When I write them (and I've only done 3 or 4 in 25 years of doing them), it means you better not even invite her back much less pledge her and if you want to know why, have your adviser call me!

a "no rec." is when someone takes the time to write a recommendation that recommends that the chapter NOT offer the pnm a bid.

This!

That doesn't even have the power it used to.:rolleyes:

Here's the problem with that: nobody recs the girl, but she looks good on paper, so Amy Active signs the form (in a group where collegiates can sign) or Visiting not-very-involved Alumna signs when the officers shoves it toward her.

Why would you not want to warn your sorority about a problem PNM?

A warning does not have to be written. There is no appropriate smiley for that statement but I am sure that everyone knows exactly what I mean.

/slight swerve: I've been contacted via telephone by an employer, because someone I supervised put my name down as a reference, without informing me. Phone calls have always been my preferred method of communication when the reference is less than stellar. /end swerve.

What little hussies, to use an old-fashioned word. (Love that word!) If they are that way to you, they are that way to others, perhaps even in their sorority/sororities. Thus, they probably are not universally loved and respected by all who know them. So let it go, get everything you need in order, square your shoulders, put on your smile and charm, and make them look like the jerks that they are by being a perfectly lovely and interesting PNM that everyone would love to be sisters with.

More often than not a post-it note/phone number on a no-rec will garner an immediate response to clarify a delicate situation.
(was that what you were getting at?

Or a call.
But I've had more than 1 alumna tell me, "I hated to say anything." And then the chapter - clueless - pledges the girl.
Sometimes the "no" recs - written or otherwise - are more valuable than the "yes" ones.

Well, there's a big difference between "PNM I'm just not that jazzed about so I really don't want to recommend her" and "PNM who will bring havoc and mayhem throughout the chapter."

I mean I can't imagine you'd want to be known as that alum who no-recs at the drop of a hat. Your credibility would be nil.

One of the girls I wrote a no-rec for had caused mayhem at a Girl Scout camp the summer before rush, including slapping several counselors and the camp's assistant director in the face. I could not write that no-rec fast enough and told my oldest that she really needed to write one too because the girl was claiming to be a legacy of her sorority. Soon afterwards, we got a call from an alum of my daughter's sorority. They had investigated and it turned out that the girl had a police record for attacking people (you don't usually see that in that upperclass neighborhood) and thanked my daughter for alerting them.

Fast forward a few months: we were on that campus and I saw a girl in Greek letters and we talked about Greek life. I asked her where several girls we knew had pledged and also about the psycho. She said that her sorority had been jollied into pledging the girl (I forget by who but I think they got a call from the college president) and that the girl had caused them weeks of havoc before they got rid of her.

Just to keep the historical record clear, fraternities adopted the tradition from the Masons and other social clubs.

Exactly....

It sounds like they are bullying you because they know they can. Put an end to it by forgetting what they said, and going through the recruitment with your best foot forward. I wouldn't even waste my time mentioning this to the Rho Chi (?) because it will make you sound like you have a "high school" mentality. You need to project yourself as a confident young woman who isn't going to let anyone rattle her nerves. If you see those girls on campus, just be civil and move on. If a house doesn't want to choose you based on what two idiots have to say, you don't want to be in that organization anyway.

And really, have fun with this process! I'm not NPC, but from what I understand, recruitment is an exciting and memorable time for a young woman. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

True, but I honestly can't think of anybody I know who writes "no" recs as a rule. It's rare...I've probably done 3 or 4 in about 30 years of writing them. Funny thing is...I've got 2 here now. :(

I have to say that our chapter learned the hard way not to disregard a "no." Twice we overrode such a rec...Basically we sweet-talked them into changing it. But neither girl helped our GPA or wound up initiating, and one caused some drama.

OTOH...I heard of another group where one particular PNM had sterling recs from half a dozen hometown alums. That girl never made her grades (which you had to, back in the day) and had quite the reputation around certain locker rooms.:eek: