GreekChat.com Forums - Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen?

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- - Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen? (https://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=107670)

Quote:

Originally Posted by lkjl2007 (Post 1851568)

I think it's kind of bizarre that step-blanks would be considered for legacy when they could often not know you as well as an actual blood relative. My aunt wrote me a reference and my mother wrote a shorter letter, even though my campus doesn't require them...

Something to consider with being a legacy:

They aren't guaranteed a bid, and also, the chapters could have had multiple legacies going through and logically, every one of them can't get in.

At the end of the day, no one really knows why you didn't receive a bid to either of your legacy chapters.

I'm not saying this to be mean, but all we can do is speculate. No one was there to see you interact with any chapter, so we have no idea why you didn't get a bid from either of them.

And in some groups, steps are not considered legacies...just mom, grandmother, sister. I know some groups are getting so many legacies, that they don't even consider a grandmother as a legacy connection.

This just goes to show - it's not up to the campus to require or not require recs. It is up to the individual NPC group to determine that. It's great that your aunt wrote a rec - any member can do one and she definitely should have. Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released? Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1851573)

Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released? Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

Why would they (the relatives) call the chapter and ask why she was released? Isn't that a bit much?

And we don't know if the chapter called the mom or whoever (since depending on the organization she may not have been considered a legacy through her aunt). Even if they didn't, the chapter is not required to extend any more courtesies other than an invite after the first round.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1851573)

Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released?

Don't we usually flame/ridicule mommies who do this? What would the relative expect the chapter to say? I would not suggest this at all for any member.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1851573)

Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

I do not believe that this is SOP for all groups. Once upon a time it was customary. Now there are too many legacies for the chapters to do all that work during an otherwise very busy week.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blondie93 (Post 1851577)

Don't we usually flame/ridicule mommies who do this? What would the relative expect the chapter to say? I would not suggest this at all for any member.

I find that half the time, anyone who is asking doesn't actually WANT to know. They typically are trying to get the chapter to somehow change their decision, or they are just looking for a messenger to "shoot" about the fact that their daughter got cut.

Well, I reckon it's where you're from...our form has a place to mark if you want to be called for your legacy if she is released. And I've always done so at any chapter I've advised - no matter how many.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 (Post 1851579)

You can always use the "50 legacies, only 10 slots, etc, etc, etc"....

Quote:

Originally Posted by lkjl2007 (Post 1851568)

This is so rude, you're obviously not in a blended family and I find this offensive as I know the hell out of my family (OMG we're not actual blood relatives!). I am glad my sorority lets each individual member use our legacy policy in a way appropriate to her family situation re: steps. Do you feel the same way about adopted people?

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel (Post 1851683)

When I first read her post, I had the reaction you are having, and then I realized she must have been thinking about the not-custodial step-parents and step siblings who never lived in the same household. It was still a pretty thoughtless comment for her to have made, no doubt, but maybe it's not the case that she considers all step-relationships as less valid than blood relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou (Post 1851583)

It definitely varies. We have a national policy that expressly states legacy connections cannot/will not be notified if legacy is released.

Quote:

Originally Posted by UGAalum94 (Post 1851696)

Well here's a tip to PNMs, saying things like this can give the wrong impression and cause offense. Especially critical when we barely have time to meet you. If a woman said this to me and was seeking a rec/membership it would not fare her well. I know I'm not the only woman who isn't in her "actual blood relative" family either. Thankfully families are many things and even when our legacy policies aren't encompassing of all kinds of families we have RIFs and personal letters to assist in the process.

Regarding steps, my Chapter takes them on a case by case basis and when need be we investigate. Some examples:

- We once had a step Mom who just met and married the Dad within the last year or two. That PNM was not given legacy status.

- Another step Mom had practically raised the PNM so she was considered a legacy.

- We once had an active whose step sister was going through. The active told me point blank she never lived with her step sister and couldn't stand her, so we didn't give that PNM legacy status. (I guess the feeling was mutual because she was courtesy invited back to 2nd round so there wouldn't be any family friction for our active and the PNM dropped us.)

OP- regarding some other posts, you did not give the last house a chance. Going to a couple of short rush parties is not getting to know the house and the sisters very well. You dropped out. So you should change the title of your posting. You were chosen and you didn't wait to see how it would play out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lkjl2007 (Post 1851028)

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lkjl2007 (Post 1851488)

I'm already quite involved on campus (given that I'm a sophomore) and was looking to further enhance my involvement with Greek life.

I gave them a chance. Twice. I talked with several girls in both rounds and just did not feel chemistry there in the way that I did in other houses. I didn't see a point in putting myself through the heartache of watching friends go to the houses who had turned me down, just to spend more time at a house that didn't feel right to me.

I know that there were quite a few sophomores participating in recruitment, and that our school has a history of placing sophomores in fall recruitment. I don't know that my class standing had anything to do with it.

As stated in my original post, I'm not at a southern school.

I came into recruitment with a very open mind, trying to stay away from all stereotypes or things I'd heard about chapters, and really just find my place. I gave that chapter a chance.

I am incredibly involved in volunteer work; in fact, it's something I spoke about again and again during recruitment, that it's a huge part of who I am. I did not want to join a sorority to party, or gain a certain reputation, or anything you implied. I wanted to be part of a sisterhood, to find that home within a big school, and to have the opportunity for social and service activities.

That's creepy. Really creepy. And based on what you posted later on (and subsequently deleted) I think you're actually wrong about what school you think I'm from.
In any case, I went to every house with an open mind.
I do have a perfectly great social life without a GLO, I just wanted to diversify that social life a bit and meet new people.

I'm not sure what you mean here...elaborate? You don't have some sabotage theory, do you?

Thanks for the well-wishes. I am already quite involved so i don't feel like my life's going to be empty without a sorority...But I am kind of offended that you would even mention a "reputation". I most certainly don't have one, and I'm not being defensive. I have a close circle of friends, and most of them are girls, and there's really no way I could have that kind of reputation.

Thank you. CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY.

Bottom line: We weren't there, so we don't know any better than you. You asked a question. We offered suggestions. You’ve shot them all down saying that those reasons couldn't apply to you. What do you want us to say: “All the sorority girls on your campus are terribly superficial people who couldn’t see what a wonderful addition you would make to their chapter?” No one here is going to say that. We’ve told you our thoughts.

Additionally, you are only thinking of your own hurt feelings. You fail to see that there is a chapter of women who know that you withdrew from recruitment even though they had invited you to a preference party. They know that their invitation was not enough for you to continue in the process. How do you think they feel? Are their feelings less valid than yours? Do they matter less? It sounds like it from your postings here.