I just took the chapter adviser position for my sorority and was informed that I will be making these phone calls if we release a legacy. I am really hoping that I don't have to make these calls....it would definitely be a difficult conversation to make....

Better get prepared, I imagine you will be making one of these calls - depending on the chapter you are advising.

right now we have two influences and 3 legacies.. (last time i checked)
i dont think i have to call for influences though...

i think these phone calls will definitely have to have a written script so i dont get flustered mid phone call!

As an example of how one NPC sorority deals with this:

Delta Zeta recently published its national legacy and rec policies in its magazine, The Lamp, Issue #1 for 2011. The policies, which address the "notification" issue, appear on pages 10 -11 of:

http://www.deltazeta.org/aspnet_clie...-2011-LAMP.pdf

Disclaimer: I'm not a Delta Zeta. I'm not claiming to be one. Questions about the info in The Lamp probably should be answered by actual knowledgeable DZs.

Are nieces considered legacies in your organization? If not, then the niece was probably not extended legacy courtesies and thus your sister was not entitled to a call regardless of her personal feelings on the matter. We had a similar situation when the cousin of an alumna was released last year.

Ours does not. It says alumnae will be notified IF their contact information is update and correct.

For every sorority relative who doesn't want to know, there is probably one or more who would be upset not to get the phone call. Obviously, each GLO handles this according to their own rules, but I will never forget how upset one of my APH friends was when her sorority released her daughter right before pref but did not notify her. She had written recs for hundreds of other girls, for years, to that very chapter, so her name should have been familiar to them. She felt incredibly hurt that the chapter did not have the courtesy of letting her know in advance that her daughter was not being invited back for pref. So. when her sobbing daughter called to say she was released, the mother was not prepared emotionally and had to regroup very fast to encourage her daughter to stay the course and finish out recruitment.

In that situation, the mom was an alum who had been active in an APH and was able to support the daughter by reminding her of the other groups that still wanted her very, very much. She was disappointed and upset with her own sorority's chapter, nonetheless, as it is their national's policy to inform the legacy's relative. The silver lining in that story is that her daughter ended up in my GLO and has been incredibly happy there.

Not everyone is well-versed in how this works, and what relatives need to understand is that, while you may be given an update from the chapter, you are not owed an explanation, heartbreaking as the result may be. I have to imagine that is absolutely the worst part of it for the moms, sisters or grandmothers. If it happens to my daughter someday, I will be mad as hell, but I'll have to find a way to remember that you must prepare for the worst, and not let that disappointment take away from the potential for the legacy to find a happy home in another GLO.

I think a better thing to have would be a section on the website or in the magazine that says "Alpha Beta chapter has a shit ton of girls going through rush. If the chapter has to call every single person who wrote a rec they will have coronaries and also, won't have time to prepare for the next day's rush activities. Please take this into consideration."

Some people just don't understand the AMOUNT of girls going through. I know if you told most of my chapter sisters that there are schools where 1000-2000 women go through rush, they would be absolutely flabbergasted.

nieces are not considered legacies, nor are cousins, and the chapter does not have to call the alumna.

I had the dreaded experience this year. My daughter knew how much I loved my sorority and how I am active in the local alum group. I was so excited to have her go through rush! Unfortunately, my daughter was released before the first round of invites. She went to the 20 party open house and then was dropped. I was shocked as the chapter did not follow legacy policy. I know it is very competitive at her school so I was happy when she pledged another house.

If the chapter has a ton of legacies coming through sometimes they cannot give a courtesy invite to every legacy.

I fixed your post because it was confusing (i.e. sounded like EVERYONE dropped her after 20 party). As I said in my other post, it could be that she didn't like the girls there and (knowing how much you loved your sorority) didn't want to tell you so. She's in another group now and she's happy, so just focus on that and go forward.

And even if that's not the case - better for them to release her early than string her along. Don't forget, the girls have been on campus for nearly an entire semester by the time they rush. They and the sorority members have had opportunities to get to know each other.

You are right - She is happy now!

This was my first recruitment as an adviser (or at the time adviser-in-training) and I have to say the single hardest thing I had to do was make these calls.

I found myself writing out a phone script before I even picked up the phone to call- complete with "Hello my name is ForeverRoses and I'm an adviser with..."

We had one phone call where the other adviser and I were worried that it wouldn't go well. We actually held hands while she made the call. I guess you could call it a sisterhood moment.

IUgreekmom- I am glad your daughter is happy!

I think that if a group or chapter is one that makes phone calls to alumnae, writing a script and perhaps asking an alumna volunteer, or volunteers to do so has some positives. Not only does it free up the collegians and alumnae advisors, but it does provide a bit of distance from the chapter itself, yet it is still coming from a sister.