since they were 2 for a dollar, and a peach Nehi. Mmmm, everything smeeled so good so I decided to stay there and eat. So I'm sitting there eating my pig feet and licken' my fingers when .....

A piece of my weave fell out into my plate! You know I was mad then. That girl didn't put enough glue on it to keep it in my hair, and I told her to use a lot cuz I be sweatin.

But, I was still hungry. So, I just put that piece of weave to the side and kept eating my pigs feet.

But, I had to go back to the salon and get it fixed cuz I can't be goin out to da club if my hurh ain't did.

A piece of my weave fell out into my plate! You know I was mad then. That girl didn't put enough glue on it to keep it in my hair, and I told her to use a lot cuz I be sweatin.

But, I was still hungry. So, I just put that piece of weave to the side and kept eating my pigs feet.

But, I had to go back to the salon and get it fixed cuz I can't be goin out to da club if my huhr ain't did.

I see my home girl's boyfriend walk in. He was with this heffer named Komfort and her twins Crown and Royal. Komfort looketed like she was 6 months pregant and rumor had it that my home girl's man was the father. I don't know what my home girl sees in him anyway. I'm aways telling her she should drop KeWan and git with......

Don Jewan... I heard he was a baller and can get us in the club fa da free free.. So I get on my cell and call Fat Tony to get Don Jewanz number and who walks in the Doe'........

Don Jewan bling blinging all up in da place. He walks over to my table all cool like Billy Dee walked over to Diana Ross in mahogany, and said..............

Hol' me back fo' I knock her head til the white meat show. And while I'm at it I should break her back!