And like anyone asking a recruitment question, the answer is "you're going to have to find out for yourself." But if he wants to know if he'll be the only gay guy they've ever come across in the Greek system, the answer to that is no. We just can't tell him how this particular fraternity or campus culture responds to homosexuality in the 21st century.

In interest, I googled UNC gay student and after getting past a million stories about a hoax gay hate crime, I found a message board that says UNC is remarkably gay friendly. It didn't mention fraternities, however.

There's a huge difference between a college being gay-friendly, and that same college's Greek system being gay-friendly. I'd imagine that large state schools with excellent academic reputations are probably more gay-friendly than most just by virtue of their size. I can think of a few exceptions, but those are the exception and not the rule. My undergrad (small private) was EXTREMELY gay-friendly. FOX News even did undercover taping of one of the LGBT parties to show how we were one step away from Gomorrah.

Our Greek system on the other hand, was not gay friendly at all. If there were any gay members of NIC fraternities, they were definitely deeply closeted.

And the second question -- the one you say we can't tell him -- is the one he asked, or at least from the context of his question, is the one that matters to him.

Only people from Carolina or familiar with Greek life at Carolina can answer what he's asking about. Unfortunately, as I've said, he may have already shot himself in the foot to some extent.

Guys, I don't see why we're being so harsh on this dude - nobody jumped my throat when I explained to the board that I'm straight, but not all uptight and athletic and macho like those other straight guys ... I'm definitely swishy and speak in tones both dulcet and lispy, I subscribe to both Details and Us Weekly, and not only do people describe me as sartorial, but I know what the word means, too. I don't high five, my flatulence is reserved for the proper time and place, I've never wasted a single minute watching the NFL, and I'm such a gentle lover they call me The Napkin.

I don't want anybody to think I act straight - I definitely do not, heaven forbid. What's the big problem with that, other than sounding incredibly stilted and judgmental and reliant upon fishy stereotypes?

LO freaking L

KSig RC strikes again. LOL.

Since I've never rushed before, I clearly don't know what information is or isn't relevant to help you all answer my question, so I don't exactly appreciate the many of you jumping at me to nitpick at my character. Nonetheless, thanks for those of you who actually answered my questions.

Also, for the record, I'm a Republican because I believe that there are far more pressing issues that have a much greater impact on my quality of life than whether I can get married or not. And I'm from Connecticut, and it's legal here, so I don't really care outside of that. That said, gay marriage is an inevitability; whether the Republicans or Democrats are in power, within the next 20 years gay marriage will be a reality in the United States.

Anyways a few more questions... As I said in the OP, I have some relatives in some very respected fraternities across the East Coast, and my late grandfather was in DKE at Yale. Would it be appropriate to name drop? Or would that be deemed passive arrogance? And, from the looks of it, most people seem to think it would be better for me to just not tell anyone that I'm gay... Is this the general consensus? As for bringing same-sex dates to events, I'm not even sure I'd feel comfortable with that. I would probably just bring a female friend with me. If I did become a member of a fraternity without anyone knowing I like men, if someone were to find out, could I be kicked out?

I apologize about the many questions and my frank long-windedness, but as I said, I've never done this before, so I do appreciate your understanding.

I actually have a cousin in Kappa Sigma at GA Southern. :)

Seriously, I'd suggest you stop posting so much personal information here. People in the chapters you're interested in might read what you've posted -- it's quite possible -- and you've given more than enough information for them to identify you when you go through rush. So all your questions about what you should or shouldn't tell them could be moot; if they've read it here, they already know and may have already formed opinions about you before they've ever laid eyes on you.


Beyond that, and for what it's worth, my advice:

1) Stop trying to pick a fraternity based on reputations, family connections, etc.
2) Go through rush and actually meet the guys in different chapters.
3) Don't try to act like someone you're not. Be yourself and be honest with yourself about where you would fit in and who you would like to call your brothers.
4) Hope that the chapter you think you fit with best likes you for who you are and offers you a bid.

Why you're a Republican is less important than why you felt the need to include that in your rant about how different you are than "other gays."

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. So, is name-dropping a no-no?

UNC does have a very (surprisingly) large Gay community, but that's just it, it's basically its own community. Maybe some fraternities have a few gay members, but you wouldn't know it. The Greek community and the Gay community do not really mix.

Do not lie. Do not join a fraternity and then surprise them after initiation with the fact that you are gay. If they have a problem with your sexuality, it won't matter if you wait until you're a brother to tell them, they'll still express their feelings. Would you really want to join an organization that didn't want the real you anyway?

Also, I wold advise NOT asking for advice from another website that is basically the crap-tastic new version of Juicy Campus, but I guess it might be too late for that.

:eek: He has asked this question on another board?

No, you can say "my grandfather was a DKE at Yale." That makes you a legacy in some fraternities, and that's fine. I would definitely mention it if that's one of the fraternities you end up rushing. Don't think it guarantees you membership though, or that you'll even like that fraternity.

The no-no is how much OTHER personal info you have already posted on here.

Shrapnel360, Look at several chapters, see what chapters you like and you like them. FWIW, I know a gay fraternity man, who is a JCrew wearing, Punk Rock listening, college sports watching Democrat. He does not define himself by his bedroom sexcapades.