The most awesome Bar Mitzvah (actually, B'nai Mitzvah) I've ever heard of was one my friend, Cheryl & her family, attended - three days long, including a night at PNC Park. You can read about it here and here, but the amazing photos are sadly no longer there. Dot Pollon, the boys' mother, contacted a professional party planner, and this part was in the Post-Gazette:

"Sometimes, large parties held after a bar or bat mitzvah can generate major gifts to local charities.

That happened last month when Ms. Chirigos staged a "Field of Dreams" party at PNC Park for three Sewickley brothers -- Aaron, Joshua and Benjamin Pollon. Missy Elliott, backed up by seven hip-hop dancers, sang and invited teenagers up on stage, then later posed for pictures with guests and gave autographs.

Aaron and Joshua Pollon, who are twins, gave all their bar mitzvah money, which their parents matched, to the Pirates Charities for Children and Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. Each charity received a check for $15,000 during a presentation on the baseball field.

The twins made the donations because their brother, Benjamin, was born with a disfiguring skin disease and melanoma and later diagnosed with autism.

Aaron and Joshua Pollon wanted to thank the doctors, nurses and therapists who supported Benjamin through 13 years of surgery, Ms. Chirigos said.

The Pollons' party featured fireworks, and because the evening was cold, guests received warm blankets, seat cushions and hats.

"You've got to make people comfortable," Ms. Chirigos said." The paper didn't go into the amazing dinners and lunches held at each venue. Sheetcake's cake was probably there!

Cheryl & I are still close sisters from school, and she's good friends with Dot Pollon from being little sisters together.

Totally back on subject: I read the thread about clothing at Ole Miss. It is fascinating how in different parts of the country clothing requirements differ. Here: white after Labor Day? No problem. Velvet after Valentine's Day? Why not? If ii is cold and the blue velvet blazer works....throw it on. Skirt lengths? As long as you've got good legs and the basics are covered...go for it. And its all good.

As for Church clothes? I began looking at the people who go to Church at Good Shepard (Catholic) and Bel Air Pres (where Ronald and Nancy Reagan went). Yes, there are some people who are "dressed". But most: jeans, shorts, t shirts, flipflops.

Not saying that we are "right" but that's how we roll! I will NEVER hazard a guess (except with good taste...like wear a bit of makeup) on what is appropriate in other places...except New York as well as Los Angeles. That I've got covered.

After reading through this thread (and the QFP thread) I hope this doesn't apply to something I typed. If so, I would really want to know because I don't want to be giving out incorrect recruitment advice.

I've tried to wish people in the NPHC threads good luck and I've said that they should speak to other NPHC members and I've tried not to dispense too much advice about anything regarding a school that I don't really know much about. If I have done this, I hope Carnation lets me know. I'd hate to think that I am hurting someone's recruitment experience.

The girls who come on here and act like they are too good for "certain" chapters going through recruitment-they, on the other hand, don't matter too much to me. I could care less how they do. If you're only going through rush/ recruitment to be able to party with the best fraternities or be at the best socials and you could not really care about sisterhood-then you don't deserve to join, anyway.

Try to follow the lead of the NPHCers. If we're telling the OP to fuck off, don't tell the person good luck.

I just try to be positive. I really do wish people good luck in their search for a "home" regarding Greek life. I will listen to what you said, though. If they are acting rude or hateful towards the members of the NPHC, I won't tell them good luck.

I just wish people would use this as a "supplemental" source and not the end-all-be-all because they assume that for every mean comment they get from GCers, that is an indication of how all Greeks will treat them. In fact, I have already told people that if they are going to act like that, I hope they don't join my sorority but, that doesn't mean that all of my sisters or sisters from other GLOs will feel the same. Don't base your entire opinion of what a certain GLO is all about by the posts of a few people. That is just dumb.

Hey now...I posted that Ebay thing because it happened to show up when I was trying to find some Phi Mu stuff. I was just trying to be helpful because I figured the Omegas would like that stuff they were selling...:)

I still think we could be a little bit nicer to some of the people who come on here looking for advice (provided they don't act like complete morons who put down GLOs) so, I would have to understand why people were telling the person to go somewhere else-that's all. I'll keep my ideas to myself, if they seemed the least bit disrespectful.

Just my opinion but, I think that sometimes we could be a little nicer to eachother on this site too. That's just my $.02 and maybe means little to some people. I'm not pointing fingers or calling anyone out, I'm just saying that even people were being mean to one another in this thread. That's all.

None of that matters. If we are essentially telling them to fuck off. Back away from the keyboard.

I haven't read this entire board, so don't know if this point was brought up, but I'm the first in my family to want to go Greek and know only two adults who I am not close to who were even involved in Greek life. I just wanted to bring up that some people may not have the option to talk to people they know in real life regarding recruitment, although I am trying to work on that now.

That's fair and why we are glad to help. Just understand that while I don't think anyone here tries to sabotage anyone's outcome, do understand that some people jump in where they don't belong. If you get an answer here to a question, wait to see if there are a variety of answers. And anything that says you don't need excellent grades, recs are unimportant or you can dress however you want should be given at least a double take. There are schools were these answers may be true, but I'd make damn sure your school is one of them before trusting it. Don't latch on to the easy answer among 50 that disagree.

And PM is your friend. If you find someone from your school, feel free to send them private messages. You can avoid some of the fire storm that way.

NextYearSC makes a good point. Another thing is even if you have a family member familiar with the system, they might not be familiar with the way things work at your school. For example, when I decided I wanted to rush, the only greek person in my family went greek at a very small, private school with no football team, 6 sororities and only a small number of girls going through recruitment. Said family member told me I didn't need to get my own recs because at their school the sororities really did get a rec for every girl rushing witout issue. It wasn't until late June that I knew I would need to get my own for the 17 chapters at my SEC school. I think it's good (and sometimes vital) for the PNM to do their own research specific to their school, even if they have someone greek helping them out. If you're going to rush, do your own homework. If you copy someone else's it might not always be right.

That being said the information they find on their own would need to be accurate. It's kind of a big circle if you think about it.

Bump. If you are a PNM, it's a good idea not to toss out your "recruitment wisdom" like candy. There are PNMs coming to this website who are trying their best to learn what they should be doing and you aren't helping by screwing them up. You aren't Greek.

Bump again. Are you offering recruitment advice and actually, you know no more about that school or chapter than my Shih Tzu does? Then this thread is directed at you.

It frustrates me when individuals give advice when they are not familiar with that campus. Leave it to those who attended the school, or are otherwise very familiar with the specific campus.

It is often difficult to understand a campus that differs from your own. I had a whole lot to learn when I moved to a regional position in my group as I had gone to BIG SEC school with houses. Places like GA State in downtown Atlanta and Tennessee with it's PH building were foreign to me. Then I spent 30 years advising in different capacities (even Greek Adviser) at UAB. Learned a lot. And the first thing I learned was to keep my big mouth shut till I "got" that campus!

After going to Illinois and Oklahoma State, I went to help with recruitment at Northeastern State for the first time. This is a small public that draws heavily from the Native American communities (it's in the capital of the Cherokee Nation) and very small towns in NE Oklahoma. To say it is uncompetitive would be a huge understatement. I had no idea - this was pre-internet everything - and showed up for pref in a to-die-for black cocktail dress. After all, the adviser had told me black was preferred. Well, I felt like a total idiot. Yes, chapter members wore black, but just skirts or slacks. I was so overdressed it was ridiculous. Some PNMs were even wearing shorts. The same adviser asked why I was so dressed up and I was like, well it's pref. Different schools, different rules.