There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

I fully admitted that I should have never said yes to the pageant, never said yes to the song and thought more about it... so I fail to see how NOTHING was my fault. I've taken responsibility for what I've done. None of the harassment was my fault. I didn't ask to have someone tell me to kill myself.

Also, my mom will be the first to tell me when I've done something wrong. So you need to be respectful of her and not say that that's embarrassing. Really.

Apparently I need to spell it out AGAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO LOOK INTO THE OPTION OF ADOPTING SOMEONE THAT COULD HOLD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME LIKE THE BIG/LITTLE WOULD BE. If it happens, then it happens, and if it doesn't THEN IT DOESN'T AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation, or if anyone else had been through it. It would be completely stupid to say that there is no chance EVER of me finding a little-type person. But all I was saying is it would be nice if that could happen and that I hope it does someday. I UNDERSTAND that it might not. I'm not incompetent. I understand.

I just personally feel like you're a little too caught up on this. The "adopted" littles within my own chapter were always seen as more of a joke - a joke among the new big/little match, not seen as a joke by the rest of the chapter. They just kind of said it to say it. It didn't consist of switching family lines, showering each other with gifts, and being a mentor.

Some things don't work out as we planned. Just go with the flow. And be aware that even though you have a big (from a chapter that, according to you, basically "disowned" you), and you are willing to have another one, another transfer you meet might have the best big in the world and the last thing she'd want to do is piss her off by claiming someone else as her big.

Here is the advice you say you sought:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

However, PLEASE don't start joining random organizations just so you can get a little!

OK, this thread is getting a little testy. Since some Alpha Gams have already responded to the OP regarding Alpha Gam policy specifically, could we keep the speculation and "some groups" talk to a minimum, since there are those of us here that can more specifically answer her question?

sarawoof, you're going to be an alumna if your membership stuff gets figured out in your favor, so it's time to make the best of the situation. Once your membership stuff is figured out, inquire about contact information for the local JC or other Alumnae group and try to get involved there.

No, you probably won't be able to be someone's sister-mother. It's very rare that an alumna would become someone's sister-mother, and it's usually a very special situation to boot. So I would put that out of your mind.

There are opportunities, once you get used to the "being an alumna, going to JC or Alumnae Chapter/Club meetings" thing, to form close bonds with the women in those groups. Those opportunities are dependent on the group you become involved with. Inquire about the opportunity to be mentored/when you've been around a while, be a mentor. To be quite honest, it seems like you need some mentoring yourself, so I'd inquire about that first.

Once you're used to being an alumna, there are also Pearl Sisters, which have been mentioned already. Please keep in mind that being a Pearl Sister for any colonies in the very near future is inadvisable - you're (first off), still in college, you're busy, and you're trying to figure out what it means to be an Alumna member of Alpha Gamma Delta while you haven't had the opportunity to figure out what it means to be a Collegiate member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Adjusting is going to take a while, so please don't expect it to happen overnight, and practice patience.

At the very least, given the backstory, I'd wait to get at least a few really positive alumna experiences under my belt prior to jumping into a mentor role for any other members. Negativity breeds negativity, etc.

As far as dealing with the emotions, you're just going to have to give yourself time to adjust and remain patient.

This was exactly what I was looking for, so thank you VERY much. I know that I am going to wait before trying to start up any mentor position. I have no negative feelings towards my sorority, just how people acted, and the main causes of the issues that came about. I'm really looking forward to joining my local JC. I can't wait for January to come so that all of this is under way and I can get started!

Thanks for the nicely worded advice. It's nice to not be attacked for once.

:rolleyes: