I just wanted to reiterate this point, over and over. My husband and I lived together for a long time (4.5 years) before we got married...that was dumb. We should have waited, because originally we did it because of the financial aspect. It put a lot of undue stress on the relationship.

Never had a gf move in with a roommate, but I've been roommates with people who have loud sex (to quote one of my friends about buddy's girlfriend - "She screams like she's on fire") I'd say your best bet is to let your boyfriend handle the subject with his friend, and try to be a little courteous if you know that the roommate has something big going on the next day...

Yeah. I usually don't see his roommate that much. I guess he hangs out late when he's off work. He works midnights when he is at work, so I was just thinking that the loud sex may bother him in the morning. Sometimes we do it in the morning. So far my bf hasn't said anything to me about it bothering him.

You know, you could always just...be quiet. The biggest fight I had with one of my college girlfriends was about that very same thing. We only lived together for a semester, but I had to tell her a few times to quiet it the fuck down. She cried! But, I'm sure she knew I was right.

Hahaha, the same thing happened to me EVERY YEAR I was in college. One girl just moved her bed so that it wasn't against the wall she shared with me and that helped (Gretchen, read that as a hint;)). But the last year, I had a huge fight with someone I'd lived with for two years. Her bedroom was two rooms away and I could hear her screaming and cussing like she was being beaten (and liking it :rolleyes:). I had somewhere to be at 8am and even though I told her to quiet down at like 4, they still kept going, louder and louder, till 6.:eek: That ended 4 years of friendship a week before graduation. The roomie might be bothered, but I'm sure if you keep the banshee imitations to a minimum, he'll be fine. :p

You knew you were going to move in with the joker before you even started this thread.:rolleyes:

Yep. I'm also going to be an asshole here and give it two years tops, without a trip to the altar. Yeah, I went there.

Also, how hard is it not to have loud sex? It's not a requirement.

Huh? She started the thread almost 3 months ago; they moved in together two weeks ago.

Yep and if it does work and result in marriage, this couple will be an exception to the "cohabitation rule."

She sought advice but it probably didn't matter what was said in this thread. I'm not saying the advice in this thread should matter but I also am not an advice seeker when it comes to key life decisions, especially with strangers on the 'net.

Anywhoooo, she was probably going to do it anyway.

Maybe so -- that's different, though, from stating (assuming, really) that she knew she was going to move in with the bf before she started the thread.

Pretty much. I've never seen anyone able to talk anyone, especially a young woman, out of cohabiting. If she was "considering" it, she was halfway there.

Semantics. PB and I are saying the same thing.

Oh snap.

It's true though. I also question the maturity of anyone who is unable to "keep it down" for the sake of their roommate.

Exactly. She knew she was moving in with this joker long before two weeks ago. As far as I'm concerned, she was probably practically living with the joker when she started this thread.

Now, she's living with two jokers. Young folx.....:rolleyes:

I see what you're saying, and you may be right. Based on what's actually in the thread, though, you just as easily may be wrong. That was my only point -- there's not enough evidence in the thread to support your assumption.

(Must. Stop. Thinking. Like. A. Lawyer. All. The. Time)

You're such a meanie.:p

You must not be having good sex.:)

Good luck Gretchen!

Please do. It's difficult but we all have OFF buttons for our professions. ;)

(Some sexperts claim that "good sex" is the type that leaves you too mesmerized to even focus on all that screaming and hollering.)

That's afterwards.

What's wrong with loud sex?

If I heard a friend in the next room screaming and cursing, it would make me want to join. ;)

Whatever works for you. In a TMI kinda way. :)

I think the screaming and cursing is a bit too much.

What's TMI?:confused:

Tantric Manipulated Intercourse.

(But really "Too Much Information")

This one reads better.

Because that's what TMI means.

I don't know the OP or the two jokers she's living with. MysticCat, I'm not concerned with the evidence that's been provided in this thread, because it's not going to change my opinion. Also, I'm not making an assumption, I'm simply posting an opinion on the issue. IMO, Gretchen has an 80% chance of a failed relationship, and 9 times out of 10 she more than likely was already living with this joker, just without the rest of her things. She's talking about testing the marriage waters with this joker by moving in with him.:rolleyes:

She needs to move apart from this joker because that's the only sure way she can obtain the perspective needed to see her relationship objectively. This is the most important step she can take to increase her odds of a lifelong marriage.

If I'm not mistaken, I think she mentioned that she and this joker are going to eventually get married, so living together is o.k. IMO, living together is not the answer. My suggestion to them is that they need marriage preparation that involves meeting with a trained counselor. Doing this will help their relationship grow and help them address differences. What she's not understanding is that poor problem solving is the most common reason couples split up.

The best step cohabiting couples can take to increase their odds of a serious monogomous relationship that grows into a lifelong marriage is to move apart. Moving apart offers a new beginning, because living independently provides couples with an opportunity to see marriage as a decisive new beginning. I believe it's a chance for them to take a fresh look at each other. Living apart will be a different experience from living together and will help these two jokers deal with problems that arose in the relationship before a full marital commitment was made.

It also solves a lot of problems. Arguments over money, particularly over what is a fair share for each to contribute towards rent, utilities, and groceries won't be as frequent. I think this is a path to new self respect as well as respect for her future spouse (if they make it):rolleyes:

By living separately, the relationship will be a healthier one.

I also believe it offers time and space to examine attitudes and patterns. It's very difficult for a premarital couple to learn and practice communication and problem solving skills when they're sexually bonded. I say this because when two jokers start living together, and they're in conflict, they often turn to sex to restore emotional intimacy. What this does is it becomes a pattern and it leaves rational issues unresolved. I believe the closeness that comes with physical intimacy can sometimes be shallow and temporary, because it evaporates when the next argument starts up over the SAME issue. With this, problems remain unaddressed, and the couple grows increasingly frustrated with their pattern of unresolved issues. If they develop healthy communication skills, they're able to grow closer to understanding one another.

The assumption I was referring to was this:
That's what I was talking about when I said there is nothing in the thread that backs it up. I was not talking about the wisdom of moving in together or the likelihood of longterm success -- I pretty much agree with you on those points.

Guess it's a good thing I'm about to take some days off. :D

Doesn't it always suck when you type an 8 paragraph post and someone only quotes 5 sentences. :p

lol It's worse when you start a new "thread" that's 8 paragraghs long and no one responds to it at all.:(:)

I agree and that's why I start threads with article links and cut and pastes from the article. No typing long original posts to engage you people in discussion. :)

Article links are kind of boring though. I very rarely click on those, plus I like posting in my own words. The bad thing on that is taking a risk of wasting major time, and causing a severe train wreck, which my threads are known for.:(:p

Eye of the beholder. I find long original posts to be boring, especially when the topic is boring or doesn't require that much thought or typing. :)

Well, if the other 7 1/2 paragraphs had been relevenat to the point I was making . . . . :p

Yeah, that's true.

That's just PB.:rolleyes: When he starts talking about anything dealing with relationships, he's like the energizer battery. He keeps going, and going, and going, and going....:rolleyes:

lol I honestly think he lost track of your question and started typing what was on his mind.:)