Geesh, you are one lazy-a$$ manager! I mean, seriously.....

Ok, tell me how I can work to get you fired and someone who has a brain cell into your position.

Look you ungrateful little B***h, I saved your dog's life. Don't be so f*****g difficult. i would prefer that you go somewhere else from now on b/c I might hurt you if I have to see you again. And one more thing quit being passive aggressive-that is so annoying.

Yo owners, are you selling the company or not?

No, I don't know where the scanner box is, I never had it. It was opened before the scanner was put into my office. You deal with the bank.

People who don't retire by a certain age should lose their right to not be shot in the face at will by Senusret I.

If you're going to eat lunch at your desk, please don't eat things that smell like an armpit. Thanks.

Why in the hell do I need to work 6 days a week? You only give me twenty hours! I live in BFE so it is just not economically sound to keep doing this. You are stupid.

I get that you think your child is special, but could you please stop harassing us as to when she is going to be moved up to the next class. You are driving us crazy.

Dear boss,

I don't know why you weren't up front as to what my rate of pay would be. Oh, I know.... maybe you thought I wouldn't take the job otherwise. Honestly, have you tried to live on what you are paying me? And why did you act offened when I asked for an advance? It's not like I wanted to, but it was either that or have my lights cut off.

For the love of sanity, will you PLEASE stop listening to your voicemail on your speakerphone? The whole unit does NOT need to hear your messages. And stop slamming your closet door shut. And you do not need to lock every damn drawer in your cubicle when you go to see clients. No one is interested in what's in your cubicle.

So, you want to be able to control your kid's assignments and grades???
HOMESCHOOL HIM!!!

Why even have a policy if it isn't going to be enforced?

Just give me the damn checks so I can go make the deposit!

Amen to that!

Just because our sick and vacation time banks are combined doesn't mean you should come to work deathly ill so that you can take the day after Thanksgiving off! You're going to make everybody else sick too!

To the lady in the next cubicle: If you're going to wear headphones all day, do NOT sing to your music out loud, do NOT have the volume up so high that you don't hear your phone ring so it rings off the hook all day and PUT YOUR CELL PHONE on vibrate! I'm tired of hearing your ringtones!

ETA: Thank you for going home at 2:00 pm after sitting in your cube moaning about how sick you are MOST OF THE DAY. YES, please go home, PLEASE!