Maybe the OP aspires to become a stickied recruitment story, a la StrawberryGloss.

I tried to do a multiquote post, but with all the fonts and such, it looked like a goat threw up. I'm kind of confused as to how all this was spread out over two months, especially if it was the kind of school where you had to register for COB with the Greek life office (i.e. the system/school is large enough that giving bids to people none of the sisters know is common).

Uh, no way.